I Need Pictures!

In the news, a groom in India showed up drunk, so the villagers chased him away and replaced him with his “more sober” little brother. Problem solved.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18389704/

This is the sort of news that desperately needs some pictures. Otherwise you can’t tell who won. For example, I want to know if the bride is hideous. I think it’s a safe bet. I imagine the original groom at the local bar before the ceremony. The bartender asks him what he wants. The groom takes out a picture of his bride-to-be in the arranged marriage, shows it to the bartender, and says, “Can you make her look attractive?”

One theory that this news report did not explore is that this wedding was on a tight budget. You can spend a fortune on the bride’s hair and makeup and gown, or you can buy a few bottles of Grey Goose and get the guests and the groom plastered. Either way, the bride looks great.

I suppose there’s a small chance the bride was beautiful. In that case, the younger brother experienced the rarest of sexual fantasies: attending a wedding as a guest and nailing the bride. This would be especially gratifying if the brothers had a history of sibling rivalry. If you close your eyes, you can almost hear the sounds from the honeymoon suite: “Here’s. . . for. . . beating me in. . . ping pong. . . Here’s . . . for. . . saying I. . . broke. . . the. . . lamp!”

Their family reunions will probably be awkward for the next 50 years. I wonder if there’s an Indian phrase that means the same as “neener-neener.” And I wonder which brother will be saying it.

Comments

[BatmanAoD]

"Madame, I may be drunk, but you are ugly, and I will be sober in the morning."

Alternatively,

"Madame, I may be drunk, but you are ugly, and I just narrowly avoided spending the rest of my life with you...neener neener."

If you don't know who I'm quoting...look it up.

[patti]

I think i know that first brother.

"He truly was out very late at night
with the sister of the brides mother
The bride had complained she wished
she was wed instead, to the brother's other.

The aunt had a very potent drink
to fill his way-oh-so-ugly face
he drank his face so silly and dumb
so, to be the morn's total disgrace

The bride was oh-so-relieved to see
.. that handsomer.. younger brother
She winked and smiled upon the smirk worn by
the smart sister of her devious mother"

...Patti
____________________

[beautiful by indian stds - since i am gora!]

i wanted to comment that they wouldn't have heard of grey goose in patna, but i see someone's already taken that line -- guess the groom isn't that worried that his brother married the wife, he's more worried about the fact that he won't find another!

i think it's time he caught that flight to manila!

[jaimin]

>The bartender asks him what he wants

Scott, you are trying to imagine a local bar in an Indian village from an American perspective. Most like the bar would be a run down hut, and there won't be any opitons to choose from. There is only drink - "Desi Daru" (locally brewed, unbranded alcoholic drink). Sometimes it could be lethal. Drink at your own risk!

[Ethan Zara]

A recent survey says 8 out of 10 humans will get "neener-neener".

-Ethan
http://jacktraveler.blogspot.com/

[Shrivalli]

Hi Scott,

Although I read your blog regularly never bothered to see comment section. I came to know just now what I have been missing :)). helarious!! By the way from where did you get the Idea of Ashok, in dilbert comics :)). It's rightly said, you are an evil genius!! Bravo!

[Shrivalli]

Hi Scott,

Although I read your blog regularly never bothered to see comment section. I came to know just now what I have been missing :)). helarious!! By the way from where did you get the Idea of Ashok, in dilbert comics :)). It's rightly said, you are an evil genius!! Bravo!

[Shrivalli]

Hi Scott,

Although I read your blog regularly never bothered to see comment section. I came to know just now what I have been missing :)). helarious!! By the way from where did you get the Idea of Ashok, in dilbert comics :)).

Regards,
Shri

[Shrivalli]

Hi Scott,

Although I read your blog regularly never bothered to see comment section. I came to know just now what I have been missing :)). helarious!! By the way from where did you get the Idea of Ashok, in dilbert comics :)).

Regards,
Shri

[Christopher Amos]

In West Bengal, a neighbouring state of Bihar, the equivalent of "neener-neener" (in Bangla) is "kaench kola" which translates as "green (unripe) bananas".

[Enova]

They could make a movie out of this and call it "While you were puking!"

[Polite Indian]

Grey Goose? I don't think he would have heard of it. He must have a lot of "Narangi"(Country Liquor)

[Vogon]

>And this is the country you want to use to outsource our problems? Riiiiiight.

Dude, we Indians always come up with the most efficient solution. The groom is too wasted to errr...perform, so we outsource the job to someone who *can* do it. Everyone's happy, except the groom. He goes to Manila and gets a job in a call centre which we've just outsourced from India because of the cost advantage.

[Erika]

You know what I think is funny? Obviously this is a post meant to be humourous. All of you people who are accusing Scott of being racist or ignorant of Indian culture-- Get a grip, and take it like it's meant to be taken, like a JOKE! ::rolling my eyes::

LA Clay? *That* comment was funny.

Learn to take a little humour, people. :oP

[Ashok Subbarama]

If the girl was beautiful and the younger brother was an ape-a-like, then we would call it "langur ke haath mein angoor"

Basically this translates to "Grape in the hands of an Ape" :)

-Ashok

[Ashok Subbarama]

"Posted by: Screen Name | May 01, 2007 at 04:04 PM

Indian people do some funny stuff. If I beleived in god, I would say that Indians, along with the Chinese, were placed on this earth as comic releif. Not a day goes by when I don't see a member or one of those cultures that makes me laugh out loud. I know that's a racist thing to say, but sterotyping is such a time-saver, and I'm very busy..."

Thank God for creating people like "Screen Name" so that we "comic relief" Indians/Chinese could come to the US and get good jobs (I get $100,000) because you know stereotyping is such a time saver.

I know you are busy trying to get your Head Out Of Your Arse, but hope you succeed at it in the near future. Good luck. If you are lucky enough, you can outsource it too and be a bum for life.

BTW, go find a dictionary first - its believe not beleive, relief not releif and stereotyping not sterotyping.

-Ashok

[patel]

KLDP is an acronym used for "kharay (errect) Lun (dick) pay (on)Dhoka (deception) literally meaning deception on errection ..lol

[oliver]

People are sooo sensitive... and if they have a low IQ and still need to argue - they just whip out the old trusted racist card. I know, I am from South Africa.

My Indian friends find this post hilarious.

If you do not have a sense of humour, go read another blog.

[pawan]

> I think it's a racial insult to ask for an "Indian"
> phrase--it suggests that all Indian languages are the "same
> stupid thing" and not worth distinguishing between. You don't
> seem to know that there are over a thousand dialects in
> India. In Patna, where the incident took place, they speak
> Hindi.

Heh. They don't speak Hindi. They either speak Bhojpuri or Maghadhi. (dialets of Hindi)

Wonder who needs to cleanup their act now.

[Joy Forever]

I am an Indian, and proudly so. Many such incidents happen in India that seem funny to Westerners, or even fellow Indians, but I will definitely not accept outrageous statements like "If I beleived in god, I would say that Indians, along with the Chinese, were placed on this earth as comic releif." (Posted by: Screen Name)

By the way, was this comment by LA Clay serious, or was it a joke?
"All this talk of Scott being a racist confuses me...Didn't we force the indians out of the country during the western expansion? I mean they now have a whole damn country for their tribes, how is that racist?"

If it's a joke then it's ok... It it's serious then... well... I wonder who the comic relief here is!

[Salil]

Another one from the zazillion languages/dialects of the country: "THENGA" (preferably accompanied by its almost literal meaning - the wave of the thumb). This visual sign language (universal, not just Indian) also finds usage while denying someone what they asked for.

[Marxist]

Too drunk?

[Random]

Mmmmmm ... Grey Goose. One of the few good things to come out of France!

[snroy]

In an arranged marriage, the boy and the girl hardly get chance to know each other.In a female starved society males are in surplus,so the switch was easy as there was no emotion involved.I think West should consider this method instead of going through the marriage and then going for divorce,alimony etc..

[Sayantan]

The nearest cud be:

"pati anari dewar khiladi"

here is the word to word translation:

pati--husband
anari--dumb/looser
dewar--Brother in law
khiladi--smart/winner