The Pope’s Handlers
I assume the pope has handlers, like any other leader, but with cooler titles. Imagine how hard it would be to handle the pope. How do you offer advice to a guy whose other advisor is The Almighty?
I was thinking about this problem after seeing a recent photo of the pope. Ignore the story and just look at this picture.
I imagine the pope during that photo shoot. When the handlers see the first few digital pictures, they start whispering to each other “You tell him,” and “No, you tell him.” Finally, the Bishop of Cantaloupe picks the short straw, and the conversation goes like this:
Bishop: Your Holiness, about these pictures…
Pope: They’re great, aren’t they?!
Bishop: Yes, yes. Just one thing. It’s your, um, expression.
Pope: Oh, that. That’s what I call my Infallible Pose. Do you like it?
Bishop: Well, here’s the thing. It might feel like an infallible pose on the inside, but when we see the pictures, it looks…different.
Pope: Different? What do you mean?
Bishop: It’s more of a…I don’t know the right words.
Bishop: Crazy eyes.
Bishop: You have crazy eyes. You look like Charles Manson on crank.
Pope: I appreciate your candor, and it saddens me that God disagrees with you. Wait, I’m getting a message from him now…It says “Go to Hell.”
Then I imagine the Bishop of Cantaloupe screaming in agony as he is consumed in a ball of flames.
Apparently I have too much time on my hands.
Update: An alarming number of readers left comments noting the similarity between the pope and Senator Palpatine from Star Wars. I give you this link to check for yourself.