Osama Placebo

Osama released a new video. Analysts are wondering how his beard turned from grey to black. I guess his healthy lifestyle is paying dividends.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20649227/site/newsweek/

I assume this new video is from the real Osama because a fake would do a better job matching the beard.  In other words, the real Osama looks too fake to be an actual fake. This raises an interesting question: How hard would it be for the CIA to create a fake Osama who looks more real than the real one?

I don’t think it would be hard. A Hollywood special effects team could pound one out in a week. Then you just need to get the other intelligence agencies to say the voice is authenticated. Bam.

The first video of the fake Osama could be one of his typical wandering diatribes against capitalism and infidels and blah, blah, blah. Once the public, especially the terrorist cells with no direct contact back to the base cave, start to believe he’s real, you can begin to sprinkle in new topics and nudge the terrorists in whatever direction you like. Remember, there’s no such thing as a story too ridiculous when you’re talking about people who believe suicide is a good way to get laid.

By the third or fourth video, Osama could be telling his followers to tattoo “Al Qaeda” on their foreheads to show their devotion and lack of fear. He could explain that martyrdom has many levels, with death being the best payoff in virgins, but lots of opportunity for virgin action short of death. For example, you could just wound yourself and still get hand action from one virgin.

Within a few weeks, all the terrorists would end up in emergency rooms with tattoos on their foreheads and semi-martyr erections. Then you just arrest them, handcuff them behind their backs, and tell them the punchline, which goes like this:  “By the way, that one virgin was you. And you had your chance in the ambulance on the way over”

Comments

[Yoopermensch]

Maybe the beard is darker because he finally cleaned all the semen out of it.

[Yoopermensch]

Maybe the beard is darker because he finally cleaned all the semen out of it.

[Kevin]

This is absolutely hilarious, and I think an exceptionally good idea. I can't believe we haven't started doing this already. Brilliant.

On another note: who wants a handjob from a virgin?

[mscsrrr.com (On wondering on why Osama's beard is black )]

It is surreal that after Osama released his latest propaganda video in which he continued to call for attacks against America that the media and "powers that be" have been busy wondering why his beard is black and short, instead of trying to figure out how to capture him to stop his lunatic war mongering plans against America

[Angel Elf]

Ol' Osama didn't dye his beard he just forgot to wipe after going down on his camel.

[pay attention]

Gee Scott, a lot of folks who believe silly conspiracy theories read your blog.

Why would OBL dye his beard? I understand the Quran forbids it EXCEPT if about to wage jihad, to make the enemy think you are young and strong.
And why invite us to switch to Islam? Because the Quran requires you to invite the infidels to join Islam, and if not to accept servitude as a dhimmi & pay the poll tax. If they won’t do those things, then "Slay the unbelievers wherever you find them" Sura 9:5.
Be prepared to be converted, subjugated or slain.

[Andy Watt]

Just another thought - is "placebo" really the right term to use here?

pla·ce·bo (plə-sē'bō) Pronunciation Key
n. pl. pla·ce·bos or pla·ce·boes

A substance containing no medication and prescribed or given to reinforce a patient's expectation to get well.
An inactive substance or preparation used as a control in an experiment or test to determine the effectiveness of a medicinal drug.
Something of no intrinsic remedial value that is used to appease or reassure another.
(plä-chā'bō) Roman Catholic Church The service or office of vespers for the dead.

I'm not sure a fake Osama would exist to con people into thinking things would get better... especially if the raison d'etre of the exercise is to persuade radicals to turn themselves in! Unless you're suggesting we'd all tune in to that website and laugh at what "proper" madness Osama was spouting that week (could do it letterman style) rather than the "madness" which our current politicians label those people whose world view doesn't coincide with theirs... and never will, due to a lack of willingness to understand it!

Has nobody seen "cracker"? You've got to get inside their heads! :) We'll all be mad in 10 years...

[Paul]

The video doesn't even contain any moving images of Osama Bin Laden. Its just a static image with a voice over.

[Andy Watt]

... and, of course, one ultimate irony would be an Osama BL who rails against capitalism while similtaneously having fallen for the advertising about trying to keep your beard dark. I suppose you have to spend all that cash on something...

[Joe Biel]

Scott

Your suggestion reminds me of the Robert Heinlein novel "Revolt in 2100". The leaders of the revolt (against a religious dictatorship in the USA) launched their revolution by faking a video from the dictator. In this video, he tells his followers that the government has become corrupt and that they should kill anyone working for the government. The revolutionaries then destroy all of the TV transmitters to stop the government from counteracting the message. It works and democracy is restored.

[Larry]

Virgin in the ambulance--Ouch!! Scott, you've developed a mean streak since your marriage.

[Joseph]

The funny thing is in D.C. there are several C.I.A. agents saying "Damn that's a pretty good idea." while slapping themselves in the forehead.

[Josh]

What Israel wants, Israel gets.

[Electric Maenad]

Emmanuel Goldstein is alive and well and making fresh agitprop videos for your daily Two Minutes of Hate.

[DF]

That would be great, and then wait for the real Osama to come back and you can have dance-off to determine the original.

Since no one in North America has ever met him, I think it would be really easy for a guy to dress up, make a video and say he's Osama, we wouldn't know any better.

[Josef]

It would be fairly easy "to get the other intelligence agencies to say the voice is authenticated":
1. It's cheaper to copy statements than to make up your own
2. If the CIA says it's authenticated, then it *is* authenticated.
3. Why should the CIA lie?
4. What will they do to us if we don't authenticate the voice?
5. Remember the spinach?

[Doug]

If it is real, someone should tell him that when you play "Good cop, bad cop", you need to use two different people to make it convincing.

[jdw242b]

I'm beginning to believe that Osama Bin Laden is a tail wagging the dog. It's truly convenient for him to surface with a video at a time when George Weasel Bush is trying to rally further support for this action in Iraq.

It's not surprising Osama has a different look; probably 15 guys in line for that job; and the way our government pays for things, these 'Osamas' are probably getting off pretty well...

[jerry w.]

As for Osama's beard (not to be confused with any of Tom Cruise's Beards), perhaps he's the owner of the patent on what was Grecian Formula 16, and is now known as Saudi Formula 911?

On a somewhat related note, George W. Bush bought new clothes today, after reading that Osama bin Laden was being described as the "impotent" Al-Qaeda figurehead.

Bush was quoted as saying, "If I'm going to be impotent, I need to dress impotent".

And so it goes......

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[twounicycles]

"he's contributing to the deaths of children by nuclear waste, and supporting the deaths of our troops for NO legitimate reason."

Here's me thinking Mr Adams was just producing an amusing comic and entertaining / provoking people by means of a blog. I used to work in the Nuclear Industry, now I work in oil & gas, I don't know which is the worst option. I thought overthrowing Saddam would be good for Iraq, although I didn't think anyone would ever say thank you. Now I don't know if that was the best option either.

[Borjan]

Jokes aside, this borders with the genius. I wonder why CIA haven't thought of this. Even better, CIA-Osama could sound even more sinister and devilish (but intellectual) so that after real Osama comes online and says "That's not me!" no terrorist would believe him he was real.

P.S. The phrase "dying to get laid" suddenly has a completely new meaning.

[kd]

Osama is dead. Died just after 9/11, Google it... (had something to do of a lack of kidney dialysis machines in the Tora Bora mountains).

[the man in the trout mask]

Oh - I thought that type of thing (creating look alikes and sound alikes) was common practice in the world of psychological manipulation and true lies that is Politics.
Who said "Politics is the Art of the Possible"?

[Cafangdra]

This would be an extremely cool movie. Or a cool-yet-disturbing reality.

[p]

has anyone seen the movie 'wag the dog'?

and, did anyone see the point mos def made on the bill maher program when he pointed out that real bad guys don't send tapes saying "i'm gonna fck you up when i see you"

belief in the boogeyman are fading!