Urge to Simplify

No matter what I’m doing, I can’t help wondering if there is a better way. For example, I noticed yesterday in Las Vegas that many of the casinos have ATMs amongst thousands of slot machines. The casinos hopes you will take your money out of one machine, carry it several feet, and put it in another. There’s something about the change of ownership in your money that is considered entertainment.  And judging from the crowds, people can’t get enough of it.

In the old days, when Vegas was less popular, the slot machines sometimes gave a little of your money back, at least temporarily. But these days all the nice hotels are at full occupancy. I’ve been here three days and haven’t seen anyone win a jackpot. If you think that removing the “maybe you can win” part from the equation would dampen peoples’ enthusiasm, you have vastly overestimated the intelligence of the general public. After Las Vegas trained people to lose 98% of the time, it was a simple matter to nudge it to 100%.

Now the casinos have people trained, like chickens hoping for pellets, to take money from one machine (the ATM), carry it across a room and deposit in another machine (the slot machine). I believe B.F. Skinner would agree with me that there is room for even more efficiency: The ATM and the slot machine need to be the same machine.

The casinos lose a lot of money waiting for the portly gamblers with respiratory issues to waddle from the ATM to the slot machines. A better solution would be for the losers, euphemistically called “players,” to stand at the ATM and watch their funds be transferred to the hotel, while hoping to somehow “win.” The ATM could be redesigned to blink and make exciting sounds, so it seems less like robbery.

I’m sure this is in the five-year plan. Longer term, people will be trained to set up automatic transfers from their banks to the casinos. People will just fly to Vegas, wander around on the tarmac while the casino drains their bank accounts, then board the plane and fly home. The airlines are already in on this concept, and stopped feeding you sandwiches a while ago.

Comments

[Don - Needs Slot Machine Tips]

QUOTE:
I’m sure this is in the five-year plan. Longer term, people will be trained to set up automatic transfers from their banks to the casinos. People will just fly to Vegas, wander around on the tarmac while the casino drains their bank accounts, then board the plane and fly home. The airlines are already in on this concept, and stopped feeding you sandwiches a while ago.
UNQUOTE

An maybe even transfer money with theor cellular phones....sad.

[Jonathan]

Great idea with the ATM and slot machine. Hell, save those gamblers one step and hook the slot machine to withdraw from their bank account. Syphon the money straight from the source!

[Billy]

Mr Economist guy (Drew) is right in theory that the mathmatically stupid should be taxed via gambling if they so choose. If they do so and lose, then go live under a bridge somewhere, then I am cool with that. The problem is when some other person comes along, who can vote, and says, we should tax the non-gamblers to pay to help the poor guy living under the bridge. Then I have a problem with it.

I swear I have seen credit/debit card readers attached directly to the machines before... but my goal isn't so much to gamble in Vegas as it is to take advantage of the free booze and talk to crazy people. Good times, and amazingly, there are many of them. Who knew?

[Drew]

Eliminating the cardiovascular exercise required by trotting from one machine to another would result in the players dying faster, and ultimately reducing the time they spend chugging in quarters.

Make the machines like "dance-dance revolution" and you've got yourself a winner.

[Jeffrey Horn]

As always, great cynical insight. I thoroughly enjoyed the post. But my training in economics won't let me be light-hearted about it all. Two points (and a half):

1) It's not stealing if I voluntarily play.
2) If I get $1000 worth of joy out of spending 5 hours playing a game that rewards me $1,000,000 once in 10 million attempts, that's my business.

If I bought an Xbox and some video games, would I be "throwing my money away?" Time spent playing, and the entertainment value given during play, are equally important to why some people gamble. If I like seeing stuff spin for a few hours while I feed the machine money, I may be simple-minded, but not irrational.

[Andrew]

Las Vegas seems to be behind the times. There are casinos in South Africa where you can insert your credit card into the slot machines and watch it take your money!

[tech guy]

I've always thought I was breaking even when the ATM gave me money. I guess the house takes a rake on that too, though.

[Sondra]

Thank you. That is a perfectly lovely description of gambling and its future.

[Udy]

Maybe a credit card slot in the slot machine? seems quite obvious to me but what do I know... It probably exists already but I haven't been to Vegas...

[Max Awesome]

That was the funniest blogpost you've ever made. The line about an ATM making exciting noises was great - I've often thought that was the funniest kind of humour, minimising a socially accepted event like "gambling" by describing it in baffled, purely-experiential terms - denuded language that strips the sheen of normalcy from some everyday insanity.

[John]

I like to think of ways to complicate things. It takes me ( no joke ) about 17 minutes to toast bread.

http://awritersblock.com

[ND]

Very simply done, Scott. Just rig up the slot machines to accept Interac cards.

[Diana W]

Here's a thought - can affirmations help you when gambling? I tried it a few months ago after your affirmation blog. I wrote an affirmation about being lucky, 10 times each day I remembered. Then when I was in the Bahamas on business, I tested my luck at the slot machines. I walked in with just 2 rules - I was only going to play $20 and I'd stop playing at a machine after I won something on it, regardless of how little. After 2 pulls on one machine a won a few dollars. 3 pulls on the next a won some more. About 5 of the last one, as I bet the last of my original $20 I won again. In the end I walked out about $200 ahead. Coincidence?

[DF]

Maybe Vegas needs a new slogan now...

How about "Your money comes to Vegas, and stays in Vegas"

[Akcap]

In a similar vein, all check cashing storefronts should be co-branded with Starbucks... withdraw from one window and buy high-priced mania-inducing fluids at another. Repeat.

[Archer]

All of this reminds me of the very amusing and very "frowned upon by the hollywood establishment" movie: Mafia!
They talked about much of this in it at the begining.

All the games including the ever popular "You lose" and who can forget "Sorry".
quote:
"The smart ones just send us the money"

[Edwin]

I guess the trip is meant to give the 'player' the feeling they're going to do something special.
However, to otimize the process, let's include slotmachines in the departure hall of the airport as well, have a electronic screen in the seat in front of you, that will transfer *any* winnings into your account. Thinking about the religious people who supposedly took over Vegas, here's an idea for them, after having spent amount 'x' you are giving absolution for minor sin 'y' (I leave the details to them). We may even have to diversify there, cause a christian sin may not necessarily be a muslim or a jewish sin. I can see a market here ...

[Jim]

Quantity down and quality up. Your LV series of posts are amoung your best. Keep up the good work by not posting as often.

[bcammack]

Bort, I guess you're still feeling self-concious about your issues with gambling, eh? We don't all open casinos for the same reason we don't mount our own space exploration programs: it's expensive and dangerous, but I guess you have to be a genious to realize something that obvious.

[Kevin Kunreuther]

Carl, you fucking fake pious poisonous hyperventilating hypocrite. If you think the casino business you're in is so evil and dehumanizing - QUIT! There are lots of jobs in this economy that can support and assuage your conscious. If you can't quit, do a Bob Parr by undermining your company's profits - lead gamblers away from the games, give them the info to Gamblers Anonymous, have them escorted out of the casino on a trumped up excuse, etc. Eventually, you'll get fired, but your conscious will be clear. Don't complain publicly that you can't stand working in a dehumanizing profession if you are profiting from your profession trafficing in human misery. Perhaps you'd feel better selling tobacco or liquor or hard drugs or working for a fast food restaurant or selling cars or working as a gasoline distributor or even growing corn (not as innocent an occupation as you may think, look it up!). Tell you what: quit now, and work for Scott drumming up business for Stacy's at Waterford, 'kay?

[EJ]

I loved today's strip about resources. It just ceased to be funny when I realized how true it was.

[Bob]

That's a great idea Scott! I can't believe no one has ever thought of it!

Oh yeah. The gaming industry has been wanting to do that for years. But it's illegal. Casinos have to follow all sorts of regulations. For example, slot machines can not accept ATM or Credit cards. Casinos must give out gambling addiction brochures and hotline info on request. There is a minimum payout for every machine. It varies by state, but usually is 80-85%.

I understand it is your thing to talk about, and make suggestions regarding stuff you know nothing about, and that's OK. Usually your blog is funnier, though.

[Jonathan]

My idea for more efficient casinos. Member of "general public" stands at ATM, makes transaction, sees message flash across screen: "Congratulations! You win a free transfer of $100 from your account to a casino in Vegas", turns around & shouts "I won!"

[Gryffin]

Hey Scott, if the book sales are low, why don't you add an new game to Dilbert.com? You could call it Slotbert and players could spin the reels. Three Catberts and a guy named Vinny comes by to break your kneecaps, but three "Dilbert gets laid" (tie is down instead of curled up) and you send an autographed copy of "Monkey Brain".

Speaking of new games, more would be nice; my 3 and 5 year olds really like the Phone game; since it's a memory game, I don't mind them playing and all it costs me now is the electricity.

[Bort]

Hey, if all you geniuses going on about how gamblers are so stupid were actually geniuses, wouldn't you be opening your own casinos?

[minister of silly walks]

I think you're missing an ever greater way to simplify the process. Instead of making the trek to Vegas just set up an auto-withdrawl from you checking account to go to the casinos every month. Think of the savings. You wouldn't have to take any time off from work. You wouldn't have to mess with those pesky airlines & airport security. No rental car fees. No hotel bills. You wouldn't have to worry about how much to tip the valet or the waitress. It's perfect.

[Leora]

We have a great version here in Ottawa. They have a really nice restaurant with excellent prices, but the only entrance is located just PAST the slot machines and gaming tables. No matter how empty the restaurant, there's always a minimum 15-minute wait. The hostess kindly suggests you spend a bit of time gambling "till your table is ready".

And there's no smoking, either!
Really, how could you go wrong?

[Dan Summerbell]

They already do that in the Casinos in Cannes - you just stick your card in the machine and let the computer take your money away.

Then again, I had a mathematician explain to me why he plays the lotter the other day. I was impressed.

[iamexluxtroxl]

The odds of winning went down after the Mormons took Vegas over from the Mafia. At least gangsters give you a chance; religion never does.

[Alexandre Lucas]

Cheap times in airlines and other businesses...

[obiDonWan]

I sent your blog on gambling at vegas to a friend who wrote back: "I would suggest a further step. Simply arrange to have the transfer done from home. Then take the airfare saved and buy some barbecue."

[Carl]

I'm a casino slot attendant in Las Vegas so I have some direct experience with this issue. As some people have pointed out it's either a Nevada law or at least casino policy not to allow ATM or credit cards directly in a slot machine.

I know from my personal experience it would be an even greater public disservice to allow that, since many people have real problems with gambling and that direct access between slot machines and bank accounts would only worsen their problems. It could be argued that there's every reason to let people bent on self destruction to self destruct as easily as possible. I personally don't support the idea although I agree with you Scott that it's an obvious "improvement" that could be taken.

This is an evil business that destroys lives and relationships. I'm disgusted more every day that I'm involved in gaming -- a word the industry uses to describe itself that sounds better than "screwing."

By the way Scott, were those your tears of anguish I saw on that penny Megabucks machine the other day?

[novabeatnik]

Great post ,but hey whats with the abbreviated RSS making me actually go to the blog....Oh, wait I just answered my own question.

[Mike Bohol]

Those who went to Las Vegas may also go for a pilgrimage to the slums of Southeast Asia or Africa.

[Mike Bohol]

Those who went to Las Vegas may also go for a pilgrimage to the slums of Southeast Asia or Africa.

[Mike Bohol]

Those who went to Las Vegas may also go for a pilgrimage to the slums of Southeast Asia or Africa.

[Ang]

Just buy a casino video game like I did. Give yourself $100 credit and see how long it takes to get to $0. Tons of fun!

[Arturo]

Michael: "Unbalanced Reels"

That's so 1970s...

These days the machines are all computerized. You can see the computer controlling the wheels if you look hard enough. Sometimes they spin longer, sometimes less. Sometimes you can actually see one the wheels spin longer than it should as the machine waits for the right symbol to come around.

It's as fake as the "Eqyptians" walking round the casino floor. How people can sit there and play is beyond me. Much better to take the free lunches and spend your money on hookers.

[dontbother]

A brilliant analysis and commentary. Let's have more of this kind of observation and writing, please.

[rd]

what i found
http://www.danielcharms.com/charms/plays/play31.html
hope, you'll like it

[graeme]

If you post half as frequently with posts as great as this one, I will be very happy.

[D. Mented]

Rita Mae
I hope you get better anyway -whatever it is... if Scott can get a free lunch served to him by bikini-clad supermodels in a restaurant with no annoying louts in it while his wife wasn't there to get her feelings hurt seeing him oggle the supermodels, you might be in line for a "I don't really understand this, maam, but you're right, all you conditions have disappeared except the sore feet, and those are greatly mitigated." (just guessing about the feet)
D. Mented

[D. Mented]

I know a way this can be turned to the benefit of humanity!
First we have to invent the neutering-ray, though...then we install them on all machines, and anyone who plays at one of these money-vacuums for over 2 hours - even once - gets neutered, so we don't have to support the children they would have, or deal with their faulty genes in the pool.
Next, we sponsor a free trip to the nearest casino-town for every adult on earth. They don't have to gamble to get it, and their expenses, and even a show, are paid for.
It took a million years for upright biped primates to get to a billion. It took less than 100 years to go from there to six billion, and in less than a decade it was six and a quarter billion. We don't need all the mentally defective ones breeding. Truly we don't - there are enough of us on this planet already.
(and yes, with a name like D. Mented, I'm doing my part by not reproducing)
D. Mented

[Jeff]

new RSS truncation is pissing me off. I actually used to read the whole post, then click through for comments. Now I'm just gonna unsubscribe. Thanks anyway.

[rd]

oh, you really skipped the day
but sure enjoy your weekend
this is such a great site, delightful to browse
http://happylolday.blogspot.com/

[Miguel]

You said: "If you think that removing the “maybe you can win” part from the equation would dampen peoples’ enthusiasm..."

There's an interesting blog post regarding these psychological quirks at the Overcoming Bias blog: http://www.overcomingbias.com/2007/11/evaluability.html#more

Of particular interest in the blog post:

A follow-up experiment tested whether subjects preferred the old gamble to a certain gain of $2. Only 33% of students preferred the old gamble. Among another group asked to choose between a certain $2 and the new gamble (with the added possibility of a 5¢ loss), fully 60.8% preferred the gamble. After all, $9 isn't a very attractive amount of money, but $9/5¢ is an amazingly attractive win/loss ratio.

You can make a gamble more attractive by adding a strict loss! Isn't psychology fun? This is why no one who truly appreciates the wondrous intricacy of human intelligence wants to design a human-like AI.

[jerry w.]

Welcome to the "New and Improved" Internet Ca$ino!!

Look, you're already money ahead when you consider what you've saved on the gas and wear and tear on your car, and at nearly $4.00 per gallon that's got to amount to a pile. And if you were going to fly, you've also saved the airport parking fee and ticket gouge from the airlines.

See, you're already BIG BUCKS ahead!!

This is how it works here.

I promise you that I'll pay back at a rate of 100 to 1, so you have a chance at winning $100.00 for your bet of a dollar on a winning play. If you agree to be brave and pay that dollar if you lose, continue reading, if you're a chickenshit low life loser, exit now.

O.K., so you're still a player big guy?

Now, Pick a number between one and three, and write it down.

Umm.... sorry, you lose, send me the dollar.

Next game starts in 5 minutes, get another dollar ready.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Now, explain to me in which way you think that the above is any different from playing any computer video game of chance where the programmer has pre-set the parameters to determine in advance exactly which cards you're dealt, and which cards will show up against whatever you will choose to play.

What! You thought your cards were random? WOW, I'll pay you 200 to 1 if you win.

I'm waiting, and by the way, there's only two minutes to the next bet.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[bcammack]

Wow, Mr. "EnoughWealth", you seem to have confused being hired to entertain 2,000 IT professionals in Las Vegas with inviting 2,000 IT professionals to Las Vegas to piss away their life savings. News Flash: They would've been there whether or not Scott gave a talk or not! That doesn't make him a "condescending hypocrite", but you're clearly a "clueless asshole".

"Michael", that wasn't a "charge card" or "credit card" those people have on springy cables, jacked into the slot machines. They are "program cards" that regulars of some casinos have that allow the casino to track their playing let's them win "comps" and "valuable prizes" based on how much of their life savings they elect to pump into that casino's coffers.

My parents retired to Vegas. One year my mother won a $30,000 Cadillac Seville playing slots at the Rio. My father always kept the change receipts for tax purposes (you can apply your losses against your winnings at tax time). They paid no taxes on that car. It just made 'em beak even that year. They were pissing away about $30k per year until they finally expired. Whenever I flew in for a visit the Rio comp'd them a room for me for free, because it had a record of all the $$$ they'd given them because they had always plugged those damned cards into the slots while they played. No, I don't gamble. Never have.

[steve]

llll said: [insert whine about RSS here]

You're so smart, and so above it all, is there anyone that is smart enough to hang out with you or are you all alone as I suspect?

[Real Live Girl]

Why should I make things easier for the casino? I don't gamble, but I guess if I wanted to experience a thrill that didn't pay off in any significant way, I could volunteer to change a poopy baby diaper, stick a $20 in the mess, and then slap it on the cashier counter and scream, "You win Vegas!" and then go get my free drink. Can't buy fun like that at home.

[Robert South]

My approach to Vegas is to present all of my money to the
casino when I enter the door then have scantily clad women
serve me free drinks for the rest of my stay. It is the
ideal strategy as I get to focus on the women and I never
suffer the agony of losing my money.

[Taxi guy]

The eight highest ranked hotels in the world, worth billions, are all located in Las Vegas. As my dad said, "They were all built from the money of losers."

By the way you failed to mention that a third of your winnings go to the IRS.

Save your money for the brothels.

[Jon]

I take issue with your reference to it as "robbery". Surely "charitable giving" is a more appropriate term, given that it is with the "players'" consent.

[Kevin]

Has anyone else noticed that Darby Conley has implied two swear words in back-to-back days in the comics section?

http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/archive/getfuzzy-20071130.html

http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/archive/getfuzzy-20071201.html

Scott, you'd better step your game up...

[Ray]

Traveling in New Mexico, I sometimes stay at a motel on one of the reservations. They have a casino and I always make enough to cover the cost of the motel room, so I end up staying for free. I've visited probably 15-20 other casinos over the last 40 years. I have always won money the first time I visited, but lost on subsequent visits. Maybe I could get rich visiting every casino in the world once? ;-)

[JDG]

I love gambling, but I usally bet $1 at a time and typically that does make me the target market for Vegas. I do go over my limit at the card table and roulette, but I have never lose more than $400. Ok I did in Costa Rica once.

I like the bright lights, noise and increased oxygen, I just end up drinking more. Now that I think about it, I don't like LV that much, but still have to go for work multiple times a year.

[kate]

oh dude: you never fail to crack me the hack up . . . seriously, your brain is the best standup comedy club ev-uh . . . :)

[Matthew Kovich]

Unrelated to the post:

Wally giving all of his blood to hurricane victims? You cad!

[Minister of Silly People in Green]

You can avoid the flight and gamble at your computer. There are on line casinos.

Though they operate out of countries with bad legal records and a decent programmer can empty your credit/bank account in about 0.00001 seconds. Unfortunately, the moist robots who do this then ask the government to spend my taxes in helping them with food, shelter and premium cable.

[steve]

How about applying your efficiency theory to war? Each side kills their own and burns their own assets until one side with the longest staying power "wins" and takes what's left.

[Draft King]

Sports gambling is where the real fun is at, in my opinion. That and Texas Hold 'Em.

I love roulette (especially single zero roulette, like I found at the Stratosphere in Vegas), but that game hasn't been all that kind to me through the years...

[Derek]

The Skinner reference was a paragraph or two too late - Skinner wasn't an "efficiency" expert (the subject of that sentence); put him in paragraph one and it works.

No need to thank me

[Kevin Kunreuther]

This post alone would qualify for a genius grant from the MacArthur Fellowship.

[Enough Wealth]

Glad to see you are doing your bit to help Vegas fleece the sheeple by giving a talk there for 2K IT folk. Perhaps your next stop could be a USO tour of Iraq for the troops? There's nothing more entertaining than a condescending hypocrite.

Regards
http://enoughwealth.com

ps. When I visited Vegas 30 years ago when I was a teenager I was a) allowed to play blackjack even though I was underage (I was with my parents, but I don't think that makes it any more legal), and b) won around $100 (which was quite a lot in the 70s). After a free breakfast we caught a bus tour to the Grand Canyon. So based on my unscientific sample of one experience I can say that Vegas pays you to eat there for free ;)

[p-a]

I see a casino as Expensive entertainment.
I pay USD9 to dream in front of a movie for 90 min.. (US$6/hour)
I pay USD40 for a video games that entertains me for 10h hours.. (US$4/h)
Some pay US$100 for a hooker to entertain them for 2hours..

Well, I can imagine that one will pay US$200 to be dreaming for 10min.. it's just a less interesting return on investment, but it's still entertainment..

P-A
http://devrouze.blogspot.com/
(blog not in english)

[Michael]

Scott your five-year plan is SO last year:
I stayed at Caesar's Palace and instead of losing the money myself I watched others losing it - far more entertaining, and cheaper too. With some of the machines, you could use a CHARGE CARD instead of money. But it gets worse: as these cards were attached to the punters' belts by curly cables, it looked just like the slots were sucking the life-blood out of the poor saps sat in front of them...

[Mark Whybird]

Karl H commented above about how many random combinations of NO! there are.

The trick is actually to make the "no" look like "almost yes" - and the machines do it,and it is perfectly legal.

This is a must-read:
http://scams.wikispaces.com/Unbalanced+Reels

[Ricky]

Very funny. describes how i lost $$ at vegas perfectly last time lol

[Arturo]

Re: "Chargebacks"

On second thoughts, the other poster is right. If people payed via credit cards they could be overcome by remorse later and start trying to get their money back.

With cash-only transactions the casinos have their asses nicely covered.

[Arturo]

I bet there's some old-fashioned federal law which prevents casinos from having direct access to people's bank accounts or something like that.

It's the only rational explanation.

[Bart F.]

I haven't read your blog lately-- today was hysterical. Come to think of it, your other blogs "from the road" were also hysterical. Conclusion: you should get out more.

Thanks,

Bart

[KRKR8M]

I love it! I've worked in Vegas for a company that designed and built a number of major casinos on the strip and I've worked IT for a company that owns multiple casinos. The casino always wins. The most generous casino games are at high 90% payout. Most people think that is good. 90% payout means you hand them $100 and they hand you back $90. 50% payout does NOT mean you break-even.

As far as the slots or any of the computerized games go, the house has full control of the payout percentage and they vary it throughout the day/week/month/year. The slots are set to pay better during peak times and the percentage will be lowered drastically right after someone wins a jackpot. The percentage will also be quite low during slow hours (Tuesday at 10AM) when only regulars (addicts) are at the slots. Don't misunderstand me, there is never a good time to play the slots (or any casino gambling), there are just times that are worse than others.

Scott, I also played slots once, 10 years ago. When my $20 was gone and I'd won nothing but $0.10 (which I also lost), I figured I couldn't survive another 5 min of sheer entertainment watching my money disapear. So I went up to my room and paid $105 for a Kevin Costner movie and some crappy food.

[Navin Harish]

You suggested something that might happen 5 years from now, in nearer future, a player will be allowed to use his ATM card to play at a slot machine. When the entire money is gone, he will be allowed his credit cards. The casino will provide a free courtesy drop to airport to all players who have exhausted all their atm and credit cards.

[Julian]

When I last been to Vegas I definitely came across slot machines that accepted your credit and debits card as a form of payment. They are way ahead of you Scott.

[Ca]

I wonder if the reason you don't see anyone winning jackpots is because of those stupid pieces of paper the machines give now. It used to be that when you won the jackpot, some $200 in quarters would pour out of the machine, and there's no way to hide that noise from the whole rest of the casino. I won little bits - like 2 coins when i put in one - and it didn't make any noise at all because it just recycles it electronically back into the machine. Then when I decided I had lost enough and hit the cash out button it made the fake coin jangling sound, as if I had won something. I think the slot machines have lost all allure for me. The best plan now is to sit at the nickel poker machines (I couldn't find any penny poker) and get free drinks. :)

[Gary]

I had a jar of money saved from spare change at the end of the day. Used to be I could go to the bank and they'd turn it into cash for me - but now they want a cut. A few years ago I was driving through Vegas on a cross country move and I stopped to turn my change into cash in one of the casinos (no charge)

As I stood in line to cash out my $600 bucks in change, several people commented on my "haul." My answer: "You know how I got all this money (eager faces lean forward imitating a vintage Merrill Lynch commercial), I didn't play any of those stupid games!"

One lady gave me three quarter from her winnings. I dropped them in a slot machine on the way out and won $1.50!

[Will]

Hmm...normally your posts make me laugh my ass off...this one makes me sad...too much reality was set forth in this posts...must reset brain to delusional state of happiness...

[jerry w.]

A really big cash cow would be an oxygen port on the side of the machine for those

gamblers who use one of those tube and nose connectors. To keep the flow going to

what's left of the lungs that have been smoked away over the years, they could rig it

so that if you played enough the oxygen was free, but if you slowed down at all,

they could pinch off the airflow. You'd have to choose to pay the machine or call 911.

What are the odds on that happening?

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[dab]

I changed planes at McCarran last week with my 11 and 12 year old boys. Since they get most of their life lessons from Simpsons DVDs they really wanted to see dad get rich gambling - on one pull, no less - whoo hoo! With slots right there at the gates I lost $5 in 30 seconds with them right there and told them "Well, that's 5 bucks less for you at Christmas." They got it - lesson learned - at least until they're old enough to drink.

[Joel Klebanoff]

The merging of the slots and ATM is a great idea, but I'd take it one step further. Why not also install a vacuum hose on the slot machine so losers (aka players) can conveniently clean any loose change and bills out of their pockets?

[Boris]

I've never been to a casino, ever. However, I live within easy driving distance of two (Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun in Connecticut), so I know several people who go to them. I've noticed that most people who go to these places claim to have ended up "a little bit ahead". Every. Single. Time.

So either the people I know are exceptionally lucky, they're bad at counting their money, or they're lying.

I did once play an old fashioned slot machine, at a USO club of all places. It took quarters, and I had the willpower to stop when I was about 50¢ down.

[QwkDrw]

SAD ... just very, very sad.

From what I can gather, Las Vegas is one of the few places on earth that it is legally possible to engage in the greatest number of human vices, almost simultaneously.

Seems you have noticed; an oasis for the self-esteem challenged
!!

[Zhang]

All the casinos are telling people the same thing: there is a possibility that you can win big money with very small amount of money. But I know in many people's heads, they just ignore the word "possibility", which mathematically means zero, so they are progammed: you can win big money with very small amount of money. You can see what happens, they swamed into casinos and "ouch".But why, after so many eletric shock (a rat would have wiser than that), people still cannot debug and reprogamme?
"...Next news. The $40 million lotto jackpot finally got a winner today! He is a farmer from California and is not a regular lottery buger. He accidently spent $50..."

[le Big MAC]

Craps. Don't Come line. Enough said. Of course you get enough of those five chips, you can blow one or two on a high roll - and I've won those too! I got about $400 of Donald Trump's money one year. Good thing they have those strip clubs as a monetary buffer. (O sh*t did I type that? heh)
If I had a few months to study I'd learn some card games and get into the serious money. I guess that's what people do with their cash after they buy homes...

[JayWalk]

What? And take away the pleasure of holding cash in your hands for that full 5 seconds??

What blasphemy!!!

[DWH]

Take the separate ATM machine away;Never!
It is the only machine that I can 'win' at...

[Paul]

Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that the casinos are like the carnival games that came to town once a year when I was a kid? At least the carnival games gave me some useless piece of crap trinket so I could remember how much fun it was to give them money...ahhh, the casinos don't want me to remember, now I get it!!! What will they think of next???

[Keith]

Funny post!

Of course you know it's not losing money that people like, it's the little chemical high they get from anticipating a possible win.

If someone can invent a cheap enough, fun enough, reliable enough, and consequence-free enough way to generate the high without having to leave home, casinos are out of business.

Shit, what's the chemical called?

...oh yeah. Dopamine.

I feel like a dope.

[Clumpy]

Humorous and insightful. Wow.

This is interesting - I don't know if the BBB or some other regulatory federal agency would approve, though. I suppose in the Indian Casinos they wouldn't have much of a say. . .

I stopped gambling years ago after noting my abysmal track record playing solitaire using "Vegas Scoring".

[tina]

My sister made the mistake of buying a lottery ticket and telling her four year old that if they won, Daddy would never have to work again. Poor tyke is now distressed when Daddy has to leave for work, because she expected them to win.

Give her twenty years, and she'll be there in Vegas trying out the new ATM slots.

[Jay]

I agree as far as slot machines go. I don't get it.

But blackjack and craps are a different story, at least for me. I base where I play on the entertainment value of the other players; the crazier, the better. Add in the drinks and the comps and overall it's pretty cheap entertainment...assuming it entertains you.

[jeqp]

"C'mon, you're in VEGAS, try the slots... just once!" I resisted that urge, kept all my money, and somehow managed to still feel like a total loser for it. "You went to Vegas and never even gambled?!"

Why play the pokies? There are other ways to lose your money, cards and dice and roulette and the like. When I was in Vegas I didn't play the pokies, I went to the craps table. I didn't play because it took me so long to work out the rules and the odds that it was time to go to bed, so I guess I just saved a lot of money. But it was interesting.

[ra]

so what happened to your "less blogging"policy? Admit it Adams, you're hooked!

[Sean Arenas]

I haven't been to Vegas in many years, and I've never gambled there, but I've seen the machines.

I'm very surprised that every machine that can take money doesn't also take an ATM card. I don't just mean slot machines, I mean all machines. Already gas stations have places where you can use your ATM (albeit at a fee) without seeing a human, so we're part way there...

Vending machines should also take ATM cards. Imagine how much money a vending company can save this way? You don't have to trust some low-wage yo-yo to handle your money, it goes right to your account. You have less worry about people breaking in to the machine to steal coin from it. Not to mention, customers won't ever say, "Darn, I don't have change for a $20 so I can't get anything!"

In Vegas, I'm sure people just like to handle the money - it's more "real" that way. It gives you a feeling of ownership, and the illusion that you can just walk away at any time and keep your remaining money.

I bet if you made the machines capable of accepting both, though, that a majority would use the ATM capability, even if it came at a surcharge!

[steve]

Ha Ha. Waddle is a funny word. It makes the post. Ha Ha Waddle.

[Gofast]

Your proposition ignores, of course, the "isolation factor" of cash.
As James correctly points out, a direct electronic transfer always leaves a trail; while cash neatly and conveniently changes hands without establishing any formal connection.

Why do you think Casinos have always gone hand-in-hand with organized crime? There is no better operation for laundering large sums of money.

[Neil]

The casinos arround here have a "players club" that provides the customer with a smart card that they can load money onto.

Then they just stick the card in machine and push a button. They don't even have to spend the effort to pull the lever. There is no clinking of change when they win. They just sit there and push a button and watch the balance on their card decrease.

Try watching the movie Mafia! (a spoof of movies like the Godfather or Casino). In the movie they show casino employees opening evelopes full of cash from people who figure they just can save the trip and mail the casino in what they would lose.

[T.G.]

My country quite different regarding the "taboos" about gambling or drinking (hey, we even have beer at mcdonalds) but the compulsive slot machine gamblers and drunks are the same. I can understand more the appeal of alcohol than the one of the hypnotic lights and the sure known false hope of riches.

[Cale]

Actually the airlines are already in on the whole gambling thing. It use to be that there could be no gambling within so many feet from any transportation terminal. This is back during the mid-eighties, but now they have machines inside the bus depots and airports. I got off one plane and walked a couple hundred feet and passed two sections reserved for slot machines. They were roped off, but right before you walk into either place there is an ATM right next to the entrance. You know the airlines are probably getting something from that. At least the airports are.

As for the hotels its getting rather hard to go anywhere without running into some sort of gambling machine. You go into some of the food establishments and they have machines off in one corner or you go for some entertainment and theres half-a-dozen machines in the lobby. I'm afraid that one of the times I walk into a restroom there is going to be a guy cheering because he put a coin in a machine and finally gets a pay out of a tiny foil wrapped surprise. (3-guesses on what this is. LOL!)

[elmegil]

Last time I was in vegas, I did find one machine that I was consistently winning money on. Some weird matching game off in a corner where no one else went. I turned $20 into $30 before leaving town.

(and yes, I tried a regular slot machine the night before and spent more than $30 on it, so my trip NET was not so good. But I didn't dump my life savings either)

[raj]

lol...I am not sure if Einstein had ever been to Vegas, but he did say this. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

[Rhys]

I don't frequent casinos often, but last time I went to the casino in Brisbane (Australia) I noticed that the slot machines do allow you to swipe your credit card.

A comment above mentioned chargebacks. Given the shear number of cameras in a Casino, I would imagine falsifying chargebacks would be tough. I am interested to know how many stolen credit cards get used at casinos. Assuming some intelligence on the part of the thief, I would think very little. The Risk/Reward ratio wouldn't fit.

[Dustin Borklund]

What cracks me up is that the casino charges an ATM fee of $2-$5! If I owned a casino I would waive the fee (I would pay whatever small network fee there is) so that people will come to my casino to get money. I can't tell you how many times I've been tempted to withdraw more money while at a casino and changed my mind because I can't stand to pay a stupid fee like that.

[rod]

Dude, do you check your public email address?

Well, whatever. You should read this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Bringing-Down-House-Students-Millions/dp/0743249992/

[Scott S]

Well, they already have slot machines at the vegas airport, so I'm sure they're well on their way to exactly what you described. Pretty soon Penn and Teller will be playing at gate 7B.

[hma]

ATM slot machine hybrids have been in planing for a while in Finland. This, combined with European Union wide push to integrate visa into all bank cards, and we have the ultimate self screwing machines. Never has it been easier to get rid of all your savings and get into debt.

It sounds like an evil plan, but most of that money will end up funding welfare and other good stuff.

[kls]

Here's another idea - and our banks could sure use some good ideas right now.

What if the ATMs were simply reprogrammed to return some semi-random number of bills when a customer asked for a withdrawal: occasionally more than asked for, but naturally, usually less.

If the banks could blame this on, say, a particularly stubborn software bug, an incredibly viscious virus, or Microsoft Vista, it wouldn't technically be gambling. The banks could get into the gambling business all over the world with virtually no additional capital outlay, and gamblers could get their fix before and after work every day.

This could save the banks and prevent the next worldwide recession, all with a little software. How's that for simplification?

[Rob W]

Over here in the Not-So-Merry-Old-Land of Oz, I'm pretty sure they passed laws saying that you can't even have an ATM within a certain distance of the gaming area. The idea is that once you run out of money, you have to go somewhere else to get more, and that may give you an opportunity to come to your senses.

[Tad Annoyed]

You neglected to point out the outrageous fees the ATM charge... Last summer in Lake Tahoe I think the going rate was $12 for every $100 you withdrew.

Talk about the house's edge.

[dancing monkey]

I once sat in a restarant in Reno Nevada and listened to a guy bragging about his jackpot winnings. Seems he brought $1,000 with him, which was all he could raise. He had plugged $997 into a particular dollar slot machine, when he hit a jackpot. His payout was about $1,300 (so his "winnings" were really only $300).

"Now, I know how to do it", he said. "You just have to bring enough money to keep going until you get a jackpot. I'm going home and take out a second mortgage so I can play 10 times as long."

Don't you pity this guy's wife and children?

There is no better example of the illusion of free will than a casino. Players totally cannot help themselves. And in case they can, the casino has mathematics on their side, plus flashy lights, free booze, advertising, and talk talk talk about luck and potential winnings. The deck is definitely stacked against Joe Average.

Casinos offer a service for which there is demand. So do heroin pushers. Addicts and pushers argue that this doesn't hurt anyone and that it's not righteous for citizens to limit their freedom to engage in this trade.

If the pushers were the same as the addicts, I'd agree. But the pushers are big corporations with money, salesmen, and lobbyists. The relationship is so asymmetric as to be inherently abusive.

The "no harm" argument is illusion too, if the gambler has dependents who might use the funds he blows gambling for something useful, like food or shelter.

[Don]

I got a $5 coupon for a local Indian casino in Wisconsin one time. I went in and asked for my $5. They gave me special tokens that only worked in a few machines. Those freakin machines paied out handsomely in quarters.

The casino figures you'll takes your winnings and move to the other slots that accept quarters and lose them all there. The difference in odds was very noticeable.

Hooah.

[Cloud]

"No matter what I’m doing, I can’t help wondering if there is a better way."

Does that mean you were one of the "players?"

[Phil Aaronson]

Still seems overly complicated (ATM + slot machine). Lets go all the way and wire Social Security payments directly to the Casino! Why bother transferring the funds to a retired player's account at all?

Oh, even better, let players gamble away their remaining golden years quickly and painlessly! After losing what amounts to their expected lifespan the machine would deliver a lethal electric shock. Social security could then pay out the lump sum for those years to the casino immediately minus taxes of course. This way the player doesn't have to put in the work of living! Everybody wins!

[Mary Wu]

So why don't I just avoid the entire flight and sit here, comfortably at my computer, and transfer money straight to the casinos.

OH cause I'm not an idiot.

[Open English]

at least what you lose in Vegas you can try to get back by stuffing yourself at the all-you-can-eat buffets...

[bcammack]

To paraphrase H.L. Mencken, "Nobody ever went bankrupt underestimating the intelligence of the American public." Casinos serve as a shining example of this principle.

[Eric]

I believe this idea was already purposed and shot down. The reason being that people would actually slip their card into the machine, and wait until the account was empty hoping to win something. I guess the government thought that at least forcing you to move the money may discourage you a tad.

[adora]

Have you tried Pachinko in Japan? It's one of the most boring entertainment I have ever done. And I won. I don't know how people can play it daily when they lose.

I paid 5000 yen for a cup of silver beads, load them in the machine. Lights went crazy and I just sat there, the dude next to me was saying something and the workers came and "help" me gamble. Turns out I got jackpot, but one must hold the knob to let the falling beads in the slot to multiple the input beads. I got 5 buckets of beads in the end. I was told that I would have gotten 3 times as much if I had hold the knob early.

Then I had to haul the beads to the back and exchange for "gifts". When I say gifts, I mean a cardboard with a number on it. Then a dude drew me a map to another place that is "not related" to the Pachinko place to "sell" my gifts for money. I got 60,000 yen and couple of energy drinks. That is supposedly not gambling. That's trading.

Anyway, beads are heavy. Walking back and forth with buckets of them didn't make me feel like a winner. I felt like I just did hard labor for the night. Or is that a Japanese joke to foreigners?

[Alex]

The slots are just too boring to play. I don't understand the appeal of giving money to a machine that doesn't even pretend to be a game of skill. Video poker is only slightly better, but at least it gives you some control to select the cards to keep.

Blackjack, craps, and roulette require at least some strategic thinking to have any chance of breaking even.

Poker is the only game where you're not playing against the house so you can have half a decent chance at beating the idiot standing next to you who just walked away from the slot machines.

[dave]

several years ago when my children were smaller we were traveling west through Nevada, we stayed in Winnemucca [which i agree is not Los Vegas] but there are slot machines and the like everywhere. We went into a BBQ restaurant and there were these electronic slot like machines next to the dining tables. The kids had been bugging me to "Gamble" since we arrived in Nevada at the border. I decided to show them a lessen and put in a couple of quarters. An out pours what looks like hundreds [especially to the kids!]
Not a great lessen that day... Well the kids have grown up, and at least so far no addictive gamblers so far...

[Mark Thorson]

I've heard that Las Vegas is a
great place to buy a used car
because lots of them are sold
by their previous owners for
reasons having nothing to do
with mechanical problems.

[adora]

I don't get the gambling fun either. I prefer chunking money down the drain myself.
Since you and your wife are in Vegas and not into transferring ownership of your money, you should check out Penn & Teller's show at Rio! That's entertainment!

[gr8hands]

Scott,

You must be walking with your eyes shut -- there are photos everywhere showing pictures of actual humans who have recently won large jackpots or prizes (in fact, in some cases you must agree to allow the casino to use your photo in marketing in order to receive your prize). You've ignored the casinos that give away "a new car every day of the month". Or that there are machines that are certified to have 98% payback.

The problem is that 99%+ of people who win end up putting the money back in immediately afterwards. There's not much to brag about "I won $50,000 and then lost it all with three stupid bets on roulette." It also doesn't make for good news stories. However, you can look at any local paper for news of big casino winners EVERY day.

How were you able to avoid seeing all the marketing the casinos do about the winners? Has all the aspartame you refuse to stop consuming finally affected your vision?

Not to put too fine a point on it, but how would you recognize someone 30 feet away winning a jackpot? Most everything makes noise and has lights. People jump up and down for winning $20 sometimes. There are many casinos that announce over the loudspeaker that so-and-so just won X-dollars in the jackpot -- but most people aren't paying attention to the loudspeakers or anything else around them.

[llll]

[insert whine about RSS here]

[Fuzznsmoo]

Reminds me of the definition of a lottery - a tax for the mathematically challenged.

[mason]

They're already ahead of you. In Reno, they've got machines where you just stick your ATM card in the provided slot on the slot machine, choose how much you want to load up for play, and get rolling.

Unlike you though, I only stick to video poker machines. I generally lose slowly enough to make the comps like rooms, buffets, and show tickets seem reasonably priced. Every so often I come out ahead even before the comps. I don't know whether or not Reno makes money off me overall, but it sure is a heckuva good time!

[Matt]

Reminds me of Mitch Hedberg's bit on casinos... "You know when you see an advertisement for a casino, and they have a picture of a guy winning money? That's false advertising, because that happens the least. That's like if you're advertising a hamburger, they could show a guy choking. 'This is what happened once.'"

[Taxi guy]

Saw this on a math professor's door:
Gambling: A tax on people who can't do math

[Bill Smoker]

In case anyone is put off by your view of Vegas, I've been there a half dozen times and love the place. In all those visits I've never put a single coin in a slot or bought a solitary chip. If you don't gamble, Vegas is a dirt cheap city of fun 'n' sin. My aversion to gambling is the only plus to having a father that is a chronic compulsive gambler.

[Dave]

I was there for what you called your last public speaking engagement. You were very entertaining, and I wish you the best with your voice thing.

[mkom]

You haven't really been to vegas until you are working an ATM in a strip club (with a $17 service fee).

[SRR]

The casinos are reluctant to add the credit card functions directly to the slot machines because they have to at least pretend to care about the problems of gambling addiction. Contributions to treatment for gambling addictions is among the highly publicized "philanthropical" acts of most of the major gaming corporations. Even if it were legal, I think the corporate PR departments at the large casinos would not let it happen.

Here's a more amazing thing to me. Nevada is a community property state. If your spouse takes his/her credit card and grabs a $50,000 cash advance and then loses it to slot machines, YOU are responsible to the credit card issuer for the debt. I attribute the high divorce rate among Nevadans partly to this. I know one guy who still lives happily with his "ex"-wife, now that he can no longer be held responsible for her gambling problem.

[SRR]

The casinos are reluctant to add the credit card functions directly to the slot machines because they have to at least pretend to care about the problems of gambling addiction. Contributions to treatment for gambling addictions is among the highly publicized "philanthropical" acts of most of the major gaming corporations. Even if it were legal, I think the corporate PR departments at the large casinos would not let it happen.

Here's a more amazing thing to me. Nevada is a community property state. If your spouse takes his/her credit card and grabs a $50,000 cash advance and then loses it to slot machines, YOU are responsible to the credit card issuer for the debt. I attribute the high divorce rate among Nevadans partly to this. I know one guy who still lives happily with his "ex"-wife, now that he can no longer be held responsible for her gambling problem.

[synapticmisfires]

They already do take 100%, but only from compulsive gamblers. There was the story in the news (I think I heard it when I was home in Chicago over the summer) about a person who finally hit a jackpot. It was a large sum of money, so he had to fill out paper work. It's at this point that the casino realizes he is on the state's self-exclusion list, designed to keep compulsive gamblers out of casinos. They confiscate his winnings and throw him out. However, as long as he was losing, no one checked his ID and they would have let him stay as long as he wanted.

I haven't found a link yet, but oddly enough I found a ton of stories about confiscated jackpots given out by "faulty machines". No word on if they also volunteer jackpots not given out by "faulty machines".

[Sabai]

Brilliant strategy to get around the RSS feed by the way...

it made me click through. Also, you missed something in your economic thought process the other day. What about the customer base you're growing through your blog that goes to your restaurants, would buy future books etc., will help build your brand?

[Barry]

I've always found the concept of 'playing odds' fascinating. And by that, I mean analyzing it, not putting money in machines.

When I was in high school I worked at a store that had a lotto machine, and those scratch off things. I had access to the true odds of winning (the lotto machine printed them out, or the scratch offs came with them). I'd watch people play the twice daily drawings hundreds of dollars at a time, thinking about each number as though it was significant. If you can play every number at once, and all the jackpots you'd win don't add up to what you spent, then your EV is negative and you will eventually lose money, even if you 'win'.

Although I wouldn't be so fast as to say the casinos are stealing. They are playing the odds, too. In fact, I know a man who quit his job to play poker full time. It's the same exact concept as the casinos. It requires good judgment, but if you know what you're doing, you'll only play a hand, or call a raise, if your expected odds of the pot paying you off are positive. Meaning, if you did the same thing 1000 times, you'd make money. Play poker as much as a job and bam, you're a casino incarnate. Not everything in a casino is luck. Even in poker, randomness is of course a risk. But like the casinos, you'll lose money sometime, it's up to you how much, and how much relative to your winnings. Have a big enough bankroll to cover the 'jackpots' you pay out, play the odds properly, and play enough, and you will end up making stupid amounts of money like the casinos. It does of course take a mathematical proficiency, and some sort of reasoning ability to help you narrow your odds down based on other people's hands, and not just yours.

Luck becomes negligible once you play enough. That is true for losers and winners, on both sides of the table.

I'm not condoning throwing thousands at poker tables, just offering another perspective.

And slots are paper shredders with blinking lights.

[Mrs. Micah]

Why not link a player card to their debit/credit card (I know--fees, btu still)? Then all they'd have to do is swipe the hotel's special card at the machine/table/whatever and keep playing. No limits, of course....

[Dakusan]

Now that I am being forcing to click on your RSS feed to open your page to read the blog post, as well as the fact that you announced you are primarily doing it for advertising, has made me lose interest. Blogging should be for fun, alas.
It's been a nice run. (Making me come here wouldn't help anyways as I have a nice ad blocker...)

[Robert]

"The ATM could be redesigned to blink and make exciting sounds, so it seems less like robbery."

They need to do this with taxes, too. Maybe they could turn the 1040 forms into a scratch-it game.

[Dave]

Obviously, you aren't in an "updated" casino. I live in Mesquite (about an hour northeast of Vegas on I-15). You just put your credit card in some of the slot machines here.

[Xavier]

i would like to point out for arguments sake that on occasion i do have the choice of BUYING one of their crappy sandwhiches midflight. so one does still hae the choice of getting the sandwhich is one so chooses. so there. ::::sits back in mock smugness::::

[dsg]

I think they will get to that point. I can see machines taking some type of casino electronic debit cards at some point. Like a gift card, pay so much for the card and walk around sticking it into what ever machine you want, no need for pesky quarters or tokens. They will even set it up so your card can be automatically recredited if your balance gets too low.

Enjoy the weekend, try not blogging for a day or two.

[E]

Scott,

Yeah, watching people gamble can be um, interesting.

By the way, did you notice how many people called you a "bastard" because of yesterday's post? And every one of us that posted but didn't add, "rat bastard" to their comment, thought about it. We should call Guinness, you might have broken the "bastard" response count for a blog post.

On an unrelated note, I'm not watching any more political debates until they get one of the following options:

1) George Carlin as moderator.
2) Your Hawaiian tropic babes as waitresses and it is done as dinner theatre.
3) All answers are given in verse, with a small electric shock if they break meter. Especially for McCain. (and yes, I'll be going to hell for that one)
4) The entire audience is equipped with super soakers to hose down any answer that breaks the lame threshhold.
5) We add the improv move of, "I've got your [insert noun] RIGHT HERE" or "...[nod] if you know what I mean" to every answer.

No wonder you don't vote.

[Bruce Harrison]

There's another aspect to slots now that wasn't there in past years. If you look at today's slots, you'll realize that they've become so infinitely complex in their displays that it would take a Phd. studying one for about two years to figure out how the heck they pay off.

When you can play combinations of thirty-two different lines with forty-four different symbols, with some other symbols giving you an additional chance to spin some wheel or other to see if you've won some more. . . There's just no way to look at the slot display after pushing the button and have any hope of knowing if you've won or not. That means you have to trust the machine to tell you if you've won.

The simplest thing for the casinos to do is just to program them to lie. I can just hear it now:

Player to PHPB (Pointy-haired Pit Boss): Hey, I think this machine didn't pay off right!"

PHPB: "Oh? Why do you think so?"

Player: "Well, line 15, coupled with line 24, and then with line 16 across, since I played nine quarters, has two lima beans, four panda bears and a wild pony symbol, which is supposed to substitute for another lima bean!"

PHPB: "Ah, I see your problem. That's a common mistake. You see, only a wild HORSE symbol can substitute for a lima bean. A wild PONY symbol is only wild for peaches, pears, cougars and tanks."

Player: "Tanks?"

PHPB (walking away): "You're welcome. Good luck!"

So the more the complexity increases, the easier it will be for the casinos to screw you out of your jackpots. But hey, it's just a game, right?

[Bri]

Here out in the Northeast, the casinos are the same way. When I went to the casinos when they first opened, I would be able to spend a few hours playing before the money ran out (generally b/w $75-$100–yeah, I know, jeer at Mr. Cheap–Hey, I got a wife, two kids, and two ravenous dogs to feed). The last few times I went, however, I lost EVERY SINGLE BET--–every single one. Not even ONE CENT back. I’m afraid now if I accidentally drop a chip out of my pocket, the casino staff will sudden appear and dive to claim it for the casino. I’m sure some casino PR flack will post how the odds are the same, that the regulators make sure that there’s a certain return, and that my observations of a change in the odds merely evidence an early and irreversible mental decline. But, damnit, its true. The last few times I went to a casino, I ran out of money before my butt even made the plastic seat warm. And I got a fat, warm ass! Yet, like you said, the casinos are full, and the suckers couldn’t be more content.....

[Juan]

Dear Scott:

What about your November, 26th post? Are you a workoholic? Are you blogged? Are you both? Take a break man. I love your daily strips and enjoy reading your blog, but I'm concerned about your health. Dont work too much. You are already millionaire. Dont you?

[Tozé]

I've lived in Macau for the past 13 years. In case you don't know what I'm talking about, it's a former Portuguese colony in the South of China which has recently dethroned Las Vegas as the world's gambling capital.

Even back in the old days it amazed me at how the mainland Chinese tourists would flock every weekend to the old crappy casinos, often leaving their bags at the front desk and heading straight to the gambling floor, in order to give their money away.

My philosphy is: this place doesn't make more money than Vegas by giving money away.

[gerald b]

Thanks for paying our taxes!!!!

Vegas resident.

[Mark]

I'm pretty sure they already have this.

1) Insert credit card into machine.
2) Keep pulling handle/pressing button to play.
3) When done (or credit card limit reached) remove card.
4 (optional) Weep at the amount of money lost and get drunk at the mini bar.

[James]

Sometimes I think that the old Puritans had the right idea: make gambling illegal to protect people from their own stupidity. But that's kind of unconstitutional--as long as people want to lose their money, they are free to go ahead and do that as long as they don't, say, kill someone or steal someone else's money in the process. So I guess the moral of the story is get into the casino business so that stupid people will have fun giving you all of their money. They think of it as "entertainment," but little do they know that the "entertainees" are actually the casino management laughing all the way to the bank.

I've done some work developing s