Holy Sheikh

Traditionally, the word sheikh has been a title of respect for an old, scholarly, tribal elder. Lately it refers to anyone who is a leader. If they keep lowering the bar, you have a good chance of someday being one.

Sheikh is a great word on several levels. First, there’s the silent h on the end that practically says “fuck you.” It doesn’t even pretend to be working. I like consonants with attitude.

Second, the word just rolls off the tongue in a pleasing way. It sounds like my impression of an arrow flying through the air and hitting its target. Try it at home: sheeeeeeek.

My new goal is to be known as Sheikh Adams. For that, I’ll have to become a leader of some sort. Unfortunately, I am not evil enough to inspire people to do things that are not in their best interest, the way a proper leader would: “Ignore those machine guns and charge the hill!”

The best I can do is to inspire my followers to do what they want to do anyway. Today I would like each one of you to eat, poop, and have an orgasm. (Not at the same time.) Once you have completed the Holy Trinity, or whatever you call it in your house, you may refer to me as Sheikh Adams.

Is that enough disturbing juxtaposition for one day?

Comments

[Universal Life Church]

Very well thought out post. Thanks for the good reading material. You gave me some things to think about.

[Melanie Stephan]

You can read more of what God had to say during the month of Aug. 2007, on this website Non-Prophet, Are you going to Hell? Melanie also gives PROOF that God made contact on this site. The proof is in the story of 3 famous people Mike Douglas, Merv Griffin and Nancy Reagan. I hope you get it. God went to a lot of trouble to get his message out. He is also worried about all of his creations.
God had more to say on Aug. 15, 2007. God said this: "We each die in succession, then we are born on the same day."

[SmR]

Hm. I think Sheikh is actually pronounced more like "shake" than it is like "sheek" (otherwise the French wouldn't know the difference between "fashionable" and "oppressive Muslim leader". Oh, wait...)

Also, I think there's a kind of guttural sound on the end of the word "Sheikh". Like "shake", but with a clearing-your-throat sound on the end of it.

[Melanie Stephan]

Hi Shiek, I have a very big story to tell you and it is not about web design, spagetti, electronics or job performance. I have mostly been going to christian sites, but heck, we are all in the same boat. Then I never really associated with Church people. Never go to Church myself, hate the music and they always ask for money. The big story is this: Jesus came and talked to me for several months. He talked about the beginning and the end. He came with me to the top of a hill and showed me where the Earth was once covered by a great Ocean. He showed me the fossils and the smooth stones polished by the tides. He brought Neb to talk to me about the dinosaurs. He spoke of the end and the difficult times ahead. He spoke of Judgment Day. He told me the meaning of first is last and last is first, Birth in Heaven is Last. Jesus told me the meaning of the numbers. He spend months talking to me and told me a number of things mostly about what is in Revelation. He did not tell me when he was coming back or if everyone would see him. He left me with thoughts of him and what he wants me to do with all of the things he told me. One more thing not only did Jesus talk with me, so did the Father and the Holy Ghost. Last of all I love science, I can prove that there is a God. No one is interested. The biggest question ever asked and I have proof. Maybe scientists would be more interested in the proof that Church people. Melanie Stephan

[Ashish Banerjee]

Sheikh Adams,
I Thank God (if It exists), for the comma between "eat" and "poop". :)

Ashish

[Singh]

my first (and in all likelihood the last) visit to your blog and quite disappointing, the humour is in bad taste, even for a post tagged 'nonsense' I expect some thing witty and not offensive to another culture.

[Adventures In Money Making]

maybe you should a link contest like JohnChow.com

have people put a link to this site with the tag of Sheikh. With enough links, searching for 'sheikh' on a search engine will return this site first!

[Shyam]

May I pronounce your name as Sheek( as in Kebab) A-dumbs( the B being silent of course) in honour of your brilliance and cultural awareness in this great post.

Cheers

Shyam

[Shan]

I'm sure somebody has mentioned this by now, but the "h" isn't silent. The letters "kh" together just make a sound that there is no letter for in English, so they just put two letters together and hope that it sounds about right.

My last name is the same way... I have a "q" with no "u" after it (the name is "Siddiqi"). It's because the "q" is supposed to approximate the sound of a letter that you can't pronounce no matter how hard you try.

[Sheikh Soud]

Actually the word "sheikh" can only be given on three occasions. First one is that you have born into a royal family of other "Sheikh's" second is that you are a religious Islamic scholar of a specific level or an Emam. Finally, people will call you sheikh if you create a username that begins with the word sheik (e.g. Sheikh_killer_1987).

[Elijah]

Heil Sheik Adams!

[Eric Conrad]

You know, because of this article, I now have a strange urge to go to the bathroom...

[Drew]

Scatalogical humor is shitty.

[@Rob]

You would be entitled to many women and much land. Would the newest wife be interested in that trade off? She may...

[Richard Muscat]

actually it's meant to be pronounced "shih" so it's really the "k" that's saying fuck you not the h.

rich

[XmasB]

Sheik Yerbouti would be mine...

[Gleetnorx]

god save the queen!
it's not a human being
it's a fascist regime
we mean it, man

England's gardening and
Helen Mirren's dreaming

[MichaelMD]

Ok sir, you're my sheikh.

[Daniel]

It is actually 'shake', but I guess Doug already said that.

[Blue Mikey]

Sheeeeeek Adams? Very chick if you axe me, eck-specially if you have oldtimer's disease. Although for all intensive purposes your sheek's close will probly make you look like you blong in the Klu Klux Klan, which might make your real-a-tor prespire. That could be a blessing in the skies, as they are supposably fair to everbuddy.

Sheeeeesh (<--Here you can take the long "e" for granite.)

--Blue Mikey

[islesfan]

Walalalalalalalalalalalalala!!!!! Sheikh Adams

[Matthew Kovich]

"The Holy Trinity" - that's priceless!

Sacrilicious, if you will.

As a former Catholic, that tickles my goat.

I hereby promise you that I will perform the Trinity today (I have been doing so for the past few days, at least, anyway).

[Jonathan]

What does Scott, a baby's toy, and dinner bread have in common with a classic song?

Sheikh, Rattle, and Roll

[Terry]

"Today I would like each one of you to eat, poop, and have an orgasm. (Not at the same time.)"

Scott,
Is the parenthetical section an official part of your decree or is it just that you don't want to hear the icky details?
And it they DO happen at the same time, has your decree been violated?

[JayneMarie]

Been reading cyanide & happiness???
http://www.explosm.net/comics/297/

[Tangurena]

I'm pretty sure that when Dogbert takes over, you can apply for the sheikh position. I bet that a mop comes with it.

[locomotivebreath1901]

Chic!

[Bill]

You may well become known as "sheek" Adams. (BTW, was that your attempt to see how many Amurricans you could confirm in their opinion that all foreign words should be given new pronunciations?)

[caeser]

Shrek Adams???

[Morf]

Oh sure, that's easy.

Try being the Bhagwan next time.

Had em coming and going.

Morf

[Chris Grooms]

Is it bad that by 5 in the morning I need to start referring to you as Sheikh Adams?

[Peter]

As to silent h letters I am reminded of a famous meeting between Margot (pronounced Margo) Fonteyn and Jean Harlow. Jean called he Margot - Margot replied "No dear, the h is silent, as in Harlot". Works better if you say it!

[Anju]

so far the best blog i hv read... good work..
and hey have you removed your archives?? was looking for one particular post which i really loved... not there anymore!!!!
regards

[Brad]

This post has been on my mind most of the day because at first glance I left out one of the commas. A very important one. I thought you told your followers to "...eat poop, and orgasm...".

It struck me as being very strange (even for you) hence the re-read.

Now that I understand, consider my daily tasks done. Albeit not quite in that order.

[Allen Dobkin]

Scott - off topic but important info about your previous questions re: vegetarian diets!

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/21/opinion/21planck.html?em&ex=1179979200&en=7823d2bbcad13583&ei=5087%0A

[Allen Dobkin]

Scott - off topic but important info about your previous questions re: vegetarian diets!

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/21/opinion/21planck.html?em&ex=1179979200&en=7823d2bbcad13583&ei=5087%0A

[gpe]

Thought you might like this one: http://www.wulffmorgenthaler.com/

It's like Gary Larson on acid :-)

Love your strip and blog!

[oliver]

I accidentally did all 3 at the same time... so I guess that you are still just plain old Adams.

[Karthikeyan]

I have a frnd named Kashif Sheikh .. he isnt a leader .. !! its just a last name .. and no he doesnt live in a palace and have slaves to pick his nose !!

[Listo Entertainment]

God bless the Sheikh.

[Steffen]

I am anti authority, so sheikh you, Mr. Adams.

[ipsissimus_clay]

Oh Scotty… provoking us into blog-sized religious battles, leading discussions on free will that cut to the essence of our existence, demanding three things of us even though one of them clearly contradicts the explanation you gave for just why every engineer’s tie curves up at the end… you already are a leader, sweetheart. And you didn’t even know it.

[jerry w]

I'd like to stay around, but i gotta go.
I'll be back in two sheikh's......

It's because I just gotta pee,
but I promise not to
sheikh it more than twice....

I think I'm starting to like that word
with the fuckyou silent "h"...

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Jay]

Scott, actually I'd done 2 of them before I left the house this morning and I was doing the 3rd one whilst reading your blog........

[Johno]

You never said a truer word with regard to Sheikhs. They're really lowering the standards badly in Australia; the most senior Sheikh, Sheikh Al-Hilaly (universally known to Aussies as "Sheikh Ukelele), can't seem to go two weeks without some kind of statement to the media that makes us all think what a [I'm a Christian, so I can't bring myself to say any word that might be CLOSE to good enough for this!] he is.

I especially feel for the muslims, who must be fed to the back teeth with apologising for him publically and then telling him to shut up . . .

[James Langham]

Ordering people to charge a machine gun is easy, the hard part is to persuade the survivors to do it again...

"The only reason people would follow him into battle is out of curiousity" Terry Pratchett

[Arvind Iyer]

This was your worst post ever.

Loved the other ones though.

[Arvind Iyer]

This was your worst post ever.

Loved the other ones though.

[Lama N.]

Hey Scott... Wow... that is pretty bad for u not to know that the h is in the end bcz sheikh is not actually pronounced sheik as only english-speaking people can pronounce it (and trust me...we laff behind your accent when u say our names as much as u make fun of ours), but kh is actually a representation of a constant that arabs can pronounce. For us to actually be able to say it correctly when viewed in english, the h is added...
same with gh... another constant i would love to hear u try saying it... among many others we can represent "well we do but with numbers when chatting through english forums... 7,9,6,5,2,3 each a constant... confusing, no?"
so really... when u see the name khalid and ghassan... trust me... ur mispronouncing their names... but they r nice enuff not to comment...
u need to leave ur house more often...
ps on the day of my Grad in Canada... my name became an animal and a z was added to my last name somehow... my parents didn't recognize it... they missed my walking on the stage.

[Kevin Kunreuther]

1.)It's pronounced ShayKH, as in "shake you booty" or Sheik Yerbouti
2.)(... indisposed ...)(on toilet)
3.)(... indisposed ...)(eating a grilled dead cow sandwich)
4.)(... indisposed ...)(girlfriend making me happy)
5.)Guess who just did all three at once? You all can bow before me and hail me as "Master Of The Universe", but I'll accept the usual one-finger salute and a mumbled "dadgum mutha-fockah".

[comrade chakra]

Circumcision -- why is everyone missing this??? Scott, if you are not circumscribed, please get it done or else drop all plans of becoming a Sheikh....you cannot be one unless you are circumscribed.

[psg]

i prefer eating and having an orgasm simultaneously..can any of you do that....if not, bow before me...pray to me 5 times a day...say somthing good in arabic transliterated to english..i dont get arabic...im your new god...

sheikh adams...if you submit to my lordship, i will make you one of those jinns that the quran supposedly talks about...

[Corwin]

No one bothers to actually define the sounds in "sheikh" using a real phonological definition. Is it because no one knows, or because no one would understand? You all just say it's "gargling" or "guttural," and don't bother to actually learn a little bit about linguistics and find out what the characteristics of the sound really are. I don't know any Arabic, but I'd warrant it's either a voiceless uvular or voiceless pharyngeal fricative in that language. The transliteration "kh" also often represents a voiceless aspirated velar stop, as in how the word "sheikh" is pronounced in Bengali (for example, Sheikh Hasina is leader of a major Bangladeshi political party).

[Jason Allen]

Have you seen President Bush give a speech? The bar can't get much lower. Cletus Spuckler for President!

[QwkDrw]

That's what my dog's been doing -- exalting your highness in 3 ways, at least everyday.

[Alex]

That's what women usually do, not Sheiks.

[CrazyBoy]

Reader Comment - "You're just one quick trip to the courthouse away from being Sheikh Adams."

... or the loony-bin. You can be anyone there, you know that?

[Lubs]

All,

This is a good time to review linguistics. Over the last few days, I've seen and heard persons say things like: "I could give a rat's ass," or, "I could care less."

The persons are trying to say that they don't care, but in fact are saying that they do.

Here in lies the problem. The sayings are 1) I COULDN'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS AND 2) I COULDN'T CARE LESS.

Let's keep it real. Rules are rules. Without rules, there is chaos.

- Lubs

[John S]

This is not my day.

a) I've been constipated for 2 weeks and pooping has become difficult.
b) My wife is 4 months pregnant and hasn't let me near her for 3 months (I though that changed in the 2nd trimester??).
c) because of a) I'm having trouble eating

BTW does the absence of free will solve causality problem Einstein had with Time Travel?

[Me]

All you need is luck. (Refer yesterdays post) ;)

[Paul Martin]

I'm not sure I understand the point here, so I'll simply add that as a kid in the sixties I thought the commercial for Shake-a-Pudding was pretty cool - well, OK, no, pretty goofy. But I did get my mom to buy some once anyway and it was great for anyone who likes pudding with a kind of grainy texture.

[Billy B]

Did you have an orgasm today? I did, even though she wasn't aware of it. It doesn't take the actual body of a member of the Insane Chicks Society to do that.

Not getting much are you? Hey, just keep paying those bills. He, he, he.
Billy B

[Aus Ross]

Does the third one count if I am on my own? If so I can tick all boxes sheik adams

[D. Mented]

Moiagain - as if you had to ask...
A group of unemployed women kept in isolation so they have nothing to do but get up to mischief? They wouldn't even need to be mad at you to gang up on you...Then, of course, there'd be the ones that would be mad at the other ones; you'd think they'd go to you for sympathy, but no...They'd be twice as mad at you for not divorcing the ones they're mad at (all angry spouses want everybody else to take sides - that is universal)
Scott, I'm sorry, but as an adopted member of the cat family, I can't acknowlege any leaders, and am perfectly capable of making trouble all on my own.
D. Mented

[Giordy]

This is the stupidest post in a long time.

[CrustyOldDude]

(Total time it takes Scot Adams to clear airport security) times 5 = (Total time it takes Sheikh Adams to clear airport security)

[GeordieHalfBreed]

"What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?"

Unsliced bread of course.

I'll get back in my box...

Oh, and for the record: I may read the Dilbert blog, I may be an Engineer, I may have a sense of humour that causes inoffensive vegetation to shrivel and die (see above), but, amazing as it might seem, I DO NOT WANT TO JOIN BLOODY DATING DIRECT, OK!

My soul is clear.

[Jed Snole]

For a long time, I thought a sheik was someone who cut your hair. Back during the early years of my youth, just past the middle of a bygone century, my father always took me to a barber whose shop was on the second floor of a grimy office building that looked like something out of a Charles Dickens novel. The barber looked to be at least 80 years old and rarely talked. My father always called him "The Sheik." (It didn't have an H back then.) Years later, I finally got around to asking about the origin of the name. My father explained that at one time, he invested all his money in an oil drilling scheme and was convinced he would be fabulously rich. Apparently it didn't turn out that way because he spent the rest of his life cutting people's hair for $0.50. He never lived it down and had to put up with all his customers derisively calling him The Sheik. I don't know how he felt about that moniker, but that may explain why my hair always ended up looking like a goat had eaten it.

[Minister of Silly People in Green]

Two out of three, but the night is young sahib.

[Silvox]

I enjoy the magic show in Rio. As a long time clown, triditional street performance are being eliminated city by city. Even count down at the New Years eve in Santa Monice are peaceful with more parking space then ever. A side performance in Circuit suppose let parents gamble hassle free happened to distracted a gambler preclaiming of the jackpot. Eggs and tomato throwing are already expected, however unlimited want encore for a checker flag it got. Its a metro not a formula car. Now just so bored watching the hat trick, wondering the depth of the hat and how much rabbit it can pull out.

[Phoenyx]

Eh you ain't so muckin' fuch.

[Paul O]

I was going along great with the first two, but then I thought about you and the third was a lost cause.

[Darsular]

Done and done. O great Sheikh Adams, how could you have predicted that I did all of those things in the past few hours?

[skraps]

Done and done. We'll see about the other.

[Nick Johnson]

In discordianism, everyone is a "Pope". I don't see why you couldn't invent a parallel relgion where everyone is a Sheikh.

[Mokkery]

[Today I would like each one of you to eat, poop, and have an orgasm.]

The first comma in that sentence is doing the work of a thousand commas!

The Sheikh’s comma is Great!

Many true believers have posted comments in this blog giving witness to the Great Sheikh’s mighty comma!

Great praise to Sheikh Adams and all of his commas!! Long may they punctuate!!!

[AngryLabRat]

As I see it, Scott, even if you inspire others to do these things, you're not a Sheikh until you have the proof that they did them.

Therefore, you will be receiving a package from me in the next few days. In it you will find 1) a half-eaten sandwich, 2) the other half, after full digestion and excretion, and 3) . . . well, you get the picture.

Please feel free to display the contents on your doorstep, thus illustrating to your visitors that it is important to bow upon entry.

You might also want to invest in a ghutrah head cover and headband.

(see my blog at http://angrylabrat.blogspot.com)

[Pazuzu]

Sheikh Adams, your wisdom enlightens my life. I shall do your bid and fulfill the Holy Trinity. I already managed the first two tasks and I hope to do the third, the most difficult for any of your followers, tonight.
For honor, glory, for the the Sheikh Adams!!!

[Christian P]

Sheikh Adams,

As you know by now, it's "shake," not "chic." Also, you can add the title if you are exceptionally rich, at least locally. I say, go for it!

[Wacky Bob]

Ever think of changing your name to Boris (pronounced Bore-us).

[Armando Esteban]

I am done with the ones that do not need collaboration of my wife.

You are almost sheik adams

[elmindreda]

No, I could have used a bit more.

[Joshua Jacobsen]

Yeah, I'm more familiar with the "shake" pronunciation. I have a middle-eastern dance that I do right after my shower as my alter-ego "Sheikh Yerbouti."

[E]

I'm just going to have an extra orgasm for every person who pointed out the pronounciation of "shake"...

If only someone could give us the equivalent in Klingon.

[Bob Schmo]

Insurgent, you have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an attorney, if you can get hold of him in the next ten minutes. If you cannot afford an attorney that will speed up your prosecution. Anything you say can and will be used against you, especially once we get you to Guantanamo Bay.

[Senara]

[Is it "Cheek Adams" or "Chique Adams"?
And doesn't that leadership title require some sectarian violence, such as gassing the neighbors with the poop?

Posted by: Bertram]


OMG! Now I have to wipe off the combination of snot and diet coke off my monitor...but my sinues do feel better. THANKS!

[nic]

curse you mr adams. i'd already done all 3 by the time i read this post (i'm on english time so i've had most of the day, they weren't all at the same time i promise you!)

[ctrl.altered.mind]

it's pronounced 'shake', of course.

we did a play in college once. one of the characters was named Sheikh Mahboob. (an actual name, btw)

[Cat]

As a lot of people seem to have mentioned, you've got the pronunciation wrong and the h isn't silent (I just HAD to say it too!).

Sheikh is a last name here. Like Khan. It's pretty common. All you have to do is be born into the right family. Or change your name to it if you want. That's how there are a lot of fake Khans roaming around these days.

[Mark Thorson]

I've been wondering how a city
gets to have the status of a
"holy city". Could the
Berkeley city council vote
themselves the title of holy
city? If you're going to be
a sheikh, I think you should
also declare that the city
you live in is a holy city.
After all, what's the point
of being a sheikh if there
aren't any powers that go
with it.

[jerry w]

After you're dead, would we speak of you in the past tense as "Shook Adams"?

Not that I'm eager to find out.....

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Robby]

I think there's a slight misunderstanding here. Ordering people around doesn't make you a sheikh. Why don't I go down to a major intersection and order the cars to drive away every time the light turns green? They'd do it. This is similar to what you're doing.

What makes a sheikh is having a number of insane followers who will do what you tell them, even if it's not in their best interest. That or being really sexy, which I think is ruled out for you.

Also, the h is not silent. If you think it is, you're not pronouncing the word right. The k and the h are sounded together, and the sound is slightly different than the sound of a k alone. It's sort of like the way a t sounds different when it is followed by an h.

[DM]

"Hey I'm in a hurry - can I just leave my underwear?"

Jokes that nearly work are great :)

[Ashok Subbarama]

Sheeeeeeikh happens ....

[kevin]

Done all 3 at least twice today...

And in a monk like fasion, no women were involved.

[Shan]

Well, Scott, if you knew how to pronounce the word properly, then your post would be obsolete.

[ed]

The silent h is very flexible. When Im talking, Ill toss in a silent h every third syllable, and no one seems to mind. Im not trying to show off by doing it. I just like the way it doesnt sound.

[Indian Techie]

The correct pronunciation is "Shaikh" (pronounced Shaiykh).

I have this on authority not because I am an arab but I have lived in Saudi Arabia for 15 years and have had pretty close interactions with Arabs.

Cheers from the Silicon Valley

[Debi]

The H is not Silent, there is no equivalent consonant in English for "kh".

[Karl H.]

Yeah, "Trinity" is a pretty good name.

I mean, you have the Foodstuff, the Fun and the Holy Shit.

[alexei]

i had an orgasm while reading ur post today. thats right. wanna fight about it?

[Misanthropic Scott]

Am I the only one old enough to remember that Frank Zappa beat you to it with his 1979 album "Sheik Yerbouti"?

[Mr. Wampus]

I'm curious about that "kh" gutteral sound that people are talking about. Is that the throaty noise that sounds like a car tire skidding on gravel?

[Stuart Booth]

Have you had some kind of episode?

[Lauso]

I really love some of your daily posts. Today's is definitely not one of those. Do you really thought it would be funny, or you just posted because you had to?

[Shiekhi James]

I want e v e r y o n e to d r i n k 5 b e e r s and t h e n to t a k e a 3 m i n u t e l o n g p i s s!

[Gleetnorx]

Old sheikh slaver knows he's doin' alrite
shoulda heard him choke the chicken
just around midnight
brown doodoo
got me feelin alrite
mack donald's got the
grease just right

descending to the depths of depravity?
just sit around all day and
eat qat, smoke the hookah
and fondle our AK's in anticipation
... beats working

You understand, arab culture has an ingrained slaver mentality. Work is for slaves and beneath the sheikhs. After all, they're the ones that originally hooked us up with slave labor from africa.
Thanks, fellahs.

[Shiekh James]

You forgot to tell people to urinate, and since I'm the one to come up with the giving of that command, that makes me a better Shiekhi than you will ever be!

[Joe- Unimpressed]

Sorry, I'm married, can't do all three.

[Beaker]

Who would want to rule the universe? They'd just have to fill in the time cards.

[Dalebert]

Just because you told me to, I'm not going to poop all day, even if I explode! You are not the boss of me, Mr. Adams!

Oh man. I'm really going to regret having three of those homemade high fiber muffins last night. Also, I had an orgasm before I read your post, so that one doesn't count.

[TallDave]

The "h" isn't really silent (it denotes that the "k" is pronounced with that gargling sound common to languages in the Mideast) and it's pronounced more like "shake."

[KC]

Bottom of barrel, meet Scott.
Scott, bottom of barrel.

Oh, seems like you've met already.

[Paulidog]

Done!!

What next?

[Jan]

Sheikh Adams,

Completed all the above prior to 8 am!
You must be a Sheikh to have forseen these events!

[Jocky]

eat poop and orgasm - this is surely a command for the Germans to do what they like - Apparently germans are well into their scatalogical erotica.

[Geldhart]

This is a case where commas are VERY important, and who says grammar isn't important.

Only a very "odd" few could literally eat poop and have an orgasm. I have enough troubles just cleaning my son's bum after he's done his business . . .

[JohnBoy]

"The best I can do is to inspire my followers to do what they want to do anyway" ... because they have free will.

[REK]

I'm just glad you put a comma after "eat."

[Jim]

It's pronounced "shake."

Factual error, cursing, and a feces reference. Nice work!

[functioning moral compass]

Scott, you've obviously been musing on leadership these past few days. Why would you want to be one?

You mentioned Reagan's victory over the Russians. This was a wonderful if accidental stroke of leadership. Come up with a wacky weapons system based on a fantasy movie (Star Wars defense). Convince the Russians that you were actually trying to build the thing. Make them try too, only their centrally planned economy was already stretched to the limit, so they went bankrupt. Then buy up the remains at cents on the Ruble. It's the ultimate victory of capitalism. Karl Marx would have killed himself if he wasn't already dead.

Reagan wasn't all that bright, but he had good minders. I think he had better people sense than the current prez, and picked advisors who were (slightly) less evil. So luck combined with following expert advice made him look good.

Or perhaps I'm misjudging Dubbya, and not giving him a fair sheikh (shake).

[The Writer Formerly Known as CC]

the silent "h" is to explain to white people that the "k" isn't pronounced "k" - it's that weird guttural noise we can make in the back of our throats.. Like when you're horking something.. try it! combine a k with an h and see what you get!
Unfortunately English has too few letters of the wrong kind for me to properly explain that sound..
will you all understand if I start to wail "walalalalalala?"

[Diego]

Dear Sheikh Adams,

You may be pleased to learn that your new favorite word also forms part of "the most difficult tongue twister in the English language":

The sixth sick sheikh's sixth sheep's sick.

[Marvin]

Sheikh should be pronounced similar to "shake". The "h" is not a separate silent letter though. The "kh" both stand for a sound English speakers cannot pronounce. Sort of back-throat "h" that is common in head chopping countries...

[lyn]

Scott

Found the below article regarding morality, and that it may simply be a neurobiological effect.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB117884235401499300.html?mod=hpp_free_today

Thought you may be interested...if not, apologies.

[Chris Hughes]

'I guess the "sheek" pronunciation is becoming more common, but it really should be "shake"...'

No -- "sheek" WAS the popular (if wrong) pronunciation back in the 1920s, as in the song 'The Sheikh of Araby'.

Nowadays we know better...

[daniel]

OK, do we get bonus points if we try to do them at the same time? Do we get more points if we succeed? I want some points!

[Chris Beeley]

Way ahead of you there, oh great Sheikh.

[CLB]

I’ll call you Sheikh Adams just for deftly placing the word “juxtaposition” so close to “orgasm”. ;)

[The Silent H]

That's very disturbing, Scotch.

[David]

I think the cooler title is "chic", pronounced "sheek". It means you are very cool with the In Crowd. And if you are into titles, what could be better? You don't even need any skills.

[Kevin]

Don't forget another equally evil sounding word, Czar (War Czar). That C might be silent, but it has a lot of power and commands the 'zar' on terrorism.

Kevin

[Don McCoy]

Sheikh Adams,

Okay, I've done two on the list already.

I've had my morning coffee so the poop should be coming along at any minute.

All blessings flow to everything everywhere; may even the blessings be blessed.

Dpn

[isabelle dolce]

My first name, which I don't use as it is too difficult for most adults to spell, ends with a 'consonant with an attitude.' The reason I go by my middle name is because I simply got tired of spelling "Vondah."

Do you know how many variations there are on "Vondah?" I have been called: Ronda, Wanda, Yolonda, Fonda and the 'h' at the end, it was like a moving target. You never knew where it would end up. But now that Scott has pointed out that the silent h, such as at the end of "Sheikh," is a consonant with an attitude that screams "Fuck you," perhaps I will go back to my original first name?

Next time I am asked to spell it I will proceed as follows:

V as in velvet

O as in orgasm

N as in naughty

D as in dominant

A as in acrobat

H as in fuck you

I like that. Thanks, Scott.

[moiagain]

Sorry, Scott, but my wife is mad at me and won't cook so I have to cook for myself: result is I'd rather skip a meal, I'll have nothing to poop and orgasm is pretty much out of the question for today.

Question: If I had one of those harem thingies, would one of them be cooking or would they gang up on me?

[Actuary]

Our Sheikh knows many readers are engineers. The third item of the Holy Trinity counts even if accomplished alone.

[Sheikh RattleAndRoll]

Sheikh Adams,

Some pronounce it with a long 'a' sound. Its essential meaning is 'old fart'. (See German 'alter kocher'.)

What you need are minions. Lotsa them.

[Mike]

If you want to be an EVIL leader, you just have to leave a comma behind: "eat poop and have an orgasm". PLUS it has to be at the same time.

[basselope]

[The best I can do is to inspire my followers to do what they want to do anyway.]

So, you want to be Paris Hilton?

Doesn't she remind you of William Shakespeare?... Much Ado about nothing.

----------------------
What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

sorry if duplicate post - typepad is weirding out.

[Ben]

Mission accomplished Sheikh Adams, thank you for your benevolent direction.

Are we considered Orthodox Adams-ites if we eat things you eat and Reformed if we eat things you prefer we not eat? Just curious

[Bertram]

Is it "Cheek Adams" or "Chique Adams"?
And doesn't that leadership title require some sectarian violence, such as gassing the neighbors with the poop?

[William Skyvington]

Shit, I didn't read through to the end of your line, and I've done it all at once.

I've always loved Henry Miller's anecdote about how, in the chambers of a Parisian prostitute, he hadn't yet fathomed the concept of bidets, and he dropped a smelly darky in a bowl that was normally intended for flooding away seminal juice.

[Joshua]

Scott, you don't have to command us to do things we're going to do anyway, just go here:

http://www.ulc.org

Get ordained there, I'm pretty sure "Sheikh" is one of the options.

[J Jetzen]

I understand that there is an opening in elbonia for a shiekh. It may just be the shiekh of eating, pooping, and lovin'. You might want to check it out.

This could be a better chance than getting your readers to orgasm by the end of the day. Remember a lot of them are in engineering.

[Jess]

You rock, Sheikh Adams :-) Thanks for giving me at least two things to laugh about every day. Today's comic was a killer, by the way =p Poor Dilbert - you're such a sadist =)

[Midnight Skulker]

Doug is correct. It is pronounced "shake" as in the most famous sheikh of all Sheikh Yourbooty.

[Real Live Girl]

Well, by the end of the day pretty much all your readers will be hailing you as Sheikh Adams. I know I will. Must be nice to have another one of your life's goals met.

[Drew]

Done deal. I might even get some work in with all of that pooping that I do...

[Brian Auer]

I missed the first comma in the Holy Trinity, so it looked like you said "Today I would like each one of you to eat poop, and have an orgasm." I laughed my ass off until I read it again and caught the comma -- then it wasn't so funny anymore.

[Jimbo]

Only one orgasm? What kind of leader are you?

[G]

I always thought it was pronounced to rhyme with "shake".

[Mr. Wampus]

Doug said, "I guess the "sheek" pronunciation is becoming more common, but it really should be "shake"..."

I've heard that too. I'm waiting for someone to rise to prominence called, "Sheikh Thuweezle."

[Chris]

is it disturbing that I got that holy trinity accomplished in the first 20 minutes of my day?

[MrBongo]

I'm sure somewhere in the Arab world, a Fatwa has been put out on the infidel Sheikh Adams.

[Origama]

Holy 'Adams apple' Batman!

May a 1000 sand fleas invade your armpits - oh bald one.

May your turban get caught in the grind stone.

And may a 100 fat, ugly virgins invade your tent and shit on you.

Long live Shrek Adams

[Uri]

"...there’s the silent h on the end that practically says “fuck you.” It doesn’t even pretend to be working. I like consonants with attitude..."

Made me go ha-ha big time :-)

[JR]

Sir John Hargrave of www.zug.com wanted to become a knight. After several unsuccessful attempts to convince the British government that he deserved knighthood he decided that he'd just change his legal name to Sir John Hargrave. You're just one quick trip to the courthouse away from being Sheikh Adams.

[Gerard]

Your eminence, how many times a day shall we complete your Trinity? Would you look more favorably upon those who "pray" the most?

[JoePike]

Sheikh Adams,

That's more of a Trifecta than a Holy Trinity.

[Lenn]

Meaning no disrespect, Scott, but those are three things that, when I'm doing them, I really don't want to be picturing you.

That being said, I'll do my best to perform all three at some point during the day.

[Andy Cunningham]

Does it count if we did all three before we saw the post?

[~*.*~]

At least today was funny. This is a step up from trying to score points by calling unpopular politician stupid. I are stoopid, too, but I duz nt callz the Preziddint bad nams.

[Paul C]

that silent "h" has just GOT to be the Wally of consonants...

[magwai]

Oh great sheikh, are we to obey all those commands simultaneously?

[Doug]

I guess the "sheek" pronunciation is becoming more common, but it really should be "shake"...