The Boner Theory of Economics

The Boner Theory of Economics states that a man will accept $1 per hour less pay if he is guaranteed a boner on the job. Stated mathematically…

$1/hour = 1 boner

We can test the validity of this theory by seeing how well it predicts behavior.  For example, the Boner Theory of Economics predicts that eventually all shoe salespeople jobs will be filled by men with foot fetishes. The only reason it’s not completely true already is that the managers filling those jobs haven’t realized they are overpaying. I wonder how many interviews have gone like this:

Manager: “The job involves kneeling in front of women and touching their feet. Are you okay with that?”

Applicant: “Um…er…yes.”

Manager: “The pay is $10 per hour.”

Applicant: “I can only afford to pay you $8 per hour.”

Manager: “We pay you. You don’t pay us.”

Applicant: “Can we start over with the negotiating?”

The Boner Theory of Economics also predicts that in the long run – perhaps in a few hundred years – the military will be 100% gay men. This is the best case scenario for taxpayers because it will keep down costs, and recruiting will be easy.

Recruiter: “We can’t afford to give you body armor, but you’ll be surrounded by young, vital men who are a long way from home. Would you like a tour of the showers?”

Recruit: “Yes, but I can’t stand up right away.”

During the transition to the future all-gay armed forces, things will be awkward for the career soldiers who are hanging in there for a pension. You’ll hear this sort of exchange when they finally retire:

Soldier: “I was deployed in the desert for three years.”

Friend: “Are you gay?”

Soldier: “No, but thank goodness the guy who shared my tent was.”

Comments

[Massage School]

Having resided in the massage world for twelve years now, I do like to look around and see if Massage

School has influenced lives. Of course the one life I spend the most time looking at is my own. I can definitely say that becoming a massage

therapist changed my life.

I had been a stay at home mom for fifteen years prior to attending massage school. Heck yah, it was life changing! The problem with my example is that,

at this point, any kind of career would have changed my life drastically. Therefore, I find it hard to be objective on the subject.

Another real life example would be that of my husband. He had been employed for twenty-five years by the U.S. Postal Service when he began attending massage school. He went to classes four nights a week for eight months. I believe the biggest change he experienced at the time, was a greater

appreciation for self-employed individuals.

In comparing our school experiences, there are some observations about massage school that we agree upon. The first thing that we both learned was

that a full time program definitely brought about more change. When I was submerged in massage for six hours a day, I felt like a massage therapist.

There was something about the immersion that changed my outlook. My husband, on the other hand, tacked a few hours of massage school onto his already long work day. Having to change hats

mid-day is never easy.

Another difference noted was how a full time program builds upon itself. We all started at point A, then worked, studied and grew to point B. My husband's classes started at different times with

different people. We never did figure out any continuity in the program.

The adage 'you get out of something what you put into it' is definitely true of massage school. I believe the more of yourself - i.e.: energy, time, money,

commitment - you invest in massage school, the more you will get out of it.

Since massage school, my husband and I have both taken many CEU classes. We both agree that the best ones require the most from you. I realize

that there are times when it is just not feasible to participate in classes. The popularity of on-line courses definitely substantiates this. However, the life changing classes are the ones we have to: A,

travel to; B, pay for; and C, take time for.

When I look at the certificates on the wall, I feel the most appreciation for those I worked the hardest for. There are a few certificates that I don't even remember the classes for. These were usually

the quickies because I was short on time.

I believe that you can have a 'life changing' experience at massage school but I also believe that you have to put your life into the school to experience

that change. Hopefully we can all seek out these kinds of schools, and enjoy the pura vida that comes with these life changing experiences.

[Hakan]

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[Bali Property]

yep you're right Catland

[newkon]

I would have thought submariners would be the first career to run a surplus in wage revenue - stuck in a phallic shaped tube with other men who were drawn to it (many without even thinking too hard about why).

[newkon]

very very nice information thanks..
realy nice blog.i will come every time here.thankss..

[forum]

Soldier: “No, but thank goodness the guy who shared my tent was.”

I've decided I don't like your jokes that take a moment to get.

[David Ross]

My understanding is that gay men aren't all that common in the military. Lesbians on the other hand...

[Kiwi]

Good stories are worth being posted twice :)
http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2006/06/shoe_salesman_e.html

[cxspan]

LOL, I should probably NOT be reading this at work...

But hey, what else am I supposed to do?

[san]

scott, shouldn't the equation for "Boner Theory" have a "per unit of time" quantity on the right hand side...something like-

$1/hr = 1 boner/day (or some other more appropriate unit of time)...

[san]

scott, shouldn't the equation for "Boner Theory" have a "per unit of time" quantity on the right hand side...something like-

$1/hr = 1 boner/day (or some other more appropriate unit of time)...

[The Group Guy]

Why else would a high school kid take a lifeguard job?

[Leora]

Understatement alert!
Women must be wired differently. I used to photograph male bodybuilders, and never found it that exciting. And I even got to apply the oil. Something about mixing work and pleasure, maybe, because I simply LOVE applying oil to hot male bodies otherwise.

[Travis]

"...Maybe I should pretend to be gay and work in the fashion industry. "

Posted by: Wise-acres | March 29, 2007 at 12:30 PM

--------
A band called 'The Bloodhound Gang' did a song that referenced this very idea, back in the mid-90s. Pretty funny, actually!

[jerry w]

You could have gone further and explained that the reason most guys will give their boner a name, is so all the important decisions in their life are not made by a stranger.
I think "little Jer" has led me well (well, other than divorce number 1 and divorce number 2), but I have to take some of the blame, which I attribute to a lack of blood at the time that was available to my upper brain.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Tom NC]

Marco said:
"This could revolutionize the education system. Just think how much better it would be for teachers, taxpayers, children and parents if all schools would just hire faculty and staff that work for less money because they get a boner just being around kids."

Ouch, that was just wrong.

[John]

I have th ebest of all wrolds. I work in IT, I get decent pay, great benefits, and work at a call center staffed mostl with women more than a few of whom are really quite hot.

[Cyrus]

Sounds like a colorful army.

Cyrus
http://blogging4burgers.blogspot.com

[Marco]

This could revolutionize the education system. Just think how much better it would be for teachers, taxpayers, children and parents if all schools would just hire faculty and staff that work for less money because they get a boner just being around kids.

[Goran Mitrovic]

you know... you don't really have to post something *every* day. if it's not funny or smart...

that also applies to me, of course :)

[Cormac]

yo scott
how do you do it?
if any other person in the world had written that uproar would ensue.
they would read this with their easil insulted brains:
put gays in the army so us straight people can be safe
those people would assume you thought that it was okay to kill gays.

I of course understand it was a joke and that you meant nothing bad against gay people and that even actual gay people would not take offence, only people whou THOUGHT it ws offensive to gays.

[Mikester]

I have to admit that i'm getting to the stage of not reading the comments anymore.... i enjoy the blog, but its all the dumb asses on the comments page..... eve if you dn't know what a boner is, by reading the blog you would realise in the context of the story what it is referring to.

If you still don't you are either dumb, thick or stupid.... so people, which is it!!!!!

PS. i do know that they all equate to the same thing!

PPS. after slagging off , what appears to be the majority, of the people who post comments, i sure that this won't make the comments page.... so much for freedom of speech...

[Steve]

We gay people are a minority, but a sizable one, about 5% of the population according to most statistics.
I find it odd and funny when straight people joke about us as if we weren't among them, or as if they didn't know any gay people. Truth is, we are everywhere and every hetero knows some gay people - though he or she may not realize it, because it's not always so easy to spot us.
Anyway, funny post, I enjoyed it.

[Two Unicycles]

I can't stop thinking of an army made up of good-looking women

[Gaybert]

"The patrol was spotted. The mission was compromised. In a real combat situation, all 11 of the team members would have been endangered because of my concern about where I was gonna put my pecker."

I'm lucky enough to work in an office with some insanely hot men, but like most gay guys I know I can keep my mind on the job. Never been in a combat situation, but I think I'd be more inclined to concentrate on the task in hand then.

[Duda]

you know, I HAVE a job that requires me to stare at and interact with porn models most of the time I'm on the job, and I've only gotten, maybe, one boner. and I'm verrry hetero and love my hot grrls. I'm just too busy to get horny when I'm working.

[paulipe]

$1/hour = 1 boner

Don't you mean?
$1/hour * 8 hours = 1 boner

Despite the lack of an active social life, I don't think people would want a boner every hour

[War-sword]

I work at a private hospital in new zealand, although there are plenty of female nurses most are over fifty ( shudder ) still, on the up side I do get to assist with the breast implants on the strippers from the local club! ( which kind of makes up for the crappy wages )

[War-sword]

I work at a private hospital in new zealand, although there are plenty of female nurses mose are over fifty ( shudder ) still, on the up side I do get to assist with the breast implants on the strippers from the local club! ( which kind of makes up for the crappy wages )

[Bob]

"The Boner Theory of Economics states that a man will accept $1 per hour less pay if he is guaranteed a boner on the job."

If you want to state this mathematically:
$1/hour <= 1 boner

For the foreigners who don't know what a boner is, a boner is a hard-on. A boner is an erect penis. A man often gets a boner when he is sexually aroused. For more info:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erection

[Sheilah D.]

Hmm... this theory could apply to women (the title might need changed, though). I used to work at a saddlery for peanuts because I loved the smell of leather. Now, since I almost exclusively date clowns, I guess I'd probably consider taking a paycut to join the circus!

Thanks for the idea!!

[Andy]

hmmm, I would gladly take a dollar per hour if it meant I didn't have a boner all day. In fact, its getting annoying, I would lose it for free.

[Robby]

"There was an all-gay elite unit in one particular city-state in Ancient Greece. I think it was Thrace. The elite unit was composed of pairs of lovers who fought as pairs, the theory being they would work harder to keep each other alive." -- Giles Bowkett

No, the theory was that each man would rather die than be disgraced in the eyes of his lover, and would therefore fight harder and be less likely to desert. Slightly different. Also, it wasn't an elite unit; every soldier was assigned a lover from among the other soldiers.

[Duda]

you know, I HAVE a job that requires me to stare at and interact with porn models most of the time I'm on the job, and I've only gotten, maybe, one bonder. and I'm verrry hetero and love my hot grrls. I'm just too busy to get horny when I'm working.

[Billy B]

I have a friend that was a shoe salesman in Las Vegas. He loved it, claims that he got a lot of pussy out of that store.
Billy B

[Kodjo Hogan]

hahahahhahahahhahahha

[Screen Name]

Ha HA! The guy in his tent was gay! That definnitely saves time in setting the thing up after a long march, although the other guy might not sleep as easy...

[Ron Hardin]

That's in ``What's New Pussycat?'' Perhaps the last movie I saw (I haven't seen a movie in a while). Lessee (googles)...

Victor Skakapopulis: [I]'ve got something at the striptease. I help the girls dress and undress.
Michael James: Nice job.
Victor Skakapopulis: Twenty francs a week.
Michael James: Not very much.
Victor Skakapopulis: It's all I can afford.

[shryko]

I love it. Keep it up!

[Matthew Kovich]

I like this military idea - Alexander the Great was gay, and we was possibly the greatest general the world has ever known.

[cybersybil]

As a hetero woman in IT, I would gladly take a $1/hr pay cut for a female "boner" equivalent. Please. I can only bleach my eyes out so many times before permanently blinding myself. Which looks more viable every day.

[JohnJohn]

Q: Why does the Navy keep Marines on their ships?

A: Because sheep would be too obvious!

Long ago, when I was an Infantryman, I attended a leadership school prior to being promoted to a leadership position (something industry should learn to do).

At this school there were people from all kinds of specialty fields, so it was co-ed. I had a dalliance with a female MP during the two-week course. Much of the material covered in this course was tactical operations, the stuff I already knew cold because it was my job. During one exercise my tap-buddy injured herself in a fit of clumsiness and I took to coddling her during a reconnaissance mission. Due to the distraction of my glands, I, an extensively trained expert in tactics, crested a ridge while walking point AND LOOKING BACKWARDS at this girl.

The patrol was spotted. The mission was compromised. In a real combat situation, all 11 of the team members would have been endangered because of my concern about where I was gonna put my pecker.

I know a great many gay people whom are honorable, trustworthy, reliable, and patriotic. I believe they should be allowed to serve their country in whatever capacity they desire. But as one gay soldier once told me: "Imagine the whole army made up of good-looking women..."

I couldn't be an effective combat soldier under those circumstances. Boobs and hot legs are way too distracting.

[Aaron]

hehe,
Gays in the forces know the best gay jokes, and the best Navy jokes. :P

[Mokkery]

Wow, that Boner guy sounds like an economic genius. Isn't he the guy who was married to Cher? I didn't know he had a theory named after him.

[Lora]

There used to be a theory of wants and needs. The premise that you work up a pyramid of wants and needs. It was believed that once you acheived a milestone it became-shortly thereafter- unimportant or unsatisfactory. You then strive to acquire a raise or a better office and so on and so forth.

[JD]

Scott, just what DID you mean? Can you pick one of the following for us?

Boner may refer to:

* A blooper; a small mistake having an amusing effect
* A blunder; a spectacularly bad or embarrassing mistake
* A boning knife, a narrow knife for removing bones from meat, poultry or fish
* A USDA carcass grade for slaughter cattle.
* Boner Stabone, a recurring character on the TV series Growing Pains
* Boner Records, a California based independent label
* Boner family, a family of wealthy Polish merchants of German origin
* an informal nickname for people whose names are pronounced or spelled similarly (ex: Bonner, Boehner)
* Boner's Ark, a comic strip about a sailing ship filled with animals.

Boner is also a slang term for:

* An erection of the human penis, derived from the misconception that an erection is created by a bone (Note that most other mammals do have a penile bone called the baculum).
* A Zamboni ice resurfacing vehicle operator
* A trombone
* A trombonist

[hockey monkey]

I wish I had a foot fetish...

[Wise-acres]

I understand the boner theory but can not seem to find a job that deals with hot super-models on a day-to-day basis. Maybe I should pretend to be gay and work in the fashion industry.

[Gabe]

I'm in the military, and I wasn't offended. It was a joke. Seems everyone wants us to get upset about it. I'm more upset with the one dude's assertion that boy scout leaders are pedophiles. Kinda harsh.

(Then, I'm in the Navy, and anytime the Army is the brunt of a gay joke vice the Navy maybe I get a little thrill out of it)

[Steve Casey]

"Andrew P" wrote

"I've decided I don't like your jokes that take a moment to get."

They're the best ones... that's the point!

Scott - how about filtering-out the non-DNRC ???

[Treon Verdery]

this has zero relation to your funny item It is about gene therapy to cure your speech item

This is a treatment effective on a related area the nifty thing is that it is gene therapy perhaps there is a way to make the dilbert creators vocal apparatus more sensitive to the material the brain emits rather than just shifting brain areas used to create vocalizations This makes me think that a certified hypnotist must ask if they are more or less sensitive to placebo effect This gene therapy technique might improve your voice a few ways

Gene therapy for laryngeal paralysis.Shiotani A, Saito K, Araki K, Moro K, Watabe K.
Department of Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery, National Defense Medical College, Saitama, Japan.

OBJECTIVES: The surgical options for laryngeal paralysis only achieve static changes of vocal fold position. Laryngeal reinnervation procedures have had little impact on the return of dynamic laryngeal function. The development of a new treatment for laryngeal paralysis, aimed at the return of dynamic function and neurologic restoration and regeneration, is necessary. METHODS: To assess the possibility of gene therapy for laryngeal paralysis aiming for the return of dynamic laryngeal function, we investigated the therapeutic effects of gene therapy using rat laryngeal paralysis models. RESULTS: In a rat vagal nerve avulsion model, we transferred glial cell line-derived neurotrophic factor (GDNF) gene into the nucleus ambiguus using an adenovirus vector. Two and 4 weeks after the GDNF gene transfer, a significantly larger number of surviving motoneurons was observed. These neuroprotective effects of GDNF gene transfer were enhanced by simultaneous brain-derived neurotrophic factor gene transfer. In a rat recurrent laryngeal nerve crush model, we transferred GDNF gene into recurrent laryngeal nerve fibers after crush injury. Two and 4 weeks after GDNF gene transfer, we observed significantly faster nerve conduction velocity and better vocal fold motion recovery. CONCLUSIONS: These results indicate that gene therapy could be a future treatment strategy for laryngeal paralysis. Further studies will be necessary to demonstrate the safety of the vector http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?db=pubmed&cmd=Retrieve&dopt=AbstractPlus&list_uids=17388235&query_hl=1&itool=pubmed_docsumbefore clinical application. Ann Otol Rhinol Laryngol. 2007 Feb;116(2):115-22.

[Fuzznsmoo]

I sense another nomination for a Nobel prize in economics. Where will you put them all?

[Stomper]

Mike said:

"It makes sense that we should go with the flow on things like gays in the military. Somehow I think that Boyscout leaders would still have to be hetero. (are there any hetero Scout leaders?) They could just leave the soap dishes on the floor."

I agree as to the military, though I have never served in the US military. The complaints about gays in the US military sound disturbingly similar to the complaints made about blacks in the military, before the US military became racially integrated. Our military professionals can and will act as professionals 99% of the time. Gays should not be punished or held back due to that 1% of jerks, any more than women, or blacks.

I disagree as to the Boy Scout leaders. I have substantial personal experience as a Boy Scout leader and as a Boy Scout (if anyone cares, I am also hetero).

Boy Scouts of America (BSA) made a serious, short-sighted mistake when they set their current policies regarding gays. Homosexuality is NOT the same as pedophilia, and statistics show that pedophilia is not any more common among homosexuals than among heterosexuals. Nevertheless, my son and I continue to participate in that organization. Even with its flaws, the program is still valuable.

--Stomper

[Zzyzxmo]

A whole new meaning to the phrase "An Army on One".

Instead of joining the service, now they will be joining the "serviced".

[snaught1]

Scott, thanks for a snort-coffee-out-the-nose funny post today! One thigh-slapper after another! You made my day; I hope our kudos to you fulfill yours.

[Giles Bowkett]

There was an all-gay elite unit in one particular city-state in Ancient Greece. I think it was Thrace. The elite unit was composed of pairs of lovers who fought as pairs, the theory being they would work harder to keep each other alive.

[Patton]

I came here just to see all the responses from military related people. For my surprise, I didn't see many. Or you're censoring them.

There's way too many tolerance in your country (which is good) or your car will explode tomorrow morning when you start it. Hopefully is the first one.

[Marc T.]

I think I've read every post on this blog. I enjoy your philosophical musings greatly but lately you've taken a real down turn with every other post sexual or something to do with bestiality.

I know it's not your mother's post but do we really need to go gutter diving?

Looking forward to a little more PG rated musings.

By the way there is a God and I have no idea to what extent our will is free other than to choose evil.

A dedicated and disappointed,

fan

[Sean]

Ah, I remember my pre-IT days, when having hot women around the workplace was a real possibility (and in fact common). I don't miss much about those days, but I sure do miss the women. (my unwillingness to return to my former occupation in no way conflicts with your theory; it would be a lot more than a $1/hour pay cut)

[Sky]

I might enjoy this post if I knew what YOUR definition of "Boner" was.

TWO come to the top of my head:

BONER as in a big mistake.
BONER as in a hard-on.

I bet your's isn't either of these, is it.

[Beaker]

Well, so far people have taken this post for what it is, HUMOUR. I do feel sorry for the guy who spewed his coffee all over his keyboard from laughing. It's embarrassing to go to the tech support people and explain.

I think you should come out with your own brand of keyboard cleaner, Scott. You create your own market!

And hilarity reigned.

[shoe clerk]

Personally I always had a thing for female legs and feet (don't know why. Started working in a local shoe store and it was great....

....Until you come across really old, 'Nora Batty' (From 'last of the summer wine', TV series) type women with bunions and can't reach their own shoes.

Really takes the shine of the fetish thing

[latsot]

I work in a university computer science department. I'm glad they pay me quite a lot.

[handsup]

This of course would work better if Cheney was President.
I'm sure it would be easier to convince the men to fight for Dick over Bush.

I crack myself up.

Handsup

[JBange]

"Everyone in the Army will become gay. The Marines will get filled with the bullies from high school."

The marines are ALREADY filled with the bullies from high school (the gay ones, at least)

I know it sounds like I'm just making a crude slam against the USMC, but it's actually true. Closeted gay boys who can't accept their own sexuality frequently act "hyper masculine" as a way of denying the feelings they perceive as being effeminate. This generally translates to things like joining sports teams and bullying the weak. This does nothing, however, to get rid of their "gay feelings". Subsequently, in desperation, many of them will join the military, hoping the ultimate expression of masculinity, being a warrior, will "straighten" them out once and for all. Which service do they join then? The Navy? Certainly not! Air Force? Wimps! Army? Eh, maybe, but at that point most of them just go for the obvious: the USMC. They PRIDE themselves on being big, tough, manly men. Surely the Marine Corps will DRIVE the gayness from them completely! The Navy may have the reputation as the "most gay" service, but they only get the open ones. From what I've seen, the USMC gets all the screwed up closet cases.

[Jeremy]

" And then the Army can change their slogan from "Be all that you can be." to "The Army: We never leave our buddy's behind." "

You mean, from an "Army of One" ... check that, from "Army Strong"

Silly marketing people.

[Jeremy]

All gay military units are not a new idea, but an entire gay military...that would be something.

[Bytesage]

I think people have the wrong idea about gay men, I'd never go into the army just for cheap sex. Being in any kind of military is for people who are willing to maim, torture and kill others (innocent or not) for money.

There are lots of other ways to find hot young men :-p lots of "cowboys", construction workers, and other stereotypical hot sweaty muscular macho men are really pretty "interesting" once you get to know them, and in 1 one 1 situations ;-)

Although its not kiss and tell, that's how you get yer ass kicked.

[tb]

sorry, what is a boner?

[BB]

Funny... I've always found the Marines to be VERY accommodating :-)

[Richard]

Your idea of a “Rainbow Army” was already though of in the book A Confederacy of Dunces. A hilarious book if anyone hasn’t read it yet.

It makes you wonder what the future of military weapon advancement would entail:

Fuchsia Fatigues

The Fairy Phasor

The Tank-Top Tank

etc..

[Mike]

I DJ'd in an upscale strip bar for 4 years. I would have gladly done that job for nothing. I not only was guaranteed a boner a day but had the most steady sex I have ever had in my life. I sometimes fill in there now and again. It's like a fringe benefit.
It makes sense that we should go with the flow on things like gays in the military. Somehow I think that Boyscout leaders would still have to be hetero. (are there any hetero Scout leaders?) They could just leave the soap dishes on the floor. Doesn't it make sense that getting rid of sexual harassment laws would make the job scene much more enjoyable right? We could institute "sex breaks" instead of smoke breaks. Cause smoking sucks. But sex it GREAT!
I vote for that.

[Gaybert]

Reminds me of the Sacred Band of Thebes....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacred_Band_of_Thebes

[the real tony]

Scott this comments collector is acting funny. Somehow I became "the drifter" when I'm not. still a great blog, tho.

[Mike Clark]

I used to work in a fish factory in Scotland, (where they make fish) I skinned the fish and my job title was 'boner!'

Funnily enough, skinning fish didn't give me one. I hope!

If all the guys in the army will be gay in the future who are they going to pick on?

[Me.]

And then the Army can change their slogan from "Be all that you can be." to "The Army: We never leave our buddy's behind."

[LA Clay]

I won't even mention all the seamen in the Navy.

[CLB]

Then that extra dollar/hour can be given to women as compensation for having to work with boneheads. ;)

[Steve]

LMAO ~ Thanks I spew coffee all over my keyboard from laughing so hard

[locomotivebreath1901]

No, Scott.

I pretty sure you just described the boner theory of blogging.

Really.

[the drifter]

I agree with thefoot fetish shoe salesmen, but as for the military; WHAT!!!!

[tony]

ha ha ha. nice theory, but you can't pay your bills with a boner, can you? (okay, maybe if you're RANDY SPEARS).

yes, i really do work here. nice benefits. the boner thing lasts for about the first 2 weeks. I see no reason to ever take a $1/hour pay cut, although i think the entertainment industry does that all day long. I used to work at a local tv station and that job paid NOTHING. "think of all the experience you'll get" is what they say, right?

AND Scott, why do you hate freedom? Actually it's too bad one can't joke about "the troops" without having your patriotism questioned (what a demeaning term "troops"--why not call them soldiers, sailors, marines, etc.).

[mee]

i dont get the joke :(

[JOHN THE BAP]

this time you started off super and ended with a thud; "not that there's anything wrong with that"

[JST]

“No, but thank goodness the guy who shared my tent was.”

Similar joke: A guy wakes up to find his roommate (details best left to the imagination) and says "oh my god, dude, what the hell are you doing?!...how could you?!...you know I'm not gay!.....Now finish me off and get out of here!"

Also, I once worked at a cafe where the staff was 90% women, and at least 70% of them were what most men would consider very attractive. So, on any given shift I could be working with 3 or 4 absolutely beautiful women. There was also a very high employee turnover rate, so new ones were coming in all the time.
It was very, very hard to leave that job.
I used to think the owner was a bit of a pig until I realized over time that in fact about 90% of the people who applied to work there were women and an unusually high percentage of them were really, really hot.

[Tom]

Then why don't we see more "boob men" working in Victoria's Secret?

[Ashok Subbarama]

One of the earliest jokes I read for job "fetish" interviews .. still gives me a good chuckle!

*************** Gorilla In Heat *******************
A small Alabama Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Mike Hickman , a redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animal's cages. Mike, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The park administrator thought they might have a solution. Mike was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Mike showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following four conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips." The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition. "Second," Mike said, "you must never tell anyone about this." The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition. "Third," Mike said, "I want all the offspring to be raised Southern Baptist." Once again the administrator agreed. And last of all Mike stated: "You've got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00."

[Brian]

There's the disadvantage of a boner every day in that you seem to lose the ability to concentrate. I've had the unfortunateness of having the occasional one and it's very disconcerting...especially if the boss happens to come over and asks you to come to his office for a minute...that and not being able to get any work done because you're too busy worrying in case your boss comes over....:)

[will]

the most entertaining part of this post i find is that fact that pretty much 95% of the peeople that read this will focus on the stereotyping of gay people and not on the point of the post itself. i find that funny especially considering your earlier posts about people rationalizing their oppinions (which i didnt believe at first but now am forced to because i see it happening all the time). great post.

[Ibid]

Everyone in the Army will become gay. The Marines will get filled with the bullies from high school.

[basselope]

Yea, I wanted to be photographer for Penthouse Magazine but my pictures kept coming out all blurry.
Do you think all those guys are Gay?

[SnarlyGeezer]

Classic joke from the United States Marine Corps:

Q: In the Navy, how do they separate the men from the boys?

A: With a crowbar.

[Gavin]

I guess maybe this explains why IT is reasonably well-paid.

[Yuriy]

[Is this a real theory?]

It will be as soon as someone writes an article about it in Wikipedia.

[Real Live Girl]

I'm wondering how to test this theory the next time I interview a job applicant, and we negotiate salary. Hopefully, this is where the Wonderbra pays for itself.

[JFitz]

Was it your fondness of pencils that led you to a career as a cartoonist?

[tom]

The recruit needs to learn "the tuck," which allows one to stand up with a boner and draw minimal attention to it.

[Jorrath Zek]

And now you've gone and offended a whole new group of people... All in the name of humor.

[Nostok]

Keep it up Scott.

[Andrew P]

Soldier: “No, but thank goodness the guy who shared my tent was.”

I've decided I don't like your jokes that take a moment to get.

[Kevin Kunreuther]

Hmmmm, that's why one would hire young guys, because they're more inclined to be interested in getting a boner than getting paid a living wage? Sounds like one day I may be downsized in favor of a horny dumbass.

[Marina-cat]

oh boy! It is in times like this I wish we were tought English slang in class...
Yes, I'm Spanish and i don't know what a boner is...
(but I can guess)

[Ben]

As a professional in the healthcare field I agree. Because I work with far, far too many 50+ nurses that remind me of my grandmother after a hard night gambling and smoking I require much higher pay than if I worked with a group of 20-something computer gaming programmer nymphomaniacs who enjoy Warhammer.

*sigh* Why did I leave that job....

[indo]

Soldier: “No, but thank goodness the guy who shared my tent was.”

LOL!!! :-D

[HubbaHubba]

That is why I enjoy my job as a massage therapist, I only do woman, they are usually very hot and they tend to moan a lot when I touch them....priceless.

[Tan G]

Scott,

I can anticipate the avalanche of flak you are going to get for this one:)

It's a funny post but does assume that all men (gay or not) just want sex 24/7.... That can't be true can it? ;)

[Brett Gibson]

I would have thought submariners would be the first career to run a surplus in wage revenue - stuck in a phallic shaped tube with other men who were drawn to it (many without even thinking too hard about why).

[Barbara]

Well... you've made me smile and that's a good enough reason to thank you. I look forward to reading more.

[jerry w]

I asked them how much they were going to pay me,

They said, "We'll pay you what you're worth".

I said, "I will not work that cheap".

Then they said "All you have to do is get that dead deer out of the ditch".

I'd explain further, but I need to have the doctor look at these antler scratches on my ass.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[CatLand Creator]

Man, that was waaay too funny. However, I have a question. Is this a real theory?

[Cris]

Ooh...I can hear the insane military supporters already..."STOP SAYING THAT OUR MILITARY PERSONNEL ARE GAY!" Don't worry though, I'm not one of them. And yes, I would take a $1/hr pay cut if I was working with a woman that was so hot that I had a boner every day.

[LA Clay]

You said boner.