Have you ever heard of a Stirling engine? According to Wikipedia, they look like huge male genitalia.
I mention this only because these huge penis engines can save the world by being placed in deserts and used to create cheap electricity from the heat of the sun.
As you can see from the story, big companies are building Stirling engine farms to capture the sun’s energy more effectively than photovoltaic panels. This could work, but it’s not the economic model that will set us completely free. Let me tell you what is: Giant penis engine co-op investments.
Let’s say the next president of the United States fast-tracks the following concept: Any company can buy a bunch of land in the desert, and start building Stirling engine farms that connect to the country’s electrical grid. The genius part of my idea is that individual investors can own one specific penis engine and the profits from it. The organizer of the venture just rents the space and provides maintenance, insurance, administration, and installation for the devices.
This economic model is much better than having it all done by big companies. People want to help the country become energy independent, and they are frustrated that big corporations don’t seem to be doing enough to make it happen. However, if you told me I could own my own clean energy generator, and make money too, almost guaranteed, I’d be all over it. I’d feel like I was helping the country and sticking it to the big oil companies and terrorists at the same time. You couldn’t build these penis engine farms fast enough to satisfy investor demand.
And here’s the best part. The organizing company for these energy farms would provide real-time data on the performance of your penis engine, direct to your computer, so it could show your profits as they happen. When it’s night in the desert, your profit counter slows to zero. When the sun comes up, it starts spinning with dollar signs.
How fucking cool would that be?
Investing is fun, but you rarely get to see the money being made in real time, without any serious risk of loss. Unlike stocks, your profits would never reverse direction. As long as the sun comes up, your counter starts spinning and your bank account fattens.
The organizing company could also provide video of the penis engine farm so you can watch your investment, and see that it is being maintained. If my counter stops spinning, I want to check the video and see that it’s because the maintenance crews are washing down the solar dish.
The power of this idea is in the psychological impact. I can invest in Southern California Edison, and get a piece of their action for the penis engine farms they are building, but it wouldn’t feel as real. I wouldn’t get the same charge as owning my own physical penis engine and watching the meter run.
The reason so many people recycle is, in my opinion, because it’s such a tangible act. Every time you carry your empty bottles and used newspapers to the curb, you feel like a good citizen. If you could accomplish the same benefit to the Earth through some sort of purely financial transaction, compliance would be much lower. People want immediate feedback that their good acts are helping the world.
Huge penis engines are the answer. The government would have to clear a bunch of red tape, in all likelihood, and probably need to fund some infrastructure to connect the desert penis farms to the national power grid, but it’s all doable.
I say it’s time to erect some penises. Who’s with me?