In the news, firefighters in Lansing, Michigan used a forklift to remove a 900-pound man from his home.
First, let me say I have a policy against making fun of overweight people. I am not superstitious, and do not believe in will power. Every moist robot has a different program. This particular 900-pound man has Prader-Willi Syndrome, and that makes him feel hungry all the time. I give him a pass.
Still, there is plenty of humor to be found in this story.
My favorite part is the nurse who called firefighters because, in her professional opinion, the 900-pound man “needed medical help.” Kudos to her. A lesser nurse might have missed the signs.
The man’s brother believes the 900-pound man used his credit card to have food delivered. I wonder how the delivery guy felt. I don’t mean to be cruel, but in that situation, is there any way to NOT feel like Han Solo visiting Jabba the Hut? And how do you hand a pizza to a 900-pound guy? I’m no hero; I think I’d toss the food in his general direction, scream like a little girl, and jump out the second-story window. That’s how I roll.
And what is up with the pizza place that presumably delivered to him five times a day? Did it ever concern them that their Customer of the Month was two pizzas away from forming a black hole? Maybe it all happened gradually and it snuck up on them.
One of the neighbors was interviewed by the press. Her name is Cresha Outlaw. That’s right, her name is Outlaw. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH LANSING, MICHIGAN????? I’m not finding anything in this story that is making me want to visit.
This is the sort of publicity that makes it hard to recruit firemen. It’s a noble profession, but there’s nothing good that happens after your boss says, “Kenny, get the forklift and a tarp.”