Excellent New Product for Men

If you’re a guy, you’ve probably heard way too many times a variation of this not-really-a-question: “Could you hold my purse?”

As you know, there is no way to hold a purse in a manly fashion. After sixty seconds of transporting a designer bag full of Tampons and lipstick, your testosterone will be so low that you’ll be playing field hockey and lactating.

You can try holding the purse in a manly, irregular fashion, but it won’t help. It’s still a purse. And you’re holding it. You big wuss. Say goodbye to your gonads; they’ll be hiding in your torso like two BBs in an airplane hangar.

That’s why I invented the PursePliers ™. They are exactly like regular pliers, but you carry them in your back pocket in all times in case you are asked to hold a woman’s purse. When you hear the call, “Honey, would you grab my purse?” you whip out the pliers and use them to safely transport the purse and its wuss cooties.

The recommended way to lift a purse with pliers is by grabbing the zipper and holding it the way you would hold fresh road kill, at a safe distance from your body, just in case it’s not totally dead. Research has shown that wuss cooties can not cross pliers.

While there is no manly way to touch a purse with your bare hands, there is no unmanly way to use pliers. Your PursePliers can be used in a variety of situations, including shopping for a blouse for your wife, passing the low-calorie salad dressing, and tucking in a baby.

PursePliers: Their time is now.

Comments

[Fred333]

Sounds like a great product.

[DebtSettlement]

Debt Consolidation Loans - Consolidate Your Debts Online
Take Your Step To Financial Freedom! Drop The Chains Of Debt

[FrorceCoard]

Sounds like your finances are becoming a problem [url=deptmanagment.com]debt negotiation and settlement[/url] is the solution. ... 2007 USA Debt Consolidation.
Real debt help is not quick or easy ...

[Derril]

Are you ready to shop online for the best quality clothing & apparel at most discounted prices, then visit Couponalbum.com..full of major brands!!!

[lose tummy fat]

My wife is petty reasonable... she only ask me to help when she needs a hand.

Beside Purse Pliers, maybe keep a green bag with you so you can just put the purse inside and no one would know that you are carrying the purse for your wife/ girlfriend.

[Free Classifieds.]

Very nice lol.

I think they do accept PayPal dont they?

[Niels]

Field hockey a female sport... Ever seen a penalty corner in field hockey? One guy (if it's the male version) sweeps the ball to about 15 meters from the goal, and another guy is standing there hitting it as hard as he can toward the goal.

At the same time, two defending guys run from the goal toward the hitting guy (while the ball starts flying at say 80-100 miles an hour), while two others remain standing on the line trying to stop the little ball before it hits the goal. Or them. You should feel the testoserone while this happens.

Uhhhm... Can anyone explain to me why I'm playing this game?

[Jim]

There IS something worse than having to hold a woman's pocketbook. That something is having to hold her shoes.

A couple of years ago I was at a bar in NYC with a lady friend. After getting a decent buzz, we prepared to leave. At this point, she decides that her feet hurt, so she takes her boots off. Since she was already carrying her purse, and I was empty-handed, so guess who got to carry the shoes?

I'm not sure who got stranger looks -- her walking around town in her socks, or me holding a pair of women's ankle boots.

[Leora]

Now you've got me worried that I look less feminine when I'm using pliers.
Perhaps you could sell me a purse to put my pliers in, so the other girls won't laugh at me and think I've grown testes?

[Christine]

I have to admit -- I saw a guy leaving a party just this past Saturday night -- his wife had the baby, and he had her purse. What made it irresistable to comment on was that he was a big, burly, muscle-bound, head-shaved, mustache kind of guy. So I smiled and said, "That must be YOUR purse?"

It was mean, I know. Especially since I was showing so much cleavage at the time, but it had to be done. Now that I've read your blog I realize that I was doing her a favor. Reminding him that she had him by the balls, really.

[Tomas Liubinas]

Quick, where's my 19.95 I am willing to pay for it?

Greetings from Lithuania

[synapticmisfires]

I would like a manly way to order a diet soft drink at a restaurant. Now I don't particularly enjoy high fructose corn syrup and it's a way to get the worst possible calories in very high quantities, so I usually opt for diet. But if I have to order in front of someone, well there's no way to do it without sounding like I'm "watching my figure". Now I like to eat, but frankly each calorie in my drink is one I'm not eating. But there is no way I'm ordering a diet anything, especially not in front of a girl. I figure that a good portion of my body fat is attributable solely to pride.

[Steve Kahn]

My wife always wanted me to wear jewelry and I always told her that I would only wear jewelry that could potentially save my life (or was at least utilitarian). I solved this problem recently when I found a sterling silver multi-tool which is small enough to wear on a chain around my neck. Its jewelry, but it has PLIERS, therefore its OK! LOL. Frankly I think this is a million dollar idea but I am too lazy to do anything about it...
Steve

[Joce]

"PursePliers™ are a good idea, but it suffers from two problems: they would be bulky, and they're not readily available (yet)."

Ever hear of "Leatherman" tools?

eg. http://www.leatherman.com/products/tools/surge/default.asp

[The Beautiful Kind]

And here I sometimes want my boyfriend to wear dresses when we have sex! I AM asking too much! Maybe if I get him a screwdriver to hold while he does it? Eh, nothing could be manlier than to be with a gorgeous woman such as myself...

[evden eve nakliyat]

very
nice
very
very
nice.....

[Bruce Harrison]

Scott -- I feel your pain, but I've found one of the best ways to get a woman to warm up to you is to offer to hold her purse. While it can be distasteful, it does wonders for your, er, ability to, er, uh, enjoy connubial bliss with such women.

Also, experience has proven (to me, at least) that if a woman won't let you hold her purse when you offer, then it is a virtual certainty that your chances of ever enjoying said connubiality approaches zero.

Of course, once you become married, you no longer need to resort to such painful procedures to enjoy the pleasures of the opposite sex. You just have to get really really good at begging.

No, gift-buying doesn't work -- an expensive gift is usually looked upon as either a make-up for a screwup you've already done, or a pre-payment for one you're contemplating doing, so don't try that one. A friend of mine who was having some problems with his wife went out and bought her a $12,000 diamond (this is a true story, and no, he's not rich, so this was a LOT of money for him). He presented her with it, and not only did he not get any 'satisfaction' (notice how cleverly I'm providing euphemisms for sex?), but she went out the next day, while he was at work, to a jeweler. To punish him (really!), she bought a platinum band with six other diamonds in it, setting him back an additonal $6,000 and change.

He later found out that she thought he had bought the diamond because he was feeling guilty about having had an affair. He had been faithful their entire marriage, but she was sure that only that kind of thing would have justified a gift that extravagant.

You're a newlywed, so I wanted to give you this advice before you found it out on your own. My corollary to Murphy's Law: the chance of being rewarded by your wife for a gift is inversely proportional to the cost of the gift. A tip: buy her something that expresses your understanding of her personality.

You really owe me for this one. You're welcome.

[madaboutpockets]

Listen, you stupid jerk, dipy911

A lot of women's clothes don't come with any pockets or they are just decorative useless pieces of crap. This is why we are forced to carry a purse. Okay, some women like them as accessories but I personally hate that women have to wear men's clothes if we want any decent pockets. I'm really upset about this inside pocket on jackets. It's just not right. I need one of those. Or two.

Okay, maybe your not a stupid jerk but I'm upset about the inequality of pocket availability between men's and women's clothes.

[dipy911]

Why don't women just make use of an invention called pockets? Most men's pants have at least 4 pockets. Heck, my Utilikilts even have 4 pockets and a wallet clip(workmen's model) and can hold up to 6 beers.

dipy911

[Tony]

PursePliers™ are a good idea, but it suffers from two problems: they would be bulky, and they're not readily available (yet).

I suggest a black trash bag. Keep it neatly folded in your back pocket. Just drop the purse in and you can pretend that you're just standing around holding dog waste or something similarly not-as-distasteful-as-a-purse.

If you know someone in the medical field, try for one of those red biohazard bags for added effect.

I like the *idea* of PursePliers, but I think that we'll all agree that the convenience, cost and availability of a trash bag simply makes more sense. I'm folding one up as we speak....

Tony O-

[Pete Moss]

I just put it in my back pack.

[Lou P.]

I'd buy a set of purse pliers, for sure.

In the situations where I've been asked to hold a purse in the past, I try to hold it as if I've just stolen it. Throw in a few shifty-eyed glances, and maybe people will think "thief" instead of "emasculated man", which is the goal.

[Ann]

ever heard of the european carry-all from seinfeld?

[Alan]

I love stirring the pot.

Alan

[Marina-cat]

Mike...
I don't know where you are from... but if one of your 'latino' countries is Spain.
I can tell you that it is hard as hell to get a Spanish guy to dance... (I can tell you I live there)
One thing is Banderas dancing as 'El Zorro' and the other your run of the mill average guy...

[Bob]

Could you invent something as well for carrying toilet paper on the camping site in a cool way? I find that impossible.

[Neep]

I am not secure in my manhood, I need purse pliers thank you kindly.

I'd also appreciate it if I could get some sort of "Free gift" of an "I am not a purse rack" emblem to place on my forehead. I've been the purse receptical for three friends before. I felt much awkwardness.

I am secure enough in my insecurity in my manhood to not want to hold a purse. I've got two fist sized, tumor like bulges on either hip containing cell phone, wallet, key ring (approximately badger sized), and other garbage. I do not carry anything that does not fit in my pockets. When confronted with a pink sequined object that is decidedly not pocket sized, I don't know what to do with it. Manytimes the handles are not big enough to go over any human's shoulder. It's just awkward. I'll pass. Thanks though!

[Sam]

My girlfriend kept asking me to hold her purse and it wasn't because she needed someone to hold it. She just wanted to try and embarrass me - her grin gave it away. I don't mind holding purses, but that irked me.

Finally I saw the chance to teach her a lesson. My mother in law came to visit over Christmas and we were all going out to eat and shop in a neighboring city. Before we left I went to the bedroom, took her favorite self-pleasuring device from the nightstand, and buried it deep within her purse.

Later that evening while at a store she grinned and asked me to hold her purse. Then she explained to her mom that I was embarrassed and wouldn't. I explained my side, but said fine, if it'll make her happy I'll hold it. No sooner than she'd handed it to me, I let it slip upside down - spilling all the contents on the floor. I've never seen two women so embarrassed.

My girlfriend knew it was a set-up of course, but she had a hard time convincing her mom. She took it all in stride though and now she only asks me to carry her purse when she really needs it. Of course I live in fear of someone giving her the idea to hide it in my luggage before I go somewhere.

[Nona]

As a girl myself - I hate carrying a purse (or 'handbag' as it's known in my country, as it's bag carried by hand, like football is a round thing kicked by feet, not picked up and thrown. Purse is what you keep your money in). I can usually carry money and lipstick and phone in my pockets, and so only carry a handbag when i need to carry around that little feminine extra items at 'that' time of the month.

The only problem with that theory is - dress designers are male and are therefore unaware that WOMEN NEED POCKETS!. Women's clothes, apart from jeans, hardly ever have pockets. They get 'fake pocket detail' but never an actual, real, useful pocket. We hate handbags/purses/clutch bags/whatever too. They're always in the way, and getting dropped and springing open just at the most embarressing moment and getting lost and jammed under the car seat and stolen - that's why we always give them to the men - because the damn things annoy us!

[Mike]

Hey! It's a trade off. So long as she holds my tool occasionally I will gladly care for her clutch.

[Alfster]

What Alan is failing to tell us that he is a transvestite and always wears clothes that match his wifes handbag in case she asks him to hold it.

That's also, probably, why men wink at him.

I am suprised no-one from France or Italy have not posted to say men over there carry there own handbags around as they are useful and if men in, what are supposedly, countries of passion and manliness then holding a handbag is not going to make your gonads disappear.

Scott, could you give your views on men dancing? As seems in
non-'latino' countries (UK, US) a man who dances is not manly...why they can equate dancing with dozens of women at an evenings dance do I don't know.

In 'latino' countries a man who doesn't dance is eyed strangely and the question asked: why doesn't he dance with women?

[HyperActiveX]

I carried a pink umbrella for my wife that I got free with some perfume I bought for her. Sounds simple? Get this - I procured the said items in San Jose, and after that traveled through the following airports - SFO, SLC, DEN, SLC, SFO, SIN, BOM (I live in BOM). And through this journey lasting a few days, I had to carry the umbrella as cabin baggage since it would not fit into any of my bags (men's luggage is not designed for that sort of thing). Most fellow travelers politely maintained poker faces but a few were clearly tempted to heckle (must have been bullies in school). On one such occasion I explained that it was for my wife but that was a mistake. In such situations, never explain - lesson for next time (if there is going to be a next time).

[moiagain]

You forget that it can also lead to interesting situations as I was able to experience a few years ago. I was out with a friend who needed to buy some clothes (they always do). While trying on her new items, she asked me to hold her suede purse. The two clerks who were not too busy that day turned to me and one of them said: "Can I feel your bag?" To this day I don't know if they were just having fun at my expense or if they truly did not realize what they had just asked.

[Diana H]

squigs said: But is there a manly way to do the ironing?

See:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extreme_ironing

[Brian Geppert]

I can't believe that no one has mentioned the Uncyclopedia HowTo on the subject: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/HowTo:Hold_a_Handbag_Like_a_Man

[Szocske]

You are probably right about purses, but tucking the kids in is just as manly an act as producing them.

[Anila]

For the first time ever i loved a comment more than ur article...

LA Clay said: "honey does this match my shirt?" --That was ultimate!

One way or the other ur blog makes me laugh

[Dansoarr]

Scott, we all suffer in one way or another. Believe me there are other ways of dealing with this without resorting to purse pliers, however good an invention they are.

The best way to win is to say Ok, give it here, Bring it on.

You have to suck it in mate, get over the embarrassment & just do it. Or better still, try the following.

1. Go through the wife / partner / other half’s / girlfriend / fiancée or significant others draws and find out what underwear size she is.
2. Do not be tempted to believe you know, CHECK
3. Find the bra that she loves to wear, it’s probably the one that’s most comfortable!
4. Run your hands over the bra and especially the cups (inside) and then compare it to the Bra that you bought here that Christmas or Birthday. You will notice that her favourite is probably softer, remember this.
5. Panties, knickers call them what you want, they don’t have to be g-string, what does she ‘feel’ good in ? Not an easy thing to know, go for the one that is most abundant in her draw.
6. Colour of choice, what’s in her draw is a good guide.
7. So now you have the right size’s, the correct style, and an idea of the need for comfort.
8. Proceed to the shops to purchase the underwear.
9. DON’T be intimidated, they (the assistants) may think oh no another bloke buying the wrong thing and I bet he say’s makes reference to ‘your size’ and makes hand jestures when I ask what size is he after. But you have a secret weapon, YOU know what you want.
10. Have a look around, your be putting loads of women of their own purchase, take solace from this, man is prevailing (a bit).
11. You will soon be approached, AVOID the hand gestures when she says what size is your wife, say “34b, size 12” or preferably the sizes that relate to your wife!
12. "After something attractive in a light colour, but must be comfortable, I want something that she can wear all day, and feel great."
The assistant may pass out at this point or at least stagger that you did not ask for the smallest g-string and peep bra. You may attempt to steady the assistant but do not consider mouth to mouth.
13. When your shown a few models, run your hand over the cups again (the inside) does it feel like the bra you last bought her or the one she wears all the time? If it’s the latter, you can consider the purchase; if it’s the former discard it with a comment about the poor internal seams to assistant.
14. At this point your considered ‘different’ by the assistant and a good purchase is guaranteed.
15. Use the same shop again, they will remember you.

Now you’ve done this, repeat the process randomly through the year, when I say random, you can use Microsoft Excel to create a random pattern for you through the year for you to follow.

You can also for extra prowess, buy some comfort underwear for that special time of the month when arguments are easy to start and impossible to win.

Your wife will be amazed at your insight, you will be seen in a new light, suddenly purse holding is simple, be smug, when the bloke looks at you for holding a purse, know you’ve been into the lions mouth and survived, relax, even ask her what she wants from her purse.

Note : Do NOT get caught looking through her underwear, it takes longer than you might think to find the information that you need. It takes a lot of explaining getting caught with her bras in you hands.

Long post I know, but. .

Yes I’m and engineer, no not gay, happily married, still afraid of those shops a bit thou.

[Arcturan Mega-Yak]

Thanks Scott - I just laughed convulsively and snorted tea out of my nose.
I propose another technical solution to the embarasment a man may feel upon being obliged to enter the inner sanctum of feminine retail - the lingerie store! Where do you look? Is there an ettiquette? Is one supposed to stare fixedly at a blank area of wall?
Such confusion can be a thing of the past with Man-Blinkers! simply slip them over your head to prevent awkawrd sights - and thereby awkward thoughts - for example, of the impossibly slender, beautiful shop-girl who regards you with a smirk - from entering your brain.
Man-Blinkers come in anodised black, carbon-fibre effect, and Honda racing colours.

[Richard Gosling]

Real men have no problem with tucking in babies. It's part of our "big strong man, protector of my family" role.

But the other uses of the PursePliers I can quite agree with!!

[Stuart - Velkairiwyth]

ROFL :D Where can I get me some of them PPs? I bet I could make them look unmanly. I have a habit of doing that to things...

[Sameer]

Now if you were really a man, you would have the courage to say NO, I will not carry your purse. So what, if it means no sex for the next month, at least you have proved your manliness.

[Xena]

Anagrams of "PursePliers"

Lip Pressure

Ripple Users

Spur Replies

[crist]

"The good news is that the amino acids in vegetable protein are still supportive of brain function, and since so few of them are used for building muscle, almost all of that protein goes to your brain. Which is why vegetarians tend to be quick-witted and smart." - Caliban Darklock

If this is the case, please explain the utter stupidity of PETA, the ALF (Animal Liberation Front, basically a violent terrorist organisation in the UK) and the rest of the dangerous nutters who love animals but hate humanity?

[Gaybert]

"I'm still upset about the "Homophobic" morons. wish these clowns would shutup and grow-up"

Don't dis the homophobes. They can only come up with stupid objections to being gay - which is a powerful reminder how wrong they are!

Remember homophobes: every time you say something stupid about gay people, you weaken your own position.

[Are Riksaasen]

Just say no.

[Dom]

I could not agree with you more, there is no manly way to hold a purse; however, I have discovered one benefit of pretending to enjoy shopping with girlfriend/spouse by occasionally holding a purse. Instead of having to hang around the entrance to lingerie/bikini stores, you are invited in to sit on the little sofa discreetly positioned near the changing rooms. Maybe I still belong in High school, but ... saturdays and holidays shopping in the mall have improved immensely.

[still working it out]

I never hold my wife's purse. I have flat out refused since since day one and continue to refuse every time I am asked. I know that if I give in just once I will have to do it all the time.

If the purse can't fit in her hands, it goes on the ground or a table or a bench. As simple as that. Surprisingly its almost never a problem as it turns out in my experience my wife almost never *really* needs me to hold it.

It is my belief that women get men to hold their purses as an evolutionary defense against having their husbands stolen. I can think of no more effective way to prevent a man straying than forcing him to hold a purse.

[danthecardude]

I'm a 190lb, 6 Foot 1 inch crossdresser. I'll carry my own purse and hers...and kick your ass with three forms of Tae Kwon Do if you give me a hard time about it.

[jerry w]

You wrote "there is no unmanly way to use pliers".

I used to feel the same way about throwing a baseball until I saw Tom Cruise tossing a ball in "War of the worlds".

He's got good taste in women, but I don't think he's tasted any of them.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Billy B]

Oh, just get over it and hold the damn thing, it's just a purse. I can just see an idiot like you walking into a store to buy tampons. Have you ever even bought a condom or some K-Y Jelly?
Billy B

[Kitten]

Dave said:
"...Everytime your wife asks you to do something you really don't care to do (like holding her purse), just casually do something screw it up (spill the contents for example)..."

And I say: AH-HAH!!! I _knew_ it was deliberate! I've got him now! I'm making him do the washing this weekend!!

Thanks for the great laugh today, Scott. :-)

[Ted]

Re: squigs

Of course there's a manly way to do the ironing. Just iron men's clothing. It's not that hard, I do it every week.

[Kimberly]

Tucking in a baby does not, in any way, make a man less manly. In fact, my husband is better at tucking in our babies than anybody else. We get to spend a lot of quality time together because of that ability.

[hcg #781]

Numerous ex-girlfriends have publicly castrated me with their purse. I am convinced they do it as a way to establish relationship dominance. After suffering through years of this BS, I finally decided to stop the madness.
When I started dating my current girlfriend a little over two years ago, I informed her that holding a purse was humiliating for a man, and that she was perfectly capable of carrying her own damned purse. She was not happy, and tried anything else she could think of to make me carry her purse (pick fights, pout, mock my refusal in public, manipulate, etc). I refused. I also refused to argue about it, or get upset about it. After about three months, she stopped asking. I think she secretly is happy that I refused to play this game.

[Ron Larson]

Oh for Christ's sake. Scott. Haven't you learned the first thing about getting out of hated tasks your wife give you? It is simply. You screw it up so bad that you will never be trusted with the task again.

The next time you have to carry your wife's purse, loose it. After all, how can you be expected to remember where you put a purse down since you normally never carry one?

[moriarty]

My wife mentioned that while I cringe in horror when asked to carry her purse, I have no problem carrying a pink and purple diaper bag. My answer to this is: carrying a purse says "I have lost my testicles." Carrying the diaper bag says " I have used 'em."

[hma]

Now if only there was a product for men who occasionally have to carry a child's plushie on public places.

[Kristina L.]

Scott,

Think about it this way. If a guy is carrying a purse, it means he has a woman somewhere around.

[D. Mented]

It's a little relationship test some women do;
'I'll see if he really loves me by getting him to face embarrassment for me...it's one thing for him to claim he'd fight a dozen tigers for me, but to actually stand up to embarrassment - now that's love!'
This is cool if your guy likes to see how much friendly bullying you'll put up with - they say payback's a bitch for a reason - but if he's not that bad, don't do it. It makes a man think about how much less embarrassed he'd be if he wasn't in a relationship with you, and that comes back to haunt you when the disagreements happen.
D. Mented

[Phil]

You just lack technique. Hold the purse from the top with one hand letting it hang down at your side, below waist level. It doesn't matter how heavy it is, never hold it with two hands. Never hold it over your shoulder. Never hold it under your arm. Never press it against your leg. Never hold it in front of you. Never swing it around. If you are holding the purse in the same hand as you wear your watch, you may raise the purse with your wrist as you give your watch furitive looks while you wait. You may only exchange hands while in the process of looking at your watch.

Some purses are tricky. Some purses are too thick to hold at the top, or they will flap open if you attempt it. You can grab it by the handles or strap, but choke-up on it as far as possible while keeping it level so it doesn't spill.

On rare occasion, your wife will have a handbag with short, hard handles that you can't choke-up, but it will also be impossible for one reason or another to grab from the top. You're best off nipping that thing in the bud; convince your wife that it is the absolute ugliest thing that you have ever seen. With any luck, if she hasn't bought it yet she won't, if she just bought it she'll return it, and if she's had it for a while she won't use it again. Otherwise, at some point you're going to end up holding that thing by the handles, and none of us want that to happen.

If your wife doesn't keep her purse fastened shut, never fasten it. For one, she might like it unfastened and you will piss her off. Second, if holding a purse is bad, zipping, snapping and otherwise sealing it as intended is worse. Make sure that you hold it in a way that it doesn't have the slightest chance of spilling even if it appears securely fastened. Nothing is worse than having to re-fill a spilt purse in front of a bunch of other purse-holding goobers.

Don't attempt to communicate to strangers with looks or gestures that you are bothered by holding the purse. You can however look like you are bothered by waiting. As far as the purse is concerned, you must look like you don't care. It's just a thing in your hand that you happen to be holding while you (im)patiently wait for your spouse.

[Jim]

How many weenies can fit on one blog?

[Jim]

Although your idea is hillarious, I'm digging the "plastic bad from a hardware store" idea.

[Jason Allen]

The only real manly way to hold a purse is to be secure enough in your manhood to not let it bother you. Suck it up and hold the purse. If another guy laughs, remember he's probably not getting any.

[Black Kettle]

Well, well. Looks like we’ve got some “recreational complainers” right here on the blog. The *commenters* aren’t funny enough? Yup. That’s a good one.

[tord]

Scott,

on a completely different topic. What is a seedless grape? The presence of seeds are what allows us to classify the object as a vegetable or a fruit, but if it been bred to be seedless what is it now?

On that note, what's a pig with fish DNA? How do you classify a mouse with a human ear?

[Murray]

How about just carrying your own purse; then an extra one is not too weird.
I have carried a purse (yes, I buy them at the purse section in department stores) for 22 years; I do not like crap in my pockets, much easier to manage in a bag or purse. My wife is jealous (sometimes) of my "bag" collection.

[john]

where can i get my pair? no, seriously.

[Strabo]

I'd buy one. Or two. Probably as a joke gift.

[Theo Bee]

The problem is that it takes time to train the wife to walk three paces behind you while carrying the groceries, her handbag and a carton of beer.

[Doc]

I personally view the "hold my purse" thing as an opportunity to rifle through it to find my gonads I lost when I said "I do". Do the pliers come in manly colors like polished nickle or brushed titanium....better yet, anodized camoflage titanium. You could incorporate it into the leatherman tool.

Great idea, Scott....now if you would only eat charred animal flesh.

[Neal Miskin]

That might just be crazy enough to work!

[Mokkery]

A REAL man would sling the purse over his arm and strut around like fairy princess.

A REAL man would be secure enough in his own manhood that he could accept the temporary embarrassment and have fun with it.

I’ll take one pair of the PursePliers ™, please.

[techguy]

Don't listen to Joelle, Scott. She's just jealous that her hulking caveman with overgrown testes isn't sensitive enough to notice that he's being a girly-man.

[Flabaya]

I love holding purses, blouses, lipstick, men, women, you name it and I'm all man, baby!!!

[Omni]

The part you forgot is when the pliers damage the woman's purse, and she uses them to remove your gonads completely in retribution. lol

[Scott]

Alan asked: Are you a little homophobic?

Hey Alan, where did that come from? Are you saying that holding a purse is an attribute of being gay? I would say that says more about your prejudices than anything. Scott was talking about manliness and never made any reference to orientation.

[squigs]

Excellent invention. And it goes up there with the sporty high tech prams these days that allow the father to take a baby out without ruining his street cred.

But is there a manly way to do the ironing? And do you have a way to buy feminine presents for your wife without looking as though you just want it for yourself?

[Dave1-20-2009]

"Wuss cooties", BBs in an airplane hanger, and lactating field hockey players... Love it!
Thanks for coming back to the funny side.

[LA Clay]

Dude, relax it's a purse. Your gonads disappeared the moment you said "I do". Just sling it over your shoulder and ask Shelly, "honey does this match my shirt?" Trust me after that and remarking about what color bras you would like her to try you will never be invited to the ladies department again.

Your contemporary Wiley called marriage "an orderly transition of power" (I steal his strips too)

[Hacker Kitty]

i love all the contrived "i am so manly that each of my limbs has the muscle mass of a gorrila, no purse could ever sap the mighty power eminating from my enourmous genitals!Bow to me you sappy effeminate dilbert man" posts, they make me laugh...

c'mon guys, do try to get the funniness

[Josh]

Is it still manly if I use those pliers to pluck my eyebrows?

[Zeddicus]

My solution is to simply have a plastic hardware store bag with me and put the purse in it... if your lucky nobody will see you put it in and you can just pretend you have a whole bag of freshly bought PursePliers.

[Bob]

Are you going to market these next to the Lunchables at 7-11?

[josephdietrich]

If you have to hold a purse, the best option is to sling it over your shoulder and wear it on your hip, like you're Indiana Jones carrying his satchel.

Seriously, you don't remember that Indiana Jones carries a big leather purse?

[Joelle]

Have to say that you are officially a wimp.

My Fiance holds my purse while I am driving, while I am trying things on and often for various other reasons that I can't think of right now. I used to be hesitant about asking because I am not the type of woman who likes to make her man squirm, but he actually got frustrated with me near the beginning of our relationship stating that he was secure enough to walk through the entire mall wearing a dress and holding my purse without being even slightly worried about what other guys thought.

Now in my opinion he has bigger gonads than any man who would insist on maintaining his "masculinity" through neanderthalic behavior, grunts and posturing. Although his manliness may also be attributed to his massive and mindblowing bedroom talents.

[thieves44]

Don't be a wus Scott. Hold her purse - she's your wife for c's sake. Then take her home and tap her like a mad rabbit. No manliness questions then.

[Tyler]

Before your manliness is raped, use it to say "No, carry your own shit woman"

[Michael.]

Alan said:
>Are you a little homophobic? I've even gone to the extreme >of winking at guys that looks at me weird for holding it,
>because I'm very secure with my manlyness (meaning that
>out of the four possible outcomes of winking at another
>guy, two of them result in them getting their ass beat...

I can see one possible ass beating (i.e. the guy takes umbrance and attacks you), but the only other one smacks of homophobia itself - it implies you'd *attack* a guy for coming on to you rather than just say no. Good job for your sake the people who rejected you when you flirted haven't bean armed....

(Unless "getting their ass beat" refers to some act permissable only in the privacy of your own home/hotel room!)

[Joey]

I wonder if he will be offended if I use those when he asks me to hold his hand...

[gremikin]

Are guys really that afraid of women's apparel?
Your biggest fear is probably the subconscious realization that in trying to keep your manliness intact with these silly tricks, you actually reveal that you are deathly afraid of the opposite sex, and therefore unmanly.

It's a paradox!

(I think :)

P.S.

I made more comics! Visit

www.freewebs.com/gremikin/

[Ron Hardin]

I found that maxipads make superior forehead pads for bicycle helmets. Those things hold a ton of sweat. They spent a billion dollars making them work, instead of just slapping a sponge on there like bicycle helmet manufacturers, that drops sweat in your eyes on every bump.

Purse holding is nothing, once you get used to that. You're cootie proofed.

PS use a different brand of maxipad than the rest of the household, to head off ugly accusations.

[Nick]

I find it funny that there seems to be 3 distinct groups that feel the need to yell at you about this idea (which btw is a great one).

1. you must be homophobic because you don't like carrying a girls purse. because obviously if you don't want get stuck carrying some silly bag, that obviously means that you have HUGE problems with gay people - apparently, a number of people seem to think that gay people carry purses or, to be perfectly honest i'm not sure that their is a rational argument to the homophobic comments... i put it down to SPAM (Some People Are Morons).

2. ahahahhhh... we are girls and you are WRONG! Carry our purses, girly-men!

3. so totally right, thank you for noticing that there is a huge market out there for PursePilers... Men around the world will sleep better tonight because of your product.

I'm still upset about the "Homophobic" morons. wish these clowns would shutup and grow-up.

[Michael.]

I have no problem with holding the purse now and then. Knowing I will do that, my wife or daughter will take their purse out with us. That way, they can carry my cellphone, sunglasses, palm pilot, keys.... I'm not sure I leave them any room for their own things.

[niCk(mem beth)]

Wow! That was weak! I feel cheated.

I guess even semi-intelligent people like to shutdown their brain for a time. When will you be back with some controversial new thoughts experiences.

[Neal]

Marina-cat is right, guys who hold a woman's purse with pliers sleep alone.

On the other hand, guys who hold a woman's purse with their bare hands sleep with other men.

Put me down for two sets of pliers please - one standard and one polished. I'm ugly, shy, AND a nerd. I sleep alone already. I'll take the pliers and the status quo.

[catfromtex]

For a really manly look, how about holding the purse w/BBQ tongs (the reaeeallly long handled ones that don't look at all like you're overcompensating for something else)?

[Dave]

Scott, I'm going to let you in on a secret that we husbands know about but will never admit to doing. Everytime your wife asks you to do something you really don't care to do (like holding her purse), just casually do something screw it up (spill the contents for example). After a few times you'll have effectively taught her not to ask you to hold her purse to begin with. Bonus: it's a win/win situation, she gets to think you're an idiot and you don't have to hold her purse.

A couple other suggestions:
Breaking/dropping dishes when unloading the dishwasher
Mixing colors/whites when washing laundry
Using the wrong cleaning chemical at the wrong time

Before you know it, she'll be asking you to spend the afternoon watching [insert your favorite sporting event/movie/TV show her] for the afternoon while she does all the work.

[Speaker to Animals]

wimp. wuss. scrawny little four-eyed geek. a real man doesn't worry about how it looks to hold a purse.

[Jorrath Zek]

Scott, you're going about this in all the wrong way.

When you're out shopping with your wife, always get a cart, or at the very least a shopping basket.

This way, when your wife needs you to "hold her purse", you just have her drop it in and you'll "keep an eye on it".

This elivates your from "Purse Hoding Smoe" to "Guardian and Defender". After about 10 minutes of this, you should have so much testosterone oozing out of your pours that people will be instinctually cowering away from you.

Let those interlopers see the purse, and then realize they've no hope of committing their vile schemes so long as you're there to crush they attempts! Nay, their very souls!

...

Of course, the whole thing's blown if you're wearing a nice outfit, or anything pastel...

[Big Al]

are these gonna appear on dilbert4sale anytime soon?

[Dave Hodgkinson]

Nice one. In a little sideswipe, you've pissed off a significant chunk of the world for whom field hockey is a male, full-contact, testosterone-fuelled sport that puts your stop-start kick-ball to shame.

Carry on!

[E]

Scott,

Possible product upgrade... bottle opener on one end so that you can use it to open beer bottles.

Just a thought.

[Fuzznsmoo]

You kept writing purse pliers, but I just couldn't help reading it as... well something that sounds close, but very different, and yet somehow metaphorically the same. I just can't help but think that was intentional.

[car free since '93]

I doubt that many women would be concerned about how they look while holding a man's tools for him, but men are afraid of touching a purse that may contain make-up and tampons! More correctly, they're afraid of what other GUYS will think of them. You guys are really insecure. But in a cute, humorous way.
CFS '93

[Lauro, the brazilian guy.]

I always carry a black plastic bag with me when I go shopping with my wife. When she asks me to grab her purse, I take it and put it in the plastic bag and carry around the store like I'm carrying garbage. In a manly fashion, of course.

[Alejandro]

You might also wanna try this patented invention: the "not-really-worried-about-being-seen-holding-a-purse" (tm)

Call now!

[kromagon]

I was at a community event in the Castro in San Francisco, and this strange, wrinkled, crazy looking old woman thrust her purse into my hands and said "Hold this."

I blinked a few times, and said "Excuse me?" She grabbed my hand (digging her eagle-like talons into my flesh,) and yelled "HOLD THIS!," trying to speak over the noise from the PA system. I let the purse go, and it fell to the floor, my mouth hanging open.

She swore something at me, stormed off and pushed the purse into some random person's hands, and then climbed up on the stage and gave a speech. It was Carole Migden, the legendary politician from San Francisco. I hadn't recognized her!

Sorry Carole.

[Caliban Darklock]

Scott, I have to say it: if you didn't LOOK LIKE YOU LOOK, you wouldn't have to worry about this.

I have these things called "biceps". They're developed by lifting heavy shit. They sit on either side of "pecs", which are also developed by lifting heavy shit. Since I lift VERY heavy shit, all of the above are rather sizeable.

Unfortunately, it's not just lifting heavy shit that does it, but also consuming substantial amounts of animal protein. Protein consists of eight essential amino acids which facilitate muscle growth when consumed in the proper proportions. Vegetable protein has such tiny quantities of some amino acids, you would need to eat truckloads of spinach and beans to get significant muscle growth.

The good news is that the amino acids in vegetable protein are still supportive of brain function, and since so few of them are used for building muscle, almost all of that protein goes to your brain. Which is why vegetarians tend to be quick-witted and smart.

Meanwhile, dedicated bodybuilders work like hell to never ever ever consume anything that doesn't build muscle, so their brains often don't get enough fuel. That's why a lot of really big guys who spend a lot of time at the gym can't figure out how to calculate a tip.

If you have to pick one of these things to give up, it's probably better to give up the muscle and keep the brain, but I'm of the opinion that one can have both.

[Oliver]

my housemate has often asked me to hold her purse, luckily my huge manly pockets are big enough to stick it in so that it doesn't show.

[Evelyn Saungikar]

The only reason I carry a purse is that as soon as we arrive somewhere, the SO asks if I can put his sunglasses, wallet, keys, camera, cellphone, gum, etc. into it. I guess he's not worried about my girlie cooties rubbing off on his 8 lbs of manstuff.

And I would never ask him to carry it because he'd be off like a shot with my Platinum Amex card.

[Arby]

Carrying her purse is bad enough but, having to do it in a large department store while she endlessly shops can lead to a form of emasculation and possible brain damage. For man this temple of soft goods has to be the most boring place on the planet. The neutral colors, gray carpet with a half-life of 2,000 years, the elevator music with bongs and store announcements with some robotic sounding famine-like voice summoning a floor manager to lingerie for check verification. You can feel the life being drained out of you, your feet get heavier, your legs weaker and the quest becomes, “Where is a chair to sit down”? There are no tools, guns, lawnmowers or hardware anywhere in sight. You spot other guy victims who give you a bored but sympathetic nod. You entertain yourself by looking at the different mannequins and wonder if there are women really that tall and thin anywhere in the world? You watch long lines at the cash register as women return or exchange the smallest items and actually read the receipts to check the math. Oh well, suck it up guys, she puts up with your weird friends, strange eating habits, stupid jokes, beer belly and balding. Life goes on, an on, and on…..

[White]

It's terrible when ironys lost on some people. Or, just plain comedy.

[NameLess One (or other)]

Hmmm, again Scott, there appears to be a large number of people in cyberspace with no capacity to grasp sarcasm.

Dilbert rules, and you blog is funny... but you must find your best comical inspiration in the stupidity of a component of your readership.

I always find wearing the handbag/purse/clutch around my neck like a faithful st Bernard embarrasess her (whoever she may be at the time) out of ever asking me to do it again.

rather than looking unmanly it just looks comically insane.

Other men appreciate the statement. I am a bag rack for a beautiful woman, and proud of it. (but I'm also going to do this my way and embarass the c-stuff out of her)

[Trp]

When it comes to holding the purse, the man is damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't. Hold the purse, you're soft, gay, and compliant. Say no to holding the purse, and you're only suppressing your inner gayness, and now you hate women to boot.

I find it absolutely fascinating that men are CONSTANTLY accused of brutish insensitivity towards women in our society by things like leaving the toilet seat up, watching football on Sunday rather than talking with the wife about his feelings, etc.

...but when it comes to holding the purse, the man is absolutely compelled to obey or else face utter derision. Resisting or complaining about it only makes it worse.

Why is it acceptable for men to be humiliated like this?

Are women asked to temporarily take their tops off upon entering any sports bar? Here honey, hold my beer on your rack while I'm in the can. And don't you dare bitch about it, or else you'll let everyone know you're hiding your latent lesbian tendencies.

Let's face it...there is no place she can go in any store where she can't take her purse with her. What, are there are no such things as hooks or benches in a department store dressing room?

Let's call it what it really is: just a subtle power play by the woman. Leaving the boyfriend outside to hold the purse is just a way of marking the territory, and to announce loud and clear to all her competition that he's owned and submitting to her alone.

[Rick Oliver]

Purse pliers are so unnecessary. The correct solution is to train your wife not to take you shopping. This doesn't take long and is surprisingly easy for virtually any non-gay male. As a general rule, men hate shopping (and the fact that gay men don't hate shopping is evidence that their brains are wired differently), so most men don't even have to fake it when they start acting incredibly bored and impatient at the first shopping stop that wasn't on the pre-approved to-do list. Eventually (usually sooner rather than later), your wife will stop asking you to go shopping with her. Problem solved.

Minor digression: One theory as to why women seem to love random shopping while most men would rather eat glass and shove red hot pokers in their eyes is that men are wired to be hunters and women are wired to be gatherers. So the man goes out armed with a shopping list that says something like: Kill mammoth, drag it home, and eat it. Or maybe he doesn't have a specific prey in mind when he sets out, but once he kills something, he's done for the day.

The woman, on the other hand, goes out with only a vague notion that maybe there are some nice berries in those bushes over there, and, oh, look, what kind of nuts are those in that tree over there?

[Eric Smith]

Grab your sac, what's left of it, and hold the woman's purse!

This gives you a chance to finally get a good look at your bb's since they must certainly be in there by now!

[Steve]

I can't see how holding a purse with pliers lessens the emasculation affect a bit. And now you're claiming this as an invention?!! Did you take the day off and have someone guest write today's blog?

[David Wiley]

Not to take away from the hilarity of the posting, and it was, but I'm a man and have carried a purse most days of my adult life. It started when I asked my then girlfriend now wife for something. Fingernail clippers I think it was. She asked, "If you're going to use a purse shouldn't you carry one from time to time?" She was right. From sunglasses to cell phones to checkbooks to Kleenex for the kids most husbands shamelessly avail themselves of their wives purses. To then call purses unmanly is rank hypocrisy I say.

[shryko]

there is a better way. Hold the purse confidently, like you're waiting for her... after all, it's a sign she trusts you, and, in all likelihood, it tells all the women around that you're a prime quality guy... the kind they would dream of having... thus, say hello to having a possible love life. While guys may think less of you, they shouldn't. just hold the bag with the attitude of "hey, I get some" and they should be envious, as you have proof that you're more desirable.

[Amy]

Field Hockey is played by men in Europe. Not exactly the most girlie of sports you could have picked. Shah. As if you didn't know that.

[Andybert]

I love this idea. Only change the name--it still sounds too frilly. I would just use the Leatherman tool in my pocket that has a pair of pliers on it instead, so your market may have competition.

I think it is very silly for women to try to understand the need for this concept--they are completely missing the point that even if you are married with kids, which proves your gender-preference and virility, you still need to be recognized as a man, not some emasculated house-husband.

Oh, and they only ask about which pillow shams and drapes you should get because they want to exert their own opinion but make you feel like you had a chance to say something. You don't really get any say, and that, for the most part, is fine with us and them.

[Kevin Kunreuther]

Purse Pliers? Not funny - good set up - ah well, they can't all be gems ... by the way, you obviously never seen field hockey played in England - both men and women play and it is practically a brutal contact sport, especially when that club they call a stick connects with the front of your skull - stars, pretty birds and throbbing headache the size of Montana is a common occurrence. Another injury is when you club a victim at just the right bit below the patella, your opponent drops to the ground in double pain - the hit will simultaneously knock the wind out and fracture the leg - the effect is spectacular.

[RogerTheShrubber]

The copper alloy clamps from jumper cables will do the job nicely. So will the super-size Vice-Grip pliers.

[Matthew Kovich]

"there is no unmanly way to use pliers"

touche.

also, did you have pot for breakfast?

[Misanthropic Scott]

Aren't you forgetting something really important here? The guy holding a purse or buying tampons or whatever has successfully attracted, and likely married, a woman. Gay men excluded since they have different goals, this is a sign of success not wussdom. Hold the purse proudly!

[Jeff]

As much as I dislike holding a purse, I can't say I've ever seen another man holding one - perchance does holding a purse render the man invisible to other men?

And how can I use this to my advantage?

[Marc Mengel]

Scott,

You write "there is no unmanly way to use pliers"...

I've met people who I'm pretty sure could demonstrate counter-examples to that statement :-)

[Tao Jonesin]

Did you post this or did Maddox?

[Robert Hamilton]

But Wait! There's More! Order now and we'll throw in the Nad cream for 3 easy payments of $29.99! Act Now, and you also get The 12 Best Lies to use when she asks; "Honey, do these pants make me look fat?" Let's hear from some satisfied customers...

[TonyCanuck]

Have you thought about asking your wife to carry things you find awkward to keep in your pocket? Say for example, the aforementioned purse pliers. If you ask me occasionally holding a purse is a small price to pay for having a personal pack mule for medium sized objects (sunglasses, pocket books, envelopes, small garden gnomes, whatever really). If holding a purse is something you do reluctantly you should at least get some utility out of it. Seems like a fair deal to me.

[wired]

First of all, I'd rather carry my belongings in a pair of pliers than in one of those thousand dollar designer purses. They're for cheap whores. The only little evening purse I own was made by my Mom and Dad in the sixties out of a folded scrap of black leather and some large, black grommets.

And secondly, I saw this really pretty purse yesterday for over $40 bucks that matches this comfy pair of slipper mocassins I bought on sale last summer, and I couldn't get myself to spend that much money on it without asking my partner for permission first, because he grounds me, and I appreciate that. I hate wasting perfectly good cash on overpriced crap when I could be using it to save the World. If you're not a spoiled pig, you can look pretty good with much less.

[nobody]

[Are you a little homophobic? I think you are a little insecure about your manlyness. I have never had a problem with holding my wifes purse, I'll sling the damn thing over my shoulder (usually a lot of whats in it I've asked her to carry anyway). I've even gone to the extreme of winking at guys that looks at me weird for holding it, because I'm very secure with my manlyness (meaning that out of the four possible outcomes of winking at another guy, two of them result in them getting their ass beat, the third outcome is that they just scamper off because they are not manly enough to take a joke, the fourth is they laugh with me).]

Alan, you forgot the 5th outcome, where the guy and you strike up a conversation and then you abandon your woman to go have sex with him. But it's ok, because you're secure in your manliness ;)

[Tony]

Maddox? Is that you?

[Doug]

No offense, Scott, but I have a question: Who the hell are these psychopaths who take your blog so seriously that they feel they need to offer an actual honest alternative solution in defense of the manliness of holding a ladies purse in public without the use of pliers? They can't be serious...right? I would hate to go to a comedy club with some of these douchebags.

"I just flew in from Pittsburgh and boy are my arms tired!"

"Actually, it's scientifically impossible for a man to fly by flapping his arms."

"Horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Why the long face?'"

"Excuse me, why would a horse walk into a bar? Sounds like you have confidence issues, luckily I am a successful coffee drinking freak and everything I say is so deep and meaningful. Plus I think you're a homophobe"

[PaS]

MikeR, you made my day!

[Sean]

My first reaction was "great idea", but then after some thought I came to realize that my wife has never asked me to hold her purse, ever. (now there's a keeper) The fact of the matter is that all my bad experiences with purse holding go back to my childhood, when my mother made me hold her purse darn near every time we when out (till she got remarried, poor schmuck).

And to all you women out there who don't get why men hate being demasculated allow me to paraphrase Dennis Miller. You say you want us to be demasculated, but you don't really want us to be demasculated, you hate it when we're demasculated.

[Gavin]

I think it's better just to go with it. If you're holding the damn bag, just do your best to get into the role. You'll stand out a lot less than someone who looks really awkward. If someone sees you and demands details of your sexual preferences, you can simply explain that the bag belongs to your wife/girlfriend and that they may not have heard of such a thing, which is why they don't have one.

Unless they do have one, in which case it's possible things could go downhill. Or get a lot better, if your wife isn't exciting you any more.

[Darkshoes]

I luv Field hockey :-(

[Joe Mamma]

You could always hide her purse in your fanny pack so nobody thinks you're a wuss.

[Colleen]

I found this post amusing, but the comments from Doug and robertb were LOLROF funny!

[BJ]

"...your testosterone will be so low that you’ll be playing field hockey..."

Have you actually *seen* field hockey? Those chicks are pretty manly!

[Tim Shepard]

Ha Ha Ha. Love it. I imagine "Purse Pliers" look something like those Leatherman tools my dad likes so much. Me, I always carry a purse one of two ways, I either tuck it under my armpit like I'm a running back with a football, or I drape it over my back with the strap over my forehead. Either way is plenty manly.

Here's my suggestion. How about a fish stringer? That way you could sling several purses over your back while whistling the tune to "The Andy Griffith Show". That's Butch too!

[Mike]

You could call it the "Manly Handler". That way you can get away from the whole "purse" feminine aspect. Or maybe the "Guy Gripper". Selflocking vice-grip with a magnetic base. Cause you know that vice-grips are super manly. Or maybe the "Macho Mandible" I got lots of 'em. How about "Testostertool". I bet Ronco would want in on this one. "The Adams Testoster-tool by Ronco" it has a ring to it.

[Steph]

I agree that you need to make an infommercial for these. I will gladly get up at 2 in the morning on a Sunday to watch it. I might even order one if you throw in a free gift.
I don't know what I would do with it though - my boyfriend is wonderful about carrying my purse. I have one of those huge ones that holds so much crap, you end up in the chiropractor's office from lugging it around. So, even when I have to remove a bunch of girly items (makeup, pink wallet, etc) to find what I am looking for, he holds all my stuff for me. What a guy.

[DaMian]

They have some sort of dilbert pattern, or are in some way dilbert merchandise? Think about it...

[Frank]

This is why I always carry a pair of pliers on my belt at all times. In the unlikely event you are without, carrying a purse like a football is the least emasculating technique.

[Mike]

Is it un-manly to hold your wife/girlfriends purse? I like to beleive the opposite - it is there way of telling the other girls that you are taken - hands off.... which means that they think you are worth fighting over - and therefore manly.

Also, holding a purse gives you a good excuse to hang out outside the womens changing rooms without looking like a big old perve.

[Chester]

I, like Tom Sawyer, am secure enough in my own being a man that I do not care what someone may think should I be holding my wifes purse. Hell I have even worn a dress in public, and it was not on a dare. Who give a shit what some over driven, testosterone laden, psuedo jock might think, I am not trying to impress them. I want to impress the ladies, (my wife is already impressed or pissed off, depending on the moment of the day)
Caloosarat

[KT]

I'm a girl.. do I look manly holding pliers? :)

[Jeff]

Boy does your perspective change if and when you become a parent. When the alternative to carrying along that flower-covered bag is to lack all defense against a three-alarm poop.

Just remember to register for at least one manly-looking diaper bag (I have an all-black backpack that works nicely.)

[Matt Eason]

@Richard Hunter:

MAN-TONGS

[Marina-cat]

Pliers? oh come on! give me a break! Pliers????
You really think it is manly to hold a purse with pliers???
Let me tell you, guys who hold a womans purse with pliers sleep alone...

[guntherothk]

I love psychology. Try to think back to the last time you were shopping. Did you in fact even see some guy carrying a purse? In the unlikely event you noticed, was your immediate reaction, "Wow, what a poof!" Nahh. Chances are high you didn't notice, or if you did, you thought "Poor schmuck. Wonder what his wife is doing?" (Or perhaps you were actually looking for a man carrying a purse and wearing really nice clothes, but that's not the point.)

Eventually you stop worrying about this stuff, and carry your wife's purse when you need to. Probably because you are so grateful *she* took your three active children into the dressing room, which is something for which you'd gladly trade your 'nads.

[Terry Murphy]

Where do I get them from? Do you do them in gift sets?

[MikeR]

I usually say "it doesn't match my shoes" and just walk away to the hardware department.

[DJH]

Scott I find it surprising that I love your work but never seem to agree with any statements you make;

A question that is not a question? This does explain why you beleive there is no such thing as free will. Even a statement is a question if you have the courage to say no to your wife. I guess that you already have bb's but holding a purse only makes you realize this. I do not blame you. Living in the land of white male haters as you do it is only natural that your gonads would shrink and you lose any semblence of being male. This disease actually has a name now it is called being a metrosexual.

I would have agreed about your pliers statement until you mentioned holding a purse like roadkill. Outside the femme zone of California men, real men use bare hands to pick up roadkill then challenge their buddies to one up them. Proof of this is a story told by Jeff Foxworthy about the redneck who had his nipple bit off by a beaver. Say what you want you tell a story like that noone questions your manhood.

Now I cannot rebuild your manhood but I can help you with your problem. If your wife asks you to hold her purse you have 2 Man Choices. Tell her to set it down and you will watch as if it was your luggage at the airport. (beginner level) Or say OK but doesn't she want to take it into the dressing room with her to see if it matches the bloes or pants or shoes she is buying?

I blame Phil Donahue for the whole men getting in touch with their feminine side. Used to be you could change you underwear once a week watch football on Sunday and your wife was happy if you remembered her birthday and your anniversary. Now they want their men to tell them, read agree with them, on pillow shams and duvet covers. I can't beleive I know those terms.

[MAL]

Hey now - tucking in a baby isn't specifically "unmanly" - you guys should know that babies are total chick magnets!