A Politician Who "Gets it"

Just when I was losing all faith in our elected leaders, a little ray of sunshine caught my attention. Florida Representative Bob Allen was arrested for allegedly offering one of his constituents $20 and a blow job. Unfortunately for Bob, that constituent happened to be an undercover cop in a public restroom, so Bob got arrested.

http://www.tallahassee.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070711/CAPITOLNEWS/70711023

My initial reaction to this story was BEST…ELECTED OFFICIAL…EVER. Generally, after we elect a politician, he takes our money and gives it to people we don’t even like. Bob Allen got it right. He’s willing to give his voters $20 apiece and service them orally. He cares.

Some of you might not want to accept the non-cash component of Bob’s offer. But still, you have to appreciate his attitude. They say all politics is local, and Bob takes it to the next level, i.e. inside your pants. I think I found my new preferred candidate for president.

I can imagine Bob Allen negotiating with Korean leader Kim Jung Il:

Bob: Would you stop building nuclear bombs, please?

Kim: What’s in it for me?

Bob: Well, for starters, this twenty-dollar bill…

Comments

[jeremy]

"We're not afraid to get on our knees, and show them just what makes America great."

[Steveo]

Complaining that a politician is a hypocrite is like complaining that a prostitute is a slut.

[neil]

I think Allen should just keep "chugging along" in his bid to assist the dems. lol. Are we sure he isn't a stealth candidate?

[The Babar]

This might already have been covered but it just cracks me up

"Allen, is a former Little League volunteer who also donated time to the Boys and Girls Club, serving on its board of directors"

Word.

[Lily]

Great idea but whats in it for girls, let say he is negotiating with A. Merker?
:)

[DWH]

So ends the CIA's experimental program,"Blowjobs for Peace."

[Jeff Meyerson]

OK, looks like you were right. Rep. Bob did offer to blow the cop. But he seems to have wanted twenty bucks for it rather than offering the twenty as a bonus.

Still, this guy makes me Hypocrites Hall of Fame, along with David Vitter.

Man, the place is full of politicians.

[car free since '93]

I swear, there is nothing in this world as funny as men!
I especially like the ones who think someone wants to see a photograph of their penis! Hahahahahaha! This has got to be proof of no free will. Who would act this way if they could help it?

CFS '93

[Matt]

Here in MN, our politicians use the good book to get their message across - across the backside of anyone who gets in their way.

http://www.startribune.com/587/story/1300201.html

[rd]

made in korea? never knew
http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Korea/IC14Dg03.html

[Kevin Fairchild]

Saw this in the paper the other day. Absolutely astonishing.

But, yeah... I'd totally vote for him. haha

--Kevin Fairchild

[D. Mented]

I second the motion of regular competitions to interpret politicians' statements as sexual innuendo.
...And can we at least have the list of the month?
D. Mented

[D. Mented]

Hmm...I might be able to get behind this politician...
As long as he doesn't try to get behind me.
D. Mented

[Will]

Scott is right: Allen offered to *give* the cop $20 and a blow job; he didn't ask for either of those things.

This article makes it clearer:
http://www.cfnews13.com/News/Local/2007/7/13/rep.aspx

"Titusville police said Allen offered an undercover male officer $20 and asked if he could perform a sex act on that officer."

If you think about, this is the only version that makes sense. (Think about it: Allen approached the cop for sex, not the other way around, regardless of who was supposed to be on the "receiving end".)

Here's another great article:
http://www.cfnews13.com/News/Local/2007/7/12/allen_cosponsored_public_lewdness_bill.html
"The Clerk’s office for the Florida House of Representatives confirmed to News 13 that Rep. Bob Allen was a cosponsor of a bill increasing penalties for public “Lewdness and Indecent Exposure.”

According to legislative documents, the bill would have made it second degree felonies for public exposure and “unnatural and lascivious” acts with another person within 1,000 feet of public parks, as well as other public locations such as schools, child care centers, public beaches and community centers. It also would have made it easier for police to arrest someone for these crimes."

Scott, is it okay for us to hate this guy for being a hypocrite, or is that just as "stupid" as hating on "flip-floppers"? (I'm sure you would just say the guy's being pragmatic; he obviously can't tell the world he *supports* public lewdness)

[jake]

$20 and a bj, given or received, is the best offer I've ever gotten from any politician. Ever. I think this qualifies as "health care".

[wkwillis]

Sounds like the best Republican Presidential candidate so far. Are they passing around petitions yet? Does he have a campaign fund?

[Sam D]

Politicians are supposed to be good orators.

[KageBunshin]

Can't beleive it! Hence forth he shall be christened "Bob All en give 'em 20" :). Heres one guy who misunderstood his gym trainer..." Drop down and Give me 20 son" :)

"Neal and Bob" :) good one Alan.

Yeah! legalize prostituion! Impeach Bush! Withdraw from Iraq! Heed the public! Be more transparent!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Thanks for the laugh, Scott & commenters. Of course, from the article it reads as if Rep. Bob offered the cop $20 to blow him but your way is so much better...and funnier.

[K-Witt]

Damn it...I was gonna make the joke that the title should be "gives it", but it looks like a couple others beat me...

[David]

Since enough people complained about who got the $20 I'll just say this post sounds like you more than the rest for some reason.

[Robert Hamilton]

Scott, I guess you're confirming that you're bi-sexual. I'm not making any judgements, I just didn't know. That's OK, no really. It would be funny to see how you introduce that concept in Dilbert. So..a new employee is starting who is...? and Alice/Carol? is attracted/repulsed to him/her, but then so is Wally. OK, I have no idea how to make it end funny.

[Rem]

I read all these comments and I'm afraid something struck me as illogical. Why would a state representative need 20$ anyway? I'd reather believe that he would want to blow job someone and would pay this man so he offers himself. What we may not know is that he might have proposed the 20$ so the guy would shut his mouth about it (unlucky dude to get a cop, must hav had a good childhood). I mean this guy must have a decent salary and everything: he ran a campaing and has children! I'm not arguing about the wording of the article, just that it would not make sense for a state representative to prostitue himself!

And I agree...what was that cop doing in the toilets anyway?

[gr8hands]

Scott,

Completely off topic, but thought you might find this interesting:

http://www.gemueseorchester.org/

The Vienna Vegetable Orchestra. In particular, watch the video.

[DanW]

One thing missing from the article. How many $20 bills did they find on him when he was arrested? He had been seen going into the restroom several times after all.

Why are dems jumping on this? After BJ Bill, I thought they believed what a man did in his private life should not be judged.

[WCE]

One of the things about Bush that really lets me sleep soundly at night is that when he was Governor of Texas, he used to visit strip clubs and snort coke with the strippers.

I figure that he's not the sort who's going to be thinking that God wants him to become A Biblical Figure and start Armageddon if he's trying to score with strippers in his off-hours.

It's the guys who haven't been laid in the last thirty years that worry me. Bush sounds like my sort of guy.

[Jez]

I'm not above it. If it were offered here in the UK I would take such a deal, with MPs competing for my love. Someone like George Galloway or Ken Livingstone would have to be willing to do it daily to get my vote, Oona King wouldn't have to bother with the twenty quid, although I am being a bit generous there, and Boris Johnson could just give me the money and a tickle. And you can bet if Livingstone missed a day I'd be straight on the phone to 0898BORISMAID, which has nothing to do with anything.

[Chad Turner]

I'd like to know why all the super public gay guys have to be outed in public restrooms or by interns!!
I work for 6 years on my grandmother to get her to finally take my sexuality seriously and poof...all gone...deep sigh...

[John]

I just peed my pants.

jj

[kevin]

Hey Scott!

Since free will is one of your favorite subject, here is a serie of three comic strips from "Boy On A Stick And Slither" on the subject of Destiny vs Free will.

http://www.boasas.com/?c=822
http://www.boasas.com/?c=823
http://www.boasas.com/?c=824

Enjoy.

[Matthew Kovich]

lol

[Alien]

This is EXACTLY what is wrong with our government today. Either you pay someone $20 to have oral sex performed on you, or someone pays you $20 to perform oral sex on them, but NEVER NEVER NEVER do you pay for the privilege of performing oral sex on someone else.

[Brad]

"Minutes later, he solicited an undercover male officer inside the restroom, offering to perform oral sex for $20."

Scott, I'm lost. It really read to me like he was asking for a campaign contribution, but was low on Purell and didn't want to shake hands.

[ScottRC]

I'm thinking of starting my own blog: "Penises in the News."

My theory is that, if you look at local news stories from around the world, you'll find that somewhere, every day, a journalistic spotlight shines on the craven member of some unfortunate public figure. I think the world could use a daily compilation of such stories.

[Sonrisa]

This is eerily similar to a situation that happened in a town not to far from where I live. Several men were arrested for getting it on in a park restroom. The best part of the story was that one of them was very well known for being....

THE MALL SANTA

[F. Dwarf]

What? I thought it was the politician the one who is meant to recieve the blowjob. Ask Clinton.
What's going on with the american politicians?

Oh, BTW: in yesterday's comment I called you Steve :P. Sorry Scott, my mistake.

[jerry w.]

So many great quotes to hit on in one news article.........

"Gov. Charlie Crist's office did not have an immediate comment Wednesday evening."

Does this mean that the next time Bob is spending time on his knees, he's going to be praying to Christ?

If so, he most likely won't get $20.00 for being in that position for the first time in years.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Freddy]

What the fuck?

[brenda]

DF. would love to just agree w/ you wholeheartedly, but what is the condescending about US all about. No country is perfect but we're damn good. and about the teaching abstinence part...as a mother of a 17 yr old let me tell you they teach them everything except abstinence. In 8th grade they were teaching them how to outfit a dildo w/ a condom.
but we definatly should legalize prostitution.
you gotta love a politician who is so giving.

[maw]

"Funny how it always seems to be the Republicans, the party that loves to wave the 'Family Values' flag, who get caught in the very acts that they so vehemently decry."

Wow! Bill Clinton was a Republican??

[Ariel]

Here's an article that make it a little clearer that good old Bob was in fact offering the cop $20 to let him polish his knob.

Article is titled 'Rep. charged with offering undercover officer $20 for oral sex'

http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20070712/BREAKING/70712019

[Dixon]

Ever notice how it's only the repressed homosexuals that do things like pay for sex in dirty public bathrooms or molest children? Gay men who aren't ashamed of being gay, on the other hand, would use the $20 to buy drinks at a bar and get laid like a normal person. Their also interested in having sex with men not boys.

It's so funny how the more the Catholics and Republicans try to fix the gay "problem" the more real problems they create. Once upon a time southern red-necks haited Catholics and Republicans. Ahhh, the good old days.

[DML]

This is the problem with journalism these days. In a rush to get a sensationalistic piece published, important facts just get glossed over.

They never said whether the arrest was made before or after the politician gave the undercover officer the bj. This will have a huge affect on my view of this matter.

[AC]

The guy WANTED $20 for his services of doing a blow job on the cop. Apparently he has not figured out how to rip off voters like all the other politicians.

Another way to say it, "I will sell this blow job to you for $20"

[SpongeJim]

The only funny part of this entire post is how idiotic the people are who commented with praise for Scott and failed to RTFA. Bahahahaaa!

[Jake]

You know photos like this aren't going to help him...
http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/FileStores/Web/Imaging/PhotoAlbums/HousePhotoOriginal0459.jpg

[niCk(MemBeth)]

"Are all American politicians obsessed with sex??"

No, its the American religious leaders, also. We just had a minister from a local church found dead in his home in a comprimising position wearing sad-masochism sex costume. He died from asphyxiation.

Nobody around here seems particulary surprised.

[Dan K]

Gotta have the $20 to buy some crack!

[basselope]

Oh sure... rag on Bill Clinton for screwin' the public (one at a time) but at least he didn't just blow us off like this guy!

(sorry... had to do it)
:-Þ

[Penethra]

oops! I didn't misread that. I just refused to believe it, I guess. HE was _offering_ his services as a male prostitute?! GAWD!

[LA Clay]

Blow Job? I'm In!
$20 bucks? What the hell.
Public restroom? sketchy, but sure.
By a Politican? No freakin way!

[mjc jr]

HAH!! Laugh-out-loud funny two days in a row. He'd be such a great president, they'd have to add another white granite memorial in DC - can you imagine what the sculpture inside would look like?

"Mommy? Why is that statue praying to that other statue's tummy?"

[Frick]

Shouldn't the Article title be change to "Gives it"?

Just a thought

[HALiverpool]

Hi Scott,

I think you misinterpreted the story. I think Bob allegedly wanted to be paid $20 the deed. That doesn't pass the sniff test either. I know people do stupid things like pay others to abuse them, but I suspect Bob said "twenty bucks for a blowjob". What he meant was that he would pay $20 for a blowjob. That's why he said it was all a misunderstanding.

-HAL

[G]

"He wanted the 20 bucks. What did he need $20 for in a park ?"

to get a blowjob. what else.

[AC]

Quote
"Minutes later, he solicited an undercover male officer inside the restroom, offering to perform oral sex for $20."

I don't get how you read this as the offer being I will blow you and give you $20.

[Jon]

Lock him in a room with Nancy Pelosi.

[miriam]

he just keeps giving and giving... bless his heart

[mith]

It's too bad Bob Allen isn't more original:

http://www.nee-antwerpen.be/index-eng.htm

[Jay]

Quick send Bill Clinton and Jesse jackson to counsel him in his time of need. That is if you assume that they can grasp the concept of someone other than the taxpayer or contributor to a charity paying for their sex.

How little we know about who "they" dedice to run for office.

[Sean]

I have never understood why something like this is illegal, but porkbarreling is not.

[Mokkery]

What’s the big deal? A lot of politicians have special interests. He was just stumping his constituency.

[Jamey]

I'm gueesing it'd be an amazing physical experience to get a blow job from Bob...well worth $20!

Long-time politicians afterall, can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch, what with all those years of practice sucking-up and kissing ass.

[Pete]

I must be retarded...
I can't even understand why prostitution should be illegal.

In most countries, lots of money mean lots of girls!
... or guys, if that's what you prefer.

[jakesdad]

obligitory Sopranos quote:

"what, you mean Vito was CATCHING, not PITCHING? HEY! OHH!" :D

[Mary Wu]

I feel sorry for his teenage daughter. "HEY, I hear your family is in the business, I have $20, meet me back of the football stadium after class."

[Joe]

wow.. gives new meaning to the following quote from Allen (in the article):

"With you behind me," he continued, "I will continue to stand up against special interests and lobbyists who are backing my opponents and want your legislator to do their bidding instead of representing you."

I'd rather be behind him than in front of him, especially when he's standing up against anything. And what does he mean, exactly, when he says that lobbyists are backing his opponents? Or when he refers to legislators "doing their bidding"?

From this point forward, I vow to interpret everything a politician says as sexual innuendo. In fact, I vote that we have a contest to see who can find the best quote from a politician which, taken in another way, would imply something sexual.

[Sir Mike Tallon]

That shit is so fucking funny! I apologize for the language, but it's the only way I can convey how uproariously funny that joke was. What a build up!

[DF]

You have to remember, America was founded by Puritans, people who thought that Europe was not strict enough. They are still preaching to save sex for marriage, they teach abstinence instead of safe sex, you are a repressed group of people. It is viewed that anyone who strays from that, is morally corrupt. Unfortunately, these religious nuts (and there are a lot of them), that believe everyone should be chaste, are not the norm. People are naturally curious and want to try new things, some want to be spanked, some like being poked in the ass, and some like being tied up. None of those are my cup of tea, but it's about respecting other people's beliefs, desires, etc. and learn to relax a little. These pent up sexual frustrations build until they explode, like anger and stress, and people need to have outlets. So legalize prostitution, license them, tax them, make them see doctors monthly, and provide a safe place for them and their clients, it would be a great source of revenue.

Although, you may be looking at the story all wrong. Was he offering $20 to give a blowjob, or to receive one? Was he strapped for cash for some reason, or was his wife just not putting out at home? I guess we should be thankful that he didn't approach his teenage daughter first...

[Marxist]

Legalise prostitution!

[Bez]

I've just noticed: Comments in reverse chronological order? That's so wrong - you've just messed with my head. (As the politician said to the police officer).

[Robert B.]

No no. Scott had it right. He wanted to give the guy 20 for the privilege. You know Foley toured my office right before his scandal broke. Now this guy. I really need to move.

[AC]

Looks like Scott needs to read the articles more closely and those that comment need to actually read the article linked in the blog.

[Craig Masson]

Well I'm quite annoyed by this. You're an undercover police officer, happily stood in the gents loo, spending tax payers money by noting down all the "for a good time call............." numbers when a Republican comes in, offers to yummy down on it, which is bad enough. But he wants to charge you to do it?

Did the cop look like he wanted to have his flute played, or was Bobby just trying his luck?

If Bob just wanted to taste the King Salmon then why charge? Was it to make him seem more proffessional, like a hypnotist?

If there's no recording, then maybe the cop made the first move?

Another question that needs answering - did the cop arrest him before, after..............or during?

[Mason]

Read the article more closely. Bob was offering the blowjob in exchange for $20, not in addition to.

What this tells me is that Florida state representatives are way underpaid. I mean, what if someone offered him money to introduce a bill? Surely if he's willing to offer reasonably-priced oral pleasure, a minor bit of legislative assistance can't be that much more expensive.

I can just imagine it coming down to a price war between him and a fellow representative.

Rep X: "Ok, I'll help change the state laws to allow you to build on currently protected wetlands. I'm very reasonable too. Just $5000 and I'll be your man on the inside."

Bob: "Pah! I'll do it for $4000, and for an extra $20 I'll make extra sure you're satisfied."

[hdf]

The article you've linked to says "Minutes later, he solicited an undercover male officer inside the restroom, offering to perform oral sex for $20." Sounds to me like he was offering a service IN EXCHANGE for $20, NOT a free blowjob with a complimentary 20-dollar bill thrown in...

[Zzyzxmo]

Now that would be a real win-win administration!
All were getting from shrub's administration is a good poking in the backside with no "reach-around".

[John]

Actually, he offered to give the undercover officer a blow job *for* $20, not *and* $20. Which is why he was arrested for solicitation for prostitution.

[bahbar]

From the article:
> offering to perform oral sex for $20.

He wanted the 20 bucks. What did he need $20 for in a park ?

[Berimbau_one]

I understood that to read that he would take $20 for performing the service...in that case it's the classic politician...takes your money and screws you.

[Andrew]

Usually politicians are more interested in preforming anal on their constituents. This is a welcome change.

[Penethra]

Occupation:
Economic Development/Education

Recreational Interest:
water sports

Seriously, though. He's one unhealthy looking feller! He'd HAVE to pay someone to touch him, or he'd never get any. *cringe*

And never mind the ethics of the situation. He's just stupid for getting caught. That's what all you guys are thinking, right? *rolleyes*

If attitudes towards health and scientific research were not so prehistoric, people who look like this wouldn't even exist!!

[And that Cindy woman is GROSS!!!JUST Ewwwwww!!!!!!!]

[Paul]

Are you sure he wasn't asking for $20 in return for the personal service he was offering? Thats the way I read it in that article.

[jerry w.]

This is a good show of true Republican values.

But (sorry)), at the moment his value seems to be pegged at $20.00, which is under market rate in Los Angeles. He could do the same thing to the intersection of Highland and Santa Monica that Disney did to Times Square, "inject" new life into it.

It might be right up his alley, so to speak.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Joel]

The way I read it, he wanted to be paid the $20 for performing the service. Since he's in the vicinity of your pocket anyway...

[Frank]

Is "Bob" his real name, or just a nickname he earned?

[Paul Mckenna]

He was only doing the BJ to go through the guys pockets and get his money back.
He may be a politician but he's not a fool.

Why was the cop "relaxing" in the toilet ? Is that the best use of police time ?

Paul

[Bez]

The daft thing is that had he made the two offers separately he wouldn't have broken the law, and it all would have blown over - as it were.

[Alan]

Well, if he was running for vice president with a presidental candiate named Neal, then together they would be "Neal and Bob".

[Alan]

I'll just take the $20. Thanks.
LOL. Ha, ha, ha...

[Craig Masson]

Does he want Bill Clinton in the White House, too?

That sounds like a win-win relationship

Bill - "Wow! Monica never gave me money............."

[Stan]

Funny how it always seems to be the Republicans, the party that loves to wave the 'Family Values' flag, who get caught in the very acts that they so vehemently decry.

Coincidence? I think not.

[Real Live Girl]

Bob believes it's better to give than receive; and just raised the bar for elected officials everywhere. "Hey! You want my vote? Be like Bob!"

Thanks for the laugh - it's the 2nd best way to start the day. I believe #1 starts with a $20...

[Ann]

That's great! Where do we get these people from? :)

[Bob's friend]

quick attempt to be first post, probably missed it.

Scott: I liked one update a day better

[jamie, derby]

Ahh, the carrot and stick approach to world affairs. Don't punsh the leaders/countries you don't like, offer them something in return for them changing their crazy ways. I like it.

[Ryan Vande Water]

Shouldn't the headline be: "A Politician Who Gives It?"

[Matt]

Do you actually spend any time writing comics anymore? or just writing blogs?
Not that i'm complaining, another good post Scott.

Woo! First comment (hopefully)

[WATYF]

I'm pretty sure we already had a president who was willing to do "favors" for his "constituents". :o)

WATYF

[Angel]

Are all American politicians obsessed with sex?? Don't feel bad though, our vice president was arrested for rape and fraud in the same year...