Iraq Withdrawal Plan

One of my hobbies is thinking up impractical solutions to world problems. Lately, my favorite problem is how to withdraw from Iraq without allowing a huge increase in civilian deaths. I have a solution. I call my plan the Ironic Peace by Stealing Oil Plan, or IPSOP.

The way this works is that the US informs the fledgling Iraqi government that we are going to withdraw from the population centers of Iraq, but we’re going to keep our military bases and take control of key Iraqi oil fields. The oil fields would be heavily guarded, of course, with wide perimeters.

Here’s the genius part. We ask the UN to form a commission to oversee the Iraqi government’s performance and the inevitable civil war. When that commission certifies that the Iraqis have worked out a solution for oil sharing, and power sharing, and when the civil war subsides, America agrees in advance to return the oil fields and phase out the military bases in five years. Until the UN certification comes, if it ever does, we just pump the Iraqi oil and use the revenue to help, for example, Palestinian children.

The beauty of this plan is that the Iraqis can choose to fight the civil war forever, or they can choose to get America out of their country. The longer the Iraqis kill each other, the more financial help the struggling Palestinians will get. Tragedy-wise, it’s a breakeven scenario. It’s morally neutral. And in the meantime, fewer Americans will die fighting in Iraq.

Would IPSOP work?

[Update: If insurgents attack the pipeline, they'd be attacking Palestinian interests. And we wouldn't need to protect all oil facilities, just whatever ones are easiest to control and protect.

As for funding Palestinians, I'm sure there's a way to limit the aid to something useful that can't get into the terrorists' hands. It could be shipments of medicine, for example. Obviously sending cash would be a bad idea. If funding Palestinians doesn't work for you, pick some starving Muslims in Africa.]

Comments

[steph]

Sounds better than the current (lack of) plan.

[Chris Anderson for President 2008 !!!]

And you guys wonder why we all hate the fuckin' 'Mercans !

Freem and Moxy for the whole world ! But only if you give us all your oil, gold, dimonds, youranium...

[Guild Wars Tactics]

Guild Wars Tactics; Tips Tools and Tactics for Guild Wars, Teambuilder, Charactercreator, Pve and Pvp all you need.Alles was Ihr zum spielen für Guild Wars benötigt. www.gw-tactics.de

[Zappy Corleone]

This is not a funny subject :(

[Turil]

I have a plan, too. It's called do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That's DUO for short (which sounds like some kind of superhero team, doesn't it? Or possibly the name of some piece of IKEA furniture...). DUO works with the basic human instinct (mostly subconscious) of mirroring other people's behavior. If we want others to be peaceful, we have to model peaceful behavior so that they learn how to do it.

Right now, we're modeling some extrordinarily stupid and destructive behavior, so it's no surprise that they are mirroring it back. We're teaching them the real American way all right...

[freddiemac]

Wait a minute, do you honestly believe that insurgents won't blow up US oil interests in Iraq because the petrol-dollars will benefit muslims? This is the same lot that is willing to blow up MOSQUES filled with MUSLIMS. So why would charity money stop them from blowing up Americans in oil trucks?

[Chrisgiraffe]

Posted by: Becky | May 15, 2007 at 08:19 AM
"Im not sure if this is a joke or not. The flaws in your so-called plan are immediately apparent. You cheapen the loss of life by saying that the US and the UN would do nothing to stop the bloodshed of a full-scale Sunni-Shiite civil war, instead cynically watching like vultures to steal their oil when the millions of "inevitable" deaths arise. Where is your spine? Where is your human compassion?"

Becky, you're just the sort of person that would jump in between two pit bulls who were chomping eachother's jugulars, and I commend you for it. Your compassion is just the kind Army recruiters are looking for. You should sign up today and get wheeled around in a tin can, er I mean Humvee, and spread that compassion around for two sides who have been ready to embrace American compassion for thousands of years before the invasion.

[Chrisgiraffe]

Posted by: Becky | May 15, 2007 at 08:19 AM
"Im not sure if this is a joke or not. The flaws in your so-called plan are immediately apparent. You cheapen the loss of life by saying that the US and the UN would do nothing to stop the bloodshed of a full-scale Sunni-Shiite civil war, instead cynically watching like vultures to steal their oil when the millions of "inevitable" deaths arise. Where is your spine? Where is your human compassion?"

Becky, you're just the sort of person that would jump in between two pit bulls who were chomping eachother's jugulars, and I commend you for it. Your compassion is just the kind Army recruiters are looking for. You should sign up today and get wheeled around in a tin can, er I mean Humvee, and spread that compassion around for two sides who have been ready to embrace American compassion for thousands of years before the invasion.

[Chrisgiraffe]

This is amazing. I've often wondered how one idea can pop up on two ends of the globe at the same time without the author's knowing about it. Kind of like Calculus being discovered independently by Leibnitz and Newton; Netwon 1, Liebnitz Ham sandwich.

My own spin on this was a bit more "Risk" than Adams. I agree that the oil should be taken and guarded. I would first put the money toward paying down the US debt. I mean, come on, we spent it on this bologney war, aren't we entitled to a refund or has the 90-day return limit expired? After paying down the debt then I would use it to hire a Swiss-Army like group to . . .see, there's where I get lost. Who should win this debacle?

Adams suggests it's a civil war between two factions. I see it as two wildcats fighting (Shia/Sunni) next to a normal observer (Kurds). Thus, I'd give the money to some Kurdish backed Swiss-Army pack of wild dogs to bite warring factions South of Kirkuk. Something like that. I had suggested elsewhere the money (after the refund to the US debt) be used to build mosques for both sides. Seems neutral enough. I mean, are we really such sacreligious fascists if we're building churches for them to use or blow up at their own discretion?

But I like the idea of moving the money to humanitarian aid. I'm thinking it has to be something even crazier than Palestinians and starving muslims. How about the Inuits? More huts, more polar bear first alert boxes, more snowmobiles. I mean, really, who could ever hate an Eskimo?

[Peng QingYuan]

Haha. Unexpectedly. I am from China. Very beautiful! !

[JohnBoy]

" the Prophet Mohammed REALLY liked young boys"

That explains a lot ... Mohammed was a fudgepacker!! And so are the Imams.

[Silly Sod]

Genius, pure simple Genius

Adams for president! I'd vote for you if I was american.

[DT Strain]

Scott's assuming that the people in charge of the U.S. *want* the bases out. The bases are the whole reason we're there. It's why victory has been redefined and we continue to stay and fight in a civil war even though all of our original war objectives were met long ago. Those aren't going anywhere - even if Iraq was a paradise. It's all about having an eternal presence in that geographic spot. Once the Iraqi's wised up to that, the percentage of them saying it was ok to attack Americans shot way up to the majority. When asked why, they respond that they believe the US intends to keep bases there indefinitely.
-- the current government's end goals are not our end goals -- therefore any 'solution' to this problem a citizen thinks up should focus on that mismatch first.

[Jesse]

"Mother Jones" has picked this up...maybe you should be War Czar:

http://www.motherjones.com/mojoblog/archives/2007/05/4448_dilbert_creator.html

[Grimnir]

Hmm considering how few Palestinians there are, and how much revenue a country can obtain through its oil wealth... They'd make Kuwaiti's look poor in a couple years of Iraqi Civil War. How bad would it look when the Israelis are bombing villas with swimming pools and BMWs in the driveway?!?! "No these are cold blooded murderers!!! They just have really good decorators!"

[Karl H.]

Unfortunately, there is no way to implement that plan so that attacks against the pipeline would not affect US interests. It costs money to repair, maintain and guard the facilities. And putting out oil fires is dangerous.

More importantly, let's not forget that most terrorists/insurgents are nutcases prone to outlandish conspiracy theories. Do you think they would accept as fact that the oil money went to charity and didn't mostly end up in American pockets? I'm not sure even I would believe that.

[TallDave]

The problem is Palestinians spend their whole lives steeped in vicious hatred of Israel (such as the "Mickey Mouse" Hamas character recently in the news). This is not accidental; the Arab states use them as proxies in their ongoing war against Israel, and both they and Palestine's own leaders deflect blame for their rampant corruption and indifferent incompetence in governing and providing services.

So when Israel donates metal pipes for sewers in Palestine, the Palestinians use the pipes to make rockets to fire into Israel.

[JimmyKuddo]

There are many ways to end the war. I'm disapointed that we haven't made a plan that works.
It seems they have the wrong basic strategy, so everything that has been done is not effective enough to quell the violence.
Personally, I think the seventh of population that fled the country did the smart thing.
Its unfotunate that we cannot fortify existing citys because of insurgents.
Post more stuff later.

[LK]

Would be funny to talk about americans as if they were just things we can throw away, nobodies, nothing. It could be possible with a war in America, civilians killed and all that. Maybe the rest of the world could get together to invade USA and _let you know how you feel when hurt_

Yes indeed, would be cool to watch on television with popcorn and coke.

[Al]

Just one question, who do u think is controlling the Iraqi oil right now ?
and who do u think is benefiting from the Iraqi oil right now ? How transparent is this process is an open secret.

The chances of the Palestinian children will ever getting a dollar worth of Iraqi oil via the current Iraqi foreign "protectors"..is any body's guess..

[GFury]

The only problem with it is the US would lose the luxary of killing Arabs

[Bane]

Time to IMPEACH and prosecute the bastards who got us into this clusterfuck.

We already impeached Bill Clinton, dude. Relax. Besides, it didn't work.

Maybe we can get a chance to nail Hillary. Ewwww, there's a line that's gonna sell some erectile dysfunction meds...

[Bob Fresh]

Wouldn't it be in the best interest of oil consumers to support national policy that would stoke the fires of their civil war with the occasional, equal shipments of small arms to each side?

[robert]

The only flaw I see in the plan is the pipeline attacks. Why would they care whether they're affecting Palestinian children's funding by attacking the pipelines? They don't care about their own people, let alone the Palestinians.

[Mr. Neutron]

Your premise is faulty, there is no civil war in Iraq. Al Qaeda bombs sunnis one day, shiites the next, the media laps it up and you have a 'civil war'. Groups on either side get riled up and do some of their own killing. There is nothing even remotely like a civil war going on there.

The UN recently named Iran to its disarmament committee and now Zimbabwe is heading up the Commission on Sustainable Development. They are beyond useless and are in fact one of the main producers of chaos, murder and mayhem. Kofi turned a blind eye to Rwanda and they're doing it again in Darfur.

The UN has presided over the palestinians for more than 60 years, that's a long time to cling to refugee status. The US still has troops in S. Korea, Germany and Kosovo, why should they still be there and not in Iraq?

As for the Palestinian children, they're in the safe hands of Hamas-y Mouse. They'll be fine little jew-killing machines in no time.

[Becky]

Um, aren't we already in this situation? We've made it clear that once violence levels go down, we're outta there. (Tragically, that's become our definition of "success." It hasn't made much difference, and neither will IPSOP, because both plans rely on the assumption that we're dealing with logical people. The people we're fighting would rather kill each other over something that happened in the 7th century than take on the challenge of joining the 21st century.

[Mos]

Im not sure if this is a joke or not. The flaws in your so-called plan are immediately apparent. You cheapen the loss of life by saying that the US and the UN would do nothing to stop the bloodshed of a full-scale Sunni-Shiite civil war, instead cynically watching like vultures to steal their oil when the millions of "inevitable" deaths arise. Where is your spine? Where is your human compassion?

If this is a joke, it is possible the worst I have ever seen, and if it isnt, then it is a joke, if you know what I mean :)

[Blacklander]

The only problem is the US does not have a nuance of right to Iraqi oil.

[Tangurena]

All of the pipelines have to exit via hostile territory. The insurgents have cut back on attacking pipelines because the pipelines aren't getting repaired. All it takes is a single RPG or grenade. Heck, the Alaska pipeline leaked a huge amount of oil because of a single bullet. When the US invaded in 2003, they left all the armories and ammo dumps unguarded for 2 weeks as they raced to Bagdad to secure the oil ministry. During that 2 week period, 250,000 tons of weaponry was looted. At 2005 levels of insurgency, those 250kt of weapons will last about 200 years of fighting.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/1584553.stm

This scheme looks like the oil-for-food scheme that turned out to be utterly corrupt. And one of the participants in the scandal, Chevron, actually had a committee to prevent the diversion of funds that this scandal was about. And just *who* was the person heading this committee? Why our very own condalezza rice was that very person. Chevron is looking to pay about $25 million in fines/penalties as a result of her negligence in this matter.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/08/business/08chevron.html?_r=4&pagewanted=all

The Iraqi legislature isn't going to vote on the hydrocarbon law, and cheney going to Iraq to complain about them "going on vacation" isn't going to make them vote for a US-written law that guarantees foreign investors 162% profit per year for decades while preventing Iraq from being a member of OPEC. As if there are enough legislators in the country to have a quorum anyway.
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/iraq/la-fg-oil13may13,0,1229455,full.story?coll=la-home-center

As for the "civil war" it was rumsfeld who initiated the Salvador option, bringing El Salvador style death squads (called "volcano brigades") that started this whole mess.

Saddam Hussein may have been a brutal, evil, murderous bastard, but bush seems to be killing more Iraqis than Saddam did, and making life more miserable for the Iraqis than even the sanction period under Saddam. 1 in 7 Iraqis have already fled the country, thanks to bush.

[narf]

Perfect Plan! The only problem is you need to be sure to find some loopholes for those non-US European types to skim some bucks off for the top for themselves or they'll make up some other garbage like global warming

(They always get creative and start making up things when you don't find a way to subsidize and explain away their uncompetitive nature... God forbid the have to meeting us the field of commerce in a fair fight, or consider giving up their 5 weeks of vacation... But in their defense, they need all the bribes to pay those communi.. Oops... socialist taxes their governments impose on them so they can support the brain-dead part of their population that votes left, thinks freedom, independence and liberty are bad words, and never knew hard work in their life...)

Oh and on the defending the oil fields we temporally appropriate, they would be very easy to defend if we did it the "Red State" way, as opposed to the Clinton/Kerry/Blue State way... If anyone comes within 500 yards they die via a hail from the guard's choice of weapon de jour. No warnings. No capture. Just instantaneous death (With Pig’s blood dipped bullets?). To reinforce the off-limits mantra, we then deal with any settlements that were in the general direction the pile of jerky… Oops… former attacker approached from would be carpet bombed (I'd say nuked, but you want some survivors to spread the fear...)

[checkmate3311989]

Another easy solution: give every suicide bomber a virgin and that should be the end of terrorists and insurgency.

Not sure whether IPSOP would work though. The Iraqis could ust pretend to be nice for a while until they get the oil wells back. Then they could start fighitng over it again.

Or they'd go the western way. They'll play nice for a while. While they're playing nice, a couple of rich Iraqi's take over the wells and make multibillion $$$ profit. Then there would be a class warfare, and communism will be born in middle-east (w00t).

[SpookysFriend]

Has anyone read the Watchmen? I think Baghdad/Tehran is going to be like New York.

[pierre]

That would work if the UN was a federal US organisation, the US an empire bent on world domination, and big oil in control of the US economy.

Of course, none of the above is true, is it ?

[Pablo]

Insurgents won't care what america claims they are doing with the money, they would treat any claim as propaganda and attack the oil fields anyway.

[MajorDomoe]

You're missing the point on the pan-arab situation. FUBAR

These rag heads are the bast@rd spawn of ishmael w/ one overriding concern above all else - even at the expense of their own children - they want to kill jews and any allies of the jews. FUBAR.

These rags heads will eagerly kill one another just to claim 'allah's favor' as the most murderous jew killer in all of jew-killer-dom. FUBAR.

Did I mention 'fubar'? The best hope of the West is to savagely contain these wanton killers and their indisciminant hate. It's not a breakeven scenario. It's notmorally neutral. It's FUBAR.

[Larry]

I agree that you don't have to take it all, but you need to take some from the South and some from Kirkuk, because it's the Shi'i and to a lesser extent the Kurds that are blocking compromise in the government.

But the principle of increasing leverage is a good one. There are clearly many in the government who believe that the ongoing Sunni exodus whether by car or by coffin, is necessary and that the killings, both given and received, are an acceptable price.

It would be quite fiendish to give the money to the UN to do with as it liked, as long as it didn't return it to Iraq. It's easy to get used to spending someone else's money. Alternatively, we could apportion it among the mostly Sunni refugees.

[Rob]

You're famous

http://www.dict.org/bin/Dict?Form=Dict2&Database=*&Query=Dilbert

[Tom]

I would not put it past the terrorist forces and insurgent forces who share the terrorist ideology and desire to propogate a war on the west to put palestinian children in harms way economically or physically. They are interested in one thing alone and that is the establishment of a Islamic Caliphate ruled by Sharia law, as cruel and oppressive as anything Saddam would have the iraqi people living under.
The children, after all, would die for "a just cause" in the name of allah. The koran makes allowances for a martyrs deaths to muslims inadvertently caught in the crossfire of another martyrs actual death. However, it's ambiguous whether that secures you a place in heaven or not.
So again I say that its a shitty situation, where war crimes are pending for bush, his cronies and every member of congress and the UK government for deriliction of duty (i.e. passively allowing the slaughter of a quarter of a million iraqi's) if they withdraw, and a quagmire if they stay with only a glimmer of hope and the death of a few more thousand troops and the waste of billions of dollars.
Incompetence on the command front is the biggest killer here, not the terrorists.

[HALiverpool]

I agree with your analysis of your halucination.

[Jörg Sprave]

You Americans are always so politically correct...

What you suggest is nothing but the good old "conquer-then loot-then install a government of choice" strategy.

Come on, why give the oil money to lazy foreigners? Haven't you got enough widows and orphans in the US, husbands and fathers killed by Iraqi terrorists? Why don't you sell the oil and give the money to those who have directly suffered?

If the American government really wanted to help the poor people in this world, then that could have happened before, using tax dollars. Spending tax dollars for protecting the oil and then donate the proceedings from selling it is exactly the same.

So do what a true victor would do. Take everything that has value for yourself, then leave the smoldering, worthless ruins behind.

This would probably not be noble, fair and ethical, but at least it would be honest and straight forward. Plus, it's tradition.

[Darius Trunk]

This is in response to Saturday's post about the Near Jokes. Sorry this is late, but I love Near Jokes, or as Mad Magazine used to call them, "No-Joke Jokes."

My favorite from the mag was, "Your sister is so fat, it takes her TWO buses to get downtown."

[Martin]

People will always fight, so long as they believe in eternal after-lives and wierd supernatural entities bellowing devine war cries. Since it looks like people are going to believe in all this BS for some time to come (maybe forever) then we have a lot of war and bloodshed to look forward to.

The important question is not IF there will be war, but WHO it will be between. The choice is: united Islam vs the rest of the world (with nuclear weapons) or Sunni vs Shia (with sharpened sticks).

I know what I would choose.

[Ibid]

Why would the UN want to get in on this? It's the Americans that caused this problem. We're the war criminals. Why would the UN want to get our funk on them? The UN still has some credibility. They'd lose all that if they help us out.

The Pentagon estimates that 75% of the "terrorist" activity in Iraq is directed at getting the United States out. 3-5% is AlQaeda and AlQaeda related groups. The remain 20% or so is civil war stuff.

By leaving most of the violence in Iraq stops.

[richbh]

Well - despite all the nay sayers, I think your plan is a lot better than Bush's. Oh wait... he doesn't have a plan!

[Andrew]

Richard said:

"the UN doing something useful????? now there's someone who needs to have their chair kicked, they've falling asleep typing again! the UN is half as useful, and a quarter as effective as the typical small town PTO/PTA....."

I think that's part of the ingeniousness of Scott's plan. Everyone but the UN knows that the UN is useless.

Since the UN is useless, it will take a LONG time before the US has to leave the Iraqi oil fields. Even longer than the time it would take the Iraqis to stop fighting on their own.

[Zzyzxmo]

Dogbert for Imam of Iraq.

[Heather]

Girlfan and Mohammed Secret? That's what's happening now.

[Craig]

If the Iraqis have a choice between keeping the oil for their future use (by attacking the pipeline) and "giving" the Palestinians lots of oil money (by not attacking the pipeline during their civil war), I am confident that they will choose to keep the oil for their future use. They can always claim that they will help the Palestinians later.

[BJ]

Wrong, Scott. We need to rid the Middle East of all American presence. In 10 years, the warring Muslim factions will have found a way to kill enough of one another that there will be no one left to oppose America and the West returning to take over the Sandbox -- oil and all.

[Andrew]

I have an even simpler solution. If the objective is withdrawing from Iraq with as few civilian and US forces deaths as possible then take a leaf out of Israel’s paraphrased book – make everyone in Iraq a soldier from the moment they are borne. This is the best bit… you don’t just make them Army – you make them American Army! Just give them a number and a small salary – I wouldn’t go giving them guns or anything. They have enough.
It doesn’t matter which of the 20 or so sides they fight for. In the end, as US borne boys and girls get on a flight home to their loved ones and gun crime, the Other US Army will be there, flying the flag, metaphorically, slowly winning a war of attrition for the west. At the same time, even though they may not be in uniform, each and every death would be a combatant, ergo no more civilian deaths. Give all property to the army, schools, hospitals, shopping centres – no more collateral damage. As a Scott, it seems to me that the US already turns a blind eye to friendly fire, so you don’t need to worry about that side of the equation as your adopted guys and galls kill each other. That has got to be a political winner!?

[Neil Craig]

Ah but saving Palestinian children is worse for solving the Palestinain problem than funding suicide bombers. The basic problem is that the Palestinian population is growing faster than the Jewish one. Israel can & does win every war but cannot affect the demographics.

Perhaps giving the money to those arab governments which are willing to make Palestinian "refugees" (now usually the grandchildren of refugees) full citizens.

[Harry Generic]

What if one side WINS the civil war and obliterate the other factions? Do you negociate with them then?

If you don't,
What if they start attacking the US protected oil fields, do you reinvade Irak?

[neopolitan]

Mohammed Secret said:

"1. The profits should go to eliminating all hunger and health crises in Africa, not just Muslim children."

Don't the cynical takes on US strategies in Iraq talk more about eliminating Muslims in general, rather than just the children? Just going for the children would be really really bad PR and relatively immoral, not to mention stupid. But I guess that is in line with what we see coming out of various detention camps and hear coming out of the mouths of right-wing nut-jobs, so this could be one of those "truth by error" events.

Also, the only way to eliminate all health and hunger crises in Africa with any confidence would be to eliminate most of the people in Africa. I am assuming that that is not really an option on the table.

cheers,

neopolitan

[Pete]

Remember Colin Powell's pottery barn rule: you break it, you own it. We own Iraq now. You might think that's bad, but Cheney and the gang don't. Imagine: we now own a country with a lot of the world's oil. What's a little civil war? It's not like it's a world war and there is no need to get worked up. This is obviously how Cheney and the gang think. Surge or no surge, we're in there for years because we (Cheney and the gang) want to be there.

[wernman]

You're expecting people driven by hatred to make rational decisions.

[Ville]

This is actually what Europeans usually did during Imperialism.

Don't care about anything except the natural resources and getting them out. What actually happens is that the outposts controlled by the occupier become extremely wealthy, and the locals that work there (and co-operate) tend to benefit immensily. The city of Calcutta was really born this way.

What makes this beautiful for the occupier is that they control the key points, and population is low. The British weren't much more keen on the slaughter of innocents in the 19th century than Americans are now. Now that you're occupying low population areas of the country (just create a new harbor for the oil traffic and then the oil fields themselves), the 140.000 troops are a huge amount. The troops might very well outnumber the Iraqis living in the area. If adding Iraqis causes increases in terror, use Indians or whatever for the labor force.

What historically tended to happen in the imperial territories was that there was terror in the provinces (just like in Iraq... it's not NEARLY as new a phenomenon as the news make it seem). This was fine until someone "won" the terror and took over. At that point they had two options:
a) Sit pretty with their new kingdom (might be hard especially if the rallying cry was against the occupiers)
b) Form an army and attack the occupier

The Brits especially were perfectly fine with (a) at least temporarily - they had all the resources in any case.

Quite often (b) happened, but this was most unwise usually. Insurrection can work against imperial powers, but direct confrontation (which would be necessary to access the oil or the harbor) is a VERY, VERY bad idea. Imperial powers become imperial because they can take their opponents head on.

What usually happened (historically) was that british individuals helped someone become (a), and they started co-operating with Britain both for their own benefit as well as their people's (who tended to flock to the British outposts for the benefits in any case). Sometimes they took a detour through (b), but the next person in control tended to avoid that option. After that they could either sit outside the wealth and pout, or start co-opping with the occupiers to increase their own wellfare.

It worked pretty well.

At this time the occupation would truly pay for itself as well. If it seems somehow evil, you could always split the profits as the inverse of the death count divided by two(adjusted to population). So that if 20% of the relative deaths occur in Kurdish, 20% in Shiate and 60% in Sunni areas... they'd get (100-20)/2 = 40% for both Shiates and Kurds and (100-60)/2 = 20% for Sunnis.

Money is a powerful, powerful incentive, and in either case none of them is actually occupied so...

[Mad Hun]

If the underlying facts in iraq would jibe
with your presentation your proposed solution
might work.
unfortunately your ( and the general US publics )
assumptions are wrong.

Sunni <> Shiite hate had to be stoked for 4 years
and is still not up to any significant level.
> http://www.robert-fisk.com/articles579.htm

The US installed current government has nill support in the country.

[Boraxis Baugmonster]

Iraqi "insurgents" already have the option of stopping the BS for a while so US troops will leave. The enemy is not interested in peace, and they're even less interested in the needs of other Arabs or Muslims of any kind. They're short-sighted criminals with a narrow focus on themselves and their immediate group, mostly each for himself. All that righteous talk about Allah and Islam is nonsense to justify their selfish crimes. If they were the type of people that they claim to be, the war would be over already, or at least our part in it.

[Nick]

Wouldn't the PLO just spend their time trying to keep the civil war going ? That would introduce a whole new dynamic to middle eastern politics.

On another note I would like to congratulate the Allies as they have engineered a civlil war in the Islamic World that should keep them occupied for years, the trick is now to step outside while no one is looking and put your hands in your pockets and look upwards and try not to be noticed. Whistling might help a little. I know its not what John Wayne would have done (the basis for all post WW2 US politics) but it might work better.

[gordon_goosemonster]

There are two way simple solutions to getting out of Iraq.

1 - Just leave. Let them have their civil war, it's going to happen anyway.

2 - Sell Iraq to Iran. Give them total control in return for a guaranteed supply of cheap oil for the next twenty years, plus abandonment of their nuclear program. OK, so Iran becomes a dominant power in the region, but so what; it already is. It doubles in size, but so what; does anyone know what size it is now? Who cares if it's bigger. Israil feels threatened,but so what; they always will.

[Martin]

Scott, your solution does not achieve your stated aim of preventing a huge increase in civilian deaths. In fact, it seems to be based upon the implied assumption that the civil war would intensify. So as a solution to a stated problem, it's a little poor.

I come to expect better from you ...

[Niranjan]

Getting the UN to reliably certify something or expecting a small US contingent to man the oil fields safely may not work.
A better way is to say you'll leave whenever when you decide the country is at peace, and once you do, you will pay an amount equal to the cost of the US military presence (which would be several billion dollars) for the next 10 years in aid to the Iraqis with a specific plan to spend that money. Say $x for a world-class road network, $y for electricity infrastructure, so much for setting up and running n no. of schools and hospitals. I'm sure all these will cost a fraction of the war bill today, so after the pullout, the US isn't going to spend any additional money and the money will go to a much better cause.
This could hopefully convince the Iraqis that they can achieve their twin goals of getting the US out and improving their standard of living if they can figure out how to get along better.

[Are Riksaasen]

Ingenious.

(Actually, I believe what you propose is what is already happening, except for the part about where the money goes. The genial part is telling everyone exactly what is going on.)

[Mindy]

It's a brilliant plan.

Just one touch - companies running the oil fields should be prevented from financing the civil war, because they're bound to have an interest in all the oil, however altruistic you set it up.

[Sini]

You are an evil genius. :)

Damn, you know that already...

[Alexandra]

And why would anyone think supporting the Palestinians to be a good thing?

The Israelis see them as walking time bombs. Figuratively as well as literally.

The rest of the Arabs see them as a 'cross breed' between 'proper' Arabs and Jews... certain not to win any allies in either world!

Remember when Israel had been created, the Gaza Strip and West Bank were only a VERY small part of the lands the UN alloted to the Palestinians. All the rest had been 'absorbed' into existing Arab states in the area. Can anyone say 'Jordan'?!?

Yet when the land was 'annexed. or 'absorbed' the refugees who went with it were denied entry!!! Israel, the only country seen as the opressor of the Palestinians today, was the only country which would not kill Palestinians for the crime of being born Palestinian!!!! All the Arab countries have attempted a Palestinian genocide within their borers!!!!!

So why do you think the Arab nations would lift a finger to help them now???

This conflict has nothing to do with 'Palestinian', Arab, Israeli or American.....It has everything to do with the Imams who want power and will use any 'marketing' to get it!!!

[Beaker]

Begging your pardon Richard (posted at 2:21PM), but the UN is not permited to get anything done. At least one member of the bloody security council vetoes any useful resolution.

Not one country is willing to commit anything in the way of funding or troops to the UN, with some notable exceptions.

The United States has not even paid the dues that it owes to the organization, but insists that it has the right to dictate policy.

I told you, it's time the United Nations had teeth. Interpol should be the pre-eminant police force on the planet, and the only way two countries can go to war is if they pull out of the United Nations, and no other country is permitted to aid them.

All crimes against humanity should be tried at a global tribunal, by judges chosen from countries at random.

I'm sick of listening to how one country is so much more important than another. That's how wars get started.

[ian]

it wouldn't work, but that's not the point.

[Michael Casey]

The Palestinian government is controlled by the [Jews]. Hamas (hint, hint) is primarily a [Jewish] organization bent on the [prosperity and expansion] of [Israel].

The Internet is fun!

[Lynn N.]

I am sorry... just realizing ppl confusing politics to save humans...
Hamas is the goverment of Pali... Great... You guys don;t like them much... No Prob... Confusing them with kids who pretty much can;t even vote... Oh boy... are we in for a ride...
As for arabs assisting them... How much can they assist if they themselves are pretty much scrambling to make it across poverty line for their ppl... and that includes the Gulf
Yeah most gulf countries are rolling in oil, and we keep hearing of this guy buying a country and that guy trying to get on the moon "it's true"... but like the US, there are more than a few ppl in these cities... and ppl are hungry, uneducated, homeless, and barely passing by...
so no... children are every1's concern... so stop trying to blame others... if u can... help.
FYI I am Syrian Woman, living and working in Dubai, studied in Montreal, worked in a Jewish Hospital "oh my and I am muslim"... and i am not as confused as most of you...
Think of "PPL" not "POLITICS"...
ps Scott, I had a very skewed view of u from your previous comments, but i am glad u set me straight. Never judge a person by his few blogs...

[Ian]

You are a Metternicht of the modern age.

[jerry w]

Declare it a victory and withdraw all forces as soon as it can be done. Fear of a bloodbath? WTF do you think is going on there every day, it would just expedite things.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[runescape]

RuneScape is a Java-based massively multiplayer 3D adventure, with monsters to kill, quests to complete, and treasure to win. You control your own character who will improve and become more powerful the more you play. The game boasts more than 100,000 concurrently playing players.

[arlo]

one more thing WCE's big brother security is the most arrogant and retarded idea ever.. why don't you just turn the whole country into one big jail?

and lots of the comments seem to ignore the fact that in all the 'elections' held so far, 90%of iraqis have voted in the candidate who wows to get rid of american troops, and in whatever poll you read, over 90% of iraqis want the americans out now.

[ralf]

There are a couple of flaws with this plan:

* people are not rational. If they were, there would be peace in Iraq already (and the U.S.A. would not have invaded Iraq in the first place)

* the U.S.A. does not accept any external authority and particularly does not accept UN authority. Hence they would never agree to such a plan, or only with a caveat (like: "the U.S.A. retains the rights to overrule the UN decision.")

* in 50 years or so the Oil is gone. What is the follow-up plan then?

[Billy B]

It's not about that, you idiot.

It's about greed and control and Mr. Bush's sick religious beliefs.

They were selling us their oil much cheaper before we went there. Not that I think it should be cheaper. But look at how much richer it is making American companies now.

You will pay for the war, and the oil. He, he, he.

You monkeys are fucking idiots. You quack me up. Quack, quack, quack.
Billy B

[arlo]

sounds like a great plan, but as with other great plans like capitalism and socialism, you haven't figured out how to stop corruption.. unitll we can make governments accountable, all plans won't work..

when america was going into iraq, i thought how the hell would they be able to steal the oil, when all eyes of the world are on them. turns out they don't care, they don't even try to hide it. your plan will just open up the floodgates, or give the moneygrab some legitimacy, like using the money to buy overpriced america drugs..

[terry k]

To answer your question, I find it hard to believe that IPSOP would work, since it requires people to turn their away from their selfish personal interests to appease a minority in Iraq in the form of wealth and power sharing (e.g. Shites, Americans to appease the Sunnis).

I think the obvious plan is to just keep the oil, protect the resource and produce it for your own security and interest. So what if some soldiers and Iraqi civilians have to die for this to happen? Call me cynical.

[Carter]

You are making a false assumption, namely that the United States will choose the conditions under with it withdraws. The UN Mandate that allows the United States to continue to occupy Iraq against the wishes of the allegedly sovereign government is going to expire soon. The Iraqi Parliament is already pushing through the bills that will force the United States out almost as soon as the UN will allow. They don't want us there. The insurgents don't want us there, the people don't want us there, the government doesn't want us there. It's time for our brave men and women to stop wasting their lives on a mistake. At least the Iraqi gov't will be responsible enough to do it for us.

[Roni]

Scott, too much attention to Iraq. We've got bigger problems, like how our parents want to suicide rather then go into a nursing home. They call themselves Exit Australia. Very disturbing.

http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/content/2007/s1914206.htm

[Jim]

==========
We ask the UN to form a commission to oversee the Iraqi government’s performance
==========

For those scoring at home, please Google "Oil for Food."

AKA, the biggest Con Job in Human History.

No need to thank me -- I'm here to help.

[Daniel]

...or how about we just use the money surplus to knock out our own national debt? When has our outstretching arm ever helped our own interests??? If nothing else, we could all enjoy summer road trips at $.59 per gallon for permium!!

[Kevin Kunreuther]

Since we're fantasizing and this will never happen in real life:
1.)The Iraqi insurgents to the south and the Palestinians would blow up the pipelines and refineries just because the Americans control the oil, even if the Palestinians are the sole economic beneficiaries - they ARE that crazed.
2.)I gotta better idea - defend the Kurdish Iraq with its oil reserves, refineries and pipelines from the rest of the country, THEY still like us, even though we screwed them royally twice. Formerly annex it as a self-governing U.S. commonwealth. Allow locals to vote in plebiscite if they want the Yankees to go home or continue defending them from their crazy armed neighbors to south. Stick the UN on the Turkish-Syrian-Kurdistan border (lot of good that won't do).
3.)The Democratic led Congress gets some balls and impeach and convict and remove and imprison the Bush administration pronto and let Pelosi look after the executive branch of government until after 2008 elections.
4.)Forget investigations - just freeze Halliburton's assets and the personal assets of management and board of directors, past and present, and throw the lot in jail. Fill the US treasury's coffers with as much of stolen money that was sucked out in past eight years.
5.)Hand both Bushes, Cheney, Wolfowitz, Rumsfeld, etc. to Iraqi tribes in south and let them decide these suckers fates.
6.)Ashcroft and Gonzales - life sentences - no parole - but each should be paired off with horny homo cell mates.

I could keep on fantasizing

[Robby]

"the UN is half as useful, and a quarter as effective as the typical small town PTO/PTA....." --Richard

This comment is very unfair to PTOs and PTAs everywhere, which, in my experience, often get stuff done when they work within the scope of their abilities. The UN is like a PTO that decided to try to eradicate crime by writing stern letters to drug dealers. The drug dealers just throw the letters away unless they're out of toilet paper at the time, but the PTO, who don't watch the news, assume that they are doing a very good job and continue working. Meanwhile, real cops try to ignore them, despite that PTO's ineffective but peaceful methods make arrests seem brutal by comparison and the cops are losing public support.

Most PTOs are not stupid enough to try this, but the UN is constantly doing this on a global scale. I wish they'd either shut up already, or try doing something useful. I also wish that magical faries would come and destroy North Korea with explosives the size of camels manufactured by gnomes. I think the second wish will come true before the first does.

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[D. Mented]

...Or we could use the money to fund the Iraqui army. So far, they get less than a week's training, and incomplete equipment and supplies...Try shooting at insurgents if your gun doesn't have bullets. Somebody's skimming off funds that were meant to properly train and equip the Iraqis to "step up" - or else the actual plan is to keep them from stepping up.
I wish I could think of something funny to say about the situation.
D. Mented

[Bruce Harrison]

I sort of like it. But I have a variation that might be even more fun.

We take over the oil fields, and then station a whole lotta nukes at the Iranian and Syrian borders with Iraq, to prevent them from doing something dumb like trying to invade the country.

Then, we set up the performance milestones for the Iraqi government that have been bandied about, mentioning casually to them that it has cost us a heck of a lot of money, not to mention American lives, to give them a shot at freedom. They can either take it, or they can have a fun little civil war. However, if they choose the latter, the oil is ours until they've paid us back the war debt they owe us.

By the time we've sold enough oil to make back our investment in Iraq (we'll undercut OPEC by $1 per barrel -- Iraqi oil will be the hottest commodity on the market!), the civil war should be over and somebody should have come out on top. It will probably be the Shi'a, since there are more of them than Sunnis in Iraq, which is problematic because they will probably align with Iran.

That part of the plan needs work -- maybe we can do this: Saudi Arabia is Sunni -- If the civil war happens, and the Shi'a win, we'll tell them that we're going to leave (once our debt has been paid) but that we're going to put the Saudis in charge of the Iraqi oil fields. Either them or the Kurds -- since Turkey has their panties in a bunch about the prospect of an independent Kurdistan in the north of Iraq, we'll simply move the Kurds to the center of the country where the oil fields are, put the Sunnis in the North so they can snuggle with the Iraqis and the Syrians, and give the south to the Kuwaitis as sort of reparations for Saddam invading them back in 1991.

The Kurds and the Saudis will probably get along OK. We'll get money back, the region will be somewhat stabilized (once we either blow up the Iranian nuke facilities or foment an internal revolution to overthrow the Ayatollahs), and we can let the Kurds and the Saudis invite the UN in to "peacekeep." Of course, the UN will probably do another great job like they've done in Darfur and Lebanon, but hey, what can you expect.

So how's that for a "Plan B," Scott?

[Tony]

I have a plan more likely to succeed than yours.

Why don't we just turn back time to when George W Bush conned his way into the White House even though he had less votes than the other guy, then let said other guy be the leader of the free world instead? Really you could pick anyone. No-one could cock it up as badly as GW.

I admit there are technical problems with this plan, but the great thing about inventing time machines is that it really doesn't matter how long it takes...

[this guy]

better yet, have the money go to isreal, then then the iraqies would avoid any war just to keep their money out of the jews hands. Then you save both American lives, and Iraqi lives.

[Jez]

Starving Africans, no matter what religion, are worth helping. Not Palestinian children. They aren't starving, and every time I see a picture of Palestinian terrorists they surround themselves with children. I've seen enough videos, not just MEMRI snapshots of Palestinian TV but also Islamist propaganda on YouTube showing Palestinian children spouting Muslim totalitarian bile, to be pretty weary of any charity that claims to be helping them. I would sooner give to the Hadassah Hospital.

[Dick]

"Carrots and sticks work on rational actors..."

Wow, "rational actors" gets my nomination for the Oxymoron of the Year award.

[Cathy]

We need a plan to get all the Iraquis to just quit fighting. This would be easier to do than you think.

http://lifetimelearning.blogspot.com/2006/11/ps3.html

[Hywel]

It's worth a try. It can't possibly be any worse than the current strategy of hoping the insurgents simple give up.

There's probably a few flaws in your idea (not be an expert in the subject matter, I don't know what they are), but I think your lateral thinking is exactly what's needed to see this through to the least bad conclusion.

[richenza]

Ooo! I also have a clever but probably impractical solutions to major problems. Here's my favorite:

In my neighborhood, there are many rich, overindulged, lazy college kids. Rather than going to classes, they drive Mommy and Daddy's BMWs around, get high, and urinate off their proch into my backyard.

Also in my neighborhood are many illegal immigrants. They typically work three jobs, each for less than minimum wage.

My plan is this: any time one of the rich kids gets arrested for being drunk and disorderly; he or she gets deported and their citizenship goes to one of the hardworking illegals. I guarantee that some backbreaking labor farming coca leaves in Colombia will teach the rich brats a valuable lesson about hard work and the dangers of narcotics.

Also, it would be funny. For me.

Everybody wins!!

[Joel]

Don't the other oil companies make more money if Iraq's oil stays in the ground? Someone must be getting rich from this war.

[Jorrath Zek]

Getting the United Nations involed is a mistake... Anytime the French are given an option to chicken out, they will so why ask them?

I say you talked to Iran, Kuwait and Jordon and ask them each to work together in a joint effort to police the internal security of Iraq, and reach total agreement that nternal security has been acheived...

Now you've placed a triade of Muslim Nations and Geographical Neighbors in charge of pacifying Iraq... Give them a free hand under the Quran, which will allow as much brutality as they see fit to subdue the sittuation... Promise to re-imburse all of thier expenses from the sale of Iraqi oil after Expenses All other expenses are paid...

This way you've used the Money in the best interest of the Iraqi people while placing thier care in the loving hands of fellow Muslim Neighbors rather than suffering under imperial Christian Rule and Morality...

Make a fail-safe American Pull-out plan for when over 50% of the wells are depleted should the Pacification take longer than there's oil to pump...

Simple, really...

[richard]

the UN doing something useful????? now there's someone who needs to have their chair kicked, they've falling asleep typing again! the UN is half as useful, and a quarter as effective as the typical small town PTO/PTA.....

[Texas Toast]

Iraqis already have that choice. Bush says that America will step down when Iraq steps up.

[Patti says]

I say that we should show the face of a Saddam lookalike!
Tell them "he's comming back to power and is even meaner than before!" and watch them all scramble for cover.
They might be willing to sit-down for a chat...
if they believed that he was going to be their fate!
Yeah, he's back from the dead. AND? He'll clean-up their act. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[Rob Henry]

"No Kidding? This thing can really fly on one engine?! Wow!"

[Sam Thornton]

Way too complicated, Scott. Here's the simple approach:

Sell Northern Iraq to Turkey, Southern Iraq to Iran. Use the money to bribe Egypt into taking over the Sunni triangle as a protectorate. Use the political capital to declare a Universal Right of Return for Israelis so they can all go back to whatever country they came from. I smell movie deal.

[Francesca]

If this isn't blog material, I don't know what is.

http://www.globalgoodnews.com/education-news-a.html?art=1179113623302971

(Note, it is NOT from the "good news" portion of the website.)

[WCE]

Iraq is the best case for making a "Big Brother" type security structure that's ever come along.

As we withdraw troops, we can replace them with cameras and "robotic" troops that perform the same functions, like checkpoints. Checkpoints can be implemented like drive-thru windows at fastfood places, pull up, show your IDs to the boothbot camera, some safely-remote soldier asks a couple of questions, a remote-controlled camera on a robotic boom looks under the car, in the trunk if necessary, an in-ground scale (pressure mat) weighs the car and compares it to lookup tables of what that sort of car should weigh and what that particular car weighed the last time it went through the checkpoint to see if there's an extra hundred pounds of ??? in the trunk, and if everything looks OK, then the remote-operator drops the spike strip and the car can go about its business.

We put enough cameras in the hotspots that if a car is involved in a terror incident, we can backtrack its movements to detect who was involved in planning the terror incident. With enough cameras, we could find the terrorists putting the explosives in the trunk and track their current locations so the Iraqi police could go arrest them.

We don't like the idea of Big Brother, but we need to compare it to the alternative, where terrorists can get away with mass-murder. Rounding up all the terrorists would be the first step in retiring the Big Brother system.

Nobody likes this idea, but it'd work. If somebody can think of a better approach, great, but until then, let's consider it seriously. Cameras are cheap, American troops' and innocent civilians' lives are worth the temporary imposition of Big Brother, just until the terrorists stop killing.

[Mokkery]

I’ve conducted a thorough analysis of your plan and after careful consideration I have concluded...you need another hobby.

[Mohammed Secret]

1. The profits should go to eliminating all hunger and health crises in Africa, not just Muslim children. That way African-Americans against US troops in Iraq would then also be against helping Africans (e.g. an Uncle Tom). And then Jesse and Al would declare anyone against our Iraq efforts a racist!
2. The civil war will never subside, because as they approach genocide of the other Muslim faction (Sunni or Shiite), they will starting killing others within their faction, until only a single Imam and his followers are left anywhere on earth. They are a religion of killing people that are not like them, as they make progress they further refine their definition of a terminal difference.
3. Use 10% of the oil revenues to support only the losing side of the civil war and help import more members of their group from all over the world. That way we will only have one faction to deal with … and extend the conflict to further help Africa.
4. Recruit late stage, terminal AIDS patients to work “undercover” to infect their most powerful Imams and Ayatollahs. This will eventually destroy not only their leaders, but all of their most faithful and promising young men. This would employ one of their most sacred rituals "Mohammed's Secret" (rough translation) as the weapon of their mass destruction. "Mohammed's Secret" is the indoctrination of young boys they feel have the potential to become Muslim leaders, and is the best kept secret within Islam. The ‘young boys of promise” are brought to the highest leaders costumed as women so no one will know they are males (the reason for the Burqa, since the Prophet Mohammed REALLY liked young boys). If the boys are found to be “worthy”, they proceed with their training. If they do not submit to becoming sex slaves for the leaders, they are disposed of in their Burqas as women of sin. The practice of having many wives is an attempt to confuse others and hide their obsession with homosexuality. Once AIDS is introduced at the Imam and Ayatollah level, the entire leadership will be infected within three years, even less if Viagra becomes available in the Muslim world.

[JustPlainDave]

I agree with GirlFan. Sell the oil and give the money to the Israelis. Sort of rub the Iraqis' faces in it -- "You folks can war and fight as long as you like, but until you come to a peaceful settlement, we're giving your money to the JEWS!"

[Mark]

[Sign me up as an ardent supporter of IPSOP. I am dying to see how eager the UN, and especially the non U.S./Brit Security Council members, are to insert themselves into Baghdad to perform any kind of useful role.]

This is offensive to the people who said this is wrong for "this and that" reason and they are to blame because "this and that" actually happened.

Do you really think occupation is that unique in the human species? Do really think the mess in Iraq never happened before?

[Robert b]

I could use a Wii or and xbox360 maybe. Its not all about the children you know.

[LA Clay]

blah, blah, blah

tale told by fools...

blah, blah

full of sound and fury...

Blah, blah blah, blah

signifying...

Blahblahblahblah

NOTHING.

[JP]

As long as you're going impractical, why don't we just relocate the Academy Awards to Sadr City? Aside from entertaining, Hollywood is good at two things - navigating local security issues, and motivating financial donations towards international issues.

[Robert Hamilton]

WITHDRAW FOR WHAT?
If you had told ancient warriors that armies in the future would obliterate their opposition with satellite guided bombs flying right down their britches, and then they will turn around and rebuild everything and give it back, they might not understand. Neither do I. Iraq should be renamed Camp Happy Pants, and declared the 51st state. Any future action by US Forces will have the same result. If we take it, it's OURS NOW! Punk!

[Ian Wallace]

Scott, the evil genius in you is not working hard enough. The cash should be pumped into various pro-western resistance groups in Iran, to the Kurds, and to other places that are pro-west and hurt the islamic fundamentalists. The Fundamentalists are very well funded so why not help out the opposition? That would make it an even more interesting choice for the Iraqi's and stir up the pot quite a bit in the middle east. For example, the Iranians would have to choose between keeping the civil war going in Iraq with funding and man power, thus funding their opposition in-country, or staying well out of it and, in fact, supporting peace in a country they'd rather see in pieces.

[Rich]

The most entertaining part of Scott's blog is the number of people who take it seriously...

Of course Dilbert *IS* a documentary.

[Speaker to Animals]

well, if nothing else we would great sequel to "Hellfighters"...but pretty much everyone of note in the original movie is dead.

Where is John Wayne when you need him?

Oh yeah, dead.

[Amber]

I think even Americans would figure out our administration would be stealing the oil and selling it for a sweet margin. Then pretending to pipe $1.02 a day in mediocre medicine to starving babies.

And when it came time to "give up" our newfound oil bonanzas, er, fields it would magically be time to broker another treaty. "Here's to 5 more years of free oil! Snark snark!"

WTF? What am I missing here? How could this possibly work? That is not an insult to Scott, who only thinks up this shit to get us to comment. Gah! Walked right into that didn't I?

Frack.

[Brian]

Average American problem solving
North Korea? Nuke 'em
Iran? Nuke em
Iraq? Nuke em
Afgahnistan? Nuke em
Pollution? act like it doesnt exist
Global Warming? Waste billions of dollars trying to stop it, them 300 years later, when the world is covered in ice, find out they were wrong

What is wrong with you induhviduals?!?!?!?!?!?

[Brian]

Average American problem solving
North Korea? Nuke 'em
Iran? Nuke em
Iraq? Nuke em
Afgahnistan? Nuke em
Pollution? act like it doesnt exist
Global Warming? Waste billions of dollars trying to stop it, them 300 years later, when the world is covered in ice, find out they were wrong

What is wrong with you induhvidual?!?!?!?!?!?

[Clancy]

Do you actually read the news? Can you find Iraq or Palestine on a map?

The Palestinian government is controlled by ______. Hamas (hint, hint) is primarily a __________ organization bent on the ___________ of __________ .

Seriously Scott, stick to Dilbert and office humor.

[Gleetnorx]

Hey,
I'd piss on a spark plug if it would help.
Sure, we could hold and guard the oilfields and pipelines. All we'll need is about half a million more soldiers for that and aircraft carriers permanently moored offshore, etc.
So, we could start drafting the rich, the celebrities and politicians and send them to do it. Paris will have to use a designated driver in her humvee though, as will the bush twins.
Of course, any radical move we make could light up WWIII...

Fact is, there is no way out.
Terrifying, ain't it?

Time to IMPEACH and prosecute the bastards who got us into this clusterfuck.

[David]

Sign me up as an ardent supporter of IPSOP. I am dying to see how eager the UN, and especially the non U.S./Brit Security Council members, are to insert themselves into Baghdad to perform any kind of useful role.

I can just see their consternation now, “well we are the UN and we probably should do something to help out, but then again we didn’t think the world should be in Iraq in the first place so screw them for ever.”

And once again the bureaucrats’ pens will pierce the peacemakers’ shields.

[Bane]

Ahhhh, those Palestinian children...

They blow up so soon, don't they? The pitter patter of tiny feet soon turns into the pitter patter of falling body parts. And then there's the shrapnel, of course.

But not to worry, I'm sure all of those other Arab countries will be using their oil revenues to take care of them, perhaps take them in, clasp them to their bosoms, and nurture them.

I mean, its only been fifty years or so since they asked them to get out of their way so they could destroy Israel.

Any time, now...

[T.G.]

Good one for a laugh, thx, but, now I fully understand your lack of ability to repair things, there must be something serious about the multi-intelligence theory.

[Brian]

Why don't we just leave and declare victory. I would work as well as statements saying the insurgency is in its death throws, on its last legs etc. And would involve less killing on our part.

[J]

A better idea might be to redeploy the troops to the borders of Iraq to prevent insurgents from flooding into the country. Stop the flow of insurgents and the existing ones will quickly die off, be caught by the Iraqi government or simply leave the country out of frustration. The problem right now, as I see it, is that the border guards are so overwhelmed that they are letting too many people pass into the country with no regard to that persons background.

We are trying to put out a fire while allowing the arsonists to add more fuel to it. Put Iraq on lockdown, do extensive background checks and vehicle inspections of ALL traffic entering the country and I am sure you will see a change within a few months (if not sooner).

[joe]

I think we need to concentrate on the important issues, for example how will that help us guard against the Canadians from reclaiming the Upper Penninsula of Michigan? Intelligence suggests that they caused 9/11 to redirect our forces away from protecting our nation's most vital defense center the Ironwood National Guard Armory. A government in waiting is ready to take over with the appointment of a new chancellor... beware...

[dougie]

Simpler solution:

1.) Arm all sides with every weapon in the US arsenal, sans nuclear weapons of course (they're too messy when compared to modern conventional weapons anyway).

2.) Sit back and watch the light show from overseas.

3.) Move in and assume control over whatever's left.

The end of the Sunni-vs-Shiite conflict is predetermined anyway; they just need some good ol' western efficiency.

[niCk(mem beth)]

-- "If funding Palestinians doesn't work for you, pick some starving Muslims in Africa."

I can't believe you said that, not that the Muslims committing genocide in Africa read your blog or would understand your snarky remark.

[Emerson]

It's funny how you north-american people think you can rules the other nations' destiny. Why not just get away from Iraq and let them solve their problems alone? I think the USA can help Palestinian children (oh, how kind are you...) without the money from Iraqi oil plans. Or is not USA the wealthiest nation in the world?

[pablo diablo]

i don't know about ipsop, but here's the solution for global warming

Three Words: giant straws.

outer-space is pretty much a notch above absolute zero, right? so we pump the excess heat out using gigantic straws strategically positioned about the world and pointing directly into outer space. the earth would then look like that creepy 'pinhead' guy from that movie whose name i forget. but we don't live on the earth for its looks, right?

now stick that in your pipe & smoke it.

[Stankleberry]

how to withdraw from Iraq without allowing a huge increase in civilian deaths.

I think you forgot the part about "not allowing a huge increase in civilian deaths" when you came up with your little plan. Millions of Iraqi civilians would die.

We'll leave Iraq when Iraq is ready for us to leave. We'll most likely be there for decades, just like we're still in Germany and Japan. Neither of those countries want us to leave. We are awesome.

[Stephen W. Stanton]

The plan would make sense if people really acted in the best interest of their nation. Unfortunately, there is often a disconnect.

Some folks have a lot more to gain by keeping the bloodshed going. (e.g., Arafat got rich as Palestine remained a fairly violent and economically stagnant place... Or, closer to home, Tony Soprano would suffer if rates of crime/murder went down.)

Besides, if all parties really were looking for a peaceful solution, there would be no IED's.

Carrots and sticks work on rational actors... However:

1. Many key players here are not rational. They blindly follow the words of Allah and/or Imams (however selectively).

2. Your carrots are smaller than the rewards crime lords get from being criminals. Also, your sticks are ineffective because you can't reach them.

[Frizzell]

Any solution that gets our troops out of Iraq with the fewest amount of casualties sounds good to me. I always get crapped upon when I say our troops shouldn't be over there, morons say that I don't support the troops. I support them, and I want them home safe, not fighting a pointless war that the President's daddy started.