Just when I was losing all faith in our elected leaders, a little ray of sunshine caught my attention. Florida Representative Bob Allen was arrested for allegedly offering one of his constituents $20 and a blow job. Unfortunately for Bob, that constituent happened to be an undercover cop in a public restroom, so Bob got arrested.
My initial reaction to this story was BEST…ELECTED OFFICIAL…EVER. Generally, after we elect a politician, he takes our money and gives it to people we don’t even like. Bob Allen got it right. He’s willing to give his voters $20 apiece and service them orally. He cares.
Some of you might not want to accept the non-cash component of Bob’s offer. But still, you have to appreciate his attitude. They say all politics is local, and Bob takes it to the next level, i.e. inside your pants. I think I found my new preferred candidate for president.
I can imagine Bob Allen negotiating with Korean leader Kim Jung Il:
Bob: Would you stop building nuclear bombs, please?
Kim: What’s in it for me?
Bob: Well, for starters, this twenty-dollar bill…