Proof of God’s Existence

Readers have complained that I keep posting on stories involving penises. Apparently that is not highbrow enough for some of you. Well, unlike some authors, I listen to my readers. So today I am elevating the discussion.

Did you hear that scientists discovered a new use for men’s balls? Apparently they are loaded with stem cells.

http://abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/09/20/2039030.htm?section=world

This is great news because stem cells have potential to help against many health problems. For example, men’s balls might someday help with their strokes.

If you have balls, you have probably looked at them and wondered aloud “What else can I do with them?” Until now, their utility was limited to the following:

1. Producing sperm and male hormones
2. Target for projectiles
3. Sexual stimulation
4. Impersonating Alan Greenspan

Now it turns out that if you have balls, they might save your life. And this is proof of God’s existence. Allow me to explain.

If it can be shown that our existence is clearly an intentional joke, I think we can rule out evolution. The evidence was already starting to tilt in that direction, but this news about balls clearly pushes things over the line.

Which of these statements sounds the most like an intentional joke on humans?

1. You can cure diseases using your toenail clippings.
2. You can cure diseases using your hair.
3. Hey goober, here’s your life-saving stem cells. They’re in your balls!

Do you seriously think we got to this place by random mutations?

Comments

[farouk]

if you want to see God, you can check this link
http://www.2knowmyself.com/Religion/is_there_really_a_god_does_got_exist

[GaryB]

Scott Scott Scott

Our existence is best explained as a incomplete grad school project in some other dimension.

[Tim Harwill]

You remain an idiot.
How sad.

[Alexander]

hee hee!

[Bob]

"This is an exciting report," said David Prentice, senior fellow for life sciences at the conservative Family Research Council. More and more reports are emerging regarding stem cells derived from such sources as amniotic fluid, bone marrow and nasal mucosa that have much of the same flexibility as embryonic stem cells, but that don't carry the danger of generating tumors, he noted.

Nasal mucosa? Boogers!?

[nikhail]

"If it can be shown that our existence is clearly an intentional joke, I think we can rule out evolution."

Were Doug and Scott brothers? Or curiously they share
same views on some things?

[John (teej) Trujillo]

About Jeff/Keith/Cybil...if he is so smart why is he looking for anything but smartass blogs on the site developed by a guy who writes smartass cartoons? I wonder if he is smart enough, as he claims, to enlighten me as to what part of medication half-life allows the transformation from Jeff to Keith?

I remember reading the stem cell project using precursors to sperm cells and thinking , Yeah! Who's the man, baby??

So far all the successfull stem cell research has been derived from umbilical blood or adult skin, and now testicles. Makes you wonder why they want to keep breech birthing babies to suck brain tissue out of them before they take their first breath, don't it?

[John (teej) Trujillo]

The more science I understand the less I believe in evolution. It is easier for me to believe that we are the product of an alien penal colony than evolving from the big bang or some primordial mud with the only explanation being "over billions of years".

My case is supported by this main theory: We're not getting any smarter and if you dropped these egg heads, who believe in evolution, naked into a wilderness full of large predator animals they'd perish due to exposure or lunch.

Most people today are too ADHD to rub two sticks together long enough to start a fire and even lower reasoning creature would forget in about 3 seconds about what he was trying to accomplish in the first place.

Fossil records don't support evolution either.

If you believe in evolution than why do we keep allowing the taxpayer funded programs that do everything to reverse the law of the jungle sometimes known as survival of the fittest?

Go take some anatomy and physiology classes if you can stand being around those studying to be the "rich" evil doctors and truly explore the next frontier, the human body. And unlike Joslyn Elders, I don't mean only what you do when you're alone.

[Neil Sampson]

Hey Scott - Bad day for you!

You claim we have no free will, but you believe in God?

According to gods response to the law suit, "I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is My greatest gift to you,"

So explain your way out of that Monkey!

Neil

[Jimmy Jab]

Now if we could only find something useful inside a twat.

[Listo Cómics]

"Readers have complained that I keep posting on stories involving penises."

Fuck the complainers. Penises are funny.

[Vincent]

Did we get to this from mutation, yes, was it random, no. Evolutionary biology does not posit that we got anywhere by random mutation, but that rather evolution is a process whereby random mutations are carefully screened through a trial and error process known as living. Evolution is the exact opposite of random mutation. it is a slow, methodical hyper-accurate and extremely IN-efficient manner of selecting the best possible mutations for the propagation of life in the face of an ever-changing environment.

[le Big MAC]

My favorite is from hma: "ball stem cell powered European supermen will drive remaining American eunucs (sic) into tiny reservations and mate with their sex starved women." Sounds like Tuesday at my house.
:o

Also, google Puppetry Of The Penis which was a live show and DVD. We have only begun to learn what our genitals can do. Just wait for the magic word-cheeseburger! I'm probably going to hell over the can of worms I'm opening, but at least I know heaven is bullshit too. There!

[The Gray Monk]

Hilarious. By the way, when did you get the spycam installed in my former bosses office? There were days when I could have sworn your strip had been drawn following meetings I'd just endured .....

[Dave]

"Hey God, we've made this man, just like you asked, but we've got all this elbow skin left over. What should we do wi'it?"
"Ah, make a wee bag to put his balls in"

(Billy Connolly)

[jbigie]

Hilarious as usual. Another proof of God's sense of humor is the duck-billed platypus. Just look at it, God has to laugh his almighty ass off whenever he thinks about the platypus.

My own personal proof that God exists has to be some of the women I've seen recently. I've seen women that would make an athiest drop to his knees and thank God for creating such works of art. These same women are also proof that God is a man, and just as horny as human men.

[Amit]

Scott, this news seriously needs to be suppressed soon. I mean what happens if tomorrow suddenly the balls "stem cell" value grows far beyond its sperm generation one. The only future i see is full healthy oldies with no babies being born. Indeed a thought provoking view :P

And ya the complete meaning of showing "Ballz" would also change. Am just trying to think what really would that (i mean this symbol .|.) mean then :D

[Jon]

Q: Why do men scratch their balls in the morning? (and)
Q: Why do male cats lick their balls so frequently?

A: Because they can.

.

[jerry w.]

"Well,Mr.Adams,as my expectations have not been met in this regard,I herewith inform you that I shall no longer be reading your insipid blog nor giving your readers access to the wealth of my intelligence.

Jeff and/or Keith"

Dear jEFF and/or kEITH,
I'm sure that almost everyone here will really miss the access to that dimes worth of intelligence.

Don't let the door hit you..........

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Doug]

Hmmmm.

A little twist on the old saying "The proof is in the pudding"....."The proof is in the balls".

A rare/personal unpublished Dilbert Cartoon :)
Scene 1: Dilbert asks, "Do cartoonist with the funny/clever strips have ADHD/ADD?" Dogbert replies, "Yes, if when bored they blog about creation and find "proof in the balls" for amusement".

Scene 2: Dogbert says, "Now I've got one..What is the difference between telling your future stepson that an audio jack is a gizmo to check your health and blogging about balls and existence of God?" Dilbert replies, "Nothing, its all about having the balls to have a ball."

Great stuff Scott.. I love it. Now did I remember to my Adderal.

[Paul H.]

It's gotta be a big effing joke. Think about it. If a man loses his testicles, he could grow breasts because of the lack of male hormones. Most guys dream of having immediate and constant access pair of breasts, so it would be a dream come true!

The joke is in the catch-22: without the male hormones, he wouldn't be interested in them.

[niCk(MemBeth)]

"Do you seriously think we got to this place by random mutations?"

Can anyone read these comments and not believe in random mutations? Those mutations are not always for the better.

Guess what? No matter how much you or them discuss a god or lack thereof, or our specific evolutionary path, neither you or them will ever know for sure. We can only make wildly educated guesses or believe in a fantasy devised by other humans.

So instead of wasting time trying to figure out where we came from, why don't you "educated" guys work on making this a better place to live in so future generations won't look back at us and say "what a bunch of idiots those old-timers were".

But what do I know? I'm just a being from another planet sent here by God to monitor your evolutionary progress. I got bad news for that bastard.

[Shannon Knowles]

If there were a god he'd bring back sourpuss...

[Perakath]

"If you have balls, you have probably looked at them and wondered aloud “What else can I do with them?”

- hahahaha

And here I thought they were only good for pocket billiards...

[Brad]

If my aunt had balls, she could grow a new kidney.

[D. Mented]

...So, since ovaries can't provide the same resources (eggs are formed while a bably girl is still in the womb, so ovaries don't continuously produce this genetic material) by your logic, men are God's big joke, but women aren't?
Just curious.
(okay, no I'm not. I just couldn't resist saying that)

By the way, Stomper, you're right, at least in my case. As an atheist,I was mortified when I heard there are atheists calling themselves "Brights". This kind of childish self-aggrandizement is proof -if anyone ever needed it- that we atheists CAN'T claim to be brighter than the general population because we have our self-important fools, too. And Jeff reminds us that we don't all have senses of humor.
My parents taught me there aren't that many really good people out there, and if you allow prejudice to cut you off from the really good ones who are of other races, creeds, colors, nations of origin, etc., you end up stuck with mostly the run-of-the mill from your own demographic, and what ever that may be, it's not very impressive.
I've since learned they are right about that. I don't give one small crap what you believe or don't - it's how you act that matters, and any atheist who can't see that is just as much a fanatic as any religious nutjob.
D. Mented

[steve h]

can't answer, too busy thinking about painting eyes on my nuts and talking about "irrational exuberance"

[Sweet Pea]

Scott, you are one of the most brilliant people I've ever read. A post that doesn't mention penises, but is entirely about balls. That takes balls, and is as funny as shit. You rock, and don't ever stop. And, incidentally, why don't you invest in one of those penis clean energy generaters? $200K is more money than I'll ever be able to dream about, but it might be doable for someone like you.

p.s. I, too often have the problem that people don't know when I'm being serious, funny, or trying to make a point obliquily.

[QwkDrw]

RE: rita mae tag line

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
-- author unknown (Dancing Monkey, maybe)

[Kim]

Do I believe in random mutations?
Yes, they're evident..

Do I belive we "got here" by random mutations?
Not sure, got a better theory?

-k.

(reminder: last post you said you weren't superstitious, so I'll be holding you to that!)

[the man in the trout mask]

What is it with Jeff and Keith? - are these pompous asses for real or what?

Mr.Adams,you should have felt honored that I,a person of extremely high intelligence,would actually spend my time,which is very valuable,reading your blog. And,not only reading it,but responding to it by comment on occasion,thus affording enlightenment to you and your readership. In return for this sharing of my vast wisdom,an expectation on my part that your future blogs would be of a style and content that would meet with my approval was surely not unreasonable.
Well,Mr.Adams,as my expectations have not been met in this regard,I herewith inform you that I shall no longer be reading your insipid blog nor giving your readers access to the wealth of my intelligence.

Jeff and/or Keith

[Greg]

Doh...! The next thing you know, some scientist or multi-national conglomerate will be paying men to donate their stem cells. They will be very similar to sperm banks, except those little guys will not go into the freezer. I am starting to see dollar signs... but I just remembered that I got a vasectomy about six years ago. Doh...!

[Phoenix]

jEFF, take a look at what you wrote. Who sounds like the more primative creature now? Scott was only making a joke, and you got all puffed up over nothing. His post wasn't about whether or not god exists, but about poking fun at a quirk in the human body, and/or the silly things some scientists discover. Take a chill pill.

BTW: nice post! I love this blog, definately the bright spot in my day.

[olie]

I don't have the URL handy (you can Google), but the REAL proof of God's existence is that he responded to the lawsuit about which you blogged a couple of days ago. TWICE!

Check it out :)

Btw, possibly the most annoying "bug" in the balls/penis design: having to pee real bad leads to a hard-on (bladder smooshes the veins, causing the erection), and the resulting raging erection prevents peeing, as the situation just compounds itself.

Day-em!

[Luke]

What I want to know is who the hell was poking around inside some guys balls to figure this out!

[Dan Quixote]

Each one needs to see for himself or herself whether there's a God or not. I who have a steadily improving and fairly groovy rapport with my Heavenly Father, even in the face of personal tragedy (loss of 2 children), can share my experiences and thoughts on it with you, but I don't think I can ever prove it to you. Each one has to take a tiny leap of faith and try calling out with an open mind to God. You won't get the chance to know for yourself unless you "taste and see" for yourself. Thankfully, my role in spreading the good news is to present and to offer, not to prove or convince.

Regards to all, including jEFF.

[amenot]

Talking about stem cells (reproduce itself), does anyone wonder why
- crabs can grow another limb when one is cut off, but human-beings and other animals can't.
- some reptiles can grow another tail if one is cut off.
- humans grow the second tooth but not any more after that.
etc.
and why the heck nail and hair keep growing? having to cut them all the time is pain-in-the-neck.

[Dilbert's Rabbi]

I would prefer a slightly more civilized and thoughtful approach to determining the existence of a Supreme Being; something patterned after the Blaise Pascal or Malcolm Muggridge models.

But your balls-produce-stem-cells-proves-existence-of-God method seems to bring the same result. The only difference is your methodology made me spew coffee all over my keyboard... funny!!!

[Telanis]

jEEEEEFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Keeeeeeeiiiittttthhhhhh

BRAAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNSSSS

braaaaaaiiiiiinnss

braaaiinnsss

[Kendra]

wow Jeff sick burn man, too bad you can't take a joke. and by the by there is as much evidence on both sides for where we came from. Personally I don't care since we are here now.
on to something that matters though... Scott that was hilarious but perhaps if you combined penis and ball jokes it could be even better? no forget that if i laugh any harder people will think I'm crazy.

[@Rob]

New meaning to organ doner.

So the next time I am in a hospital, am I going to start hearing "...put these balls on ice and take the up to the lab. STAT!"

[drummerjoe]

"

Re: Jeff:

A fanatic atheist is just as annoying and closed-minded as a fanatic Christian. Cut it out."

DITTO

[Steven McDaniel]

May I bring your attention to a story in the news about a person suffering from elephantiasis of the testicle. Apparently the thing gives him the appearance of sitting on a big hairy space hopper. I've provided the web address of the story because I know you will all be restrained enough not to use it to look at the pictures. http://digg.com/general_sciences/Hospital_in_Thailand_displays_Large_Testicle(s)_affected_by_Elephantiasis

Or you can Google up 'elephantiasis testicle ' and it'll come up. (Looks gross, doesn't it?)

The point I would like to make is that if it is true that testicles indeed contain life saving stem cells, then this guy could indeed save the world before the 'other' giant organ you lauded in a previous blog got the chance. I don't know how that would affect my theology, though. But you, Scott, are stark, raving mad (not that there's anything wrong with that).

[Marxist]

Very random.

[ezra]

this is surely a friday blog post

[Amy]

Bring pack the penis posts!

[Calgarian]

Ever seen the movie 'Local Hero' ... the character played by Burt Lancaster had a psychiatrist who practised "abuse therapy".

Time to admit it Scott ... this is your own version of abuse therapy.

[KevDerev]

Balls and God. Interesting post, Scott.

It's hard to fathom that "something" greater than anything you can see didn't have a hand in creating everthing you do see. People who believe in evolution, Big Bang, etc., are making a leap of faith just as Christians are by believe that Jesus Christ was God (for all intents and purposes). It gives us comfort to believe we know the truth when no one really does.

Life has to have some meaning or ultimate explaination otherwise what's the point of it all? Think about that one and you could drive yourself crazy.

[wrench]

Duh.

I challenge anyone to show me any genetic alteration in any species that improves that species chance of survival. Because it should be happening constantly. I did the math and we should be seeing a completely new species of something every 2-3 years. So where are they?

[RPK]

So if someone fills out an organ donor card, will they now be harvesting those organs as well? We've gotten used to the idea of heart transplants, liver replacements, etc, but replacing the family jewels?

On the upside, if a teenager, driving at a leisurely 115 mph, wraps his car around a tree and goes to that big driving school in the sky, harvesting his balls might be a good idea. Having teenage balls again would be better than Viagra, as long as they didn't make me want to drive into trees.

As for this being proof of God, or 'intelligent design', I'm not so sure. Having your life-creating devices in such a bad location, not too mention how delicate they are, seems less than intelligent.

On a somewhat related topic, there was no intelligence involved in designing bicycles for the sexes. Why do guys get the bikes with the high bar? How many boys didn't have some mishap that caused them to hit that bar with their balls, introducing them to a level of pain that most had never imagined before?

[rita mae]

"jerry w" writes.............
Still digging you Scott,
but too damn hetro to stalk you.

WTF?

Isn't that theft? Plagiarism? Dirty pool?

Get your own "tag line" jerry w!!!!!

Scott, still love you, but still too old to stalk you.

Rita Mae

[George]

Given that the function of your testes is to produce half of the cell that eventually develop into an entire person, it is no surprise that we are finally looking into this organ for medical research.

[blinded]

Scott, when I read today's post I immediately thought "a man who talks nonsense so well must know he is speaking nonsense"

From "gifted or defective"
" This is one of those “everything you need to know about human beings” situations. Any incompatibility between a human and the world is seen as proof that the world is screwed up. "

Your vonnegutesque comments which seemingly reflect your inability to enjoy free will and obsession with sparking debates among truth-seeking creationists vs. whatever-else is amusing. Well done.

[Publickenemy]

Maybe the idol worshipers were on the right track when they were praying to their little Ba'als.

I've long suspected my boys to be the proof that God exists. I often get a feeling down there that can only be described as the Spirit. When I share that feeling with members of the opposite sex, they start praising His name and speaking in tongues.

[Broacher]

What about the decision about which one to use as a source? Do you think that over time, evolutionary/cultural pressures would eventually create two distinctively different species-- lefties and righties?

Or maybe, (kinda like that guy with two penises) we would all eventually be born with a spare set for 'medical backup'. A natural foursome? Don't let the golf crowd get a hold of that one.

[Jon]

lol. I am not sure which is more entertaining... your post or the "intellectuals" you seem to attract. Good stuff, scottie!

[Kevin Kunreuther]

Just when I thought you couldn't go any lower, you merely move one or two centimeters to the next organ ... what's next, cancer can be cured an asshole?

[Tyler]

This is easily the best post you have ever done about "serious" subjects. When you try to write funny things, it sounds very funny. When you try to write thought-provoking things, you kind of sound like a know-it-all. You probably aren't, it just seems that way. This is way better.

[WilliamTell]

Yes, I seriously think we got to this place by random mutations.

Real random is unpredictable, and unpredictable will always surprize you. That is proof enough for me :) Óðinn is real, and he sits on his thrown in Valhalla.

[amen-not]

I think Scott is just being sarcastic about the existence of God. The stem cells from balls should not be a surprise. There will be more discoveries in the future (thanks to science) on more cells that can re-produce daughter cells. It does not prove that there was an "intelligent creator" who knew all these some million years ago.

[Art]

I always thought balls were underrated. . .

So now the term "grow a pair!" might be a little more appreciated!

[Ray Loche]

Yes, I do.

[bcammack]

Imagine all the centuries we've wasted just thinking with them!! Wow...

[Elizabeth]

this reminded me of a scene in "Long Way Round" when Charley & Ewan are in Mongolia and their hosts are serving up Ball Soup.

[Tony Montana]

This is good news for me. All I have is my word and my balls.

[B]

I find it funny that when someone either posts a different viewpoint or thought process whether funny or for the hell of it, people cannot just look at it as just that. People like Jeff and Keith really need to go outside and breathe a bit. Maybe take a walk...Hell, maybe even talk to a girl. The fact is, I am a Christian and I am not going to read this blog and start trying to prove the existence of god to Scott or anyone else. I think Scott is funny and makes some good points. The thing with being a Christian is the faith factor that most people (especially engineering types) cannot process. They need explanations for everything. I understand that there are people in this world that need an explanantion for everything. So, stop complaining and just take it for what it's meant to be. A funny point of view.

[Candice]

Actually, I use a couple warm, fuzzy balls to cure puffy eyes in the morning! Works like a charm. But only when the moon is full…

[David]

Haha.. jEFF.

[Wickwrackrum]

Nice. I opinion is that we got here by random mutations guided by evolution preserving code in our DNA. Don't know why the scientist-types keep saying random mutations. Even I know of mechanisms in our cells that correct dna damage and regulate proper copying. Tas never random.
Thanks to lake for some techsplanation.

[tim shepard]

Of course we got here by random mutation. What kind of lamebrain question is that? You're not seriously suggesting it was magic are you?

[GrainMuncher]

"Hey, Steve, heard you had cancer."

"Nope...I licked it with my balls."

[That's funnier than what I wrote, damn it. -- Scott]

[Andy Watt]

Hmmm. Scott, you should be careful mate, stateful packet inspection firewalls and gateways may start to get irked at your pointy-pointy-looky-looky posts :)

No great surprise that stem cells exist in the male reproductive organs... gametogenesis isn't exactly a static activity, the sheer number of cell divisions in there and the fact that they need to produce good haploid genetic information must mean that the cells there are pretty much stem cells already (or good candidates to be brought on to be stem cells through whatever)?

You do realise of course you're going to have to create ANOTHER incidental dilbert character to carry this hypothesis to the masses in 3 frames... maybe if the shouty guy could get kicked hard enough someone could glance down his gullet and shout "Hey! Nice stems!"

P'raps not.

[obiDonWan]

I have always thanked God for my balls.

[Jonathan]

Wake me when you discover a Babel fish.

[QwkDrw]

A clear and funny proof of GOD (Creationism).

About this: "So today I am elevating the discussion." Nicely done.

[Ben]

Toenail clippings might not be a bigger joke, but they're certainly ickier. I mean ... ew. 'You are going to inject *what* into me? Do you know what GROWS down there?!'

[Berimbauone]

Give it up for jEFF! He made this post so much better LMAO.

From the article: "Also another point - some men can give stem cells to [...] genetically compatible females so it still can be applied for women as well."

Some bad pick-up lines:

1. Hi, I am a scientist, I saw you standing there and got the urge to one day save your life, but first we have to see if you're compatible.

2. See, that was Greenspan... they can also do presidential candidates, watch...

Also from the article, where does this guy think his brain is?

"If I had end stage heart disease, I would think, take all my testes, all right? So it is a no-brainer"

http://berimbauone.blogspot.com/

[John C]

They also make great blind bolds for your lady friend

[jerry w.]

And now, from dancing monkeys (tm) everywhere, more anger over something funny in a blog that's usually found to be dedicated to funny.

Geebus people, it's not like you don't have a remote control to change the channel.

Well, don't you?

{click}:

"Balls!", said the Queen,
"If I had them, I'd be the King"

{click}:

If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle.

{click}:

I save my "A" material for the weekend, tip your waiter.

{click}:

Still digging you Scott,
but too damn hetro to stalk you.

{click}:

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Robby]

"[Dr. Rafii] says it will not be difficult to find subjects. 'If I had end stage heart disease, I would think, take all my testes, all right? So it is a no-brainer,' he said." --Barbara Miller, ABC News

Here is a doctor who really knows something both about comedy and about getting his research known. Some may think they would rather die than give up "all their testes," and they will argue that Rafii is a moron. This forces everybody they speak with to read about Rafii's work. Genius!

[JiggynJive]

This is great news!

Now, when I'm trying to pick up bald chicks, I will no longer feel guilty when I whisper "Don't worry baby, my balls cure cancer."

[Arby]

There is a black market out there for human kidneys, livers, gall bladders, hearts, and eyes. Guess now they will include balls. The thought of it makes me cross my legs.

[Billy Arvia]

Scott,

Of course it is random mutation. An intelligent being would not have designed something so valuable to be so vulnerable...

However, it is nice to think that there might be a better wasy to make money with the boys than video taping them getting hit.

www.triplebee.squarespace.com

[hma]

When you thin about, the placement of stem cells in men's balls is really unfortunate. If they were found in e.g., fingernail clippings, Christians would probably not care that they are studied. Now its only a matter of time before American parents start having their infant sons balls removed to prevent anyone studying them and religious doctors start advocating this practice.
This will lead to a situation where Europeans are the only ones with balls to study and cure deceases, while Americans turn into docile eunucs. In few decades, ball stem cell powered European supermen will drive remaining American eunucs into tiny reservations and mate with their sex starved women.

[Boozeheimer]

Dear Scott,
Thank so you for todays story! It is revolutionary indeed and I am surprised that in the lively discussion so far nobody has understood this:
WE MEN ARE BACK WHERE WE SHOULD HAVE ALWAYS REMAINED: THE TOP END OF CREATION AND EVOLOTION. God created Adams first and Eva only afterwards out of a spare rib. And now Adams balls will kind of save humanity, even the women who already owe him their pure existance and from now on will owe him their survival. Women will owe their survival to what they have been fighting during these past decades of socio-ethically disoriented womens lib movement: OUR BALLS.
Of course this is the proof of Gods existance: He not only gave us Adams a bigger brain, an extra member to increase the pleasure of living, no, he also attached those balls to it, the balls that will ensure that this Planet will continue to be populated!

[rita mae]

PENIS. There I got it over with. Now........

1) "jerry w" stole my line about strokes. The article stated that the technology could help with Parkinson's, heart disease, strokes, and cancer. Of course, you singled out strokes. Good man. I would expect no less.

2) "jEFF" -- WTF? Enough said.

3) Just a thought -- Dr. Rafiis' research was published in the journal "Nature." I'll be watching the "Journal of the American Medical Association" for updates. When his article appears in JAMA, I'll be all over the ex-Marine to see about selling some of his "stuff" on the black market.

4. Bye, KEITH. Wish I could say we'll miss you, but we don't care. If you really didn't like the blog you would just click it off. You putrid ball sack.

Scott, still love you, but still too old to stalk you.

Rita Mae

[Billf]

I'm sure some evolution defender will point out that "Random Mutations" don't promote species development, but "Natural Selection" does.

Of course, if "Natural Selection" is the key, then is it possible to "breed out" undesirable desires and/or traits?

By now, shouldn't we have bred out homosexual desires (as reproduction should be a moot point in this case), drunk drivers, and morbidly obese people?

I'd conclude that either we see evidence of a Creator who makes imperfect "moist robots" or evidence of a Creator who allows for some Free Will.

[chuck]

Bloomberg News

WASHINGTON -- Today, Scott Adam's testicles said the odds of a recession remain "somewhat more" than one in three even after this week's cut in interest rates, with home prices likely to drop further and hurt consumer spending.

"Remember, we still have a problem out there, which is a large overhang of unsold newly constructed homes," Mr. Adam's testicles said in an interview yesterday following the publication of his book, The Age of Turbulence: Adventures in a New World. Home prices "are down only about 3 per cent, but they are clearly moving lower."

[Dave]

In reference to the "god responds to lawsuit" links in the posts here, God in his note to the court wrote this:

"I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is My greatest gift to you,"

[twounicycles]

Remember, you only get 2 pints, when you've used that up...

[Donnie]

Personally I think there is nothing funnier than a well- crafted dick joke. However, the "Greenspan = gonads" was pretty good!

Donnie

[benedict]

hey Scott,
you've got to check this cartoonist guy out, he's good!
http://www.mordantorange.com/blog/archives/comics_by_mike_bannon/mordant_singles/index.html

[Steve]

omigod...I can't believe some of the humorless knobs who respond to your posts! I mean, on the one hand you have the I-have-to-prove-how-smart-I-am knob who just HAS to give a detailed scientitic explanation for everything ("Actually, this is pretty expected...blah blah blah blather...") and on the other hand the "You really have to lay off the god crap..."). These remind me of the humorless jerks who cannot take a joke nor tell a joke...which is ironic, because I guarantee their lives are jokes. So very, very sad.

Good job by the way...quite funny, as per usual.

[Mellomyman]

I never noticed the resemblance to Mr. Greenspan. This does explain the irrationally exuberant nature of my balls, though.

Good observation, Scott.

[Kellen]

Wow. That jEFF is kind of a big stupid dumbass. Obviously he is just worried that the government will come in and claim his balls for scientific research. Don't worry, jEFF! No one wants your balls!

[Chris]

The proof is in your pudding.... ball pudding

[SpookysFriend]

Funniness aside this is actually welcome news to a male diabetic who lives in the US. Also, its the first time I heard this as I just recently scanned the diabetes boards for current research.

[Ankit]

The second one would be the best option, since then we don't have to go fot haircuts just go to the doc and tell him you will sell him your hair for money....

Imagine the army might actually pay for itself if it sells all the hair of its soldiers....

[friskybeaver]

Can you get the stem cells without damaging the balls?

Doc: Sir, we can save you, but to get the stem cells we need to cut out your left testicle.

Patient: Left?

Doc: Would you prefer both?

Patient: I'd rather die.

[Keith]

I can no longer distinguish the statements you make to try to stir up a response and your actual beliefs.

[You can also no longer distinguish between a joke and an actual belief. Just saying. -- Scott]

I'm going to proceed to take this blog off my RSS feed.

Good luck with the movie.
And I think that other comic, the one where you are giving advice to the artist, sucks. But by your reasoning, that'll probably just prove it's good.

[J Jetzen]

Some of the responses to this blog are perfect examples of why expanding stem cell research could have a negative effect.

The world is getting dumber with every generation fast enough. Extending the life expectancy of idiots will only cause the end of civilization faster than it is currently progressing!

[RavenBlack]

I'm sure there is an opportunity for a joke from the last line of the story. It pretty much said you'd need to have your balls removed if you want your stem cells, earlier in the article, and then at the end it said it can help women too because a compatible male can donate his 'stem cells'.

But I'm not quite sure what the joke is.

[E]

Scott,

I'm a Christian who believes that God has a sense of humor and thought this post was hysterical.

Three quick things:

1) jEFF the insulter needs to switch to decaf.
2) I heard this one on NPR. Apparently, none of the research team have volunteered to have their "boys" biopsied by a large, sharp, pointy metal things to test the delicious stem cells. And um, can you really blame them?
3) Unrelated, but this made me laugh, http://news.aol.com/story/ar/_a/mom-finds-osama-video-before-release/20070920210609990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001.

Even if this weren't true, we should attribute all major intelligence information to someone like this, and publicize the crap out of it.

In other news today, Bin Laden was found by a wisconsin mom on her laptop while she was cooking spaghetti. "I had to get the kids to soccer, but wanted to send off his location to the strike team first..." - wouldn't that be fun?

[David]

Another potshot at the castrated huh Scott? Well I for one am sick and tired of your posts being laced with all of these not so subtle, ‘anti-eunuch’ undertones. Frankly your pro-men with balls/anti-men without balls agenda has been clear for quite some time and with today’s post you’ve just lost yourself one reader. Good day to you sir.

[Diana W]

Speaking of penises, didn't you think it was a big enough joke that God built Johnsons to serve as both the recreation centers and waste disposal units of the body? But this discovery now gives men options if they want to donate bone marrow to a loved one. Either got the tradition route of numerous painful punctures through the back with a large bore needle, or a couple painful jabs in the balls. (Ok, I didn't say it was a GOOD option)

[Jon]

Imagine what the balls of the 900 pound Lansing man must look like.

[Paul K]

Re: Jeff:

A fanatic atheist is just as annoying and closed-minded as a fanatic Christian. Cut it out.

[Stomper]

As a Christian, fundamentalist evangelical Christians are embarrassing to me. Like bringing your date to meet the family, including that uncle who is loud and thinks he's funny, but really he just drinks too much.

I would imagine there are calm, reasonable atheists who are similarly embarrassed by fundamentalist evangelical atheists (like jEFF). Am I living in a fantasy world? Well, yes, I am. But specifically, am I unreasonable to hope for calm, respectful atheists, who don't stereotype all Christians as fundamentalist evangelicals?

--Stomper

[jerry w.]

"For example, men’s balls might someday help with their strokes."

I know from experience that when working with your balls, it's really difficult to switch around your grip without missing a stroke. You can ask any golfer about that statement, and they'll tell you it's true if they're not Jewish. This is because from their early teens, Jewish golfers are always too busy learning to take those longer strokes with their putts, to talk in an off-hand manner.

The beauty of that previous statement is that the only ones that might be offended, will be most likely to get the joke.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Real Live Girl]

US Reserchers - the world leaders in finding new novel uses for balls! Make America proud boys!

[Bill Harting]

Heard an interview with one of the science team behind this disovery on NPR Wednesday. He said that he "had heard" the donation process (taking a biopsy of your testicle) was "relatively painless" but when asked if he or anyone else in the lab was going to volunteer, his reply was a very fast "no".

Perhaps it was the word "relatively". Relative to other ball related pain? Ouch.

[T.G.]

Catholicism says that there is no problem believing in the Joker and evolution.

The Ball Shall Make you Free.

[Drew]

Those kinds of testes just prove that doctors are thinking outside the balls more and more. However, those doctors are completely nuts and need to be sacked. It is just a question of taint-ed researched.

Ok, no more penis puns...

[Steve]

Good God man, you have been on a roll lately. (the NY subway post was your best).

Keep up the good work!

[Gandalf]

Scott, you are a sick, twisted man!

You should be grateful. I'm told that I don't give compliments readily.

I would like to be the first to stand up and volunteer...

...my brother's balls.

New excuse #189: I am NOT doing that! I'm just keeping my stem cells warm!

[Jimbo]

"Do you seriously think we got to this place by random mutations?"

Yes, of course, all the science supports that theory. Stem cells from your own body that may help you is not a strange theory at all.

However, no one has answered the question of how life originally started.

We can't even create the simplest form of life from scratch.

[DF]

If that is proof of god's existence, then I've got an empty cave nearby that Jesus was resurrected in. The proof? It's empty.

By the way, the only way that that this blog would be elevated from the penis blogs, would be if you were standing on your head. Unless your balls don't hang lower than your penis of course.

Um, how do the get the cells from your balls to other parts of your body? I hope there's not a needle involved. Ouch!

I guess this means there's a new take on an old joke?

First sperm: “Man, it smells like shit in here! How are we supposed to find the egg?”

Second sperm: "Egg? We're here for the prostate cancer."

[V kap]

Scott...This forces me to ponder..And i dunt like it wen i think.
Does this mean that someday i mite be asked to give my balls for the greater(?) good of keeping my heart..So i can continue to maintain usage of my balls, which i coincidentally dunt have no more!?!
I must say i dunt have the balls to give my balls to be able to keep my balls!

[Cahwyguy - Daniel]

Gee, I thought there were other proofs of God's existance. For example, the following article from CNN:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/09/20/suing.god.ap/index.html

[Lake]

Actually, this is pretty expected. Stem cells or stem cell-like cells all have one thing in common: they have the ability to reproduce into a near-endless collection of identical daughter cells.

Most cells in multi-cellular organisms do not have the capacity to reproduce indefinitely. Over time, telomeres (DNA strand "endcaps") degrade with repeated cell copying until eventually the genetic material regulating the cell becomes lost with each progressive copy. This process is highly involved in the aging process.

Certain cells that have high turnover rates must naturally have mechanisms in place to survive along with the more stable cells. They tend to produce the enzyme telomerase in high levels to reextend their degraded telomeres, and likely have other (unknown) complimentary systems in place.

The thing that bone marrow cells (creating blood cells), stem cells (creating tissues), and male genital cells (creating navies of sperm) have in common is an expectation to create a LOT of daughter cells.

Most guys I know really use their balls to crank those daughter cells out too, if you know what I mean.

That said, their resemblance to undifferentiated stem cells is doubly expected:
1) The daughter cells (sperm) will be differentiated (more specialized) than the parent cells and
2) Those parent cells will be making a whole lotta copies.

It's exactly the task list stem cells are working from.

[jEFF]

You really have to lay off the god crap. You and the hard core christian right are the only ones who believe that the evidence is "tilting." God is not real. Jesus may have been real but was nothing more then a mortal and very talented con-artist. I wish I had never found your blog it has only caused me to lose any respect I once had for you and your strip.

You sir suck. If you could only have kept your worthless views to yourself. Normally I would never ever criticize someone for their beliefs but when they as a laughable as yours I cannot help myself. What kind of low IQ single cell organism does it take not believe is evolution? You. Oh and that idiot reverend who goes to funerals and chastises the dead.

jEFF

[Um..."laughable" didn't tip you off to anything? -- Scott]]

[Lake]

Actually, this is pretty expected. Stem cells or stem cell-like cells all have one thing in common: they have the ability to reproduce into a near-endless collection of identical daughter cells.

Most cells in multi-cellular organisms do not have the capacity to reproduce indefinitely. Over time, telomeres (DNA strand "endcaps") degrade with repeated cell copying until eventually the genetic material regulating the cell becomes lost with each progressive copy. This process is highly involved in the aging process.

Certain cells that have high turnover rates must naturally have mechanisms in place to survive along with the more stable cells. They tend to produce the enzyme telomerase in high levels to reextend their degraded telomeres, and likely have other (unknown) complimentary systems in place.

The thing that bone marrow cells (creating blood cells), stem cells (creating tissues), and male genital cells (creating navies of sperm) have in common is an expectation to create a LOT of daughter cells.

Most guys I know really use their balls to crank those daughter cells out too, if you know what I mean.

That said, their resemblance to undifferentiated stem cells is doubly expected:
1) The daughter cells (sperm) will be differentiated (more specialized) than the parent cells and
2) Those parent cells will be making a whole lotta copies.

It's exactly the task list stem cells are working from.

[Sondra]

The only way a story about balls is "elevating" the subject matter, is if you are standing on your head!

[Greg]

Looking for further proof of God? He responded to that lawsuit:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/09/21/national/main3284577.shtml

:)

[Alex]

Proof that God exists? Nope, just proves someone put something in the water where you live......whatever it is must be strong ;)

[Patrick]

I usually read your daily post with a light smile on my face, with today's one I had to lol! :D

thanks for the fun

[Telanis]

Glad to know there's someone else out there who accepts his inherent ridiculousness. I hate people who take themselves seriously.

[Oli]

Sorry, but given teh choice between castration and baby killing I gotta go with the baby killing.

http://ramblingsofanofficeworker.blogspot.com

[hotadvice]

this might lead to "balls donation".

People will donate their balls ...just like the eye balls.

[Shawn]

Scott -

Kind of a "ballsy" argument, don't ya think? It may or may not prove that God exists, but the theory that a man's head / brain is located somewhere in the groin area, well, this pretty much proves it to be true! Thanks! I always thought my brain was in my balls...

Shawn

[Erik]

I have trouble with anything "random". As a programmer I often want to use a number that is supposed to be random, or at least unpredictable. To get this I need to call a "random function", which sounds like a contradiction in terms to me.
Maybe random just means "too complicated for moist robots to predict."
That's just my random thought for the day.

[Jon]

I always thought Alan Greenspan looked familiar.

[Ibid]

And here I thought you were gonna mention the article about how to use salmon sperm to make more efficient LEDs.

[-drew]

Until now, I have never thought about having my balls impersonate anyone.

[rita mae]

Thanks to "No One" reminding me, here is my word of the day:

PENIS.

{will respond to the blog later}

Scott, still love you, but still too old to stalk you.

Rita Mae

[Frank]

Nice... Glad to see you've elevated the discussion. Thanks for staying on the ball.