True Story

Sunday afternoon, a youth league basketball coach and his team play an away game in Pleasanton, CA. After the game, they grab some lunch at the In-n-Out Burger, then head home. The van with the team takes off, and the coach drives his beat-up old sedan to the gas station before the long trip home.

That’s when the coach realizes his wallet and cell phone are in his briefcase, which he left in the van. He has no gas, no money, no identification, and no phone. He’s also African-American, which he knows is going to make this next part especially challenging.

He walks around the pump and encounters a middle-aged white guy in workout clothes, gassing his BMW. The coach launches into his story about the basketball team, the hamburgers for lunch, the van, the briefcase, and he’s sure he’s not selling it.

“What do you need?” asked the guy with the BMW, judging the story to be legitimate.

“I don’t need any money,” explained the coach, defensively. “I just need some gas. Maybe I could just pump some from your pump after you finish?”

The BMW guy reached for his wallet and said, “How far are you going?” Again, the coach insisted he didn’t want money, just gas. He knew it would sound too suspicious to ask for cash. He had trouble believing he closed the sale with such a lame story, and he didn’t want to be thought of as a scammer.

The BMW guy handed him a twenty and said, “Is that enough?” The coach tried one more time to explain he wasn’t asking for money. The BMW guy just smiled and shrugged. The coach thanked him enthusiastically.

Was this an unlucky day for the coach, because he forgot his wallet? Or was it a lucky day because he found help so easily and it restored just a little bit of his faith in humanity?

I can answer that question, because I was the guy with the BMW. And it wasn’t until this morning that I realized he said he was heading to Monterey. If I had done the math, I would have realized twenty dollars would only get him halfway home. I just figured that out this morning.

So, thanks to my help, he’s probably stranded in Gilroy (the garlic capital of the world) and wondering why that briefcase-in-the-van story only worked once.

And in retrospect, I suppose I should have offered to let him use my cell phone. So I grant you it wasn’t a clean win for humanity. But I felt good about myself for half a day, and that was worth twenty bucks.

For the record, Coach, I would have given you forty bucks. I hope you found your way home from Gilroy.

Comments

[berto]

very nice story.. ive appreciate it..

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[Ayesha]

Hello: A couple of years ago I got cash from a machine and the machine dispensed an extra $20 bill! However I had driven 20 miles away from the convenience store by then. "Oh my gosh!" I thought, and headed back to the store. When I walked in a guy was arguing loudly that the machine had shorted him $20, but he'd not noticed it before leaving the store. "Our machines don't make that kind of mistake." the clerk repeated several times. Then I mentioned that less than half an hour previously I'd been dispensed an extra $20 and had come back to return it. Obviously my 'extra' money must have been subtracted from the next customer. Here's his money.

I handed the money to the clerk, who without hesitation put it in a drawer, as he told us he would have to get with Headquarters, to find out what to do. I reached for the bill, realizing I should have given it to the other buy, but the clerk the grabbed my hand, and got very surly about my 'robbing him'.

When I left the other guy was just livid, and so was I which is why I left.

[Sumit K. Lal]

What you drive a Beemer??!! I thought you were an achiever.. But jokes aside, like the they say, let all the guilty escape but not one innocent should be punished. Great work Scott, way to go.

[Lee]

Ahhh... the Fish Man strikes again. Keep on giving. I'm going to the Catskills on Wednesday (Kutshers). I'm afraid I can only afford the standard tip, though.

[Paul Reinheimer]

A few people seem surprised that the coach wasn't on the bus. Speaking (admitadly) as a camp counsellor/staff member for several years, you never ever take just the bus. There's a bus (or two, or three) then a chase car with a staff member or two, the first aid kit, and all the forms that let you get the people on the bus(es) health care. This is great for several reasons:
1. If the bus is rented it likely wont be there between when you get dropped off and when you get picked up, so you need a way to get to the hospital.
2. If something happens on the road, the car can stop to load whomever is hurt, then get to the hospital faster than the bus.
3. If there's more than one bus, you don't need to try and distribute the forms amongst the busses.

[George]

Well, the last time I did this -- the black guy didn't even have a CAR in the gas station. I'm not making this up. He bounced with my $20, and laughed all the way to the crack house.

[GothGeek]

'Nother Christian here...It's wonderful to read about such a gift! Good on you, Scott. I used to be very cynical about this kind of behavior, and made any excuse I could in order to NOT give out money. "They're just buying booze", "They're professional panhandlers", etc. Goodness knows I've met my fair share of those, as I travel nearly every other week for work.

Then I thought to myself one day, "So what?" I'm a firm believer in 'what goes around comes around', and as such if someone asks me for money, I have no problem giving it to them. It's not my business what they want it for, and I really don't care, anyway. It's not always cash, either - I've been asked for food, drink, or gas pumped as well, and usually those times it's relatively legit. Paying it forward guarantees a return in the future, and it feels GOOD to give.

Besides, I've left my wallet at home more than once, so even if I'm being ripped off 99% of the time, that 1% of people who actually ran out of gas, lost their wallet, haven't eaten today, or need to make a phone call, are totally worth the rest.

May you be richly blessed for your trouble, whether this coach was the real thing or not.

[Kevin Kunreuther]

Gas prices really really suck right now!
You used to get a tank for ten dollars now it's thirty five!

By the way, good intentions have been known to pave the road to ...GILROY.

[Rajesh Moriani, India]

why wouldnt he use part of that $20 to make a phone call?

am i missing something?

[Jason]

Very interesting post and comments.

For myself I do tend to give money to people who ask. Doesn't happen that often around here. There are a few people who now know me and do ask when they see me every so often, but I found the simple act of showing some kindness and talking to them as a human being gives them more of a boost than the few bucks does. Let them spend the money how they like.

I only knowingly got scammed once. One guy comes up as I am walking home at night "excuse me, my stove is on, my mum is coming over, i need to get the keys off my x and need a cab quick, etc etc" (stupid story when i think back, but he was good at his line and seemed fine). so i say no worries and give him $10. a month or so later i see him outside the local pub one night. same thing, he asks me the exact same story (perfectly rehearsed and practiced). i said if he remembered me. no he says. even after catching him he only had a slight twinge in his eye of "oops he got me".

Thanks for the read Scott. This was a great blog entry and everyone elses comments gave me much insight into the human race.

[le Big MAC]

Dear Mr Adams,
I'm glad I helped persuade you to get a BMW. That mileage is something else, innit?
Also, I wonder if you fell for it. This has nothing to do with him being black-I mainly get hustled by whites in the city, almost never by a black person. Still, the "my friends ditched me and I really need to get back to" insert name of nearby bedroom community, sounding as whiny and pathetic as possible, is an old saw. If he sounded too scared and whiny, he was probably lying. I'm a true cynic, no doubt.
Now to read all comments.

[Prashant Waghe]

How can you be sure, that this guy was not cheating you.. in India it always happens..

[Mitchel]

I was once on the subway and a couple was asking out loud for $48 to get somewhere. I saw they got a couple of bucks from one rider. I transferred to a different train and the same couple was on this train. Now they were asking aloud this time for $46 to get somewhere. Does this make the story true? To me it did, yet I had no change to give at the time.

[DanW]

I don't give cash, I keep Wendy's gift certificates in my car for panhandlers. So far, only about 50% of the people who ask for money for food, take the gift certificate. Why? They have to eat sometime.

[vk]

This reminds me of ppl looking for a fag here in London..despite of their beggar like appearance, they just come over and say "Can I buy a cigarette from u?"...i am like ..dude take a good look at urself at some store window...u dont exactly look like a type who buys cigarette..anyway i give them a cig with a smirk on my face :)

[Norellicus]

Wow @ you people thinking he's inflating his own ego with the story. He potentially helped someone out of a serious jam, what frigging difference does it make?

If someone comes up to me and starts off with "Can I have some money" and follows up with some story about their car is broken blah blah blah and they're talking fast and swearing they'll pay you back later, I usually dismiss it; more than once though I've been approached by someone who claims to be stranded and needs taxi fare or whatever, and I have no problems giving them $10. If they scammed me, well I hope it brings them some kind of happiness; if it was a real problem, then yay, I just helped them out of a jam. Dwelling on the outcome is an exercise in futility.

The bitter cynicism being shown here is disheartening, and when people are responding with comments like "God you're such a selfish, altruistic egotist" it's no wonder people don't often do anything to help their fellow man! Damned if you do, damned if you don't...

[Angela S]

I always wonder what kind of people we've become, what kind of world we've made, when it's the norm to think twice before helping someone out.

My line of thinking is - maybe I'm being scammed, maybe I'm not. Either way, chances are good the other person needs the money more than I do. And I'd hope that if I ever found myself in that position, someone would be kind enough to do the same for me.

[Kevin]

I don't generally give money to people on the street, but I do sometimes stop when I see kids doing a car wash fundraiser. The other day I saw some Scouts fundraising to get themselves to a jamboree. They were charging $5 for a wash, and I decided to let them wash it. They were a hapless and disorganized bunch, but they were laughing and having fun. I think by the time they were done the entire car was washed, soaped and rinsed about 5 times over (the whole left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing certainly applies here). I spoke to their leader and some of the kids, who admitted this was their first car wash fundraiser. I gave them $10.

Last week I was in the same area and another group, a school sports team, was also trying to do a car wash fundraiser. There were no cars being washed (yet). The kids were goofing around on the side of the street, yelling at each other. When I slowed to turn into the nearby restaurant, they ran to my car and surrounded it, yelling that I should get a car wash. They were charging $10. When I told them I didn't have any cash (the truth), one kid yelled, "Oh, yeah, THAT's a good excuse!" The kid next to him immediately told him to shut up.

I not only didn't give them any money, I seriously considered finding their adult leader and giving him heck about insulting potential customers.

[Terri]

This tale is a bit more graphic than some, so those of you with young children might want to send them out of the room to play a video game, say "The Care Bear Chainsaw Massacre."

The era is 1960, the day is my birthday [literally]. Our family lived in the California boonies, about 40 miles from the hospital. Mom went into labor and Dad bundled her into the backseat of the car. I decided that it was 'time' and made my appearance in the carport before Dad even got the car shifted into reverse. No complications, but childbirth is an inherently messy business . . .

Dad drove Mom and bundle of joy to the hospital and got everyone settled. However, it was two in the morning and he needed to go home and take care of older kids. However, he is almost out of gas. So, he slowly cruises the streets of Willows California, stopping hopefully at the gas stations, which of course, in 1960, are all closed. So, he keeps cruising, slower and slower . . .

Finally a town cop stops him. Approachs car, only slightly suspicious. Flashes giant flashlight around car interior and sees . . . um . . . graphic . . . evidence of some sort of extreme biological occurrence in the backseat. Ahh what the heck, the kids are out of the room . . . there is blood and gunk everywhere.

Next thing Dad knows, he's yanked out of the car and facedown on the hood of the car with one arm twisted up between his shoulderblades with the officer demanding an explanation.

Luckily, my dad, in his prime, could charm the stripes off a tiger. Even with his face mashed into the car hood, he managed to convince the cop of what happened. Not just that, the cop ended up calling the owner of the gas station that did towing for the police and got dad all fixed up for the trip home, with only a face print on the car hood to show for it.

A dual tale of the good [sorta] samaritan and the joys of parenthood . . .

[HALiverpool]

Does this mean you are making progress with your speech problem?

-HAL

[Tim]

This reminds me of Danny Wallace's book Join Me. He started a cult, which he called the karma army who's main function is to perform random acts of kindness. They were scammed on their first attempt.

[Tokyo Joe]

I helped a lady start her car one rainy night after I borrowed cables from a guy. She insisted I take $20 and I refused despite being between jobs. "Take it," she said, I'm a doctor." So I split it with the cable guy and went to a bar to celebrate having $10 in surprise cash. I got drunk, was pulled over by the Memphis police and given four different tickets (crossing the center line, expired city decal, expired car tag, and expired driver's license). Fortunately I was spared a night in jail.

I sure learned MY lesson -- never help a lady doctor in a rainstorm! (But I really haven't driven drunk since that night in 1983...)

[TomB]

A true story:

Once upon a time, a friend in the hotel trade (a Chef) was being transfered from a CP hotel in Charlottetown, PEI to a resort in Jasper, Alberta. He was in PEI, but the car he needed to tow a U-haul trailer with his stuff was in Kingston, as was I.

So, being March break from University, I picked up the car and headed for PEI. 20 hours later, I was on the ferry to PEI. Shortly thereafter, we were heading Westward.

Shortly after that, in rural New Brunswick in the dark of a winter night, there was a loud bang and the car was jerking around like a buckin' bronco. It turned out that the trailer ball had been installed on the car before I picked it up, but never tightened. The two and a three quarter inch long large bolt had worked loose and the trailer hitch (with ball in hand) had detached. Only the tow chains and our gaurdian angels prevented a sizable mishap when things went all pear-shaped.

So here we are, stranded in rural NB in the dark of night. About a mile or two away, we can see an all night truckstop. So I get out and hang from the back of the trailer, to ballast it and get the tongue up in the air, while my friend drives the car, pulling the trailer on tow chains, to the truck stop.

We needed a new bolt for the trailer. The locals phoned the tow truck driver, he wasn't home. They phoned him at his relatives. No joy. Truckers we talked to had bigger bolts, normal folks smaller, but nothing the right size for the trailer ball. I got advised about a dozen times over two or three hours just to lift a trailer ball (five finger discount) from the parking lot.

Finally, we settled on trying to buy one from somebody coming through. We encountered one kind fellow driving a little 4x4 pickup. He had a hitch, we explained our odd situation, our dire need to get on the road again, and offered to buy his hitch. He would not hear of it - he made a gift of it to us. He would not take money. We tried repeatedly to get him to take payment.

Only after we had it off and installed on our car did he mention the truck was his buddy's, that he was borrowing, and that he was just going to tell his buddy it had been stolen. We tried yet again to give him some cash, but he just laughed and drove on.

That hitch got my buddy and his stuff to Jasper on time. That fellow saved our bacon. I hope his friend took the bad news in good spirits.

Moral:

Maritimers are incredibly generous folks, helpful to strangers in need. But they have an odd sense of possession and NEVER LOAN THEM YOUR TRUCK.

[Drew]

I live in seattle, and there is a guy downtown who has had a sign for the past year saying exactly:

"ninjas killed my family, need money for kung fu lessons."

I doubt his situation is really that bad, so everytime I see him I laugh.

[grepthis]

I try not to give money to someone who appears to be working a con. One giveaway I look for is the too complicated story, and far too elaborate methods for guaranteeing repayment.

If someone honestly appears to be in distress and I can help with a small bit of cash, I sometimes will provide $5 or $10. I am sure I have been conned once or twice by someone really good at their craft.

What I really hate, are the pretend charities that collect money by means of mailings, collection jars in stores, and door to door solicitors, who are supposedly legit, but end up eating 80% of the funds collected in overhead, and barely give anything to the alleged beneficiary.

A good con man works at his craft, makes you feel good about yourself, and provides a little entertainment. It's illegal, and they know they are crooks.

The smirking clown in a suit, who steals using a computer, and is fully legal, while obviously unethical, is a far more reprehensible parasite in my opinion.

[black spot]

Awww! Sweet! What’s with these cynics coming out of the woodwork? We all need help sometimes and it feels good to give back occasionally.

[MarkM]

I've had similar experiences, although I'm always asked for money. I thankfully do not live where this is so common I've become jaded.

The last time I was asked for $5 from someone who claimed to be starving I didn't have a $5 bill so I gave him a $20. Whether the guy was scamming me or not I will never know, but no matter what his situation was, I did the right thing.

I've been on a "low cash diet" before, and although I never asked a stranger for money I do know what it's like to have little and no food for days at a time.

[Ian Gibson]

This really struck a chord with me.
A long time ago, we were 2 young students from England who went to the USA in 1971, worked for 6 weeks in Atlantic City and then under the influence of reading too much Jack Kerouac, decided to explore the rest of it. We were sold a Rambler station wagon which was lethally unsafe and had a lucky escape when he brakes failed but I managed to coast into a Sears Roebuck carpark just after the store had closed late on a Saturday night.

At dawn, a genial Irish cop banged on the window and asked us why we were there. On learning the problem, he took us on a slightly mind blowing tour of Philadephia movie stars homes and left us for a bit.
He came back with one of his wife's coffee cakes for our breakfast because we might be hungy. It was huge and freshly baked and wonderful, then the cop came back again and had found a mechanic in a coffee lounge who was so helpful and yes his skin color was black, and he went to the scrapyard, and found the bits the car needed. Most of his Sunday morning was spent doing this and yet it was really difficult to force any money on him for all the wonderful help.
I'd like to feel that you still have friendly cops and helpful mechanics, so look after them as much as you can.

[Burton MacKenZie]

Another time I was asked by two young women who were *cough* "living on the street" if I had any money for food because they were starving. I offered to take them to the Burger King down the street and buy them food, and they accepted. Just before ordering, the big fat girl turned to me and said "I'm a vegetarian, I can't eat this!"

1) starving street people aren't vegetarians
2) i told her to get a salad

Many kids are ignorant of the harsh realities of street life and like to be posers. Around here it is a bit of a problem in the summer - high school kids think they're cool by dressing "street" and going downtown to beg, effectively taking money out of the hand of the real beggars. (and there are some around here that i give money to regularly, whether they ask or not, because i honestly believe them to be unemployable due to mental illness and they have fallen between the cracks of the system)

[GLK]

Everyone pretty much empathizing in unison over a highly speculative scenario smacks of another one of your thought experiments. Perhaps to emphasize that con artists everywhere are cashing-in on the fact that there is no free will.

[Rob Elbourn]

So was it true or not? did you check him out?

[Bozo the Engineer]

Yuriy,
I think your estimates were right on. Mid-grade was $2.939/gallon on Saturday at the Shell station on the corner where I'm 99% sure this happened. If his tank was bone-dry and the beat up old sedan took mid-grade, that would be 6.8 gallons. (sorry - I only have that price because that's what my car took and I still have the receipt.)
Google maps says it's 102 miles from that location to generic "Monterey," which happens to show up on the south end of town and should be about the worst case for distance. Anyway, anything farther doesn't have a lot of beat up old sedans.
So, Scott, anything better than 14.7 MPG should have gotten him home. As long as he didn't get totally jammed up on 101 in San Jose, he should have made it.

[it's me]

I saw a guy standing near an exit on the highway who definitely looked like he needed some cash, food or something like that. The funny part was that he looked about 30, and his sign said, "Help a Vietnam Veteran." I've heard about living on the streets making people look older, but I've never heard about it making people look younger.

[Tony]

Way to pay it forward Scott!

Or 50% forward. You should have given him $32, then he could have driven further than 80% of the other coaches.

Which is good enough, right?

[Bozo the Engineer]

I live in Pleasanton and can confirm that there was youth basketball on Sunday. I don't know what league it was - I know because somebody came by my house to pick up some books and she had to come after 7:00 pm so she could stay until the end of one of the games.

"Tim" asked if Scott was just trying to say something about folks in Pleasanton. I'll say for folks in Pleasanton that on the same day as this incident I was giving away children's books to a first year teacher. But, I'll also point out that Scott himself doesn't live here. Not sure if it's San Ramon or Dublin, but nearby. The In 'N Out would be on the route from his downtown restaurant to his home.

Maybe this article is right about either of our motives:
http://www.economist.com/science/displaystory.cfm?story_id=9581656

[Craig Fluck]

A minister friend relayed this. He was outside his church and was approached by a man. The man asked for money. The minsiter asked, "What kind of story do you have?" The man responded, "What kind of story would move you, preacher?" From my perspective no good deed is ever wasted. It's not his story, it's yours that matters. Yet another story from Dilbert's Dad.

[Joel Odom]

I would have thought you to be a Camry or an Accord man. A BMW? I don't think that I'd give up my Camry even if I could afford to.

[Caio]

Hello Scott,

I live in Brazil, you must have heard about it... we DON'T have monkeys on the streets... hehehe!... but we have children on the lights asking for money. (i can give you some photos if you want)... and you cant do much about it... you can't give money to them, because they are forced to stay there. their parents tell them to stay there and ask for money, then late, when they come home the parents take their money, and usually use it to drink!
they must be at school!!! not on the street asking for money!
I have a friend that lives in California, he came to here last month and when he saw the children on the lights he gave them lots of money... I told him to don't do it, becouse we wasn't helping. If you want to help, give them some food! i usually have junk food in my car, so when they ask for money i say:
- i don't have money, but, i have a cand bar... do you want?

they smile back at you saying:

- yes yes... please... can you give me two??? =)

- yes i can!

I now that I'm not changing their lives, but...I'm giving them a little bit of happiness! the real help must come from the government( they have the power to change this situation ), but they are to occupied stolen the money that should go to the public schools.

Shame on you Brazilian politicians.

And I ask to myself... where are the Law??? even our president is in a middle of a stolen accusation. maybe there is no more hope for this country!

[Yuriy]

How expensive is the gas in California? According to google maps, it's about 100 miles between Pleasanton and Monterey. Even assuming the beat-up old sedan has an awful 15mpg mileage, that's, 6.67 galons. Local gas prices would have to be $6/gallon for the $20 to only get him "half-way".

[Claire]

I heard this from my mother, who in turn heard from someone else.

This guy saw a beggar on the road, and needing someone to help paint his house, offered the beggar a job.
He offered the guy the common standard, and the guy said - "No thanks - I make three times that begging everyday"

I also know someone whose uncle is a professional beggar - he has education and all the credentials to get a job, but that meant hard work, and now he wanders the streets and gets money he didnt have to work for. Crazy, I know.

My mother and step-father were recently waved down on a quiet road late at night, by two "disshevelled" looking women.
The one woman spun them a yarn about their car breaking down, and the mechanic had driven out in the middle of the night to quote them R150 to fix a part (like a mechanic is EVER gonna just drive out and quote for nothing). Then they said they had been there for hours with nothing to eat or drink.

My folks looked at each other and smelt a rat. They then said "we cant give you money, but we can give you food" and gave them some fruit they had bought earlier at the market.

I never give out money. Those people are on the streets for a reason - its easy.
If they really wanted to do something about it they could, there are plenty charity places and soup kitchens they can go to. But they dont want money for food, they want it for booze, smokes and drugs.

If I really wanted to help stranded people, I would give my money to a worthy charity. Like the saying goes "Give a man fish and you will have to give him fish everyday. Give a man a rod and he will have fish forever"

I get irritated because I get accosted for money everyday, at every robot, walking down streets, etc. If I gave to everyone I would have nothing left!

[Dilbert's Rabbi]

YOU drive a Beemer!?!? I GOTTA change professions!

Nice story, Scott. In the words of Paul Harvey, "Lead on!"

[Richard Gosling]

16 years ago I was travelling in Canada, on my way to visiting distant relatives I'd never met (I'm English). I'd bought a thirsty old car, but ran out of fuel and money about half way there, in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. I was too young to have my own credit card at the time. I managed to pursuade the gas station attendant to let me use his 'phone to call the family I was going to visit, and then pursuaded this distant relative to give their credit card number to the gas station attendant so I could fill up my car on their card.

From the other side, may I say THANK YOU to all altruistic people who help out incompetant nincompoops who find themselves with neither fuel nor money!!

[Anfauglir]

A van that holds an entire team, plus any equipment they take with them....but not one space left for the coach, apparently. You'd think with a van that packed out the briefcase wouldn't have fitted.

And if there WAS room in the van....surely the coach would want to be with the team on their way to and from the game....or at the very least, one or two of the team would keep ol' coach company on the drive there and back....

[avidday]

Most youth league basketball coaches wear a uniform shirt close to that of the team they coach, usually with the team name on it. Surely Scott looked at his clothing before deciding to help the guy. Unless he was a really good scam artist or picked the shirt up at Goodwill, if he was wearing the uniform, chances are he was telling the truth.

I would have just pumped the guy some gas though.

[random]

Some people seem to assume that because he asked for petrol not money he was legit. Could be he uses this scam to get free petrol all the time, more convincing than asking for money, and with a car he'd need to use money for petrol anyway. But of course there is small chance he was being honest and as some people have said better to be ripped of sometimes and occassionally help an honest person than to never help and leave the person honestly needing help stuck. And like $20 to Scott is like a person with a normal bank account giving away a quarter.

[Michael]

It's a judgement call. Your description of it doesn't sound like a scam, but it's a judgement.

The last time I was asked for cash for petrol by someone who said he'd run it, it didn't feel right. My wife and I said no and continued in to the pub across the road. We watched the guy approach the next person and he scored some money - about $20. The we watched home come over to the pub, where he didn't see us, but changed his $20 into coins at the bar and fed the lot in to a slot machine (not sure what you call them in the US - one arm bandit, fruit machine, pokie). At least we felt vindicated at refusing to give him any money.

In other circumstances, I have helped out. Perhaps I was getting scammed then, but it felt genuine... in which case, I guess I'm paying them for their skills... sorta justifiable too if I don't find out I was conned!

[Rune]

I did more or less the same thing half a year ago, it was a good story, and the guy sounded and looked like he really needed some gas (I gave him gas for 1/3 of his trip, not money).

Anyway, I thought, if I spend $20 once in a while (every second year?) on one clever crook, I can go a loong time without ever feeling bad about not giving anything to random beggars. Which made me feel good. Like Scott obviously did. :-)

[Joy Forever]

Take a look at this little post I wrote over a year ago Scott:

http://sugatabanerji.blogspot.com/2006/08/did-i-do-right-thing.html

I have been scammed before, and I, who was once a naive person, has become hardened with time. I don't know about the US, but here in India you hear these stories again and again everyday. There are so many people who earn their living by selling such stories!
I only wish I made the right decision that night, for I hate to think that an innocent man had to suffer because of what others have done to me. In your case, I think you did the right thing... because if the guy could own a car, he wouldn't probably be cheating people for some gas.

[Dalebert]

Yeah, it was a scam, but you have lots of money so $20 is prolly no big deal. If it made you feel good, then you kind of bought something from the scammer and it was a good deal.

My pride would never allow me to just ask for money or gas from a stranger. It's pretty much the same thing anyway. Gas costs a lot of money. I don't even expect gifts of money from friends. I always pay them back. At most, I would have asked for your address or email for Paypal so I could borrow the money. You'd discover within a few days that I wasn't a scammer because you'd have the money back. More likely, I would just ask to use someone's cell phone.

[bgarrett]

Tell us more about the coachs 'beat-up old sedan".
I usually drive my 1939 Ford pickup (everyday for 16 years now) but sometimes I drive the 1931 Ford (12 years of driving). I also have a 57 chevy and a 59 Ford but I rarely drive them. too new to be interesting, ya know. I am also burdened with a 1966 Chrysler Convertible that my parents drove for 25 years. I feel an obligation to keep it in nice condition but it doesnt excite me. I take it to the grocery store about once every two months. I dont own any other new cars but I do have some older ones that I drive

[mike]

On the streets of Aberdeen Scotland, I was approached by a one legged man (he was on crutches). He wanted money to pay for his bus fare home. A little earlier in the night I'd seen him arrive by taxi...

[Kbug]

Despite all the bitching about fuel prices in the UK, I have to say that in many cases you do spend less (real) money getting yourself the same number of miles. It costs more per litre, but its used about twice as much or more efficiently (on average, for a car as opposed to a truck or SUV).

[Borjan]

Ah, so after all you're a typical American who thinks he'll just through some money out and feel good about himself. ;)

Why didn't you ask him what number can you call for him? (if you didn't want to part with your cell phone for whatever reason) Chances are he would have to know someone in a van or someone who could then call someone in the van to come back for him, no? And it would be a great filter to uncover a scam (if it was a scam)...

[Pietro]

It happened to me too. The guy insisted that he wanted to send me the money back when he would get to his home, so I gave him my address. Needless to say, I never got any mail from him, not even a postcard saying "thank you" or "you stupid".

[sb]

Hmmm...Interesting story!
Maybe it was neither a concious act of kindness nor a pre-meditated scam...
Maybe Scott lent 20 coz he thought that it would make a good story for the blog...

[Wim Steenhaut]

I am from Belgium and had the same experience a few years ago on a bus in Belgium. A young Arab took a bus and tried to pay his busride with a €20 banknote. The busdriver looked very angry and said that he should have had correct change. The Arab looked around and saw no shop where he could change his banknote in the neighbourhood and he went inside the bus and asked people if they would like to change his banknote. Nobody wanted even to check their wallets, they were afraid that it was another Arab trick to get their money.

I could not change the banknote, but I gave the young man the €1,50 he needed.

By accident we had to get out at the same place. The young man changed his banknote and gave me €5 back.

I refused in the first place but he insisted.

I guess we were both a little bit more happy that day.

Wim

[Terry Murphy]

I was once stopped by a man at a bus station who asked me if I could spare 50 pence towards the cost of a beer. When I asked why he didn't claim it was going towards a cup of coffee he replied he didn't want to lie.

I've never been sure if it was for his honesty or his bravery but I gave him £5.00.

[mike]

I was stranded in the U.S. after 9/11 for a few days (I'm English). Ended up staying in a fairly inexpensive hotel in Carlisle Pensylvania (I was on a business trip so I was getting my expenses repaid - not a problem). A weather-beaten guy approached me in the foyer and asked for a small coin (dime? nickel? I don't remember)to call his girlfriend. He said he had driven across country to start a new life with her and he had no money and no gas in his truck. I gave him a pocketfull of small change, maybe a couple of dollars. He was sooo grateful. I tried to explain that I couldn't exchange coins into UK cash anyway, so really I wasn't being very generous.

I know this sounds like a massive scam, but I did see a lady drive into the hotel carpark later and meet up with this guy. They were both good-looking but a little worn around the edges, like they worked outdoors.

I believed him totally to begin with. Then I thought I had definitely been scammed. Then when his girlfriend turned up I felt like a real prick for not being nicer.

[redblue]

Me being me, I leave my car lights left on a lot and the battery run down often. I have always been able to find someone to help me jumpstart my car. Generally I would seek out someone who has company so that they will not feel threatened. Occasionally, single young women have helped me, even if waryily. The trick is to be humble and not push it.
My faith in humanity is more robust than any three lettered gov't agency. At least in the Pacific Northwest. Your results may vary in other places.

[edward]

The Internet as a Platform Will Continuously Evolve

Mark Cuban, the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, an NBA franchise, and Chairman of HDNet, the richest blogger in the world claims The Internet is Dean and Boring days ago in his blog. Why? Here is his reason: Every new technological, mechanical or intellectual breakthrough has its day, days, months and years. But they don’t rule forever. That’s the reality… Just like wheels, printing presses, cars, TV, radio, electricity, water…Its very difficult to develop applications on a platform that is ever changing…

Well, Mark Cuban draws a wrong conclusion though his observations are right. Why?

1. The slow adoption of high-speed broadband during past 5 years in the US is not a problem of the Internet, or the proof of the Internet innovation stalls, it is a matter of domestic policy issues

2. From Web 1.0 to Web 2.0, the Internet has demonstrated its continuous evolution as a great platform in endorsing lot of application-level innovations, such as Wiki, Blog, Social Networking, Podcast, just to name a few

3. The continuously evolving of the Internet is good instead of bad, actually the innovation of the Internet itself is not fast enough, and that is why we call for Internet 2.0 to serve upcoming Web 3.0 better

Frontier Blog - search but not REsearch
http://www.hwswworld.com/wp

[dobeedoo]

I m not even sure whether this was a true story..so i'll not even bother to analyze whether it was a scam. But let me just say that even if that was a cold blooded scam at least it still proves that there are still a few humans amongst robots in this cynical world

[Eddie]

I think there's a BIG difference between being generous and helping someone in need. The difference is "control". Being generous allows me, you, and the pointy haired boss' to control the giving. Helping someone in need is pretty straightforward. Coach says he needs gas and you give him money. That's generous, of course, but it DID NOT meet his need. He needed a tank of gas. In fact he had a quick solution to get that need met (ie pass the hose). It's so difficult for humans to let go and and just meet a need with no control over the outcome. So, do you still deserve the ataboy?

[T Simic]

Dear Scott,

It's a common scam in Europe. I've seen it attempted at rest stations on highways, where drivers are less likely to contact the police.

I'm sure you know it was a scam, too, judging from the sarcastic closing of your post (if I picked it up correctly.) So the topic is really, why do we fall for scams?

The psychological workings of the scam are interesting. You're not asked for money, you choose to give it because it's a cleaner and faster solution than siphoning the gas. The unusual request (gas) draws your mind away from more appropriate solutions (spare change to make a call.)

Then again, we fall even for obvious or known scams because we feel sorry for a person who's forced into scamming. Yesterday I slipped a few euros to an obvious junkie - her sob story being totally unconvincing, but her crisis very real. I'm not sure if that was the most appropriate response (maybe calling the police would help her more in the long run?) but that was the best I could think of at the time.

And mind you, I asked a stranger for help once. I didn't own a cellphone at the time, and at 6AM, at temperatures below zero, my girlfriend didn't show up at the train station as she was supposed to. Payphones in my country use paycards which I didn't have, and no shops were open, so I approached a guy in a parking lot scraping ice off his windshield, told him I had an emergency (but didn't tell him the details) and offered to buy his paycard if he had it. He gave me his card for free, with enough credit for about two minutes of call. It was a genuinely touching experience, asking in real emergency and receiving enough help. The rest is scam.

[Martin]

You're a good man Scott. There should be more trusting and more honest guys like you and that coach in this world.

[Will]

SpongeJim wrote: "On the other hand, those who try and claim that there is a difference between "helping someone to feel good" and "doing the right thing" need to do some reading. I know religion colours a lot of people's opinions, but I'm sorry, there is a chemical selfishness to helping people and that will never change."
---
Uh, just because a person doesn't totally subscribe to utilitarianism or biological determinism, doesn't mean he or she is religious. You can still act on abstract notions of right and wrong without believing in a deity. Or has every single act in your life been motivated by pleasure (either instant gratification or delayed rewards)?

[GeordieHalfBreed]

I get 'panhandled' from time to time. Sometimes I give, sometimes I don't. I prefer to buy the big issue if I can, and tell them to keep the change; same good feeling, less nagging worry. But frankly, if the guy goes and spends it on booze, then who am I to judge? What do you think I was going to spend it on anyway?

[DL From Heidelberg]

Man: I don't need money just gas.
Scott: Take money.
Man: I don't need money, just gas.
Scott: Take money.
Man: Really, I don't need money, just gas.
Scott: Listen buddy, I know what you need and you don't. Now take this money before I call the police.
Man thinking. What an...

[Will]

Here's a good scam: One weekday evening I was exiting a bus station next to a mall when 2 teenage girls accosted me. Apparently one of them forget her purse and could I please give her a bus ticket so she could get home? Hmm, if she didn't have any bus tickets and her friend had no cash or tickets to spare, what was she doing there in the first place?

When I was a teenager, if you were really broke or forgot your wallet/purse, you usually begged your *friends* or classmates for cash or bus tickets *before* you left school, instead of asking complete strangers when you were already at your destination. It's called planning ahead. So I doubt this was really the emergency they were making it out to be.

The sad part is if I'd actually had any spare tickets, I probably would've gave her one. Luckily (?) for me, I use a pass. It was only later, when I thought about the situation critically, that I became convinced it was a cheap scam. (And definitely the kind of thing you would've done as a broke teenager, so you could buy an extra drink at the food court, or whatever.)

[Ludwig]

Very cool! A couple of years ago I was approached by a distraught lady at an ATM who tearfully said her car broke down and, not having enough cash with her, had the tow truck drive her to an ATM. She said he needed $30 cash before he would tow her car anywhere but the towing service's lot. Upon arriving at the ATM, she realized that her ATM card and ID, etc. was in her wallet, still on the seat of her car. You can imagine how people reacted to a "crazy lady" coming up on them at an ATM. I asked her where the tow truck was waiting. She pointed to the side lot, mostly obscured by the building. I'm sure my question sounded like "I don't believe you". Anyway, I walked over to the edge of the building, and indeed, there was a huge tow truck, piloted by the same barely human fracking shark that had towed my car after a highway accident and who tried to get me to sign over the pink slip to my car to him while I was still at about 50% mental ability after a really hard thump against the center divider wall. I gave her $40 and a word of caution. I would have given her $100, had it been necessary to spoil the shark's game.

Ludwig

[Will]

~C4Chaos wrote: 'true story: a friend of mine was walking along a Chicago bridge. a big black guy was walking opposite him. my friend stepped out of the way and walked on the side. the black man looked at him and shouted. "i've got money man!"'
---
Why does everything have to be about race? A university classmate of mine used to complain about people (e.g. "nice middle-class families") crossing the street to avoid him. He was white (Eastern European), wore glasses and had a completely bland, non-threatening haircut and style of dress, but he happened to be big and tall, so I guess people felt threatened by him nonetheless.

A long time ago, when I was a teenager, I was waiting at the bus stop. I was having a really lousy day, so I stuck my hands in my pockets and stared at my shoes, not really paying attention to my surroundings. A young girl, about my age, who was obviously from a different ethnic background entered the bus shelter. She noticed that I wasn't even looking at her (I *was* having a bad day) and immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. When the bus came by and we started to board, she yelled loudly: "So I guess you hate (insert her ethnic background here) people, huh?"

[Kendra]

If you got scammed does it really matter?? I mean at the end of the day you did what you would hope some one would do for you. The funny thing is I honestly didn't think about you getting scammed till I read some of the comments! I guess I'm naive. A few years ago I was a waitress in a small village. One day a young man with a heavy backpack and camping gear came by. Since this was March and snow was still on the ground I found that odd. So I went to serve him and he said he needed nothing but to get out of the cold as he had no money. I asked how he was getting around and he told me that he was walking or hitch hiking. I told him he was more then welcome to stay and asked if he would like a cup of coffee. At first he wouldn't take it, but after I assured him it cost us very little to make it he accepted. He would take food even though numerous customers offered. When he was done and had told us all some of his stories, he refused our money as we had all offered. I was busy cleaning up when I found a small thermoses on the counter with a note saying thank you and giving this as payment. I wasn't scammed and it never occurred to me to do anything but try to feed the young man. So mabey I'm young and naive, but I'd rather know that I help some one who needed it.

[Clyde]

Slight non sequitur: When was the last time someone who was not mentally ill starved to death in the United States?

[dave]

To Monkeh,
I found myself (not a minority) in my overheating car somewhere southwest of Atlanta at 1:30AM on a Sunday (not Compton, but not Beverly Hills, either). I ended up at a closed Exxon with a broken radiator hose, a bone dry radiator, and 60 miles left to get home. A group of 6 guys (minorities) were hanging out at that Exxon and offered to help me out, saying that they fix cars.

Now, they probably couldn't have given me $40 for cab money, but they did spend 15 minutes fixing my hose, filling up my radiator with water, and sending me on my way. I gave them what I had in my wallet, which was $15, but they were asking for more because all 6 of them helped out. What would you pay to have a "24-hour garage" save your ass at 1:30 AM? So I asked them where the nearest ATM was, and they told me I could follow them to one to give them some more money.

Now you're probably thinking this dude is just asking to get mugged. But I followed them there, got $20 out and gave them that, too. No problem.

What those guys gave me was way more valuable than $35.

[Clyde]

I was in Ottawa, Canada on a business trip. This was when the Loony was worth about $0.65 USD. I had a pocketful, and was heading home to Florida the next day, so didn't really need all those coins. There was probably $8.00CDN in my pocket.
In the Market area, a white kid of about 18 came up to me and asked for money. I don't remember the exact plea, but I remember being ambivalent about giving money to an able-bodied young man in a first-world country. By definition, he has no idea what real poverty is.
But, since I really had too many coins, I gave him a few. He politely accepted them (he was Canadian, after all) and went on his way.
Later, walking around the same area, I happened upon the kid again. This time, before he saw me, I heard him brag to his buddies about how he scammed some American dude out of 8 bucks.
That was the last time I ever gave money to anybody on the street, and likely the last time I ever will.
I've been to gas stations at night in urban neighborhoods a few times in my 40 years. More often than not I was approached by someone just needing a "a buck or two" or "some gas" to get home. Every time I see that, I feel a little sad that they are simply reinforcing a negative stereotype.
I wonder what the ratio of scams to legitimate acute emergencies is at America's fuel stops. I'm guessing it's pretty high.

[JB]

If this tale is real, why would you want to big yourself up so much? Do you want the recognition or is this another one of your 'bright theories' in which no one trusts anyone.

I digress, however I am not sure how the African Americans amongst us would love to hear the 'He’s also African-American, which he knows is going to make this next part especially challenging.'

So you're using a double negative to hide a level of innate racism?

[Steven McDaniel]

Speaking of panhandlers, reminds me of the guy who was holding up one of those ubiquitous cardboard signs that usually have 'will work for food' scrawled on it. With refreshing honesty, however, the gentleman had inscribed on his, 'Oh, why lie - I want a beer!'

[k d]

Two questions:

1. Why does it matter if you were scammed?
2. Why are we so eager to know the motives?

So we can feel right. Because we're so proud of our intelligence and our intuition and our savvy.

We can conjecture and judge, but the truth is we want to elevate ourselves by pointing out your poor judgment and the other guy's deceit. This makes us feel better!

We just can't stand that we don't know, so we pretend to know.

I like the "right hand not knowing what your left hand is doing" philosophy of giving. Doesn't that make things a whole lot easier? It sure is a lot more honest.

I've been way more deceitful than any scammer, and way more prideful than any well-publicized philanthropist, and all I can say is "keep on givin'". Don't second guess. Just give.

[Tim]

There is no way to know if the person’s story is true or false but that is irrelevant. You have to decide if you can afford the money regardless of the story’s validity. If you can and the story is true you have done a good thing and not suffered any harm. If you can afford it and story is false you have still suffered no harm. The chances of doing a good thing are 50% with no harm to you and those are good odds in my book.

[k d]

Two questions:

1. Why does it matter if you were scammed?
2. Why are we so eager to know the motives?

So we can feel right. Because we're so proud of our intelligence and our intuition and our savvy.

We can conjecture and judge, but the truth is we want to elevate ourselves by pointing out your poor judgment and the other guy's deceit. This makes us feel better!

We just can't stand that we don't know, so we pretend to know.

I like the "right hand not knowing what your left hand is doing" philosophy of giving. Doesn't that make things a whole lot easier? It sure is a lot more honest.

I've been way more deceitful than any scammer, and way more prideful than any well-publicized philanthropist, and all I can say is "keep on givin'". Don't second guess. Just give.

[Pierre]

It's sad that people are hassling you for getting stung. You're a nice decent human. Well done for being trusting. Oh, by the way, I left my wallet on the bus this morning on the way to the bank to pay my, um, mortgage. And um, so now I can't pay the morgage money to the, bank? For the mortgage. I'm African-American too, even though I have never been to Africa or America, but being Australian I'm open minded about that sort of thing, so if you could send me $40, better make that $400, so that I can um, pay the um, mortgage, then that would be appreciated.

[Alex]

I would've asked the "Coach" to name his starting five players. If he can't do it quickly, then no money. If he can, and gives details, well, maybe he deserves money for such a finely-crafted story.

[Bobby]

Good for you, Scott. And you've also made me feel good reading about it. :)

[mike in Cleveland]

Funny story (this happened just a few minutes ago) ..

Homeless Guy: Hey, can I get a few bucks for gas?
Me: Sure .. I'll get you gas ..where's your car?

Homeless Guy: Over there (pointing to white car across the street)
Me: Did it die there, or can you get into the station?a

Homeless Guy: Naw man, it quit.
Me: Well, I've got a tow strap (I drive a bigass truck) .. I'll tow you into the station and get you some gas
Homeless Guy: Okay, well, I'm gonna be honest with you.
Me: You already lied to me once ...

---

Moral : offer people that ask for something in need, WHAT THEY ASK FOR (give food to the "hungry", gas to the "stranged", etc) .. NEVER give cash. You'd be surprised how often the story changes when they realize you'll give them help, but not cash.

PS: I know the guy that owns the quickie-mart where this always happens .. they never buy food .. they buy beer, lottery tickets, condoms, etc .. but never food.

PPS: If you want to "help the homeless" .. donate to a shelter .. don't give money away. If you do, you're just helping addicts.

[Dave K.]

In the future, challenge a coach with a trivia question to see if they are legitmate. Or, in this case, you could have had a free throw contest to see if he had "game". If he sucked at free throws by displaying poor shooting form, you could be 95% certain that you were being scammed. If there wasn't a hoop around, you could have challenged him by having him throw wadded up paper towels at a garbage can. Better yet, a game of garbage can one-on-one!

Very few coaches suck at the sport they are coaching; and bad form is easy to spot.

Yes, the rational response and action is always easy to "call" after the fact.

[Mongo]

Not a scam. He would have asked for the cash not petrol. You helped him Scott. $20 would have got him far enough to get access to a phone.

[Taxi guy]

That was mighty nice of ya.

[Andy]

I think it was generous.

And you folks who say Scott is wrong need to learn the true value of money.

[Lisa]

Useless BMW trivia.

When young couples get married in China, they rent the nicest vehicle they can afford. The fancier the vehicle, the better the wife.

BMWs are the most popular. Why? Because it stands for "Be My Wife".

Course you probably already knew that.

And if not, well, you just try not thinking about that.

[Dildog]

Just admit it. You were scammed. Happens to the best of us.

[Tomas]

I'm sure that's how this guy gets his gas every week...probably gets a $60 fill-up for 15 minutes of driving to stations until someone falls for it.

[Mark Thorson]

I think you've now coaxed out
enough material for that
Basic Instructions guy to do
a strip on How To Handle A
Panhandler.

[Kevin]

Scott (and everyone else), I think you'd appreciate http://www.heroicstories.com/. It's a website that publishes a weekly newsletter describing a simple act of kindness that one person showed to another. Some of these are from a long time ago, and the person that received the help is just now realizing how it affected them. Some people won't agree that everyone's story is "heroic", but it's all about perspective. Everyone can be a hero, by performing a simple act of kindness when least expected. If Scott was scammed, oh well - but if not, he may have affected not only this man's attitude, but the attitude of everyone that man comes in contact with in the near future.

[Heather]

Even if it was a scam, it's better to do the right thing and have gotten screwed than to have done nothing at all.

[Mokkery]

Way to go coach! Stickin’ it to the man!

But seriously…

Way to go, Scott. Scammer or not, this man needed something and you helped him. And, what’s more important, you helped him knowing that it could be just a scam.

From what I’ve read today, and from what I know about you, you helped him because that’s who you are. I’m not sure if you’ve ever really stopped to think about it, but when you’re not busy mocking people, you seem to keep pretty busy helping them.

Did he “really need” the money? I wouldn’t even give it second thought.

Here’s a secret: Sometimes I crumple up a dollar bill and just throw it out the window while I’m driving. Why? Because I know that money *always* gets found. Somebody will see it. And when they do…

Oh, what a feeling!

Everybody loves finding money, even if it’s just a dollar. I can’t help but smile when I think of someone walking down the street and seeing…could it be…is that…YES! It’s money! YES! I just found a buck! WOO HOO!!

I throw away something that means almost nothing to me and it’s almost guaranteed that somewhere, sometime, someone is going to have a happy moment.

That’s worth five dollars all day long.

[Dave Wiley]

It makes perfect sense that is story is good, his delivery modest, his commitment total. He is an evolved scammer and we helped make him this way. The scams that didn't pan out were dropped. The scammers that couldn't earn a living around gas stations found something else to do. This is the current product. Of course he's excellent. We made him that way. I feel humbled to be part of this experiment in social engineering.

[AllanL5]

I'm fascinated by those people who have a negative reaction because they perceive you're "bragging" or "putting yourself forward" . Seems to me your 'good deed' has been inspiring, more than an opportunity to aggrandize yourself.

Funny how people's perceptions differ.

[Jim]

That was a scam and it's remarkable how well it works and how common it is. My business partner and I both fell for it in the same day. I suspected it was a scam and so did he and it was only in comparing notes that we realized it was.
Interestingly, we had the same "pat yourself on the back" feeling of having overcome our skepticism and done something nice. I guess that's why it works so well.
In the end I decided that I shouldn't feel stupid for having done the right thing.

[Chris Honkala]

Next time you fill up at that gas station I wonder if you'll see that guy having the exact same problem again...

Maybe I'm just a cynic.

[synapticmisfires]

It does sound slightly improbable, since the coach probably would have paid for the food. However

The question isn't whether or not you got scammed. The fact is that there's a certain probability (given the neighborhood, and the story) that he is a liar and a certain probability that he is just desperate. The decision should be based on how much utility you get from giving the money, which is affected by this probability (and your chances of using the story later) compared to the opportunity cost.

I'd say, you (Scott) made the right decision. I can also say with confidence that I would not make that decision, although I would get considerable utility out of helping someone, the opportunity cost is just too high.

Also, I'm looking forward to telling the next panhandler I meet that the "opportunity cost" is too high. I put the over/under for me getting stabbed at 4 occurrences.

[Ronald Holden]

For someone with such an astute sense of what's authentic versus what's devious in the business world, you're totally naive when it comes to the real world. The whole point of the scam, don't you see, is the set-up, which has to be completely plausible....right down to the "I don't want money, just some gas."

The touch of a master con artist is to motivate the mark to volunteer a solution; the sign of a small-time con artists is to fear going beyond some imagined point of skepticism. So you'll volunteer $20, and instead of asking for $50, he thanks you, says God bless; off you go feeling good about yourself, off he goes to find another gas station and another mark.

Note that he would have had a perfect reply to the "Here, use my cellphone," ploy: something on the order of "He turned it off because the battery was low."

Absolutely 100% guarantee you it was a scam.

[eclecticdog]

I'm afraid as much as I've been panhandled, I would of said no. Especially at a gas station. Knock on wood I never find myself in such a predicament.

[Dave]

$20 bucks.. sheesh.. Over the last several years I've handed out over $8,000.00 in small loans of about $200 per. Mostly to elderly ladies that have fallen on hard times and a small loan has helped keep them off the street. Or allowed them to buy needed medications. They feel better if I call it a loan, but they never can get on their feet enough to repay it. And I don't ask.

Actually, one lady did.. $400.00 out of $500.00.. But she is jobless again.. due illness. I've never met most of them. Just indirectly through some web sites. None of them ever asked for money, but I knew it would be of great help, so I offered. So far, none have been scams that I have been able to detect.

I did feel a bit ripped off by one young lady. She got caught in a random drug test at her job. They have a zero-tolerance policy and fired her. Then she couldn't get new work right away, because many places tested for drugs on job entry levels and it takes a while for Pot to leave your system. Before she could clean up and catch up, she fell behind on car payments and lost her car. Also, social services had visited and took her kids and put them in foster care until she could prove she was drug free and employed. Proof consists of several months of weekly drug tests and special classes. The kids had no father, he disappeared many years before. Meanwhile, she only had weekend visiting rights with the foster family that always managed to be gone on her days, with the kids. She was very unhappy and so were her kids.

The kids claimed their Bible-Thumping foster parents were physically abusive, but who listens to kids? Anyway, I bought her a used car for a few Grand and loaned it to her until she got on her feet and acquired her own insurance. One day, she grabbed her kids off the street and left the state, in my/her car. She never made any attempt to pay me back or contact me. Last I heard, the car was abandoned at the scene of an accident, on the east coast. It was trashed. This also goes to show how a little Pot can ruin your life.

Anyway, I'm happy that there are givers in this world. I'll always be one, no matter how many scammers there are. Best to ya Scott from Dave :^)

[Ethan]

Scott, I liked the story and I'm glad that you told it to us, knowing as you must have that a bunch of people would still say you got scammed. I've been scammed a couple of times - once when I was being greedy and once when I was being nice. The solution to the first was easy - don't be greedy next time. The solution to the second one was easy too - keep doing it. Being helpful is more important than having the cash. The reason these scams work is because, as you pointed out, it really does happen to people. The only way to be "safe" is to never help anyone in those situations. That's not the sort of "safety" I'm interested in having.

I've gotten beyond the facts of each individual situation to see what the decision really is: do I want to be the kind of person who helps out in these general situations, or not? If yes, then I'm going to get scammed sometimes. All that really means is that it costs more to help, since some of the money wasn't actually needed for what I thought. I might have to give out $100 to succeed in giving $20 of actual, needed help. But it's still worth it to me.

You'd like the Terry Pratchett book "Going Postal" if you haven't read it already. It's about a scam artist and you'd probably see hypnosis techniques all over the place. Do you read Pratchett at all?

[PSB]

What kind of Beemer, Mr. Adams?

http://publicschoolblogger.blogspot.com/

[mason]

Cute story. I believe you really did meet a guy who needed gas. The request to just fill up at your pump rather than accept your cash causes me to assume he wasn't just looking for beer money.

That said, I searched online and couldn't find any basketball leagues in either Pleasanton or Monterey that have any games going on in August. So, I think you got scammed. Looks like that stuff starts up in late fall / early winter.

On the other hand though, you still helped a guy out who can't afford gas at these prices, so you did a good thing. It's just a shame he was probably too embarrassed to simply admit that he couldn't afford to buy gas. I guess it's easier to make up a story than to openly beg for money.

Even if he kinda scammed you with his story, you did him a good turn, and he probably didn't even get stranded in Gilroy.

Smile Scott. You earned it!

[mason]

Cute story. I believe you really did meet a guy who needed gas. The request to just fill up at your pump rather than accept your cash causes me to assume he wasn't just looking for beer money.

That said, I searched online and couldn't find any basketball leagues in either Pleasanton or Monterey that have any games going on in August. So, I think you got scammed. Looks like that stuff starts up in late fall / early winter.

On the other hand though, you still helped a guy out who can't afford gas at these prices, so you did a good thing. It's just a shame he was probably too embarrassed to simply admit that he couldn't afford to buy gas. I guess it's easier to make up a story than to openly beg for money.

Even if he kinda scammed you with his story, you did him a good turn, and he probably didn't even get stranded in Gilroy.

Smile Scott. You earned it!

[Ray Ward]

For self-interested Christians, this kind of situation is an easy call. You give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Whether or not the other guy is really in need, you score a good-deed point. If the other guy is scamming you, then God's ire for abusing charity is on his head, not on yours.

If you're agnostic, you can still consider the $20 as well spent--a piece of paper that you just used to create some good will.

[Christian Payne]

Scott you rock! If $20 REALLY made such a difference in a person's life - I'd give it to him too.

Money (to me) really is not that important...

[Mark the lesser ape]

I had just moved to a new town. Driving to work about 5:30 AM I stopped for gas. A young woman came up to me, she was shaking & looked very frightened. She told me she had been on a blind date & the guy had gotten out of line. She got out of the car & ran. She was worried the guy was still looking for her & could I give her a ride a short distance away to her home. I never thought of saying no.

On the way she asked if I would mind stopping at a friends to get her purse. It was only 2 blocks off the main drag I was driving anyway. We pulled up to an apartment and she begged me not to leave until she got back. As I sat there I looked around & knew this was not a place I should be. There were guys standing on the corner with there hands in there pockets if you know what I mean.

I was just about to leave because I 'knew' what was going on just as she came back. Oddly, she was not agitated or scared any more. I dropped her off about 5 minutes later.

I probably drove her to her crack dealer. I knew when I agreed there was some risk but it felt right to help a person out. I'd do that part of it again.

Its a sad world when we feel we have to treat everyone with suspicion.

[Kerry Neighbour]

This is an interesting post for an Australian to read. I see a lot of comments about 'hoboes, bums', etc, plus 'constant scammers'. Here in Australia I have never seen a bum or a hoboe. I have never been scammed, nor heard of anyone who has. If someone had come up to me at a petrol station with the same story, it would not have crossed my mind to think I was being scammed.

I do not know if I would have helped - but it shows the difference between the USA and Australia (and I guess a lot of the rest of the World as well). People are not as bad everywhere.

[Drone74B]

In my old downtown Detroit neighborhood, panhandlers outside your door was a fact of life. You just learned to ignore them, and of course you eventually tune out whatever they say. I do remember one day, though, I had stopped at the video store on my way home, and there was a guy outside asking for gas money. Supposedly he had run out of gas and his car was sitting on the side of the freeway. I told him that I kept a 2.5 gallon can of gas in my trunk for emergencies, and that he was welcome to it. It would be enough to get him home, or at least off the freeway. He wasn't expecting someone to actually have gas, and didn't know what to say. He eventually refused, stating that he just needed the money. I walked away.

[publickenemy]

I am so naive...
I did not even consider that this guy might be scamming you until I read the user comments.

[frankly]

You could easily guess the obvious replies to be found here good and bad.

Yes Bball is played all summer long usually by elite youth teams that travel a long way.

I have no idea if you got scammed or not but I sincerely believe that this world is the only one we have & we make it good or bad by how we treat each other. I don't fund drunks and druggies if I can help it but I try to be open to people actually in need. I've been there & it is painful to need help and have people think you are just screwing them over.

Thanks for having your heart in the right place.

[vla]

Why is it so hard to know what the right thing is to do? I was the other person, the one who would have turned him down. I was at the grocery store yesterday, and a woman approached me and said the church couldn't give her a voucher for a place to stay until Monday and could I please spare something to help her pay for a motel room. This was in Castro Valley, about 10 miles from where you were, but a slightly less affluent area. But I turned her down, and felt badly about it all the way home. Truly, if she needed money, it should not have mattered to me what it was for. I don't for a moment believe she would have been begging in a grocery store parking lot if she had a better way to acquire money. But if I had given it to her, would I have felt like a chump? I don't know. Sometimes I do open my wallet.

[Joshua Jacobsen]

As far as "being scammed for a small amount of money" and preferring to MAYBE help someone who really needs it...

I've been working at the same place for nearly 10 years. There's been this same beggar down the road for the entire time I've worked here. He's on "Alpha Road" so we call him the Alpha Bum. I used to give him a few bucks once in a while, but I started to think about it. My handouts -- however trivial they are to me -- contribute to a panhandler economy, then I'm doing myself and everyone else a disservice by helping him out. I am encouraging him to look ragged and beg for money.

The hundred dollars or so that I gave him over the first few years I worked here certainly never inspired him to do anything productive with his life. I've noticed a few other panhandlers in my area also seem to have gone "career" with it. I suspect that the others are migratory.

[Conor]

As several people have pointed out (this is the only blog where I enjoy reading the comments!), your "true story" appellation is a bit suspect. Yes, it's true that you gave a man $20, but true that he was a coach? I can only hope that this is one of your sociological experiments, where you're much more interested in the responses you get from your readers.

It's a nice post, surely. And in the spirit of scientific knowledge, I'm 21 and attend an urban university, so I obviously view myself as in the know about scammers. Oh, and I read your blog, so I think I'm freaking brilliant, even moreso than yourself, somehow.

[Jack Davis]

I was once approached by a man asking for money to take a Grayhound bus home to visit his sick father. Obviously this was a con however I told him that I would be happy to buy him a bus ticket and that I would walk with him to the bus station. I figured it would be a public service to get rid of one more derelict and I was curious to see what would happen. He didn't dissapoint me, hehesitated for a moment, looked at me with a confused and slightly frightened look and ran away! I was amused.

[Matt]

Here where I live, there is an old game of someone saying "I need to get home and I haven't any money for the bus."

I ask where they live and what the emergency is and things like that which can cause them to trip up. If they get through that, I tell them that I will not give them money but I will buy their ticket to go home. I was standing in the queue at the railway station once to buy this bloke a ticket and he bailed when I was second from the window.

Same with food - I won't give money for food but I will buy someone a feed if they need it.

[Adam Lawrence]

I doubt it was a scam. If it were, he would have taken the money immediately, rather than saying he only wanted gas.

Good on you Scott. It doesn't matter if nine out of ten are scams. If someone needs help, they _need_ help. And it is good to give it.

Adam
experiencedesign.de

[Cesar]

Why are we so programmed to first think someone is screwing us all the time?

It would be interesting to see the world in opposite mode.

Oh well, just remember to always press that icon when saving a file called "save your ass", or was it "save as"?

[AussieGeekGirl]

You know Scott he could have used some of the $20 to use a pay phone to call the van and get his briefcase back. Infact if he'd done that straight away then the van would have found him and he'd be like $19 or so dollars up on the whole transaction.

I don't think you need to worry.

Besides, sometimes there are genuine cases where real people get caught out... My husband and I once had to walk 2 hours to a bank and wait for it to open since the cashier wouldn't take a cheque and the PINs on our new debit cards hadn't arrived. Would have appreciated the help then for sure.

I think alot of those commenting need to lighten up a bit and be a little less jaded!