Kangaroo Fuel

Scientists have discovered that kangaroos don’t fart as much as cows. This is more important than you might think. Cow flatulence is actually a big contributor to global warming. Scientists think they can isolate and transfer the stomach bacteria from kangaroos to cows to make the cows digest more efficiently. Problem solved.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/australiaclimatewarmingkangaroooffbeat;_ylt=AlezDFVHloJNFr2.0pewLLKs0NUE

Am I the only one who smells a rat here?

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the only big animal that “allegedly” doesn’t fart is also the one that is famous for a lot of hopping. I’d like to see the slow motion replay. Are kangaroos pushing off with their legs, or just blasting off the ground, rocket-style, and blaming a nearby cow?

“Geez, Bob, was that you?”

“No, I was just hopping. It must have been a cow. You know how they are.”

When I hear a story like this, my first reaction is “How can I invest in this trend?” I’m going to buy stock in companies that make fence posts, because when the cows get kangaroo bacteria, and it works the opposite way the scientists think, the current fences won’t hold them in. Cows will be hopping around like The Incredible Hulk.

Come to think of it, I’d like to see the Hulk jumping in slow motion too, just to be sure it isn’t the legumes that are making him angry.

Comments

[Oz Bloke]

Paul H.

From reports I read on Cassini's voyage to Saturn/Titan, methane slowly seems from the atmosphere, so there must be some ongoing source within Titan for it to still be present.

Dunno about the cow thing, but maybe too many cows, not enough seeping. Or it's just the straw that helps break the camel's back.

[Lyndon]

"If this doesn't make the coffe taste better..." GOLD

[Paul H.]

Let me make sure I understand this. Cows convert part of the carbon in the food they eat into methane, which does what? Does methane stay in the atmosphere forever?

The reason I ask is because if cows farted carbon dioxide, it wouldn't contribute to an overall increase in greenhouse gasses, because plants absorb the carbon in carbon dioxide as they breathe and store it in their cells, when it's converted back into carbon dioxide, the cycle repeats.

So, does methane just sit there in the air, reflecting heat back to earth, or does it break down somehow?

[Oz Bloke]

Speaking of kangaroos and the food chain... what eats roo? Sharks!
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,22905634-2,00.html

I've seen great photos of a roo swimming at a popular beach in WA, so I'm gonna believe this one.

[Adam Warren]

Regarding Kangaroo flatulence.

That's been known for a while. In fact one of the papers my class had to write for one of our classes back in university (I think it was a physiology class, or may have been a life science first year course, I forget), was to analyse data on horse/cow/kangaroo digestive tracts, the type of paddock/s the farmer had, and what would be best for him to invest in. Something about how the kangaroo digests food differently produces less gas waste.

Oh and kangaroo's don't actually "bounce" since that's a much less effective mode of transport compared to a gallop. While the initial "jump" to get moving uses a lot of energy (relatively), afterwards its like skimming a stone on water, just bounces up and comes back down. The kangaroo's "hops" just keep applying forward motion.

[Bruce Purcell]

"Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex'.
So that's how Superman flies. That stern, determined frown shows his Supermind is focused- on keeping the reaction mass from dribbling on his pantyhose. Especially when he 'enters hyperspace'.

Can't be how the Hulk flies- Hulk not fly. Hulk jump!

[KRKR8M]

This reminds me of the top-notch Tremmors movie and the ass-blaster monsters. Such quality media warms my fheart.

[MattF]

Flesh-eating bacteria are bad enough-- I don't even wanna think about the implications of flatulent bacteria.

[Trickypickle]

Wow, there are so many more comments here about Asok than the post. Everyone loves an underdog. So. I like the idea that my beef will become less gassy. The less fart content in my grub, the happier I am. If there's going to be any farting done around here, I wanna be the one who's doing it. Look! I just warmed the world a little bit.

[Trish]

I was talking to the spouse of a power engineer yesterday who told me that landfills are actually the biggest source of methane (the destructive component of cow farts), so don't blame the cows. The methane is produced as the garbage in the landfills breaks down. Power engineers are apparently working on a way to harvest the methane from landfills.

[Trish]

I was talking to the spouse of a power engineer yesterday who told me that landfills are actually the biggest source of methane (the destructive component of cow farts), so don't blame the cows. The methane is produced as the garbage in the landfills breaks down. Power engineers are apparently working on a way to harvest the methane from landfills.

[simon]

I liked your blog better when you baited god bothers.
Sorry to sound harh Scott , but I belive fart jokes are below your usual par. Sorry

[Marklar]

You can't call Asok a Snicker, the correct term is coloured confection.

[Emma]

Asok is alive!! :)

[Mike Pollock]

Kangaroo meat is at least as good as steak... why not cut out the middle man?

Kangaroo milk, I have to admit, I have not tasted, but given that cow milk is, apparently, not all that great for uas anyway we could probably get by.

The animal to change is us humans!

[Ned]

Are you trying to tell me that my ex-wife is a kangaroo instead of a cow? That would explain a LOT ...

[Shivam]

A truly humorous post after some time... :)

[Tibor]

WHO (in the name of science) woke up one morning, and thought to himself: "I wonder how much kangaroos fart"??!?
And what did he smoke the night before?

How did he get the funding? How did he get the respect of fellow scientists? Did he get laid at all?

Apparently, as long as you reference to the global warming, you can get away with any "science" research at all.

[Randolf]

Udderly Ridicules.

[Joe]

Adryan, yep, Australia just voted out the old guard and have a new government. First thing the new PM did was sign the kyoto protocol. Kangaroo leather is apparently very good too, not that I am espousing the eating and tanning of our national symbol.

[Joe]

Hmmm farting kangaroos, half man half snickers comic strips... Maybe you need a holiday... As an australian I think we should send Kangaroos to europe and america to run feral and wreck everything like all the european and american animals do here. That is my very constructive thoughts for today.

[Johno]

Two comments:

1) KANGABACT? Are you people out of your minds? No Australian ever refers to the animal as a kanga. It's a roo. Always a roo. So the drug should be "Roobact." :)

2) ASOK RETURNS! I love this storyline, it's so cheesy it's awesome!

[Jim in baden baden]

Hi Scott, I think we can learn a lot from observing nature. Kangaroos use elasticity to recycle energy. We need to do this as well (regenerative braking). I feel some pressure to say something witty... nothing comes to mind. I just finished your book and i loved the part about life's pleasures (kitty on back willing you to rub their belly).

[Oz Bloke]

For those that are curious, I live in Australia and have eaten Kangaroo on numerous occasions.

It's actually quite delicious, tender, juicy, not riddled with fat...

Bring on the kanga burger!

[Johan Hjelm]

Asok was killed by a kangoroo on cow bacteria, who pushed off a little too hard and got into orbit. Knowing Scott, the only thing that is missing from that story is a penis. Makes you wonder how he would re-design the next moon shuttle.

//Johan