Dilbert and Chess

The other day I was pre-autographing a box of squeezable Dilbert characters at my restaurant. We buy them with the restaurant information printed on their backs, as promotional items for potential banquet customers. (Yes, I pay for the squeeze toys.)

Anyway, as customers and employees were lusting after them, I lined them up for optimal viewing and noticed something interesting: They map perfectly into chess pieces. Check out this picture.

Imagine Asok the Intern instead of Catbert.

Here's how I see it mapping:

Alice = Queen. The most powerful and capable piece.

Boss = King. He’s in charge, but largely helpless.

Dilbert = Rook. He moves in a straight path. Dilbert’s head shape and bumpy hairline even resemble a rook.

Bishop = Wally. He always has an angle, and he has a little bald head.

Dogbert = Knight. It’s the sneakiest chess piece. You never see it coming. And it’s the only animal.

Pawn = Asok the interns. He’s small and powerless and expendable.

I played some chess as a kid. When I created Dilbert, was I subconsciously influenced by the chess characters? Would any random group of six characters have a good chance of mapping to chess pieces? Is this just a routine coincidence? Is it more evidence I am a hologram programmed by my past self, and I reused code? Are the chess pieces based on some sort of universal archetype that I instinctively tapped into?

Beats me. I just think it’s freaky.

Since I know you’ll ask, the squeezable Dilbert characters are just about the coolest Dilbert-related items ever. They have that inexplicable x-factor thing where you can’t keep your hands off them. You can get them at Amazon.com, without printing on their backs.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/104-9918651-8252729?%5Fencoding=UTF8&search-type=ss&index=toys&field-keywords=Parle

Or order direct from the company, Parle, if you want your company name on the back.

http://parle.com/frameset.html

Or book a banquet at my restaurant and get a signed one for free. Just ask. www.eatatstaceys.com. (The web site will be redesigned in a few weeks. We’re working on it.)

Comments

[Nacho]

Dunno, let's try this one:
Ross = Rook
Monica = Queen
Rachel =
Chandler = Knight
Joey = King
Phoebe = Bishop

mmm, it doesn't seem to work...

[Lorraine]

I am wayyyyyyy at the bottom of the comments list here, but I have to tell you that you've created a monster. I really want to start a blog about this!

Here's the first one I've done (I know NOTHING about chess, so feel free to correct or adjust as you see fit) It's from the TV show "House"

King - House
Queen - Cutty
Bishop - Wilson
Knight - the girl with the bangs (Cameron?!)
Rook - Foreman
Pawn - definitely Chase

like I said, I know nothing about chess, but this TOTALLY works. now I'll be looking for the pattern everywhere I go (the Broadway show Rent? The Wizard of Oz?)

[Malignedtruth]

What happens for the Black set? Do we get other characters? You've quite enough to work!

How about a hard plastic set? Come on, they'd do it for you in China, and you'd make a fortune! I want several to push my Linux advocacy!

But, you must include the Linux Alien! eGads, I have 500 Linux geek friends wanting this chess set, already! Linux geeks are more sociable than other geeks, and are let out of the basement to attend Installfests, once a month.

You have got to have several dozen million fans, worldwide who would buy the game, if it were priced competitively! $29.95? Come on, the cost in China, plastic parts with lead free paint, would run about $4.00! "Lead free paint" now refers to paint containing free lead!

That had to be a translation error by the pointy haired boss in China!

[Cube Critter no more]

if you made a dilbert chess set my wife and i would buy it. Also you might consider a couple of different sets, I miss Ratbert, the garbage sage and that dinosaur whose name i now cannot recall. i'm sure there is some convenient way to separate them. also a fully animated computer version would be cool. I'm thinking of battle chess.

[Sharon]

The Dilbert squeeze toys are now available to be purchased and shipped WORLDWIDE! Go back to the link below and try it now!

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/104-9918651-8252729?%5Fencoding=UTF8&search-type=ss&index=toys&field-keywords=Parle

Enjoy!!

[modifoo]

Scott,

Just a little thought for your redesigned restaurant web pages: I'd recommend putting in pictures where you have people enjoying the atmosphere.

For me, I would never go to an empty restaurant (The food can't be good, my wet robotic brain says). And if there aren't even people on the web site, then what?

Might even be fun to have some authentic quotes from regulars.

Just a thought.

[scottttty]

The simpson have a chess set so why not dlbert. the lineup picture looks good but if you put the characters in the positions you suggested then it wont look as natural. As other responses have mentioned the king needs to be the tallest

[Nina]

.......and how can all us Dilbert fans from outside the US get hold of these must-have figures?

[Steve]

I suck at chess, but I'd have an incentive to practice with a Dilbert set. If you make them, folks like me will buy!

[Ian]

Can't buy the soft toys here in Aus either - Why the rtestriction?

Is it only the US, or all the countires it's invaded (sorry "Liberated"). Poor form dude, we have pointy haired bosses and evil dogbert types here. But we do have more topless women at our beaches.

Seriously, when can the rest of the world donate to your bank account?

Ian in Perth.

[Mike Collins]

Dilbert Chess??? AWESOME! Sign me up! Will you be using Deep Blue as a beta tester?

Mr Adams, I've developed an office-based card game (don't worry, it's nothing like Corporate Shuffle) and I'd love to send you a deck to see what you think. The URL for my web store is www.greedymanager.com. I must point the incredible, high-quality graphics created with Visio - because it's a law of nature that programmers cannot draw or use PhotoShop.

Best wishes,
Mike

[Just4yucks]

Don't let them discourage you, Scott! I, for one, appreciated hearing about the squeezable toys. And I'll seriously consider purchasing the Dilbert chess set if/when it comes out.

Keep whoring out the merchandise! Grab all you can, while you can. Sic transit gloria, and all that...

[Bruce Harrison]

I'm still waiting for my comped meals at Stacey's for all the valuable advice, insights and criticism I've given you. Don't expect to see me booking any banquet rooms there until your debt is paid.

[jdstl]

when & where can i buy the dilbert chess set

[Chuck]

one problem, wally is shorter than dilbert, bishops are supposed to be taller than the rook

[Leo]

I agree we need a Dilbert chess set.

[Greg Wischnewsky]

Dear Scott,
I didn't know that these squeezables existed, thanks for pointing it out. However, when I wanted to order a set at Amazon (yes, I'm willing to shell out the 30 bucks) I was informed that these items will not be shipped to Germany. Your fault or Amazon's????

Best regards, Greg

[Doug]

The answer to your question:

You have seven characters of which you use 6 (you could have replaced another character with Asok or left the resource set the same). You can arrange them in any order that will accomplish your metaphor. The number of possible arrangements of seven items taken 6 at a time is 7!/(7 - 6)! = 5040.

Part of the reason why chess is so popular is that it is to some degree a metaphor for life, with basic characters we can relate to.

With over 5,000 arrangements to choose from, it would be very surprising if you could not find one that would reasonably correspond to the arrangement in chess. It wouldn't even be particularly hard to quickly arrive at a good arrangement because you could choose the obvious charnacters first and eliminate hundreds of obviously bad arrangements in single strokes.

As an exercise, I leave it to you to create chess games using the characters of the following comics:

"Peanuts" (Charlie Brown, Lucy, Snoopy, etc.)

"B. C." by the late Johnny Hart

"Opus" (or "Bloom County")

"Cathy"

"Fox Trot"

[Rob]

I too would buy a Dilbert Chess set, reasonable quality finnish for about $60.

[gautam]

i am surprised people are shaming you for "shameless marketing". after all you are not a saint and you are very much entitled to a marketing blog once in a while. right? common you have provided enough funny articles and that should buy some right to advertize your products.

[pay attention]

I wouldn't buy a Dilbert Chess set, but only because for playing I prefer the traditional design, and for display I like my Isle of Lewis replica set. But I will buy a set of the Dilbert figures for my office, and am glad to learn about them.

As to complaints that posts like this commercialize the blog, no one makes you read it, folks. Dilbert is a business, providing a desired--"needed" wouldn't be too strong--service. That is, helping those of us who work in offices stay relaxed and sane. I don't buy every new Dilbert product, but one of the reasons I read the blog, and subscribe to the newsletter--which is humor for free folks!--is to learn about the products.

[Peter]

chess set sounds great. i'm in.

one problem though. i completely agree with your reasoning behind the character assignments, but perhaps it doesn't really give dilbert his props. i mean, it is "Dilbert" - not "Alice" or "stupid boss guy"...

[Hila]

I'll buy a Dilbert chess set, international shipping being reasonable...

[Raman VikramAdith]

Great idea! Bring out the chess set soon. 'twill be a hit, I'm sure.

[Daniel]

In the picture, you swapped the bishop and knight.