Flying Dinosaurs
Once upon a time there were dinosaurs. They died and decomposed and turned into oil. Millions of years later, humans turned that oil into plastic. Recently, plastic became the major building material for the new Boeing 787 Dreamliner. There’s your proof that dinosaurs can fly.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19421415/
This got me wondering if the 787 is a new form of life. After all, it’s carbon-based, i.e. mostly plastic, and more intelligent than most people I know. And it reproduces, in the sense that more 787s are being built. But is that enough? I turned to Wikipedia to find out the definition of “life.”
According to some stranger with no credibility, life is characterized by “growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.” Luckily, intelligence is not part of the definition. So we can skirt that argument.
Metabolism is essentially the chemical reactions in a living thing. The 787 has plenty of chemical reactions. If it didn’t, the engines and the air conditioning wouldn’t work. You might argue that the majority of the plane has no chemical reactions. Luckily, the definition of life doesn’t require a minimum percentage of chemical reactions. It just has to have some. Check.
The 787 also eats and poops. Its food is people. And its poop is people who are a few hours older and slightly more decomposed. People enter the 787s stomach, stay there for a few hours decomposing, and exit through the rear (I’m hoping, because it makes the analogy more spiffy). The passengers pay money for this trip, which goes into the financial bloodstream and results in fuel and replacement parts being added to the plane. It’s not a perfect analogy, I grant you that, but some bugs have their skeletons on the outside and no one complains about that.
The 787 obviously reproduces, with help from humans. There will be more 787s next year than this year. You could argue that the plane can’t reproduce on its own, but neither can some flowers. They need bees to pollinate them. Technically, no animal could reproduce without the help of other plants and/or animals, because you can’t procreate if you have nothing to eat. Most life depends on other life, directly or indirectly, in order to reproduce.
To qualify as life, the 787 must also adapt to its environment through changes originating internally. It’s designed to do just that. If the plane senses a drop in cabin pressure, it releases the oxygen masks. If it’s on autopilot, it continuously adjusts its path to compensate for wind. Clearly it adapts to its environment.
So there you have it. The 787 Dreamliner is alive. And you are jet poop. Deal with it.
this plane shit just made me lagh
Posted by: sandra heintz | February 11, 2008 at 02:17 PM
Not true Mike
Posted by: Dinosaurs | August 27, 2007 at 01:46 PM
So I'm jet poop eh? I can live with that, I've certainly been called worse. I just hope and pray the 787 doesn't get constipated while I'm on board.
Posted by: Richard Rowell | July 25, 2007 at 11:00 PM
Scott...No offense, but this is quite possibly the least scientific argument I've seen in a long time. Incredibly funny, I'll give you that. But as far as convincing, I think you've got a better chance convincing the 787 to burrow to the center of the earth and dance the Charleston.
Posted by: Mark | July 12, 2007 at 09:15 AM
I don't like to feel like poop...
So I've edited the wikipedia. Now it's alright:
“Life is a condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects, i.e. non-life, and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally... with the exception of planes, cars, trains and other big stuff”
Posted by: Listo Cómics | July 08, 2007 at 01:58 PM
We eat 787 poop!
Ever wondered what goes into those nutritous plastic in flight meals?
Yes it's reconstituted in flight meals from weeks ago. We eat the residue from the 787 food after it is processed to remove the blue loo chemical.
He He next time the Trolley Dolly serves up your plastic meal think about it.
Al
Posted by: Al | July 07, 2007 at 05:14 AM
Hate to be a party-pooper, but living things also have to grow. The 787 won't do that.
Posted by: Daniel | July 06, 2007 at 05:38 PM
I got to this a few days late, but it made my Friday afternoon much more entertaining. Especially since I'm on the 787 team (and really looking forward to Sunday's Rollout).
And I shared this with several coworkers, who also really appreciated it.
Hooray for jet poop
Posted by: Holly | July 06, 2007 at 03:50 PM
Jet poop! Ha! It takes one to know one!
Posted by: Sondra | July 06, 2007 at 10:26 AM
just how high were you when you wrote this?
Posted by: Ben | July 06, 2007 at 10:24 AM
That's the greatest thing I've ever heard in my life. Thank you, Scott.
Posted by: Kelsey H. | July 05, 2007 at 08:46 PM
Hahaha, "reproduces, with help from humans".
Then, a xerox machine should be called "pregnancy machine"!
"I prefer think Scott's post proves once and for all that software engineers are gods."
Hurray! I am a software engineer! Let me play god, f*ck fortran to have some simulator babies!
SCOTT, PLEASE, DON'T TURN OFF YOUR CAR! NEITHER YOUR COMPUTER! IT'S MURDERING!!!
Posted by: Cristiano | July 05, 2007 at 09:00 AM
So if I work on the software for a 787, and my creation gets copied into each and every one of the 787 born, does that make me
a) a 787
b) a god?
I prefer think Scott's post proves once and for all that software engineers are gods.
Posted by: Little me | July 05, 2007 at 06:38 AM
This talk of living ships reminds me of Farscape. Some day perhaps, we'll breed ships and planes that more closely fit our limited definition of alive.
Posted by: zyphax | July 05, 2007 at 04:31 AM
"We actually eat jet poo.
People aboard planes / boats take a dump.
Dump is expelled over ocean.
Fish eats dump.
We eat fish.
Posted by: gordon_goosemonster"
Then we go in an aeroplane. Take a dump...
It's called the cycle of nature.
Posted by: Mark | July 05, 2007 at 04:10 AM
Must... resist... urge... to... point... out... flaws...
Posted by: Shan | July 05, 2007 at 02:30 AM
Well done Scott,
I do love the way you can spark a vigorous debate on the nature of life by posting a piece of infotainment drivel...
Keep up the good work.
Posted by: Free William | July 04, 2007 at 05:08 PM
I like talking about Paris Hilton more.
Posted by: Bruce Harrison | July 04, 2007 at 04:14 PM
In order for something to reproduce, it has to take part in creating one of its own. A plane doesn't do that. A life form must also have a central nervous system. Logically a parasite (human) cannot be that nervous system. And it cannot operate on its own. People are not food. They are parasites. Fuel is food.
Posted by: Allen Anderson | July 04, 2007 at 12:54 PM
Scott probably find a meaning to the Joseph Newman energy machine theory.
http://www.josephnewman.com/
If a cargo jet is alive, then this stupid guy might not be wrong either.
Posted by: Johnny Ouais | July 04, 2007 at 10:30 AM
Damn it, Scott! You're going to make them update their definition again until it fits perfectly their arbitrary judgement of what life is!
Posted by: Dalebert | July 04, 2007 at 06:46 AM
Maynard Smith: "entities with the properties of multiplication, variation, and heredity are alive, and entities lacking one or more of those properties are not"; basically to be alive a thing has to consume external energy, continuously changes its internal substance (metabolism), can multiplicate itself creating things similar to itself (heredity) to be alive.
Posted by: Alessandro | July 04, 2007 at 06:45 AM
Scott! Man, what the hell have you been smoking???
Posted by: Leonel | July 04, 2007 at 05:57 AM
"Another fact that might give some credence to Scott's theory: I once dated a woman who might have been an early prototype of the 787. This observation is based upon the size of her flaps."
Utterly fantastic :)
Posted by: Gdn | July 04, 2007 at 05:37 AM
The Inimitable Scott Adams!
Posted by: Tamizhmarai | July 04, 2007 at 05:21 AM