For the Love of Soap

I remember when my bar of soap in the shower was fresh and large and satisfying. I like the way a new bar of soap feels in my hand, all heavy and bursting with potential. It makes you want to shout to the world, “I HAVE PLENTY OF SOAP!” When soap is abundant, I’ll wash parts of my body that aren’t even dirty, just because I can.

Ah, those were the days.

About a week ago, that bar of soap had shrunken to the size of a small dog’s ear. It was still functional, but no longer the joy it had been. I can afford to replace soap before it surrenders its last bubble, but that would be wasteful. So I snugged the dog ear into the palm of my hand and lathered up. The tiny soap got me clean, but I couldn’t enjoy it.

Ah, those were the days.

More recently, I was in the shower, all wetted down, and reached for what I figured would be, by then, a Chiclet-sized bar of soap, only to find no soap at all. I wiped the fog off the glass shower wall and squinted to the bathtub area. There it was. My wife had moved it. Damn her love of baths! Now I had a tough decision.

1. Abort shower, dry off, fetch Chiclet, fetch dry towel, restart the process.
2. Walk wet across the bathroom wet, fetch Chiclet. Slip on the wet floor and die.
3. Use shampoo on my entire body and tell myself it’s “the same as soap”

I shampooed my body. It’s the same as soap, right?

Ah, those were the days.

I soon learned that my wife had moved the Chiclet because we had no other bars of soap in the house. I probably should have made myself a note right then and there to add it to the shopping list. Soon, the soap was the size of a Tic Tac. Then a grain of rice. Then. . . I dropped it.

I don’t know if you have ever tried to pick up a tiny piece of soap after it hits the shower floor. It’s difficult, even if you aren’t in prison. It suctions itself to the tile floor and starts to melt almost immediately. I tried to pry up some of its little soap body, but I was too late. My soap had failed me, or perhaps I had failed it. In the end, I was wet, and dirty, and still a soap waster.

If you have not tried to wash your entire body with the soap you have under one fingernail, it’s harder than you think. Once again, I reached for the shampoo. That was empty too. I considered the other sources of soap in the house. There was the dishwasher soap, but that seemed like it might hurt for some reason that wasn’t entirely clear to me.

We had liquid hand soap at all the sinks, but I couldn’t see myself toweling off and bringing a nice soap dispenser in the shower. And given my soap-dropping propensities, the dispenser would either break my foot or burst into sharp pieces and unleash a Walt Disneyesque tsunami of bubbles that would fill the shower and eventually the entire house.

I ended up taking a water-only shower, but only because I didn’t think of the toothpaste until I wrote this.

Comments

[maeladie]

Ei, you may like to try using BODY WASH instead..

[Claude Fullinfaw sharing Nutritionals Supplements You Can trust]

I find it really a nuisance when the body fat tends to gather along the bath tub after the week of baths. A good soap should help to reduce that as well as leave the body feeling clean and rejuneavated with clean pores. Claude

[Luv4Country Soaps]

Another soapmaker laughing at your story!

[Soapqueen]

I have the opposite problem. I just counted my soap stash and it is 186 bars of soap in the bathroom alone (under the cabinet sink)

That doesn't even take in to account the soap in the basement from soapmaking.

All together, I think I have about 500 bars of soap. I used to make and sell it. I think it is safe to say, I don't need to make any more soap ever again.

[Detlef]

In 'Golden Happiness Ratio' you consider yourself the master of the 80% rule.

Ever thought of not using soap at all? A soaplessly 80% clean body will let you feel clean enough.

The 20% soap extra effort ruins your skin's natural dirt/smell resistance und makes you a soap addict.

Shampooing hair is tolerable. And, there are cases where soap helps: after disassembling a greasy-rusty oldtimer engine or so. But that's not the sort of things you are doing frequently as I understand you.

Has your cat ever asked you for soap?

[Beck]

One of the best things i've read in a while, cheers. I've just gone into the business of making a soap and skin care and you made me realise, we all do need soap...(and skin care can be handy too)

[Elfie]

You know, you soap waster, this is what I like about those little bars of soap in hotel rooms. They are just going to throw them away after you use them, so I always carry a spare ziploc sandwich bag and take my used soap with me. Then I've got loads of spare bars of soap in the cabinet when we run out, and I haven't had some hotel throw out a perfectly good bar just because I got it all germy.

And I'm not so much environmentally conscious as miserly.

[Ron Hardin]

French prose poet Francis Ponge has several versions of a poem ``soap'' with great lines, eg.

``If one lets it remain in the water, it perishes in confusion.''

``This inert stone is nearly as hard to hold as a fish. See it slip from me and dive again into the basin, emitting at its own expense a blue cloud of evanescence.''

The book form is a series of rewrites of the idea.

[krkr8m]

I got tired of the same thing and bought a big block of soap (3" X 5" X 18") for melting and pouring soap into molds. I considered just using this in the shower but that seemed too Kramer-esqe. Now I just lop off a good inch an a half and I only need to waste a sliver every 6 months or so.

[Tortuga]

I have an idea similar to the "fusion soap" (sticking the old soap to the new soap) idea many people have come up with already.

The fusion soap technique can be a bit annoying when the chiclet falls off then you lean down and recieve multiple concussions on the bathroom wall tiles whilst trying deperately to pick up the soap sliver. Then you drop the big saop in the process of serching for the smaller one. As you can see it leads to a eternal cycle of soap searching (if there is a hell I bet that this nightmare feature somewhere in their torture list).

So just put you soaps scraps in a little dish where after a while the acculmulated scarps fuse together or can be gently melted together (in which case you can mould it) to form a messed up, Frankinstien's monster-style super-soap. This can then be used like a large soap with all the same soapy satisfaction as well as the added bonus of the fact you are recyling.

To prevent concussion due to reduced friction in bathing/showing facilites combined with loss of epidermis-cleaning-emulsifier you can get a bath/shower mat and/or dry just your feat or even better get a soap for your wife. She'll apreciate it as long as she does know your true motives.

[HALiverpool]

When my bar of soap gets so thin that it bends easily, I take out a new bar. At the end of my shower I press the old, thin bar onto the new one. They fuse into one bar of soap - no waste. This method does require that you have the forethought to buy more soap before your run out.

One could also buy a liquid body wash dispenser and large refill bottles. It's more expensive (mostly you're paying for more water), but not as wasteful as throwing away shrunken soaps.

-HAL

[Thetigress]

Laugh My F&^%ing Ass Off!

[Ilia Chentsov]

>Walk wet across the bathroom
Ha-ha, take this, wealthy Americans and your oversized bathrooms!

[charmaine]

poor soap =(

[Peter O'Connor]

I think I have a rather ingenious/mad idea of what could be done to go one better.

Why solve a soapy problem, when you could go one better and create the Messiah of soaps?

Soap fusion has been discussed here. Well, for the ultimate soap take several full bars, wet them, and skillfully create a block of soap so large you could become the saviour of the suds, walking around the neighbour uniting those unsatisfyed by their shower experiences with the promise of soappy eternity?

Okay, maybe not, but create an uber-bar for when the boredom becomes excessive.

[Peter O'Connor]

I think I have a rather ingenious/mad idea of what could be done to go one better.

Why solve a soapy problem, when you could go one better and create the Messiah of soaps?

Soap fusion has been discussed here. Well, for the ultimate soap take several full bars, wet them, and skillfully create a block of soap so large you could become the saviour of the suds, walking around the neighbour uniting those unsatisfyed by their shower experiences with the promise of soappy eternity?

Okay, maybe not, but create an uber-bar for when the boredom becomes excessive.

[Caveat]

This is how I solve this problem:
When the soap reaches dog ear size, I take a new soap bar and fuse it with the leftover dog-ear soap. This has many advantages:
1. The new "fusion" soap is more satisfying than either - its a work of art
2. You have sufficient advance notice if you were on your last soap bar
3. You will never have to deal with chicklet soap or stuck-on-the-floor soap
4. Etc

[PWB]

From "The Onion Eaters" by JP Donleavy. Clementine has just taken over an ancient & ramshackle Irish castle inherited from his aunt. The manservant Percival has just drawn him a bath.
'Is there a piece of soap?'
'Ah soap. The soap. Now the soap. Well let me see now. Soap. You know sir, I don't think there has been much need of it around for a while now.'
'There's no soap.'
'I wouldn't say that now. I'd say that between you wanting soap now and the fact that I might not be able to lay my hand on a bit of it that there would be a gap of time affording discomfort unless sir you might on the spot now convinced yourself you didn't need it at all.'

:-) Greetings from a misty moist Dublin.

[just_human]

Ravenous, that ain't a myth.

When my high school class visited France, we were hosted by families for a week. One of the girls was told by the woman that her husband did not want her wasting water showering daily. She was placed with a different family.

[just_human]

Am I the only person here who would love to find a shampoo that lacked dyes and perfumes? Chemicals are for people who can't, or won't, shower daily.

[Mark Bowness]

Great post! You need to hunt for retro-soap, now there is a new business!

Mark Bowness

[VermontGal]

You're obviously not a woman!

If I run out of my Dove bar soap, I have my choice of organic castille tea tree soap, body gel from some boutique in the mall, facial scrub for exfoliation, plus three varieties of shampoo.

Mind you, I only bought the Dove soap and facial scrub. At some point in history, it was decided that bath toiletries are "gift items" for females. I don't know why. We don't give, say, dish detergent or fabric softner as gifts.

Anyway, I've got enough to wash an Army battalion if they didn't mind like smelling like tea tree oil. But I can't throw it away, either.

[Jon]

A friend once said "everyone has an obsessive compulsive tendency", what's yours?

It's both a scary confession and an idea for a new blog subject.

I ALWAYS squish my old small soap onto the new one. In fact I have an unbroken line of merged soaps(like the popes - it even rhymes) lasting for a few years. I would be really upset if this line got broken now.

How obsessive is that?

[Mark Thorson]

Why focus on soap chips when
the REAL unsolved problem is
a soap dish that doesn't
accumulate crud and keeps the
soap dry, instead of sitting
in a pool of soapy water.
I'd rather see the federal
government spend $300 million
on solving this problem than
that robot arm they just
installed on the International
Space Station.

For what we spend on NASA,
we could solve the soap dish
problem, develop a cleaner
to remove the white film that
accumulates on glass shower
doors, and invent a toilet
bowl that doesn't accumulate
an unsightly layer of crud
if you don't clean it.

Our government science
research priorities are
entirely messed up. We need
a household-technology agency
much more than we need a space
agency.

[Bruce Harrison]

Here's a "Hint From Heloise" that I give you at no charge in honor of your 50th. Good that delusion thing you mentioned in the Dilbert strip holds for you. But you may take comfort in the fact that as old as you get, I will always be older. Scant comfort, but what do you want for free?

OK, here's the hint: when the bar of soap gets used up to the point where it starts to become flexible, take out a new bar of soap and use it for your shower. Then, while its still wet, put the old, used bar of soap on top of the new one. Smooth down the edges so it seems like it's all one piece, then let it dry overnight. The next morning, it will have melded into a single bar, and you can use the whole thing.

It's sort of fun to get soap that has some kind of a name or something etched into it. Then, after the old soap on top begins to wear down, you can begin to see the name or whatever become visible again. This is similar, I'm sure, to the thrill archeologists feel when they crack open a rock to find the impression of some long-ago dead plant or something inside. At least it is for me.

In this way, you never waste your soap, and you never have to wash yourself with a soapy grain of rice. Now, someone may have already given this advice in a response to this post, but I'm not in the mood to read over 200 posts about showering just to ensure this is not redundant. So sue me.

Happy Birthday, and you're welcome. And, in honor again of your advanced age, I will not take this opportunity to bring up the fallacy of your position on anthropogenic global warming. You're welcome again.

[Bruce Harrison]

Here's a "Hint From Heloise" that I give you at no charge in honor of your 50th. Good that delusion thing you mentioned in the Dilbert strip holds for you. But you may take comfort in the fact that as old as you get, I will always be older. Scant comfort, but what do you want for free?

OK, here's the hint: when the bar of soap gets used up to the point where it starts to become flexible, take out a new bar of soap and use it for your shower. Then, while its still wet, put the old, used bar of soap on top of the new one. Smooth down the edges so it seems like it's all one piece, then let it dry overnight. The next morning, it will have melded into a single bar, and you can use the whole thing.

It's sort of fun to get soap that has some kind of a name or something etched into it. Then, after the old soap on top begins to wear down, you can begin to see the name or whatever become visible again. This is similar, I'm sure, to the thrill archeologists feel when they crack open a rock to find the impression of some long-ago dead plant or something inside. At least it is for me.

In this way, you never waste your soap, and you never have to wash yourself with a soapy grain of rice. Now, someone may have already given this advice in a response to this post, but I'm not in the mood to read over 200 posts about showering just to ensure this is not redundant. So sue me.

Happy Birthday, and you're welcome. And, in honor again of your advanced age, I will not take this opportunity to bring up the fallacy of your position on anthropogenic global warming. You're welcome again.

[Rockie]

Your first funny post in months. Keep them coming.

[Rick]

I suggest Crest, its good for cavaties.

[taoteli]

open a new bar and stick the chicklet to one side. That way you can enjoy a new bar and not waste the chicklet as well. Have the cake and eat it also.. Just make sure that the free side faces you so the chicklet won't spoil the asthetics ..

[Thiago Figueiro]

Whenever my soap is dying I open a new bar after the shower and leave the old soap on top of the new one. That way they stick together and for a little while you have a giant bar of soap (and no waste at all).

[J]

While it is thoroughly entertaining to hear about your soap trama (no sacasm, I was honestly amused) you might be interested to know that if you take two bars of soap, wet each appropriately (to the point where the small piece gets all soft and stuff) you can achieve soap fusion (after they dry).

While this doesn't yield the same energy output as other types of fusion it does have the added benefit of having one bar of soap in the end. =) (I mean what are you honestly going to do with just 1 piece of hydrogen?)

[Dalebert]

"I came up with a soap design to solve this problem. It's got a slot in the new bar that you stuff the old bar into."

That's so completely unnecessary. Wet soap sticks together fantastically. See my earlier post. Just take the sliver while it's still wet and press it up against the depression in the new bar and let it dry that way. It is now effectively one big bar of soap.

Problem solved. Now get on with your life. :)

[Jeff]

Masterful, Scott, simply masterful. Just when we start to think that you are at the very peak of your game, you surprise us with a new opus...

ah, these are the days...

the slow slide to odium and demensia may start someday, but that day is not today...

[Ravenous]

It's because there's a myth that French people don't bathe very often; the fact that France produces perfumes is used as corroborating evidence. (The perfume being used to cover the smell of the unwashed)

>English joke:
>Q: Where's the best place to hide a Frenchmans Christmas >present.
>A: Under the soap.
>
>
>No, I don't get it either.

[Loser of guitar picks]

I use up all of the soap on my special parts

[Loser of guitar picks]

I use up all of my soap on my special parts

[Vali Dool]

Its way unhealthy to take shower every day with soap, it kills your skin slowly by drying it. Use soap only every 2nd or 3rd time in shower. That way you stay as clean, but with wetter skin, you save enviroment by spending less soap and pouring to sink less whatever lil poisons are there in soap and last and most important - your soaps last double the time they last now!!!

[Tim]

I came up with a soap design to solve this problem. It's got a slot in the new bar that you stuff the old bar into. See it at http://www.without-warning.blogspot.com.

[Crimson_Sky]

Okay, that was really funny. Trying hard not to picture what you were saying, but funny.

I've been there, except for me it was because I forgot to bring my liquid bodywash in from the other bathroom since I was using the walk-in shower. Shampoo did me just fine too. It's all soap, right?

Although I'm very aware this was meant as a silly post (To cover my back from other comenters who might think I'm taking this too seriously), I just wanted to point out a little fact about the soap.

When soap gets to a size that's maybe a 5th of the size of the origional bar it's completely coated in bacteria. I mean, sure it's soap..but if you think of how many times it's touched your dirty body, then sat in it's own dirty wetness untill it's dry..you can imagine the kind of growths on it. So, next time you're using the chiclet, I'd think you may end up getting cleaner with the toothpaste. ;)

Sarah

[Amanda]

My grandma used to take those flakes of leftover soaps and put them in an old nylon, and knot it near the hose. Then when she was finished gardening, she had soap to wash her hands before going into the house.

Her shower always had a big honking bar of soap in the soap tray.

I like Mysore Sandalwood soap. I put the chips into gauze and put them in my drawers, so my clothes smell good. :)

[MrBongo]

Reminds of the Seinfeld episode where Cramer was obsessed with living in the bathtub....

Scott, when that happens again do what I do - toss the little soap into the trash can across the room and see if you can hit it...then prance your glorious naked body out of the shower, wipe your feet on the mat (so you dont slippy and fall) and go get some soap...if it's in the other bathroom and your wife is home, you may even be detained awhile ;)

[ConfusedAsDuck]

Wow, I can't believe people have so much to say about soap, toothpastes etc - did you here the one about the guy who tried to clean his teeth whilst having a shower - he missed his mouth and put the brush right through his eye - it's not a joke btw - he died.
There's a lesson about natural selection somewhere in there...

[Anfauglir]

I thought myself unlucky because I had no shoes - then I met a man with no feet.

I was STILL unluckier than him because my feet were dirty from walking shoeless in the dirt and I had no soap to wash them with. He had no feet to wash, so his lack of soap didn't bother him.

[Neal at IntoYourHead.com]

We bought three very classy liquid soap dispenser for our house. Three months later, they were all permanently blocked up with hard soap. Back to bars.

[--Electro--]

This world has gotten too complicated.

Have you ever tried to buy just "soap"? I have, and it's frustrating. Going through every brand looking at the label and/or ingredients:

This one has aloe
That one has Vitamin E
This one has Aloe AND Vitamin E
Forest Scented; Ylang Ylang extract; lavender infused; essence of Buddha; *flavor* crystals?!? (Good for parents, I guess)
I JUST want to buy SOAP! Not an amalgam of a neighborhood herbal remedy shop!

I found one brand, occupying one single space width on the shelf: Ivory.
Praise Be.

Can People stay sane in a world with *too many* choices?
Like the commercial says, It shouldn't take you longer to order an item than it takes to consume it.

Options are fine; Selection is great; but being inundated with products trying to be everything to everyone, they end up being nothing to anybody.

Coffee used to be Coffee. Now you can say at *least* four different discriptors before you get to the word 'Coffee'
"Gimme a low-cal, non-fat, iced, skim, sweetened, tall macchiato in a venti cup with no foam and a shot of espresso."
"Sure thing. You want some ground cinnamon in it, too?"
***DID I _ASK_ FOR CINNAMON?***
"Nah, just add a little hemlock to it. I need the rest."

I try to avoid giving people driving directions, because i can tell them 12 different ways to get where they're going. I KNOW it will only confuse them, but I want them to have all the info needed to make the best choice for themselves.
(Is that a non sequitur? I believe it may be.)

Anyways, who wants a Caffine Free Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke with Lime? I'm buyin'.

Regards,
--Electro--

[William Skyvington]

I can sense that a forthcoming installment of this family saga is going to get messy. Scott is seated calmly on the throne of what Europeans call the WC, browsing through a printer's copy of his latest Dilbert publication, hot off the press [I'm referring to the publication, not Scott], when he suddenly realizes that his wife has apparently forgotten to replenish the Adams' stock of toilet paper. [Is that single apostrophe after "Adams" good enough?] What can he possibly do? Points will be awarded for imagination and originality.

[PaulyB]

I am barred from using soap. The Memsahib informs me that the residue is difficult to clean off the bath. I am, therefore, only allowed to use shower gel.

Shower gel must be carefully squeezed out of the tube in controlled quantities so that wastage does not occur. My shower now feels more like a chemistry experiment.

I miss my soap.

[Javal]

Loki: "i go for melding; get a new soap and push the old one into it until you create a super-soap.

either that or push it down the plughole with my big toe and go get a new one."

Maybe it's the literalist nerd in me, but the change of person here got me chuckling. Sounds like you'll soon be getting loki's sawn off big toe in the mail, Scott - see, your fans love you so much they will dismember themselves just to make your life a little easier.

[Len Simmons]

SnappyBob wants to drain the oil out of his wife's car and put the cans of new oil on the back seat for her, with notes saying where it should go. Try it. You'll get a call shortly afterwards. It'll be your wife. Telling you where the car stopped and what a strange noise it was making just before it stopped. And would you please come and get her.

As for soap - I have used shampoo (not soap) to shower with for as long as I can remember. Which might seem strange, as my hair is usually between 1 and 2 millimetres long - not much for lather. I even shave with the shampoo, under the shower. And I don't use a mirror to shave (I know where my face is).

[Richard]

I have occasionally wondered, if I ever became a multi-millionaire, if I would still use every last bit of a bar of soap, and leave the shampoo bottle upside down to get the last dregs out of that too. I guessed I probably would.

Scott, thanks, you have confirmed that suspicion!!

[p]

I digress.. but had to submit this after somebody submitted a joke on a nun and soap:

whats the difference between a nun in a church and a nun in a bath:

1. Soul full of hopes
2. Holes full of soap

[ShirtBloke]

Didn't someboby used to make floating soap for use in the bath? It had a wooden core that enabled the floating, plus it meant that you never ended up with that too-thin sliver that you complain about. Whatever happened to it?

[Laminate]

You don't have to be wasteful not to have to deal with the last little 'dog's ear' of soap. Get it wet, get the new bar wet. Press old soap scrap into new bar.

[Laminate Flooring]

You don't have to be wasteful not to have to deal with the last little 'dog's ear' of soap. Get it wet, get the new bar wet. Press old soap scrap into new bar.

[Borjan]

He-he! All I can say to you now is: "You dirty bastard!" ;-)

BTW, it's funny how mind works - when you mentioned soap, I thought of what my friend said when we were discussing TV-soaps. After I admited my love for the "Desperate Housewives" and "Lost", he said in a patronizing tone: "Well, everybody's got their own soap."

So, what is your:

a) favourite TV-soap of all time?
b) current favourite TV-soap?
c) favourite brand of real soap?

Can you be like "normal" people for a minute and answer these life-defining questions?

[jmc]

hma said, "You poor Americans, so scared of wet floors even in your bathrooms. In the civilized world we have centuries old tradition to build bathroom floors using materials that are not slippery even when wet."

Just for the edification of my fellow Americans, he means they carpet their bathrooms. At least in England they do.

[Alex]

Hi there Scott - your post reminded me of an old story I read a while ago, and I thought you and everyone else might enjoy being reminded of it too :-)

http://www.answersthatwork.com/Download_Area/Fun_Page/a_soap_story.txt

[Sporniket]

Well, I took the habit to use the shampoo to clean my body, just because I'm lazy (I wash my hair then continue down).
If you don't want to waste the remaining soap, store it in a dry and clean plastic box and start using a fresh soap when the old one has become unenjoyable. After collecting a few of them, have them melt together in a kind of "bain marie" and mold them to have a "not so fresh but at least enjoyable" soap bar. You might consider putting essential oil of a plant so that when using it, a nice perfume fill the bathroom. (well I have not tested this way, but I know it is possible to do, because I found an howto about making one's own shaving soap from ordinary soap)

[Oliver]

It is mine and I will wash it as fast as I like...

Ooh, the good times.

[skritch]

Thanks, that made me laugh until soap came out me nose!

What we do in our house is stick the chiclet on the top of the next new bar of soap. That way it's no longer too small to handle and you don't get any wastage.

[Xena]

Spending all day in the shower with a bar of soap is being obsessive.

[Sameer]

Our kids got these animal shaped soap bars - and after a few days i just cannot convince my daughter that what she thinks is a lion used to be an elephant.

[pc]

if you don't mind using "shower gel" or liquid body soap or whatever it's called, you could mount a dispenser in your shower and keep an economy-sized refill bottle somewhere in the bathroom. that way you won't be able to drop it, and there's always a reserve in case you need it.

[Are Riksaasen]

I have a one-gallon soap dispenser in my shower. It has lasted two years so far. Just wanted to share.

[Kevin Kunreuther]

Laughing, laughing, laughing.

I collect all the tiny slivers of soap and then mush them together to create a huge Union of Soviet Soapy Republics. Sometimes, tho, the union disintegrates and acts more like the Russian Federation with breakaway republics. There I'll be, washing The Netherlands, then, geesh, sfffft, there goes Dagestan, spiraling down the drain. If I'm not careful I may slip on Komi and, whoops, fall and break my Yakutia.

[Karen!!]

All that traveling you do and you don't take the extra hotel soap home with you? You would never run out. It comes in handy!

[Bob]

I have 2 Ideas ...

Someone should make a shower enclosure (all 4 walls ... except for the floor) completely out of soap. The enclosure walls will have depth sensors plastered in a matrix grid all over it so that if any part of the wall is worn down to a preset value, it automatically signals the "enclosure replace people" to come to your house and replace it.

This will provide you with ample amount of large soapy surfaces to rub yourself with while never running out!

Or ... someone should make a MEGA SOUP DISPENSER unit. So when you install it you can load the baby up with at least 50,000 pieces of soap in an environmentally controlled box. Since soap never spoil, this bulk buy system will work ... cost will be high but it's worth it! When you run out of "working size" soap, just press a button and presto! a new bar of soap appears. The dispenser unit will have a sensor that automatically alerts the MEGA SOUP DISPENSER REFILL COMPANY to come and refill the unit when your supply falls below 1,000 pieces of soap.

Now that I thought about it ... I've sent my ideas to the patent office. HAHAHAHA! try stealing my ideas you cheap ****** .... HAHAHAHAHAHA!

[sak_gatane]

Wow,
you missed several things.
1: laundry soap,
2: floor disinfectant,
3: WD40.

BTW, when one soap bar becomes small enough that one can not get a firm grip on it, what I do is to take a new bar, hold it next to the existing bar, wrap them in a piece of cloth and squeeze them into one.

Thus I always have a soap bar big enough to make me feel like a world conqueror, and at the same time I waste no soap.
SakG.

[Tim Hall]

When the soap gets very small I take a new bar and mash the old bar onto the new one with a layer of thick foam between: voila, the little one sticks to the big one like mold on a rock and I can continue my shower experience with plenty of soap and the added satisfaction of that not even a nanogram of the old soap will be wasted.

Does this make my children look at me like I've bumped my head? Yes. Does it irritate the wife, who somehow believes that the sliver should go out by the bathroom sink, kind of like the soap retirement home? Yes it does.

I can live with all that. I'm doing my part for the environment by completely using the soap, thus allowing me to use the SUV as much as I want.

[Sassy Suds]

Ugh. Don't ever use that nasty "body wash" stuff. It's made of detergent based petrochemicals and you absorb it through your skin. The "soap" in the grocery store isn't really soap, either. Unless it says soap on the label, it isn't really soap. Most of them have the glycerin squeezed out, then the company sells it back to you in the form of lotion.

I can't relate to ever running out of soap because there are at least 15 different kinds in the shower at any one time. Yep, you guessed it. I make soap for a living.

Scott, you're preaching to the choir about the joys of soap. Send me your agent's address and I'll send you the really good stuff. It's the soap equivalent of buying a bag of dusty Chips Ahoy, or having someone bake you a warm, fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies from scratch.

[jani]

According to one study, a bar of soap is the most 'dirtiest' (i.e. has the most potentially harmful bacteria in it) artifact in your home.

Another study said blow-drying your hands after washing them won't get rid of nearly as much of the little bugs as using a towel.

Combine these two and you get the third story, in which all the surfaces of a typical office building were tested for bacteria. What I learned from that is to wash my office coffee cup regularly, unless I want my java with a splash of E. coli.

[Sathyanarayan]

Ever tried washing yourself with chick pea flour? believe me, its one hell of a washing agent! Traditionally, south-Indians have an oil bath on auspicious occasions and then use the flour to rub off the excessive oil during the bath. The flour is proven to be good for a fair and glowing skin!

[Roni]

I hardly ever use soap. No one complains, and I work with a bunch of whingers.

[sam g.]

ok, i vowed to never comment on comments, (to myself) but i just read the one by the guy who never uses soap. i have always wondered why a few of my engineering school classmates always reek of body odor. my best guess was that they were homeless derelicts just attending calculus 201 for kicks. now i know that they have simply confused health with hygiene. spend the money, use the deodorant, shave the molester-stash, mouthwash, and you might just find the girl that brushes her hair every morning in your league.

[Leora]

This is why my bathroom floor is stone. No varnish, no slippery bits of any sort, just good traction whether the tootsies are dry or wet.

Do like the Romans used to--hit the steam bath, rub yourself vigorously with olive oil, scrape off the oily scum with a dull blade, rinse in cold water. Refreshing! And more enjoyable if you get someone else to help with the rubbing. Showers with happy endings...hard to believe their civilisation fell.

[rd]

toothpaste
and people all suggest suitable substitutes
i suggest f.e lysol
it's quaranteed somewhere near bathtub, kills 99% bacteria
you'll be not only clean, but sterile actually, just pretend you're a bathtub
downsides - it will remove your natural thin oil film layer, could cause allergic rash - 99% body surface area something red and itchy, no, it 's a bad idea, drop it
but you already refused to use the dishwasher soap, very very sensible
but i'm not about that
aren't you people supposed to buy everything in bunches,like consumer society etc
or may be it's the exclusive feature of our olden soc times
i am very much suppressing the urge to include your refrain
and i am also surprised that you have had for sometime this problem with the soap changing its dimensions and you or your wife still did not foresee the consenquences of that
you won't survive in the harsher environs, quaranteed

[Mark Thorson]

Is this not cool, or what?

Quoting from:
http://www.metimes.com/storyview.php?StoryID=20070611-021448-8779r

"In exchange for U.S. backing,
these Sunni groups have agreed
to fight Al Qaeda and halt
attacks on US forces,
according to the Times."

Ha! No mention of their
policy with regard to Shi'a.

"But critics of the strategy
say it could amount to the US
arming both sides in a future
civil war, the Times said."

Yeah! Duh! That's the plan!

[Larry]

Scott, you are omnipotent. You got over 100 comments posted in response to a blog about soap. Bravo.

[D. Mented]

For all you soap recyclers out there, I heard a story about a hilarious use for recycled chewing tobacco:
A co-worker who did a tour in the navy din't chew tobacco, but everybody else did. They went on an extended mission, and most of the sailors were running out of chew. Normally sociable and happy to share, the chewers who still had a little left were coming up with all sorts of excuses why they couldn't give a little pinch to the guys who had run out.
One fellow always put his used chew back into an empty can he kept for the purpose. Seeing him handling a familiar looking can, a superior officer who was out of tobacco asked him for a "dip", and no one with sense refuses a superior officer.
He held out his used chews can and said "sure - if you want it, but I've been recycling."
The officer didn't ask him again.
(The only reason my coworker knew he still had fresh was that he didn't chew, so the guy let him in on the secret)
D. Mented

[Cyrus]

Very creative post. Thanks!

Cyrus
http://blog.uible.com

[D. Mented]

Shampoo is not the same as soap.
It's better.
The scalp is skin, but more sensetive and harder working than most of the rest of our skin - whatever is good for your scalp is good for your skin.
Try using one of those dandruff shampoos that make your scalp tingle...mmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I'm going to take a shower now.
D. Mented
(no bars of soap in my house...soap surface turns hard after you get it wet - it's never as good as the first time)

[Becky]

I started using shampoo as body soap one day when I noticed there was no bar soap and also that with waist-length hair, I was already washing my back with shampoo. I haven't gone back to bar soap yet!

(As an aside, I use 2-in-1, shampoo and conditioner... it softens the skin nicely, and also the hair - makes for a nicer shave)

[bubba]

toothpaste burns. IT BURNS!

[bubba]

toothpaste burns. IT BURNS!

[Okgenuine]

Nice. If you use Dove soap, it lathers until it dissapears. Unlike Dial which only goes half the distance. Lol.

[Houlscerosis]

hi i've recently set up a new blog. similar to this one, just an opinion piece really. please come in and have a look. thanks. debate on Thaksin Shinawatra currently ongoing.

[DWH]

Chiclets are little pieces of soap that fall from the machinery that makes the large soap.Due to a great marketing ploy, millions of people are chewing on soap.Dogbert would be proud.

[GeraldNZ]

My wife has extraordinary powers of foresight, and exercises them in her shopping practices. When she moved in with me, I learned the pleasure of using a decent cake of soap every time. Until I adapted, of course.

My grandmother used to save all the little bits of soap, lather them up and scrunch them together to make a bigger, multi-coloured, lumpy piece of soap. In earlier years, the little bits went into a little wire cage on the end of a wire handle and would be used to lather up the dishwashing water. Living through the Great Depression will do that to you.

But you can't really argue with the idea of extending the use of toothpaste, soap, et al as long as possible. As we've seen, it's a little adventure in itself, and it's got to be good for the environment.

[Minister of Silly People in Green]

You work at home...Why are you showering at all?

[Carol]

Helpful hint when traveling: at some point they are going to give you an extra bar of soap that you don't need (as you have managed not to use all of the prior day's bar). You ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS take the extra bar and put it in your travel kit. Because as pathetic as using the little hotel soap at home is, it's better than no soap at all when one has managed to leave this key item off the grocery list.

[olie]

Of course, you should buy your soap in the convenient Costco 48-pack, unbox them all and melt them together in a double-boiler. This way, you'll have a giant "salt lick" of soap that's far to large for your bath-taking wife to steal.

Plus, when it gets small, you can toss it into the next batch.

Hey, you're rich enough, you can have people do this for you. It sounds silly, but check this out:

Random person: "I've been sticking my old bars together in an attempt to save soap."
Scott: "Oh. I have people who do that for me."

Now tell me this wouldn't be a near-perfect moment! :D

[brian]

You idiot! take the top off the shampoo bottle squirt some water in there and get the last bit of shampoo out of the bottle
don't get a second towel just use the damp towel

I sometimes wonder how you have ANY money left with that sort of extravagant rock star live style

[Colin]

Buy all the soap you will need in your entire life and put it in a box beside the shower.

[Jim Geraghty]

Coincidentally, our soap ran out last Friday. We went away for the weekend, and came back having forgotten to buy more. So it was shower gel and handwash last night and this morning. My wife didn't want me to buy a five-pack of coconut scented bar soap. She likes the glycerine stuff. So we are now onto cucumber and mint flavour (not flavor - we're English).

Talking of saving soap, I love trying to win the battle of soap with hotel staff. I like to keep the same bar of soap going all week. Hotel staff clearly don't believe anyone uses the same soap every day, but they ALWAYS leave it. And if you hide the other soaps they all get replaced. But the used piece is left to run and run. There must be a rule that says used soap is untouchable - or sacrosanct. Anyone know which?

[Tygerblade]

Long and hard have I thought on this exact same dilemna. Many have tried and failed on a quest for the solution. They give up in disgust, and turn to the poofty liquid soaps and scrunchies. But not I!!! I, after many trials and tribulations, have arrived at the perfect solution to prevent even the slightest of bar soap wastage!!! (I have not copywrited the solution either, you may have time to beat me to the patent office if you are lucky...)

The key is that the smaller a bar of soap gets, the softer it gets too. At least it does if you leave it in that standard soap tray only slightly higher than the bath tub, were it receives the full brunt of all shower water until it becomes a gooey mess that must be scraped up with your fingernails. But that is to your benefit!! Because once it gets to the correct gooey consistancy, you quickly grab a brand new bar of soap, wet it down, and squish them together into one brand new bar!! (That of course is why most bars of soap have their logo carved into the top--to provide traction for the previous bar to melt into.)

You may now congratulate me on my genius.

[Terry]

When the soap is too small to manage in the shower it goes to the back of the sink. When the next bar comes out of the shower the sliver goes into the empty box and into the trash... and I can still sleep nights.

Thanks for the laugh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[susan]

im sure youve been told this already but try saving your soap wafers, getting them very wet once you have several and press them together into a new bar of soap, its not as satisfy as a new bar but its much easier to use than little bits, you dont have enough to build one that often and you still dont have to be a soap waster.

[Sam D]

Shampoo isn't the same as soap! I mean, what are you some kind of savage?

When this kind of thing happens to me I use windex, streak free baby.

PS dosn't use pledge or comet... don't ask.

[Darsular]

That's actually not a good idea. I tried toothpaste once, and it burned like hell. It's probably a good thing I started above the waist.

[Ian Horwill]

You're a funny guy. I laughed in about 4 crescendos, ending up with tears. It was like making love and *just* holding off a few times before finally letting go. Thanks Scott.

[Marble]

Do NOT use toothpaste on your underbytes. It burns like hell and does NOT rinse away. Once you feel the burn, it's too late.

[Marc]

I bring out the new bar while the old bar is still there. After a shower, the new bar is softer, and I press the old bar into it, making a composite bar. This holds together until the old bar is warn away from its new position on the new bar, eliminating waste and reducing the need to wash with pea sized soap.

[Karl H.]

What we need is some kind of UNIVERSAL cleaning agent for the house. Something that can fill in for all other substances in case of an emergency. Something you can use both on your teeth and on your ass ... preferably out of a dispenser and not in the shape of a bar.

[Bob]

And for tomorrow's blog, Scott will write about trying to decide whether to put on his left shoe or right shoe first (yawn).

[T.G.]

I'll use your description about the joy of using a bar soap in a shower to get wifely permission to try to do the traditional homebrew soap with the dregs of our home olive oil production, maybe i can get her in a glitch of her common sense.

[Mr. Wampus]

Speaking of toothpaste, I have another one of those "magic bottomless toothpaste tubes" going right now. By all practical observation, the tube looks completely empty and should be thrown away. In fact my wife threw it into the little wicker bathroom waste bastet about two weeks ago when it first appeared to be empty. I retrieved it from the basket being sure to check that it had not touched anything gross and since the basket was completely empty except for the tube and rarely is ever used anyway and never for anything gross, I decided that the tube was still OK. To those of you who have just conjured up the image of George Costanza taking the eclaire out of the kitchen trashcan and being caught taking a bite of it by his fiance's mother, it was nothing like that.

Where was I... Oh, the bottomless toothpaste tube. So this seemingly empty tube keeps on giving. Each time I go in to brush I grab the empty tube certain that THIS time, it will in fact be empty only to be surprised once again that there is in fact a generous pea-sized blob of toothpaste still in the tube. This has been going on now for two weeks. Seriously. And when I say the tube "looks empty," I mean it is flat and the little area up ant the top is completely scrunched in. There is no apparent three-dimensional space left in the tube.

Now, I could see it if the magic lasted for say, three days but TWO WEEKS?!? Where will it end? Maybe I should start an office pool and have everyone guess the time and date when the tube stops giving. I could take a little off the top to buy another tube. It does make me wonder though how much toothpaste is actually being thrown away by people who think the tube must be empty.

Maybe I'll try the same thing with the gas in my car. I wonder how far I can REALLY drive when the check-fuel light comes on. Anybody want to place any bets?

[XX EE]

SnappyBob says, "My wife has a nasty habit of taking the wash cloth out of the shower whenever she thinks it's time for a new one."

I sympathize with being left high and dry (or wet!) by my spouse!

Might I humbly suggest that you take the washcloth out when you take your next shower? You can drape it over a hanger and hang it in your closet (or someplace else where she doesn't often look), where it will safely dry itself and await your next shower--that is, if you can coach yourself to remember to take it with you. If your wife showers first, at least she will know what it feels like to be left without a washcloth--and her reaction will probably serve as a good reminder to you to bring the washcloth in with you when it's your turn to shower.

[Will]

"where is it? it's so small. i can't find it". funny lines from the dilbert tv show. i think i may be the only person ever to buy the series. i can't think why anyone would cancel it.

Will

[Philip]

Ah the good times when showering could be soap, shampoo and water. Right now in the shower I have:

-Exfoliating body wash

-Exfoliating face scrub

-Face wash

-Gel body wash

-Moisturizing shampoo

-Conditioner

and ofcourse

-Soap

Since this seems at least twice the recommended daily amount of cleaning product I tend to just alternate between exfoliating and normal versions. But the soap is always the most satisfying and not just because its what I wash the naughty bits with.

[synapticmisfires]

Hahaha. That was a great post: hilarious, and something to which I could totally relate.

Incidentally, some people were suggesting melting the soaps together, but I personally would just stick with using it all up as long as you make sure to keep a back up on hand. To me, part of the thrill of the new soap is that it's perfectly symmetrical with nice sharp corners. Damn it, if I can't enjoy that, then what's the point? Plus, wouldn't taking the time to stick them together, be a waste of soap in and of itself?

Just make sure to always stash a back-up, and please, get a nonslip rug for the bathroom.

[Douglas Yates]

Do you shave with a razor?

I do, and for that I need plenty of soapy lather, so I have a shaving brush and a shaving mug. All the little bits of soap go into the shaving mug. A bit of hot water and some squishing and I soon have a solid block of soap at the bottom of the mug. Give the soap a whisk with the brush and there's plenty of lovely rich foam for shaving with. OK, so it takes a bit of practise to learn to make the perfect rich foam, but it's a skill well worth acquiring. Get it right and people will admire your smooth and hairless chin all day.

The advantage of this method of soap saving is that, when you find your bar getting a little small, you can throw it into the shaving mug and start a new bar safe in the knowledge that nothing is being wasted.

[nick]

Fresh and large and satisfying ...
Cue one of most obscure and favourite jokes ever

2 nuns in the bath
One says "Where's the soap? "
other says "Does, doesn't it! "

No it's not an almost joke in case you're wondering

[Phoenyx]

I use the body wash gel-type soap. It comes in a bottle and you never have to worry about fumbling around with it - no matter how much you've used it's always the same size. When I get low, I either go to the store and get more, and toss the nearly-empty bottle in the closet, or if i run out, take the nearly-empty bottle from the closet and use what's left (usually a wash or two)

The only problem I've found with bodywash is that if you use too little, you run out of lather halfway through and have to use more, and that just feels wasteful; but if you use "enough", it seems like too much.

[Russell Heimlich]

The best way to deal with soap is to mush (when wet ofcourse) the dog ear sized bar in with a new bar. Sure it's a bit lumpy. But I never run into those moments with fingernail sized soap. And best of all, I don't waste any.

[hma]

"2. Walk wet across the bathroom wet, fetch Chiclet. Slip on the wet floor and die."

You poor Americans, so scared of wet floors even in your bathrooms. In the civilized world we have centuries old tradition to build bathroom floors using materials that are not slippery even when wet.

[XX EE]

[I shampooed my body. It’s the same as soap, right?]

Yep--just harder to rinse! Been there, done that, got the tee shirt.

[Soon, the soap was the size of a Tic Tac. Then a grain of rice. Then. . . I dropped it.]

*slaps thigh*--too funny! Of course it merges with the shower floor, where no amount of effort can rescue it before it melts and washes down the drain. I felt for you, Scott, but I also laughed at your expense ... or was I laughing with you? Either way, I was making some pretty weird noises trying NOT to laugh at my desk!!

[I ended up taking a water-only shower, but only because I didn’t think of the toothpaste until I wrote this.]

@#$%&!!! Man, Scott, that hurts just thinking about it!! Luckily, I was able to NOT laugh by contorting my face into all manner of weirdly grinning grimaces and repeatedly slapping the arm of my desk chair. It was worth it because this post was one of the Funniest Things I have read in a long time! Thanks for the laugh, and happy 50th birthday, Scott!

Oh--as an engineer and fellow Mensan, I have found that the path to any semblance of marital bliss includes his 'n' hers bathrooms. Removing the soap from the shower without replacing it with a reasonable facsimile is grounds for divorce! ;)

[~cuttsy~]

Come on Scott the solution here is easy but first a warning...

When faced with the dilemma of reaching the end of the toothpaste - you know the problem, even though it looks empty to the standard squeeze, you've managed to roll the tube really tight for a couple of days extra, to fold the neck in on itself to get another days worth and finally cut the bloody thing open with nail scissors and scrape the last days worth out. When you have done all this and there is absolutely no paste left DO NOT revert to the soap. It's a mistake you only make once and I'm saving you the trouble!

Right the solution, get a potted plant in the bathroom, this is environmentally friendly, low maintenance as will never need watering and best of all the pot will be full of mud.

Mud can be used as soap and shampoo so serves as an eco friendly, low maintenance emergency soap & shampoo option!

Or you could just buy an Acme Soap Press and squeeze all those chiclets into a fresh satisfyingly large bar.

http://www.cuttsy.com

[mr_poopyhead]

soap is useless... almost everything that's stuck to your skin is water soluble anyways (sweat, salt, melted chocolate...) it'll rinse right off with some hot water and maybe a bit of scrubbing.

unless you've been rolling around in the dirt or working on your car, there's really no need for soap, which just dries out your skin anyways...

see, that's the scam. companies make soaps that dry out your skin, and then they can sell you a cream that will moisturize it back up... it's part of their "total skin care system"... the system is just a series of chemicals that dry out your skin and then re-hydrate it alternately.

don't use soap... i never do.

[~cuttsy~]

Come on Scott the solution here is easy but first a warning...

When faced with the dilemma of reaching the end of the toothpaste - you know the problem, even though it looks empty to the standard squeeze, you've managed to roll the tube really tight for a couple of days extra, to fold the neck in on itself to get another days worth and finally cut the bloody thing open with nail scissors and scrape the last days worth out. When you have done all this and there is absolutely no paste left DO NOT revert to the soap. It's a mistake you only make once and I'm saving you the trouble!

Right the soap solution, get a potted plant in the bathroom, this is environmentally friendly, low maintenance as will never need watering and best of all the pot will be full of mud.

Mud can be used as soap and shampoo so serves as an eco friendly, low maintenance emergency soap & shampoo option!

Or you could just buy a Acme Soap Press and squeeze all those chiclets into a fresh satisfyingly large bar.

http://www.cuttsy.com

[Brad]

Scott, I think we could design a better soap. It would have a solid, non soapy, recyclable core that would not be too small. Soap would surround the core. An inner layer of soap would have a slightly different color (like bright red) to warn you that the soap is running low.

Or perhaps we could go a step further... The Scott Adams Home Soap Machine. You insert a reusable, stainless steel core and a bar of regular soap. The SAHSP heats the soap and applies it to the core until it yields a full bar. Various shapes would be available as options.

[Indian Techie]

Funny. Agreed. Funny. Keep it up.

Cheers from the cubicle valley.

[WCE]

I've long-since made the decision that shampoo will leave me clean enough to get through the day, since I shower daily and nobody has yet complained about my hair being dirty if it's been shampooed within the previous 24hours.

Underarm deodorant seems to work OK, and I wash my hands often enough to feel reasonably comfortable that I'm not spreading The Plague.

If I were a surgeon, I'd probably do more for the sake of hygiene, but like everything else, there's that "diminishing returns" thing.

I'll change when and if someone complains, but so far, nobody has, and it simplifies showering enormously. Shampoo head, then continue. I have enough body hair that it just makes more sense. You wouldn't use hand soap to shampoo, right?

[John Elliot]

> Get one of those spongy netting squidgy thingies.

A falafel?

[John Elliot]

A critique of short-term thinking and its reliance on optimism to push aside the inevitable exhaustion of an untended resource.

[Zzyzxmo]

I have a friend who saves string. He has a one HUGE-Mongus string ball.
I am going to tell him to use all his tiny chiclet sized soap bit's and see how big a soap-ball he can collect them into.

[Milkman Dan]

I read this post pretending it was Seinfeld and it felt almost funny.

[Nimrod]

Hilarious!

My problem with the small soaps is that I have one of those soap & shampoo hangers, hanging from the showerhead. And this hanger is made out of wire. So, a large, fat bar of soap sits quite nicely in there. But once it starts turning into a chiclet, things aren't so easy. I have to place it carefully so it acts like a tiny bridge across two neighboring wires. And when I try pick it back up the next time, I usually only manage to dislodge it from one wire, so that it rotates and slips through.

[SnappyBob]

My wife has a nasty habit of taking the wash cloth out of the shower whenever she thinks it's time for a new one. Of course I don't realise this until I am completely soaking wet. I've tried many times to explain to her that the proper thing would be to take the allegedly dirty wash cloth but replace it with a fresh one. She apparently can't grasp this concept. After going through this routine many times I vowed to get even. One day when I was changing the oil in the cars, when I got to hers I drained the dirty oil, put on a new filter and placed the cans of new oil in the back seat with instructions on how and where to put it. I also put a big tag on the oil filler cap saying "Put Oil In Here". I left a note on the steering wheel saying " I thought your oil might be getting dirty so I drained it out. You'll find new oil in the back seat"

Not really, but I have thought about it many times. I bet that would show her. I know, I got no balls or I would do it.

[Drew]

It's time to evolve. A loofah is girly, but with your handy Irish Spring body wash you will balance things out and still get that well deserved testosterone rush that we all yern for when bathing. After every shower I feel like hauling ass down to a local pub and picking a fight. Good stuff.

[Justin Parks]

I'm just chiming in to comment that this is one of the funniest blog post I've read in a really really long time. Nicely done!

[JasonF]

Not sure if this comment has been made...But, automatic dishwashing soap will typically come with bleach as an ingredient. Good thing you didn't rub that in your eyes.

[Art]

I love the comment which talks about cleaning 'humans' with saliva and by rolling in dirt! Funny and true..In some parts of the world, they still use clay to clean hands and even hair! Not sure about saliva though ;)

Scott, this post was FANTABULOUS! Great relief after a grinding Monday at work.

[Ian Ferguson]

You mean you don't have nubile bronzed Filipino girls gently licking every inch of your naked body clean every morning? I'm disappointed.

[penetha]

My dog eats the soap.

[Peter J.]

When you get down to a sliver of soap, get a new bar. Wet and lather both of them, then stick them together. It takes a couple showers, but after that they're welded together.

No wasted soap!

[Trotta]

Hahahaha! Well, all I have to say is that toothpaste burns and shampoo is nearly impossible to be washed off! O.o

[Ric]

A tip....
When the soap gets to the size where it's thin enough that the whole thing is flexible....bring in a new bar of soap. Get them both wet and you can mold the old soap onto the new soap. That way, you never have to worry about the chiclet of soap but you don't waste any either.

I should get an award for all the soap I just saved with this post

[loki]

i once saw a suggestion that you put your soap slivers into a mug and use that as your shaving soap (shaving brush not included) but that seemed to me like a trap for pubic hair and would be gross.

i go for melding; get a new soap and push the old one into it until you create a super-soap.

either that or push it down the plughole with my big toe and go get a new one.

[CrazyCanuck]

I don't know about washing with toothpaste, but I recently convinced a friend of mine to eat a tube of the stuff(cost me $60, but I think it was worth it). Anyway, he had a pretty nasty rash for a couple days.

[Jed]

Scott,

Why not try an Everlasting Gobsoapper?

[Meghan]

You should get a back up soap bar, and put it in a glass container with a miniature hammer. Be sure to include a note saying "Break Glass in Case of Soap Emergency."

[Paul O]

I'm just thankful you avoided choice #4: dry your feet, wrap yourself in a towel (or bathrobe if available), and go to the store to buy more soap then and there. Then return home, retrieve your wallet, and go back to complete the purchase.

Personally, I'm just silly enough to keep a few spare bars in the bathroom cupboard. It's when that supply runs low that I add "soap" to the shopping list.

[just_human]

I know this has nothing to do with the topic at hand (I personally use shampoo as my body soap, as I'm a hairy guy and if it's good enough for my locks, it's good enough for the rest), but I thought you'd find this interesting. Apparently the people who monitor the Earth's temperature aren't as careful as you might think.

http://home.earthlink.net/~ponderthemaunderg/ponderthemaunder/

Notice the metal barrel used to burn trash a mere 5 feet away from the sensative thermal equipment.

[Patton]

Maybe soap has freewill ;). I thought liquid soap use was more extensive... and yes, grabbing a wet soap from the floor is a highly difficult task.
It was one those posts I like to read from you... your peace talks and other stuff focus is getting kind of boring. But writing a daily post is a very hard task, I know.

[LA Clay]

Drew said "I have a new rule I institued about six months ago: I'm not going to worry about anything that costs less than a dollar."

Dude! Most excellent idea! Send me (almost)a dollar and don't worry about it!

Send me one every day and be worry free for life! A great deal for about 30 bucks a month!

[LA Clay]

peanut butter, cover yourself in peanut butter and release the hounds. That will get you clean and sexed at the same time.

[Dena Fitz]

What about all the water you are wasting while you fight with the "chiclet" of soap? Your best bet is to do as the other posters have suggested: stick the little soap to a new bar. This way you don't waste time, water, or soap.

[jerry w.]

The re-assembly of old soap bars brings to mind another use for them, in the event you go to prison.

You take the wet slivers and stick them together until you can make it into the shape of a Colt 45 or similar automatic pistol.

When you have it about the right size and shape, cover your creation with black shoe polish, and you have a formidable (looking) instrument for making your break out.

This method of escape is not recommended on a rainy day. But if you had to, I guess that when it got wet you could just throw it under the feet of the closest person chasing you. The rest of that group would then trip over that person, allowing you time to get away.

I'm sure that this will work, I saw it done on t.v.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Robby]

Toothpaste isn't a detergent. Wouldn't work, plus you'd waste the entire tube.

[Dave]

Friends joke, on the subject of shared soap.
Chandler: Soap is self cleaning.
Joey: OK, whats the last thing I wash, and the first thing you wash.
Chandler: Gnnnngggghh (or words to that effect)

[Dave]

Buy some soap, you cheap bastard!

English joke:
Q: Where's the best place to hide a Frenchmans Christmas present.
A: Under the soap.

No, I don't get it either.

[Mark Thorson]

You don't understand the soap
life cycle. It isn't
supposed to spend its whole
life in the shower. It goes
to the shower first, when it's
new, for the reasons you cite.
When it's lost half of its
thickness, it goes to the
bathroom or kitchen sink, for
washing hands. And a new bar
takes its place in the shower.
Finally, when it's too small
for handwashing, it gets
shoved aside (not thrown away,
necessarily) by a "new"
ex-shower bar.

[Alan Mayer]

Yeah, I like a fresh bar of soap. And a full tank of gas. And new oil and oil filter. And, if I have all of those AND a freshly mowed lawn, I'll be whistling "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning" all day long.