Just What We Need

Did you see this disturbing story in National Geographic?

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/03/070314-hybrids.html

It turns out that sometimes two species can mate and produce a new species. This is the sort of news that makes bestiality less appealing. How many humans saw that story and said to themselves, “Uh-oh”?

I suppose the people who prefer getting jiggy with animals would say there are many advantages to it: economics, unconditional love, no complaining, etc. But right at the top of the list had to be “no birth control needed.” Now that theory is out the door. It’s as if all of life’s pleasures are being chipped away by an angry God. I don’t know how else to explain it.

Now I’m on the lookout for people who are part human and part some-other-species. I know they’re out there. And the whole “people who look like their dogs” thing has taken on an entirely new interpretation.

Have you ever seen a parked car with a dog sitting in the driver’s seat? You usually say to whoever you’re with, “Ha ha! It looks like that dog is getting ready to drive!” Well, that’s not so funny any more. I suggest you keep an eye on that car and see if the dog pulls out and drives home. He might look like a terrier on top, but if he has human legs, he can reach the pedals.

The thing that worries me the most is that now I have a new wrong thing to say when someone shows me their baby. It’s already hard enough to resist saying, “It looks like Yoda.” Now I have to worry about not saying, “It looks half human and half pug.” I don’t have that kind of self-control, and it’s probably because I’m at least one-fourth Chihuahua. [Note to my Mom: I mean on Dad’s side.]

What about competing with these new hybrids in the workforce? Imagine going in for a job interview as a busser in a restaurant, and the applicant next to you is half cheetah. You don’t have a chance. You turn to make conversation, trying to throw him off his game before the interview, and it would go something like this:

You: “So, do you have much experience bussing tables?”

Cheetah-man: “Just a moment, it’s my turn to interview….done. I got the job. What was your question?”

Nothing good can come from this.

Comments

[J Voltz]

A well written article, It was extremely enjoyable and I plan to return to read more

[Amnipata.com]

What came first the chicken or the egg? The age old question. Nature always finds a way
Http://www.amnipata.com

[Becca]

What's that sound? Oh! I think...Yes...yes, it's the bullshit alarm! Ah, what sweet music.

[Mike]

OK, that does it. I can't read this blog at work anymore. I was nearly busted when I laughed out loud, then nearly blew out my eardrums trying to stifle the laughs (I'm still trying to clean the snot off the display).

Good one, Scott!

[BJ]

Uh oh, good thing my dog and cat are both male and fixed, or I'd have one funny looking litter on my hands. Imagine trying to pawn up these little mutants?

[Alan Brain]

Unplanned creation of a new spieces is just one disadvantage of animal tapping. HIV/AIDS to supposed to have come from chimps which begs the question of who was the first human to develop it, and was it from a chimp... anyone admitting to that one?

[ACC]

Mister Adams, do you know what is a mule? I'm speaking about the animal.

[Paul Dove]

In the New Scientist article http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg19325931.300-the-neanderthal-within.html, there's a quote "Surely our direct ancestors would not have been remotely interested in inter-species sex." and now in this NG article it says "sexual blunders could be an important force in their evolution."

Inter-species sex is not something I have any personal interest in, but I do think it's weird that these scientists say there would be no "interest" and it would be a "blunder". Either they've led very sheltered lives, or they must think their readers have and don't want to offend them. Or maybe they just haven't watched as much Star Trek as I have; almost every other character is a vulcan/human, klingon/human, betazoid/human, ... cross.

Other comments have asked, what do we mean by species? Is it "can't produce fertile offspring" or "don't normally mate"? Until we have a more exact definition of species - http://www-geology.ucdavis.edu/~cowen/HistoryofLife/speciesconcept.html - it's always going to be difficult to distinguish between normal reproduction and hybridisation. And any definition has to include Ring Species, which don't seem to fit into any suggested definitions - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_species.

So come science guys admit it, there's no simple evolutionary tree of life, it's more like a tangled mess.

[Val]

Read Cordwainer Smith's stories about the "Underpeople". They became such in a laboratory, by modifications of animals to humans, now clearly human with a trace of the ancient animal showing in their character. Different path to the same result, but the issues are wrenching. (Underpeople! No civil rights.)

[Walter E Wallis]

If they can breed, by definition they are the same species. Sub-species were promoted to species just to give the endangered sppecies act absolute control over all human development. Power to the taxonomist?

[asmediagoby]

For the "free will" thread people:
http://www.slate.com/id/2161936/?nav=fix
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2007/02/12/070212fa_fact_macfarquhar

[AHA!]

looks like this guy just discovered the x files.

[Marxist]

and science is freaky, but intresting

[Marxist]

It explains reality shows, most goverments and fanatics.

[Kevin Kunreuther]

Jeez, here I go again. Do you and Michael Crighton, like hang out and play tennis together? Your recent blog posting on bullshit among experts got me thinking, and a little research and bingo! sounds very much like Michael Crighton's more explicit ideas about the evils of consensus science (http://www.crichton-official.com/fear/index.html)Which people are still beating him up about, even Charlie Rose for crissakes, because it challenges the current popular notions concerning global warming.
Are you on his mailing list or did you meet up at Indian Wells one day?

[Kevin Kunreuther]

You've been at the Michael Crighton book, "Next" again, haven't you?
http://www.crichton-official.com/next/index.html

[Adonai Elohim]

Dude, you sound like you are on mushrooms...

[CH]

This brings us back to that chimp that spontaneously got pregnant.

[Dio]

Kramer saw PIM-MAN and Sienfeld.

[Deepak M Varier]

Hybrid Species! Ha..ha.. I think we can see flying man after some 50 years. Superman! Spiderman!! Cartoon characters in real life!!!

[TrevOverT]

It stands to reason that if we can talk to the animals there's bound to be a moment when the conversation turns to the idea of interspecies naughty stuff because that's just what happens, so it follows that if the moment is ripe, so to speak, a paw, hoof or a claw is bound to be found on one's arm or leg or even thigh, then the next logical step in any relationship is definitely going to be RABID ANIMAL SEX and I'm all for that, particularly if both of you have been talking about it and one of you has taken the proper precautions by getting yourself declawed.

[L]

Speaking as a 6 month pregnant woman who has very recently had an ultrasound I can tell you that MY son does not look like he's part pug. Just like every other newborn, he looks like Winston Churchill. Chuh, get it right, pugs indeed.

[Jez]

Dibs on a mouse elephant space rocket copyright.

[Arby]

Let’s see, cross a hen with a pig and you can get a bacon and egg omelet. Put a cow in the mix and it’s now got cheese. Cool.

[Martin]

i think it's worring about the fasinastion with animals. I've just watched clerks 2 and the donkey scene was disturbing. Whats happening over there in the states?