I love “near jokes.” These are jokes that don’t make sense, yet are close enough to making sense that your brain experiences a weird little sensation, simultaneously pleasant and uncomfortable. It’s like being tickled until you fart. For example, I saw this story about a fight breaking out at the Boston Pops.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18583296/
Ben Folds was performing with the symphony when it happened. One of the men in the melee ended up without his shirt. It inspired me to concoct the following “near” joke:
Q. Why did the man take off his shirt at the Boston Pops?
A. Because he heard Ben Folds.
See? It a-a-a-almost makes sense, but not quite. That’s why it’s funny.
You’re thinking about rereading the joke now, aren’t you?
did nobody else 'hallucinate' the rude version of that joke?? Why is everyone talking about laundry?? It must be my dirty mind...
Posted by: sam | May 13, 2007 at 02:03 PM
Brilliant, Scott. A perfect definition of a near-joke. The reader has to make the connection, and dammit, mine was hilarious.
I pity your humorless readers. I wonder how much more they miss.
Posted by: Luke | May 13, 2007 at 10:24 AM
So this penguin is driving down the road when his car starts knocking and kicking. He pulls into a service station, and after explaining the problem to the mechanic, he's told to come back in about an hour.
The penguin walks down the street a little ways and enters a 7-11. He reads the magazines for a while and then buys an ice cream sandwich. And of course, because he has flippers instead of hands he gets many drips of ice cream on his chest.
He walks back to the station and upon entering the garage and the mechanic seeing him, the mechanic says, "Well, it looks like you blew a seal." to which the penguin responded, "Oh, no, that's just ice cream."
Posted by: Me. | May 13, 2007 at 10:09 AM
The "tickle and fart" analogy was more than good for me! Hahaha! XD
Posted by: Trotta | May 13, 2007 at 08:31 AM
Your humour is average because you are mean !!
PS Iam not a statistician !
Posted by: jb singh | May 13, 2007 at 07:42 AM
I am reminded of your words on "broken logic" in "The Joy Of Work". I loved that book, and broken logic jokes; Because it's a puzzle isn't it.
Also, I'm not that funny.
Posted by: Joel Dawkins | May 13, 2007 at 07:20 AM
Gweedo sez, that the perhaps Scott may wish to consider obtaining more funny news from NewsMax, The Free Republic, or CNS News, rather 'den relying on MS-PMS...there's a brave new world out there beyond liberal media.
See look at this little diddy I pulled up.
Keith Olbermann Ridicules FBI, Brands U.S. Troops "misguided, overzealous" and mentally ill
Keith Olbermann, MSNBC news anchor and co-host of the news channels recent coverage of the Democrat and Republican presidential debates, said in a speech Thursday "the people who are defending us" against the threat of terrorist attack are misguided or overzealous or suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder". Olbermann drew nervous laughter for his remarks mocking law enforcement officials. ...
See, that's funny stuff.
Posted by: GweedoSez | May 13, 2007 at 07:09 AM
I love it. As a near-joke, I mean. Folds is a name and also a verb, right? As a verb, it has something to do with laundry, which seems connected to the missing shirt. So there should be a joke in there somewhere. Alas, there isn't.
Posted by: NotNasser | May 13, 2007 at 06:35 AM
"At this moment, I'm thinking of giving up BBWs and taking up mountain climbing -less strenuous."
Now that's funny!
Q: What's the difference between mountain and an SSBBW?
A: The SSBBW can climb you (and it feels so good)!
Posted by: Speaker to Animals | May 13, 2007 at 06:05 AM
Q: Why is a crow?
A: Just caws.
Posted by: Kent Martin | May 13, 2007 at 05:55 AM
Here's one that takes advantage of your victim not thinking ahead, and you lead him to an awkward dead-end.
You: "Want to hear a great knock-knock joke?"
Victim: "OK"
You: "Great. You start."
Victim: "Knock-knock"
You: "Who's there?"
Victim: "Uhhhh..."
At this point you can leave the victim confused or say something like "Come on, this is supposed be funny; you could at least do your part"
Posted by: Jerome | May 13, 2007 at 04:23 AM
I reread the joke as well as all the comments. Ye-ouch, the comments are harsh, not the post.
Posted by: Patrick | May 13, 2007 at 04:13 AM
The real joke is how many people failed to see what the near-joke was.
Posted by: Dougal Mattews | May 13, 2007 at 04:00 AM
You need to listen to some Firesign Theater. They always leave you feeling like they just told you a really funny joke but you didn't quite get it. After a while, you just laugh nervously because you don't want to admit that you weren't able to process what they said. After a few more listenings, you come to appreciate the humor for what it really is and then it gets even funnier.
Posted by: Jed Snole | May 13, 2007 at 12:25 AM
hmm, near jokes remind me of jokes based on the complete randomness. For example, my favorite stoner joke; "How many pancakes does it take to build a dog house? None; alligators can't fly"
Posted by: dreamstohack | May 13, 2007 at 12:24 AM
Hey, it's not easy having a complete sentence for a name. People are always trying to turn it into a joke, but it never quite works. Lessee how you like it:
I just collect the money, Scott Adams.
Posted by: skraps | May 12, 2007 at 11:38 PM
you read too much news. next thing you know, you'll be searching them for hidden meanings and do numerology analysis. we thought you have a life now...
Posted by: Mindy | May 12, 2007 at 10:17 PM
It's not even a little funny, it's lame. I know the point you're getting at however I just don't see it at all in this case.
Near successful comedians use lame jokes or play on words once they've got the audience laughing with the 1 or 2 real fresh jokes they have to use as filler.
Posted by: Aaron | May 12, 2007 at 09:20 PM
What "is" funny? Pfft....all relative to....really just about anything.
Sometimes you don't even need to attempt a joke at all. Just smile. You might get a few others to smile at the same time (but no real joke occurred). The rest of the crowd will demand to know why you (and now a few) are smiling.
The whole "how dare you not let us in on the joke!" evil glare. But sometimes, even the smile alone IS the joke.
You were just going about, without a punchline in purpose at all...to see if anyone else would giggle.
They'll pout...say it's not Funny (which makes it even more hilarious, as you try to contain the snorts & chuckles).
They'll storm out of the room, exclaiming they'll never listen to another word out of your mouth (for making them feel like they were the only ones left out of the loop), and you'll fall to the floor with glee, spinning in circles, with the chaos out of nothing created.
When asked days later, why you laughed (and it makes you even reflect)...you say "Oh nothing" (with a smirk), "I was just in a good mood that day".
And you almost lose it to laughter for a second time, with the smile of an episode that no one got...and that was the whole point.
Everyone thinks they have a sense of humor. Sense is correct. They're aware that humor has to be out there somewhere (just usually too blinded by their own self-satisfaction of knowledge, to think.....OOOOOOoooooo, he got me on that one!). Everyone thinks they "know" what is funny. A leads to B, which leads to punchline C.
But what if we screw with the formula....just say None of The Above, and laugh anyways. Just to mess with everyone else, for the sake of something better to do, than shooting rubber bands across a desk.
Posted by: Madmarleyboro29 | May 12, 2007 at 09:13 PM
Ben Folds before or after Jeremy Irons? And do they do it in the Paris Hilton?
Posted by: Dave1-20-2009 | May 12, 2007 at 07:47 PM
That was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT ANYWHERE CLOSE to nearly funny! I got some the night before the Coriolis Effect post, the night of that post, and I'm gonna get some tonight too!!!
Posted by: Me, Myself and I | May 12, 2007 at 07:14 PM
This remnds me of my nerdy biogenetic pick-up line...
If I could be any enzyme I wanted I would be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.
...or my nerdy calculus pick-up line...
If I could be any math symbol I wanted I would be an integral so I could be the area under your curve.
I sm such a nerd...and I get laid :P
Posted by: Big Al | May 12, 2007 at 06:48 PM
I'd shit on your plate but I think you're f__king nuts.
Posted by: Me. | May 12, 2007 at 05:56 PM
P.S. Quote: "Really dumb. What a waste of 5 mins for reading this blog today."
That took you 5 minutes? and you call someone else dumb?
Posted by: Andrew | May 12, 2007 at 05:23 PM
Geez, lay off of Scott!
The man can't pen(type) gold every day, I am eternally grateful he posts every day.
He also doesn't overuse topical comedy and quite often provides us with what feels like completely original, thought provoking ideas.
Posted by: Andrew | May 12, 2007 at 05:21 PM