I know I’ve been typecast because a hundred people sent me a story about a man in India who married a dog to atone for his past mistakes.
A number of things struck me about this wedding. I shall start with the most obvious jokes first.
The report was quick to mention that the dog is female. That was a relief because allowing a man to marry a gay dog would be a slippery slope. And obviously a gay dog doesn’t need some cursed Indian dude to lick his balls for him. I mean, not if he wants it done right. Gay Indian dogs have standards too.
I was happy that the dog wore a sari. There is nothing more disturbing than a naked dog getting married. If this arranged marriage works out, I suppose the dog will start wearing stretch pants, because love means never having to say “Where’s your sari?”
Damn, that hurt just typing it.
The report didn’t mention whether the marriage was consummated or not. But I have to think the curse isn’t lifted until the relatives who are gathered around the hut on the wedding night hear “Take it, bitch!”
This wedding was recommended by an astrologist. The report says people in rural parts of India are deeply superstitious. One wonders how that conversation went:
Astrologist: “Well, Mr. Selvakumar, Jupiter is in Mars, so in order to lift your curse, you need to marry a stray dog.”
Selvakumar: “How much of the curse can I lift by just going to third base?”
I could go on, but I run the risk of saying something offensive.