Trillion Dollar Idea

Have you heard of an online service for kids called Webkinz? It’s like a cross between cocaine and puppies. Kids can’t resist it. It’s frickin’ brilliant.

Before you use the Webkinz service, you have to buy a stuffed animal that comes with a code. You use that code to activate an animated character in an online world that looks like your stuffed animal. The brilliant part is that your online critter will become sick if you don’t regularly visit and care for it. Somehow this makes kids emotionally invested.

Kids can earn fake money by playing games on the system. That money goes toward caring for their online creatures, including buying furniture and so on. Kids love it. But I think kids aren’t the biggest market for this sort of thing.

I think single women would want an online boyfriend they could totally control. But here’s the hook: The online boyfriend is a “project.” If you don’t sign into the system regularly, your online boyfriend will start dressing with clothes from the 80’s, smoking, gambling, staying out late, and flirting with other women.

It’s the “owner’s” job to make the virtual boyfriend eat right, exercise, look for a job, and trim his nose hair. If he scratches his crotch or passes gas during an online dinner party, he gets no virtual sex for a week.

The women could earn fake online money by playing games just like in the Webkinz model. For example, imagine a Tetris-type game where articles of clothing fall from above and you have to assemble them into coordinated outfits before they reach the ground. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t be a hit.

Here are some more online game ideas for the virtual boyfriend site:

- Quickly identify which movie at the Cineplex would make a human feel the worst. Send the online boyfriend to watch it.

- Send the online boyfriend to the drugstore for you and try to assemble a basket of items that is the most embarrassing.

- Make the online boyfriend carry a purse through a tough neighborhood without being beaten to death.

- How about a game set in a Mexican restaurant where all the tables have candles? The object is to navigate your online boyfriend around the tables and to the Men’s room without him tooting too near the candles and setting the other diners aflame.

Do you have any more game ideas?

Comments

[Westone China]

It is good thinking http://www.westones.com

[Webkinz Lover]

I have all of your books and your calender. Go Bears!

How about some gambling game just like on the real Webkinzs World site? Spin the wheel or the slots to earn cash...starting teaching them young.

[Toms]

Hey, who has the erotic game, Tetris, where naked guys and gals matches up? I DL from a few locations, but the .exe file doesn't work. Can someone send me a copy of the game? Thanks.

Email: cheri@usa.com

[angeles book los store used]

Life begins at conception, begins at birth - Or come up with another stage and develop a different persuasive speech topic

[guinness beer tap handle]

My mind is like a fog, not that it matters. I just don't have much to say these days. That's how it is. I haven't been up to anything recently.

[catalina 270 and sail boat]

Life begins at conception, begins at birth - Or come up with another stage and develop a different persuasive speech topic

[webkinz]

if the virtual boyfriend flirts with other girls, do you get credits toward a virtual therapist to help you cope?

[patti]

Scott, the adult game is a disaster!

I was online with the cutest/handsomest virtual young male you have ever imagined (well maybe not YOU...but)
Anyway.. I had him dressing so handsomely and running errands etc.
I gave him everything he could possibly want.

THEN.. I left the damned cumputer on and my guy-friend entered a beautiful too-young female into the picture!
And,of course, my young virtual fella ended up in her bedroom.
Next thing ya know.. there were virtual babies and all that crap!

Now.. we have to issue virtual condoms and support the little darlin's...

Besides all of that I believe there were DVDs copied of their intimacy and they are now appearing everywhere.

Since he was 20 something and SHE was under 18.. we are in for some haevy trouble! (damned males have to pick-out girls half their age)

SO? NOW...what do you think of THAT??

...Patti

______________

[John Cz]

I hope the media never realizes that they have the power to control the population of any given area. If a report of a suicide generates copy-cat suicides and then they report on those, which in turn generates more suicides ...., pretty soon suicides are increasing exponetially. An evil developer could use this to by pass eminent domain. All they would do is report a suicide in a targeted area to the media. When every one is dead, they just make afrivoilous offer to buy up the previously occupied land.

[Sharon H]

Obviously, there are many more comments by male fans of this blog.

Here's the real secret...if you are a middleaged woman out there trying to date, then you know the REAL secret.

They're ALL virtual boyfriends at this date in time. No form, no substance, needing space and taking yours, and firm believers in the woman paying her share even if the glass ceiling is omnipresent and she's making one-third of what he makes.

And -- oh yeah, he keeps tabs on her figure, not minding how he looks, and insists on meals-only dates, where he's picked the restaurant, because, of course, he pays only half of the tab and he drinks a lot more than sher does.

I've experience this multiple times -- and oh yeah, no spider venom in the drinks, either (dammit).

[SpongeJim]

To add to the Neopets posts:

This was more fun the first time it came out... 9 years ago... it is called "Neopets". And as someone else posted, it is free.

[prithwiraj]

ever played xtet? its a tetris game with naked men and women as the blocks. u gotta mate them in the right positions to score :)
mail me if u want the game

[Cally]

Ever heard about a virtual pet game called neopets? It was the first one of those out there. I was adicted to it for five years. On the bright side, I can type alot faster now. If you want to check it out, you can make a free acount on the website, www.neopets.com

[Ajay Mishra]

I have a game idea that extends the original one. It has 3 rounds.

1. History: VBF will be quizzed (of course indirectly) about his past -his present. But careful avoidance of even a hint of the future.

2. Mystery: The VBF starts playing the 'game' in mysterious ways. The VBF keeps on wondering the "real question" - behind the 'hints'. IF the VBF gets the question RIGHT - he gets kicked on his balls, followed by 'incessant sobbing" and "do you think, I am that type of a girl". The VBF is enrolled on a 'sensitivity training class'. VBF starts feeling suicidal, of course he is 'forgiven'. Mystery starts again, - she has a project in her hands. The game gets so intense, that the VBF starts thinking - Maybe = Yes.

3 Evolution: This is the ultimate round. VBF goes through multiple 'tests'. The rules are secret (of course changeable - without any prior notice). The scores are confidential.

One fine day: the VBF opens his mailbox : and he gets that " LIFO kinda mail in his inbox: - before the VGF hits the 'delete account - start over again"

Cheers!
Ajay
PS: LIFO - secret code that means Last IN First Out ( thats the VGF). The best part in this game is that she doesnt even have to say " we could be friends"

[Jordan]

My brother has a couple of those Webkinz things and I was just saying the other day how good an idea it is. Some of his friends have bought like 10 of the stuffed animals. Whoever thought this one up must be fucking loaded

[Jordan]

My brother has a couple of those Webkinz things and I was just saying the other day how good an idea it is. Some of his friends have bought like 10 of the stuffed animals. Whoever thought this one up must be fucking loaded

[Roby Bang]

I know someone who got into the Webkinz craze, and it's like Beanie Babies meets the Sims. And the saddest thing here is the online part isn't just to entertain the kids to enjoy their pet better, we live in a capitalist environment. They don't give a rat's behind what you do the doll once you buy it. The site also helps advertise new Webkinz based on seeing other people's pets, so they can sell more Webkinz. So virtual boyfriends would have to work like this: You go online to do whatever with him, and then you see someone else's more attractive virtual boyfriend which makes you want to go out and get another. It's like real life, but more shallow!

~~Roby Bang

[kit]

Ooo, ooo.

Make the boyfriend listen to your Plan for achieving something relatively simple like going shopping or putting up a cupboard. Insist that he 'signs up' to the plan by making interested noises, saying things like 'That's great' and 'I'll get right on it'. It is important that he becomes emotionally invested in the plan.

Then change the plan. Insist that even greater noises of enthusiasm and agreement greet the revised Plan.

Repeat.

The boyfriend can't be said to be properly trained until he can go through this sequence fifty times without his head exploding.

[I just spit Diet Coke on my monitor. -- Scott]

[Aimz]

i like this comment from the above article!!
" If he scratches his crotch or passes gas during an online dinner party, he gets no virtual sex for a week. "
hmm might try that with my bf!

[Dave]

Why not a Virtual "Weirdo keeping a prisoner in a hole" game like in Silence of the Lambs? That'll keep the neighbor kids off your lawn!

[Don G]

After being present during a long chat with her friends he has to know each of their names, dating status, shoe size, and most hated habit of men.

A night without any for each wrong question

[Listo Entertainment]

You are funny when you are sexist.

[Cody]

[What other form of bestiality is there?]
You obviously didn't see my date last night...

[MajorDomoe]

This is only for milk money, but here goes....

A virtual camping game. http://major-domo.bravehost.com/

Lots o guys go camping and pitch a tent. My wife sells her panties. Everyone is happy.

[Andy]

No game ideas, but one question: Does your wife read your blog?

Andy

[Chantal]

Not sure if anyone has already mentioned this, but check out http://secondlife.com....

[Leonel]

Nice comic strip for Labour Day, Scott. Elbonians making running shoes... Now, _that_ was a trillion dollar idea. (Man! Is Dilbert really that dogbertish?!)

[Mark]

"And the basis of banning production of unlicenced porn? The good old laws of public morality; which in this age also bans that most blogged-about topic on this blog - animal bestiality.

Posted by: vishalrix"

What other form of bestiality is there?

[Andrew]

What a sad little strip today. The spring in my inexpensive step has gone.

[sey]

could you do one from the opposite p.o.v.? a virtual gf the man controls?

[Panda]

You could have a feature where the Virtual Boyfriend complements the woman on the dress they are wearing that night.

No you don't look fat in that
Yes the colour suits you
No I'm not just saying that

All you would need is to plug a Cray supercomputer into the server to handle the complex permuatations of not actually giving an opinion whilst not sounding as if your avoiding direct questions.

I'm sure that if Bill Gates and Steve Jobs joined their programmers together we could have some code to do this by the end of this century...

[nel]

looks alot like "The Sims" game.

[Brad]

It looks alot like "The Sims" game.

[Bradman]

looks alot like "The Sims" game.

[indo]

that u come up with this stuff in the absence of narcotics is but testament to the elasticity of the human mind!

[Kevin Kunreuther]

The Game: M I FAT?
You mission: chase BF thru maze shouting within ear range, "Am I Fat?". If he is in range of hearing, he must answer. If answer acceptable, he gets a few moments peace. If answer is not acceptable, he is obliterated in harangue of tears and accusations.

[The Goose]

It’s the “owner’s” job to make the virtual boyfriend eat right, exercise, look for a job, and trim his nose hair. If he scratches his crotch or passes gas during an online dinner party, he gets no virtual sex for a week.

---------

Now, what's the fun in that??? Are we thinking that's the fun/interesting/challenging part of having a boyfriend? Because it's not, it's the "dear lord, I'm dating a monkey" part of having a boyfriend.

[Salticid]

Well. As your target market, Let me list all the things I want in my VBF (hey, free consumer research!).

Must want lots and lots of sex.

Must not want children.

Must have an ability to entertain himself for long periods of time, without demanding my attention. This can take any number of forms, including but not limited to watching/playing sports, hanging out with his buddies, playing video games, or whatever doesn't involve him banging some other chick.

Must be willing to listen to stories about spider hunting, molecular biology, and other scienc-ey, academic type crap.

Must tolerate the high level of entropy in my house.

Needs to have some passion. Even if its video games. I don't care. Something.

Bonus points for enjoying a good read, liking to travel, and love of sushi and hasenpfeffer.

You build me that VBF, and I will be hooked like a methhead with a disorganized sock drawer.

:)

Phiddipus

[John]

Oh crap, I just realised I'm living in a Matrix like system where I'm actually just part of a game. I wonder if people are doing things to me to play with my illusion of free will?

[Sam]

Just as Webkinz comes with a stuffed animal, would the, uh, webguys come with an, uh, uh, dildo type thing with a guy doll attached.

[Gleetnorx]

Nice touch~
"Your virtual puppy WILL DIE if you don't keep playing."

There's money in finding things to which people will become addicted.
A nice virtual game would involve wire heading, wherein people can receive direct electrical brain stimulation.

And think of the possibility of matrix style control with something like that. Fascists would drool.

You're MY little puppy now.

[WillBatten]

Woman types: "Which of my friends would you most like to sleep with?"

Oh, hell. The more realistic the AI for the vbf is, the more computer monitors are going to need side protection to shield against bitch-slaps.

Then again, maybe we need the number-crunching ability of computers to find the 'correct' answer to "Does this make me look fat?"

[XX EE]

Wow, so many bitter comments from the men! As if trying to change an SO is the sole province of women.

If I had a nickel for each time that a male SO tried to change me into LESS than what I am, I'd have at LEAST one Steinway grand by now. Maybe even two concert grands. Men's reaction to me seems to be, "Oh, look at the cute little girl engineer. Let's see if we can break it and bend it and mold it and contort it into our liking!"

And, while I naively thought that it would be a nice break for said men (usually fellow engineers) to have a rational female around, they invariably treated me like a brainless, irrational cream puff ... and me, with a brain the size of a planet ... (pardon the gratuitous Marvin reference, but I do have a Ph.D. in electrical engineering pending as soon as the school gets its act together).

While most of the men I attempted to date would have settled for simply lobotomizing me into the imbecilic cream puff of their dreams, the one before last wasn't going to be satisfied with anything less than pounding me into a beaten down husk, to quote a fellow commenter (male). Even the current SO--the best of a bad lot--would much rather that I did far less than I do; he would be far more comfortable if I were far less capable than I am. Luckliy for me, however, he is willing to tolerate me the way I am ... for the most part. And that's a happy first.

And would I change him? Hell no--I can't imagine what the outcome would be, and, since I am terribly fond of him exactly the way he is, I would never risk it.

[Billy B]

I've pretty much gotten over having anything to do with the Insane Chicks Society. And I don't give a fig what they do online as long as they leave me alone. They just keep getting more bat shit crazy, needy and greedy.

I'm just waiting for virtual reality to get here so I can have really good sex without using my hand.
Billy B

[Arby]

The battle of the sexes goes on and on. Girls from time immemorial have their mysterious wants and needs. Boys at the early stage will be boys and still think more of baseball or their new bike before girls. It is only after they catch a glimpse of the budding beauty and feminique form that their hormones kick in. How about a game that rewards boys for appearing bad and to ignore the girls so that they will fall for him? The boy looses points if he is really nice to the girls as many times this makes them very good friends but not much else. The challenge for the girls will be to “change” the “bad boy” to make him presentable to others. Oh wait….. this has all been done before by several bad Hollywood movie scripts (or was it Shakespeare?). Darn, it is hard to be creative when you are the end result of millions of years of human evolution and all the good stuff has been done or thought of by your ancestors. Think I’ll eat some worms.

[jerry w]

Having a virtual girlfriend might be a lot like having a real one, except when it moves up to wife status and then blows all up in your face, you most likely will be able to keep your house.

That's unless, of course, your virtual girlfriend finds a better virtual lawyer.

But now saying the term virtual lawyer, it seems like it ought to be an oxymoron. Kind of like "pimple free teenagers" except I think that would be an oxymoron-5.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Cassandra]

Dude, I totally warned you against getting married. Now you're turning into a misogynista. Does your wife read this shit? No virtual sex for you for a week.

[Kent]

My game idea is one where you avatar has to perambulate through a pack of kittens while buckets of potato salad fall from the sky.

[Grace]

Please help my daughter. She needs help. Please help!

If you give something it always comes back. I need your help in
giving her a good life.
The paypal account is sosradar@bluebottle.com , even 1 cent you
give will be appreciated.
She 5 months old, is in Marissa IL and is a fighter but your help
would greatly help things move better. God bless you all!

[james]

awesome philosotainment for today! thanx for the laughs. keep it up.

[D. Mented]

Jeez, no wonder you guys can't get laid, if you hang around with shitbags like the women you're describing!
Trick is, women who don't see men as embarrassing but useful meal-tickets are the independant types who don't agree with every word you say at the start of a relationship just to make you feel good, and won't put up with cheerful abuse unless they're having as much fun as you are.Also not likely to find an independant type that spends all her time and attention on trying to meet your standards for attractiveness.
In other words; bitches.
(I may have said all this before)
The plus side is that bitches are with you if they want to be with YOU...not your wallet, and some of them don't expect you to be more perfect than they are. (some, not all)...And bitches are a little less likely to make you late by getting dressed five times in a row or ask you for advice about their clothes.
So you gentlemen get to choose between bitches and ho's.
We ladies get to choose between crying pussies and laughing bullies, so it's about even.
D. Mented

[bob]

The Virtual boyfriend game can work like that Whizkid doll.

You have to buy the boyfriend doll that you can plug into your computer then it does what you tell the virtual boyfriend to do.

Or is this idea just plain adult wrong ?

[malignor]

Scott, I suggest you watch the RealDolls documentary. Then when the nausea fades, look at this post and realize the true genius behind it.

[KiwiAtaahua]

What I like most about this game is that it would take up the time of controlling, obsessive, shallow women with an intelligence deficit, leaving the rest of us to breed and improve the overall quality of the human race.

I may even buy shares in the company, just to help keep it going.

[Brandi]

I LOVE THIS. You are a weird man but i like the way your mind works!

[JoNa]

Reading all the hostile descriptions of women's annoying confusing and abusive behavior on this blog, the only conclusion I can come to is, "Ohmigod! My ex-husband was a woman!"

[Michael]

You forgot one important element, Scott...the part where the kids buy a stuffed animal...but instead of an animal the women could buy a dildo

[Kodjo Hogan]

I love it, We might need a female version for the lonely game designers who will create the male version

Scott Adams for President 2008

[Dom]

You're aware that they have pretty much this exact thing already in the form of "The Sims" aren't you?

[Gordon McSleezy]

- Make the virtual boyfriend do the 1am PMS coffee, sushi, and ice cream run. NOW DAMMIT! If VBF returns in under 30 minutes, earn bonus points for every minute under 30.
- Confuse the virtual boyfriend by being happy one minute and being pissed off the next minute. Enhance enjoyment by using a coin toss to determine mood. Earn bonus points for each point rise in blood pressure.
- Allow boyfriend to plan nice trip for the both of you to NY City, book all the tickets and reserve all the rooms, but then bail on him two hours before the flight leaves because your cat threw up and needs comforting. Earn bonus points for every dollar he loses due to your airline ticket expiring.
- When boyfriend returns with coffee, sushi, and ice cream send him back out for french fries because that's what you decided you really wanted while he was gone. Earn bazillion bonus points if he hurls himself out the window right there.

/One ticket please. First class, window seat.

[Mike]

Well there is always this:
http://www.t-zones.co.uk/en/t_games/text_games/love_and_life/virtual_boyfriend_or_girlfriend_2.html

[Paul O]

Real Men could log in and try to subvert the woman's manipulations, inviting their virtual friends out for a beer, or a night at the "Ballet".

Get the algorithms right, and the virtual identities could enter virtual relationships, with each partner vying to make the virtual self's behavior explore depths they dare not exhibit in real life.

(For those less familiar, "Ballet" is often used as a euphemism for watching other dancing-related activities.)

[Cronzo4]

What a rip-off... you can do the same damn thing at neopets for free. As for the virtual boyfriend idea... I have a hard time visualizing it... but then again I am a guy. There is no market for a virtual girlfriend though... every time a guy sees a hot chick on TV she becomes a virtual girlfriend for future dreams, daydreams, fantasies, etc. The male mind does this for free... you would need really good marketing to convince us to buy it... like a hot chick on TV telling us to!

[latsot]

The virtual boyfriend has to know what the owner is thinking. At all times. With no clues at all.

[SirDrinksalot]

As long as there's an online environment where the women can show their beaten down husk of a male AI to their friends, like in a massive multiplayer RPG, then it would work. Also, you want to release "special edition" plugin content for a small fee that would give access to celebrity lookalike boyfriends. Imagine the thrill women could get from nagging Russell Crowe! I would also recommend a sophisticated dialogue system where women can fight with the virtual boyfriend and use the correct set of irrational, emotion-based arguments such that the virtual boyfriend gives up just to get the player to shut up.

[brian]

Create Virtual friends for the virtual boyfriend to meet there can be stab you in the back friend, bitchy friend, crazy earth mother friend. if the boyfriend doesn't like them he also looses virtual sex points and increases his 'things that are your fault' points.

[brian]

What about one where the player talks to the boy friend through a pc mike the more words she says the more points she gains if tshe talks enough the boyfriends head explodes.

[Ms_Takez]

There are a lot of bitter, bitter people on this site. Funny, bitter people.

If someone, male or female, manipulates you like this, stop dating them. Stop. Don't see them, have sex with them, or marry them. Take a little responsibility here.

Does Neopets predate Webkinz? Without the stuffed toys, it sounds the same. And it is digital crack.

[mospeada]

Virtual Boyfriend 2.0 will be an automatic update and will reveal that the VBF has AI. As the VBF flirts with other online women users, the members will now compete for their VBF's attention with other women.

[black spot]

I have a real life husband. He’s pretty fun to play with. I have to watch what he wears and already regulate his wardrobe. It has taken years to ‘persuade’ him that washing up and de-limescaling the loo is fun.

Not all of us women are obsessed with clothes and some of us actually enjoy things like DIY and computers. So you’ll have to second guess a woman to get her interested – and that’s impossible!

[Jez]

Wow, virtual boyfriends is even more horrible than virtual warfare and virtual pet-keeping. At least those other things don't stand in for anything so healthy as having a real-life partner. Considering the success of The Sims it would probably take off and doesn't seem too far-fetched to happen.

[Leora]

Can you get virtual neutering too? It would keep him from spraying the furniture or humping your dinner guests' legs...or it would help, anyway.

[agd]

Don't forget to include the really unusual ones that get top dollar on Ebay. The VBF in this case would look like David Beckham, have the sensitivity and ability to cry like Tobey Maguire in Spiderman, have the testosterone of Matthew McConaughey, the $$ of Bill Gates and the wit and humor of Scott Adams!

[Bryan P]

The problem with this idea is that women only do all of that stuff to their boyfriends so they can create a socially acceptable (acceptable to her female friends) source of easy cash, sperm, and free baby-setting. Although the manipulative little bitches will enjoy it for a while, at some point they will realize that there relationship just isn't going anywhere. They will get extremely angry with the virtual-boyfriend, pick fights with him for no apparent reason, constantly list all of his inadequacies to her female friends, and eventually end it all by clicking the delete account button while sobbing uncontrollably. I know all of this because I am as bad as a virtual-boyfriend. Except no matter how hard they try they can’t keep me from farting.

[Boraxis Baugmonster]

Seriously Scott, would it be so hard to fix the post format so the poster's name appears more closely associated with the poster's post than with the next one? Does TypePad just *force* you to use that misleading layout? I think induhviduals are fun to play with and I don't like to see someone make them squirm for no reason.

-- baug

[Anita]

I already had a "virtual" boyfriend. The program tended to shut down without warning too often. I got tired of rebooting and reinstalling so I deleted it!

[Erich Neubert]

Game idea:

Make the online boyfriend so depressed by nagging him and talking down to him that he starts taking medication to feel better about himself, but no so bad that he leaves the "owner" or blows his head off with a shotgun.

[Anita]

I already had a "virtual" boyfriend. The program tended to shut down without warning too often. I got tired of rebooting and reinstalling so I deleted it!

[penny]

Those are _the_ ugliest character designs I have seen in a while…

[penny]

Those are _the_ ugliest character designs I have seen in a while…

[vishalrix]

Scott, I missed out the ask-any-question session that you hosted previously. So a belated question. Can you throw some light on the humorists whose work you have enjoyed - before you started Dilbert, after that, and now?

By any chance, is Douglas Adams among those authors whose works you have enjoyed? Just curious cause your about page on this blog is surely written by you in third(?) person. Douglas Adams also wrote introduction to himself in third person in some( all?) of his books. Anyway its funny either which way.

Also "The Dilbert Principle" is started by vignettes on evolution. The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy also began by discussing about evolution.

Anyway I thoroughly enjoyed "The Dilbert Principle". One of its very funny line "It was good on papyrus" is almost struck in my head. I have forgotten the rest of the book :) read it years ago.

[Juryu]

We could make a male version too. Although, that already exists. It's called porn.

Okay, I take it back. Brilliant idea.

[Scott2]

A truly brilliant game idea, just brilliant.

If you ca make it play on mobile phones you'd have it down perfect.

[you know who]

I'd swear I'd heard of japanese video games which were just like that, except gender reversed. But you have to be nice to your "girlfriend"....

[Kilgore J. Trout]

How about the carbon credits game? You go around preaching to other people about how they should reduce their carbon foot print while you go buy carbon credits so you can fly around in a private jet and self agrandize yourself just so you can see your mug on TV.

[Jabba]

You forgot about 20 questions. You have to think of something you think is wrong with him, and he has 20 questions to try to figure out what it is.

Of course, this is not a real-world simulation... Men don't get to ask that many questions before time runs out.

[Diana W]

Back from my meeting, let's continue:

- Persuade boyfriend to eat food from categories other than fast food, junk food, cereal and sandwich.

- Get boyfriend to do laundry. Points for each item done at the the correct settings, in the right load with the right products. Points lost for each cashmere sweater shrunk to the size of a Barbie Doll.

- See how many porn sites you can delete from his Favorites list before he notices

- Send boyfriend to the closet to retrieve your chartruese patent pumps. Points based on how close he comes to the right choice, but negative points if he gets it correct as that would indicate he's gay.

[Ethan Zara]

Can the new game involve power tools?

-Ethan
Backpacking on Little Money
http://jacktraveler.blogspot.com/

[Dave]

I'm still too distrubed by all the comments yesterday in the vein of "please kill yourself so there's for me" to comment today.

[Patton]

I remember one kamasutra-tetris. It was fun, but sometimes dificult to guess where the pieces should go. Those Indians!

[B-LO]

How bout a game where the boyfriend drives around aimlessly unless told where to go. He must be led to a final destination with commands such as:
"turn left! turn left!"
"the light is green"
"just stop and ask for directions"
"you're tailgating"
You'd have 5 minutes to reach the goal before he pulls over and kicks you out of the car.

[niCk(mem beth)]

What about a version for guys. The more money you pay, the less she wears, upgrade for a totally slutty version.

Don't pay enough, and get constantly nagged.

Eventually the online virtual girlfreind would leave, and your bank account is wiped out.

Nevermind. Suicide seems like a better option.

[Andrew]

How about a game for men...?

The object of the game is to let the women computer characters shop, but you have to go to work (which would be the games like Tetris, only with a twist that involves building a high-rise building, or possibly something in the food industry, assembly sandwiches and dinners faster than the ingredients come up, or bowing to customer needs at an engineering firm).

The twist is such that the men have to maintain a budget and pay bills with money they earn from the work/games, all while the women keep spending the money at the stores.

Of course, you could throw in kids, and assign responsibilities to all the different characters in the game.

And, obviously, you'd have to bow to the virtual woman's every desire and need, in order to earn virtual sex, which keeps your hapiness level up, which the work/games detracts from.

I think it would be a challenge. I mean, it is in real life, why wouldn't it be in virtual reality?

[VuckFista]

They have this, it's called "World of Warcraft"
My wife's hooked on it.

[larry horowitz]

The scary part is that a form of this idea is already being manifested in the real world, in China, where they are building a town where women rule and men must be obedient or get punished.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070426/od_nm/china_womentown_odd_dc;_ylt=AhAfnFrHLz.A71cwHsvdxOvtiBIF

Women from all over the world can visit this town and as soon as they enter they are in control. They may then punish a disobedient man by forcing him to kneel on an uneven board make him wash dishes in restaurant. And they're just getting started!

Scott, or anybody, if your wife suggests a trip to Beijing, DON'T GO!

[Elizabeth]

My mother and younger sister already own a WebKinz... Have you seen how much the 'rare' ones are selling for? WebKinz are like the new Beanie Babies. I wonder if the WebKinz thing is affecting neopets.

[DougWithau]

There is one piece I can not figure out. How does she fake a virtual orgasm?
Is the orgasm already fake because it is virtual? The reasoning is circular.

[A Different Scott]

How about awarding points for writing the most difficult, irrational quiz imaginable. If you're able to make the quiz impossible to pass you get a perfect score.

Coming up with secret objecives for the virtual boyfriend and then scolding him when he doesn't complete them would be a good game too.

[Squiggy]

Backseat Driving: Nag the boyfriend to slow down to avoid various hazards.

Jar Opener: While the boyfriend advances towards you for sex, slide stuck-jars across the table to keep him occupied (like 80's bartending game "Tapper").

How Was Your Day?: Type to the boyfriend about your co-workers, kids, classes or talk shows until he falls asleep.

Am I fat?: Upload images from your digital camera and demand your boyfriend's honest opinion.

[vishalrix]

I don't see why it should be women who ought to have an online relationship. The case for men goes like this -

1. By law the government should ban all pornogaphy.
2. Every man should be allowed a online account with a virtual harem, starting with one virtual female in it.
3. Every good deed by a man in real life is rewarded by more desirable activity in the virtual harem.
4. Even wife's/gf's are allowed to bestow points to unlock more virtual pleasures.
5. Finally all men should be bought up such that they have a desperate need for porn. Nothing new in this requirement.

The objections with regard to freedom-of-expression are easily overcome. What ought to be banned is the production of unlicenced porn, not consumption of porn.

And the basis of banning production of unlicenced porn? The good old laws of public morality; which in this age also bans that most blogged-about topic on this blog - animal bestiality.

[Dan]

There are three types of women in this world.
The fixers. (who should love your game).
The needy. (gota be husband and father to em).
The taken. And damm all you men who got to em first!

[functioning moral compass]

You can now build toys that let each purchaser access the whole deployed value of the toy. Your G.I. Joe is just a $10 action figure; one of 10 million. But your multiplayer war game on the web lets each G.I. Joe fight every other one, and access the whole $100 million value. Developers can spend more because they deliver a shared experience.

The toy maker can deliver vastly compelling media. It's like crack cocaine for kids (and adults). We aren't designed to resist such compelling media, so we just sit in our houses moving nothing but our thumbs and index fingers.

What we need is a game that gives women points for getting their virtual boyfriend away from fragging and out to an actual social interaction or two. There should be a lot of virtual points for accomplishing this, because it's a big challenge. Online gaming competes effectively against sex, the first time in human history that any activity other than eating has done so.

Once women lose their most effective weapon for socializing men, the race is doomed!

[Mattg]

Game Idea's

Dinner Party.

Drag Virtual Boyfriend to dinner party and keep him from getting drunk at the bar. The boyfriend will be bored. Your objective is to keep him moving between conversation he cares nothing for with people he probably loathes and keep his blood alchol level "below" the legal limit.

To high and he starts to embarass you by blurting out inappropriate comments. If you leave him alone all night he will dance naked with a lampshade on his head signing his virtual college fight song "like the good ol' frat partying days."

Don't let him near that slutty cocktail waitress or your whore friend or he'll dissappear into the coatroom.

Keep him near food and he'll eat himself sober. Get him engaged in a sports story with other bored virtual boyfriend and be assured he'll be occupied for a few minutes.

Girl with the highest score gets upgrades of virtual boyfriends "sex appeal" and "social status". Help him raise it enough and your virtual boyfriend will get new job, buy you jewelry, clothing, cars, etc. Just don't let him forget who wears the pants and holds the wallet. Or he'll come home with a new boat, a motorcycle, a sportscar "for you", big screen tv's, etc.

Which brings us to game numero duece.

The Social Status Game. Force your man to try and advance the career so you can "stay home and raise the virtual family"

[Squiggy]

Maybe the online boyfriend could be Dilbert. You could call the game, "Date Dilbert".

PS. I'm a game developer. I want in on this! :)

[leo]

Your "most embarrassing basket of items" reminded me of the "most freakish combination of items" in this comic: http://xkcd.com/c236.html

[Sean]

Sell the clothing Tetris seperately - it could be huge on its own. (and think of the potential for expansion packs)

[David]

Go through virtual boyfriend’ virtual drawers/shoe boxes/whatever. Select an item and create an elaborate back story as to why he still has kept said item. Confront him with allegations.

Every time virtual boyfriend is drifting off to sleep at the end of a hard day, wake him up (via phone or gentle tap) and relate an anecdote about how your co-worker screwed up or screwed you over today. Extra points if you elicit an empathetic response.

See how long you can ignore urgings by virtual boyfriend to let him have a look under your virtual vehuicle's hood or take it to a mechanic whenever it starts making strange sounds.

[Ken Dyck]

Second guess: The boyfriend must perform some inconsequential task, like picking a parking spot. After he completes the task, the girlfriend gets to ask him, "Why didn't you park in that other spot?"

[Brian]

That is the thing I enjoy most about watching tv with my son, a commercial comes on with some must have crap, and I wait to see if he notices. He he does I go into distraction mode. Perhaps when he gets older chores will be timed to coincide with commercials for must have crap. Him, Hey dad can I have it, Me, isn't it time you cleaned up the dog crap in the yard.

[pbrooks100]

Patent it QUICK!

My 6 year old daughter is already a Webkinz addict, and she just found yesterday a link on the Barbie website to barbiegirl.com. It's basically a rip-off of the Webkinz idea, but you don't (at least for now) have to buy a doll to register. The site is in Beta; try explaining THAT to a 6 year old.....

[basselope]

A friend of mine used to say:
"Know why men die before women? Because they want to."

So, in order to keep your clients in it for the long haul perhaps you could award points for longevity. Just making guys miserable is easy... it's keeping them miserable for a long, long time without driving them away, to suicide or into cardiac arrest that separates the Girls from the Soul-crushing Succubi!

[webar]

Geez, while I was typing that, two other people posted about Neopets.

What a world we live in.

[JJ]

Give a guy a virtual girlfriend and let VR Valerie make us miserable for a mere $19.95 monthly subscription... simulate the same suicide-inducing psychological trauma of a committed relationship for a tiny fraction of the price!

A woman... why would she pay $19.95 a month to crush an imaginary man when she can crap all over a living, breathing human being AND receive extensive pampering?

I mean... I get why a guy would want a virtual girlfriend. It makes perfect sense. But what, exactly, would be the advantage for a girl in virtualizing the experience?

[webar]

Neopets have been around for about ten years. In addition to houses and furniture, you can also use neopoints to upgrade your neopet with special abilities. Except for merchandise you buy through the website, I don't know of a real-world tie-in like the Webkinz stuffed animal.

As to the iBoyfriend, I would like the ability to buy someone else's that's already been trained. Or maybe just rent one for a night, like when I have two tickets to a show.

:-)

[synapticmisfires]

Sorry Scott. There's already a product on the market for perpetually single women who want warmth and affection that they can't seem to obtain from a boyfriend. It's marketed under the name "cat". No offense to your cats, of course.

Damn it, kids these days have it so easy. Back in my day, we had virtual pets that you carried EVERYWHERE on a keychain, even, nay, especially to class. That was far more demanding. And to feed 'em we had to walk through snow and -10 windchills, uphill both ways mind you!

[vishalrix]

Many of the readers would be impressed with your idea, little knowing that you are writing from your experience of your marriage.
So, it seems there IS some truth in the old cliche of a misunderstood and tormented genius.

[Bundy]

Neopets is pretty much the same thing. It's been going for seven years or so and is extremely popular, spinning of into its own plushies, card game, and video games.

[Todd]

that idea sounds like a winner! Better flesh out the design and patent it before someone else does....

[Allegra]

Looks like someone missed Neopets. And Gaia Online. And most of the MMPORPGs since Ragnarok Online.

But you guessed right,single women ARE a big market here.I've seen a lot of young women playing on massives with their pet-boy characters,trying to dress/equip him as cute as possible.

[Bob Young]

I can vouch for this Webkinz stuff...5 kids 7 and under...they're like lab rats on crack with it...haveta completely regulate it...stores around here are getting away with charging insane amounts of money for the silly things...more power to them but jeez...

[MrBongo]

I'm waiting for personal holodecks, so I can make up my own fantasies and never have to leave.

[Ben]

There should be a game (or games) of logic and reasoning, where the answer is never what it seems.
"Zebras have stripes, 4 legs, and live in Africa."
"This animal has stripes, 4 legs, and lives in Africa, therefore it is most likey a....?"
a) Zebra
b) Zebra
c) Prada handbag
d) Zebra

The correct answer, in the game, would be C, of course.

Or maybe a series of logic questions:
"Opening the oven door while baking something lengthens the amount of required cooking time."
"It is okay to put diesel in the lawnmower."
"How many days should a Costco-sized pack of toilet paper last?"

et cetera.

[Diana W]

- Hide the remote and score points for every second spent watching a Lifetime movie as he searches

- Make the online boyfriend match the color of roses with their meanings

- Give the boyfriend 3 subtle hints about wanting a journey diamond necklace for your birthday and send him into a mall to shop. Negative points if he returns with lingerie or power tools.

- You're feeling bad - the boyfriend must guess why.

- You move in together and must convince the boyfriend to give up all his crappy furniture and posters, which he happens to love

- You go to the beach together and must prevent him from ogling other women.

This is easy - I could go on, but have a meeting to attend.

[jakesdad]

I can't believe the people saying Webkinz is "just an online Tamagotchi"

that's like saying World of Warcraft is "just an online Mattel Electronics football"

I'm not saying I like or even have one (my kids don't but friends do) but it is a brilliant idea (warcrack for kids)

[Robby]

"The women could earn fake online money by playing games just like in the Webkinz model." --Scott Adams

I think that the sort of ladies this would appeal to are also the sort who would expect the money to come from the boyfriend. Perhaps they could earn the fake online money by threatening to dump him if he loses his job or fails to get one within a reasonable amount of time. The boyfriend would be too damn busy trying to get his dick back inside her to realize he's being had. Man, that would be almost too realisic.

If you wanted to make even more money, you could create a similar game aimed at the equivalent male market. Guys could have a virtual girlfriend and virtually beat her until she becomes a virtual sex-slave. If he beat her enough, the neighbors would call police; but in this case, she would insist that she got her injuries falling down the stairs and that he's not an evil jerk. Meanwhile, he could be having virtual sex with any number of concurrently existing virtual ladies who he meets in the virtual bar.

I wonder if the target market for that concept is too stupid to use a computer?

[Cache]

"Quickly identify which movie at the Cineplex would make a human feel the worst. Send the online boyfriend to watch it."

Scott, you really need to take a marketing course! Why have a virtual movie experience when you can tie into Blockbuster or Netflix to watch the movie you want to watch? OMG! I've just become a marketer!!

[Joshua]

Somebody might have mentioned this, but WebKinz is just an expanded ripoff of Tamagatchi's. And Tamagatchi's were cheezy little keychains you won at a boardwalk spinwheel game. So unless you see "Spin the Wheel, Win a P.W. Guy" I'm not sure this will take off. We all know most technology is driven by the porn industry or by cheesy boardwalk booths.

Add a suicide factor to your game though (if the "owner" nags too much) and you have yourself a real gem.

[Skyy]

Gee, a web version of the decade old "virtual pet". You call that brilliant?

[dehed52]

Sounds alot like "The Syms" game.

[dehed52]

Does the online world, or does the child's character IN the online world, look like the stuffed animal?

[LA Clay]

There is a reason those women are single, this is it.

[Aelstro]

Has to be some option where they can trade their boyfriends off too.

"I've got a level 65 Surfer with jet-black hair, who hasn't passed gas for a week, but I'm thinking of trading him in for a stock broker with a ferrari...."

[DJH]

Yeah just what we need a practice program for women to make mens life more miserable. How about reversing it so the more the woman controls the guy the further from perfect he gets. No nookie the night nefore the folks visit he fails to show up or shows u dressed in his favorite teams jersey. None for a week prior he shows up with a date. She throws out a favorite old outfit he uses her favorite outfit to wash his car. She babbles on about something he doesnt care about he walks out and joins his buddy at a bar. In this way women can be taught to be better girl friends like the kids are learning financial lessons as opposed learning how to bother men more. And Scott taking credit for being green because you havent procreated does not count if the reason is you could not get laid:)

[Toze]

Tamagotchi?!

[Real Live Girl]

Although I would never do this to a real or virtual boyfriend, the obvious answer is make him dance before a crowd of people, and do it stone cold sober. Girl gets to choose the dance - square dancing, breakdancing, country line dancing, tango, hokey pokey, freakdancing, whatever dance it is he can't do well. For some of you guys, that means all of them.

[urbanhippo]

A game I'll call "Say What?" The VBF or vBiff (unless you are on a MAC then it would be iBiff) is presented with a phrase and must ascertain the true meaning of the phrase. For example " You're mother is so thoughtful."

Get a beer for each correct answer.

Level II: Trade in your beer for a shot at a night out with the boys.

Great idea, and easily worth a billion. I have cc'd a copy of my submission to my lawyer for future reference. I look forward to one day becoming a life sucking lawsuit on the corporate butt of your fortune. :)

Have a good week.

[Terrance Brown]

How about a Meet the Parents expansion as well as a button mashing game, Fighting for the Remote?

[MikeB]

Scott, this is a fantastic idea, and would hook women of all ages...but where exactly is the money coming in? Is this a monthly fee or pay-per-use? Or is it purely advertising agreements from clothing accessory companies and tampon manufacturers?

[JoePike]

First things first...

In today's strip, why is Dilbert's dresser missing a knob in the first panel?
Also, why did you choose to make the artwork above Dilbert's head so complex when you had to draw it twice? (The subtle differences can be seen.) Just challenging yourself?

There's a similar virtual world my daughters just found and really like- it's set in the world of Barbie. You can go to a virtual town, go to the mall, several other stores, buy stuff, go to your own room that you can decorate, dress your virtual Barbie in clothes, etc. The kicker is that 90% of all you can buy or do in the game requires you to connect a Barbie doll that you have to purchase separately to the computer before it'll let you proceed. For a mere $49!!!! What a brilliant crock of crap! My kids are pestering us for this special Barbie of course, so they can play the game to it's full potential.

One more game for the boyfriend...see if he can complete several normal mundane tasks (shopping, laundry, driving...) while experiencing all the symptoms of PMS.

[alexei]

cmon, women rnt that bad

[Ben]

Sadly Scott, I think you have missed the critical difference between kids with their pets and most women with their boyfriends. Kids want their pet to be their pet for as long as possible. My observations on most women show that they want their boyfriend to be their boyfriend for a stretch of time inversely proportionate to their age. So while kids may be hooked to Webkinz forever, women would get bored "training" their online boyfriend after a while and start demanding rings and other trinkets and giving less and less virtual sex. BOCTAOE.

[jerry w]

The online boyfriend would have to meet her parents and provide complete information as to his background, including education, and future plans, telling how many children he will produce. And when.
Any answer that isn't up to their expectations will result in him being forced to have sex with a dead deer in a ditch online, in front of all his online buddies.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/