In the news, a 7-foot-9 Mongolian herdsman (there’s only one of them) married a woman who is 5-foot-6.
This is the sort of story that raises all sorts of inappropriate questions. Not more questions than, say, the conjoined twins with two heads and one vagina, but lots of questions.
You were all thinking it, so let me just say it. Does the tallest man on earth have a trouser snake the size of Ryan Seacrest on Thanksgiving? Inquiring minds want to know. And if so, how does the tallest man’s diminutive wife explore her passion without dying in a Shish Kabob-type accident?
The tallest man recently made headlines for helping with some dolphins that had swallowed plastic. He used his long arms to reach all the way inside them and remove it. This makes me wonder what other uses he could have, especially if he is, you know, proportionate. For example, if someone dropped an iPod down a storm drain, could he attach gum to the end of his python, leaf through a Victoria’s Secret catalog, and retrieve it?
I don’t know the Mongolian translation for Johnson, but let’s say it’s Ganbaatar. When the world’s tallest man walks to the shower, does his Ganbaatar slap his thighs and make a noise like a king salmon that jumped in a canoe?
Oh, you can say you’re above this kind of humor. But I don’t think you’d be reading this blog if that were true, Ganbaatar breath.