Dilbert and Chess

The other day I was pre-autographing a box of squeezable Dilbert characters at my restaurant. We buy them with the restaurant information printed on their backs, as promotional items for potential banquet customers. (Yes, I pay for the squeeze toys.)

Anyway, as customers and employees were lusting after them, I lined them up for optimal viewing and noticed something interesting: They map perfectly into chess pieces. Check out this picture.

Imagine Asok the Intern instead of Catbert.

Here's how I see it mapping:

Alice = Queen. The most powerful and capable piece.

Boss = King. He’s in charge, but largely helpless.

Dilbert = Rook. He moves in a straight path. Dilbert’s head shape and bumpy hairline even resemble a rook.

Bishop = Wally. He always has an angle, and he has a little bald head.

Dogbert = Knight. It’s the sneakiest chess piece. You never see it coming. And it’s the only animal.

Pawn = Asok the interns. He’s small and powerless and expendable.

I played some chess as a kid. When I created Dilbert, was I subconsciously influenced by the chess characters? Would any random group of six characters have a good chance of mapping to chess pieces? Is this just a routine coincidence? Is it more evidence I am a hologram programmed by my past self, and I reused code? Are the chess pieces based on some sort of universal archetype that I instinctively tapped into?

Beats me. I just think it’s freaky.

Since I know you’ll ask, the squeezable Dilbert characters are just about the coolest Dilbert-related items ever. They have that inexplicable x-factor thing where you can’t keep your hands off them. You can get them at Amazon.com, without printing on their backs.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/104-9918651-8252729?%5Fencoding=UTF8&search-type=ss&index=toys&field-keywords=Parle

Or order direct from the company, Parle, if you want your company name on the back.

http://parle.com/frameset.html

Or book a banquet at my restaurant and get a signed one for free. Just ask. www.eatatstaceys.com. (The web site will be redesigned in a few weeks. We’re working on it.)

Comments

[Sir Mike Tallon]

Release a Dilbert edition chess game!

[Robbie]

Programmed past article:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/14/science/14tier.html?ei=5090&en=22bfff4070a81187&ex=1344744000

[Peter Payne]

I'd hit it.

[tim shepard]

My favorite character was always Phil. You ought to bring him back.

[No one]

[Sorry, but I have no potential explanation for how Wayne Brady got so big.]

Because he's a white black man. It's like the opposite of blackface comedians.

[Broacher]

Ratbert should be the pawn. Afterall, he's loyal and bred to do what you suggest.

[Andy]

I'd buy the chess set. You should give the chess board a cubicle or office theme.

[Tim Martin]

Dilbert is such a rook. Your whole cast is totally right on.

Long time ago in the early 70's I played chess for money and was really trying to be good (criminal chess, not tournament chess) and chess was connected with shooting pool as a single larger game.
Then one day in Cincinnati I was hanging with my assigned CIA agent under deep cover. He had already ruined my sense of pool and then we decided to play chess. We went to a Ben Franklin's Dime store and purchased fluorescent pink and blue Disney characters to play on a large hand scribbled craft paper board. The pieces where ridiculous but what I always remember is that he started the game by pushing a rooks pawn up 2 squares. I had never seen that move before. Ever. There are only about 8 total first moves and Queens Rook Pawn to QR4 is not one of them. And so on. He kept breaking the conservative conventions of criminal chess (much less tournament chess) and beat me badly. So bad it ruined chess for me and I have not played for money since. The combination of the plastic Pluto and Donald Duck characters and his insane moves destroyed for me one of the great pleasures of my early life.

So I suggest that your dilbert chess set may have devastating unintended consequences.

Alice is such a queen, a piece whose power is unprovoked violence. Wally is the inner soul of the bishop: conniving one trick pony.

Dilbert was born to play rook!

[Joe]

Screw the chess pieces, you finally made it to the bigtime. From Quotes of the Day:

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
- Scott Adams

[Art]

Please please please release a Dilbert themed chess set!!! I'd buy it in a heartbeat.

[Mark Harrison]

> Would any random group of six characters have a good chance of mapping to chess pieces?

No, but to be fair, nor did yours :-)

You took 5 of the 6 characters, removed the sixth, added an alternative from a large possible cast (Ratbert, the Dilmom, the Garbage Man, the Generic Guy (Ted, Ed, something like that???), Asok(!), Phil, etc....) and claimed that this was a co-incidence.

Mark in sunny England

[JShope]

Pieces for the opposite side of the table could include the Executive, Ratbert, Bob, Trolls, Elbonians, Ted, and Loud Howard. I think the Elbonians should be the pawns - of course they'd be shorter because they are half buried in mud.

Y'know. I owned the Manager squeeze toy once. When choosing which one to buy, I chose the Boss because of the cartoon where Dilbert smacks it off the monitor.

[ronster]

Are you freakin' kidding me... Who could afford to play chess with these things. At thirty bucks a pop for probably fifty cents worth of squeezy foam and lead paint?

[car free since '93]

This could also be the boost you needed for your restaurant. You give one "chess piece" each time someone dines there, you get 31 return visits.

CFS '93

[Spaceman]

I understand that my first chess piece and board will arrive in six to eight weeks, free of charge, and another piece will arrive every two months until the end of time for the low price of $89.99 per piece. I can't wait to play against someone....

[Matt]

I would totally buy that chess set.

[Brad]

The thing I can't get over is how Drew Carey subconsciously made himself look like Dilbert. Or do you think that America accepted him because he looked like Dilbert. Sorry, but I have no potential explanation for how Wayne Brady got so big.

[Felix]

Awesome!
I'm gonna get me some Dilbert squeezeable toys.

How about the elbonian guys for pawns? Or the CEO for king?
Would definitively love the accounting troll.

Would buy the chess set if the figures wouldn't repeat each other. Maybe just the pawns.

[Karellen]

Oh, actually Zak's idea of separate black and white sets are pretty good.

You'd have room to include Phil Prince of Insufficient Light, Bob the Dinosaur, Liz, Tina, the Garbagemen, Elbonians, etc...

(Oh, Zak, you're thinking of Carol)

[Sean]

I find themed chess sets fun to look at but a pain to play with. Even if both players have no trouble remembering which character is which piece (rare), the look of the board is still not condusive to quality play; there is an extra step in the thinking process which keeps many players from playing their best.

[Karellen]

No, Catbert has to be the queen.

[Jerry McLellan]

There's no Ratbert! What the heck is that about!?

[Bob]

How big are these? Some clown is bound to get one of them lodged in their throat and you'll end up having a mass recall.

It happened to my employer in the 90's (a recall, not getting one of these lodged in the throat, though, maybe that's what really happened and the recall was a cover).

[Doug H]

The Wally figure is too tall.

[PublicKenemy]

Your post got me thinking about themed chess boards, and I got the idea for one based on current politics. The two sides, of course, are Republican and Democrat. Republicans are demographically white as snow and the Democrats elected the first "black" president in '92.

King Bush leads the whites. Senater Craig, naturally, is the "Queen." Mormon Bishop Mitt Romney and Baptist Pastor Mike Huckabee can be the Bishops. John McCain and Ollie North can be the Knights, and stocky conservative stalwarts Newt Gingrich and Dick Cheney are the rooks. Fox Newscasters are the pawns.

On the Democrat side, we have King Hillary and her bitch, Queen Bill. Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are the bishops. On the war side, surrender monkeys Wesley Clark and John Murtha are the knights. Fat-asses Al Gore and Ed Kennedy are the Rooks. And the pawns of the of the Democrats are the Self-important Hollywood celebrities.

What do you think?