Cure for Volleyball

There are few things in life less fun than a pickup game of volleyball. It always seems like a good idea at the time. You imagine yourself and a few athletic friends passing, spiking, and diving to dig out great shots, as the ball almost magically never hits the ground. What actually happens looks like something from a movie where a virus has turned everyone on earth into spastic zombies. You watch in horror as grandma on her motorized scooter joins your side, along with two toddlers, a drunk, and a woman whose hands are apparently made of bubble wrap. And your team is the good one. What follows is a whole lot of people acting surprised they can’t punch an inflated ball in any directions but downward and backwards. Meanwhile your youth slowly drains away.

I found myself in that situation yesterday, with my wife, two small kids, a volleyball net, and a rubber playground ball. In this example, the woman with hands apparently made of bubble wrap was me. When I became a cartoonist, I swore off all sports that can damage fingers because my understudy is the cat, and I don’t want anyone knowing she is the better artist. Anyway, I foolishly took one punch at the big rubber ball and realized that continued play was not a good career move. So I watched as the three remaining enthusiasts tried their best to sport on. They soon discovered it is nearly impossible to play volleyball with a big rubber playground ball.

That’s when inspiration hit. I imagined a new and improved game, which we soon put into motion to the delight of all. Spectators stopped to watch. I named this wonderful new game Scottyball.

I know, I know. Nine hundred of you will tell me you also invented this game and have been playing it since the middle ages. I wish you had told me sooner. Maybe we could have named it after you.

Anyway, here are the rules of Scottyball:

1. The ball is to be caught and thrown over the net, not punched.
2. Any number of people can play. You just adjust the court depth until it is competitive. (Our court was about 10 feet deep on each side for two-on-two play with kids.)
3. You get one point if the ball touches the ground on the opponent’s side.
4. The first team to 21 wins.
5. No spiking. The ball must go up before it crosses the net.
6. You can pass once to a team member.
7. When you catch the ball, you can’t move from that general spot until after you throw.
8. Anyone can serve from any position.
9. A ball that lands out of bounds is no one’s point.
10. It is your serve if the other team got a point or hit out of bounds.
11. If you hit the net on your serve, and it goes over, it is a let (do over).
12. If your serve doesn’t go over the net, the other team serves.
13. If you hit the net during regular play, and it goes over, that’s okay. Continue play.
14. You can pass to yourself or a teammate off the net, but it counts as your one pass.

Your first impression might be that this game is too easy. With such a small court, and no spiking, you might think no one would ever drop the ball. But you’d be surprised how you can fake, pass, quickly catch and throw to extreme angles, get the other side out of position, and hit the gap.

The best part is that every point lasts a good long time, is totally aerobic, and players of all levels can compete effectively. On grass, you end up with lots of diving catches.

You can adjust the court size until it is compatible with the quality of your players. For better athletes, just make the field size bigger.

So the next time you find yourself stuck playing volleyball with a cartoonist, grandma on her scooter, and several spastic zombies, confidently suggest a round of Scottyball instead. Then act surprised that no one else has heard of this craze that has taken the world by storm.

Comments

[Kristal L. Rosebrook]

Great Blog guys.

Kristal Rosebrook

[NRG]

This sounds like prison ball, which is what my family sometimes played when volleyball was too hard. 5 or so people on each side.

1. throw the ball over the net, if it lands inbounds, the person on the other team nearest to it is out ("in prison").
2. If the other team catches it inbounds, it is their turn and one of their "prisoners" can come back in.
3. If the ball is thrown and lands out of bounds or in the net, the thrower is out.
4. You can't take more than 3 steps with the ball.

Very simple, even for kids, and fun.

[daniel]

Netball is a sport that did to basketball what scottball did for volleyball, only without the good parts. Netball can't move, no dribbling etc, but it's an awful game. Scottball is much better then volleyball, because, for a start, it's easier. But if you guys enjoy scottball, try handball. It's amazing. look it up, the pro's are good, but you can enjoy it at any level. all you need is a mid-sized ball (somewhere between a softballa and a volleyball) a lot of players and a couple of sticks to make the goals. loadsa fun.

[sanam]

oh we play it all the time. its called throwball here. its more of a girlies game though. i've never seen guys play this.

[Borjan]

Thanks for a great idea, Scott (even if it's not original, apparently). Too many times I was caught in volleyball games where two thirds of every team couldn't get the ball over the net.

I even like the name Scottyball more than Newcomb ball...

[Smith]

Didn't a US president play a similar game with a medicine ball? Read that ages ago and thought it would make a good workout.

[Peter]

We totally played this in school and called it "Nuke 'Em" for some reason. Or maybe it was "Newcombe". I never actually had to spell it out...

[Andy Pandy]

People have been inventing games since time immemorial. Such a shame that, these days, most of us feel we have to play a game with rules laid down by some authority rather than just mucking about and having a good time with our balls.

So well done, Scott, working out how to have fun with what's available is a fast-dying art and I commend you heartily. (And I sure HOPE that other people came up with the idea before you, or what would that say about our world?)

[Peter]

What's wrong with you people?

1) This game is nothing like netball. Netball is most similar to Basketball without dribbling.

2) Scott already admitted he may not have invented it. Well done for pointing out what he had already admitted over and over.

Too many idiots.

[Mark]

@ND:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_polo

[Mark]

I'm familiar with this as nuke'em, which I suppose could be a derivative of Newcombe as several others have suggested. When playing with adults, in order to step up the competition a little bit without the spasticity, I humbly submit beer-in-hand nuke'em, a game created by my friends at a barbeque where nobody really wanted to play real volleyball. Basically the same rules as you suggested (i.e. make it up as you go along), except everyone plays with a drink in one hand. You can switch your beverage-holding hand at any time you like; dropping the beer loses you points. Diving catches performed without spilling your beer are rewarded with a number of points proportional to their spectacularity. Catching the ball with one hand is less difficult than you might imagine, but not easy by any means. And playing with a beer in your hand means you don't have to take a break to drink (only to refill) so even the losers win.

[Tom]

I play, coach, and ref competitive volleyball and I love your idea. All sports should be modified for the less interested, and all sports should be modified for the highly skilled. It makes no sense to me that a 5'6" high school basketball or volleyball player play on the same facilities as a 6'8" 29 year old. Baskets should be 18 feet high for the pro's, and the volleyball net should be 11 feet high for men's olympics. The same net should be 7' for the picnic. Sports should be fun at whatever level you play.

[Patti]

Patti says:
You are a genius! I love it. No spike in the face.. I just wish you had invented this game before I had my nose job!
There I was playing volleyball, like the little lady I am, when all at once a Ben Stiller (from "meet the parents") look-alike...jumped up and spiked the damned thing in my face.
I now have a new button-pig-nose.

Now, another story.
The last time I played in the "finals" of a mixed-doubles tennis tournament... a 6' 4" male ego-maniac opponent raced forward toward the net and smashed a demon-tennis-ball traveling at more than 99 mpg.. straight into my chest. And I slumped to the ground in pain.
I do realize that I should have had my racquet ready to deflect it.. But, I was frozen and in shock.. that this guy’s eyes were spinning and his grin was nasty and. He was aiming .. AT ME! We had a portion of the court available for him to smash a winner on that short lob but he wanted to hurt..ME!. I was starting to step back and away since this guy was truly an animal. Nothing like the other men who played correctly.
A really good player would have aimed at my feet!
My partner was so upset that he hit him good right after that. People actually clapped for my partner's accuracy & determination. However, I was not able to concentrate. We won but I was in pain and shaken. My serve (usually, hard & fast) was less aggressive and quite painful to execute.
AND, I was afraid of this big-ass for the rest of the match.
SO? Is there another way of playing tennis that doesn't allow for large, crazed, maniacs to rush the net like a buffalo and smash a delicate but athletic female ..like myself? What new rules can we make that will alter the mixed-doubles game ……just a little bit?

[Gabriel Leow]

When I was about 14-15 years old, we played a game in school during lesson breaks. We would be in an auditorium about the size of 4 badminton courts. We would also have either a soccer ball or a basketball.

20 of us, all from the same class, would divide into 2 groups of 10 people. Each group stands at one end of the auditorium. The only goal is for the team with the ball to reach the other side of the auditorium. When this goal is accomplished, the roles are switched over. There is no other rule and all tackles are legal.

After some smashed spectacles, plenty of ripped and torn uniforms and more than enough cases of broken noses. We had so much fun it took a ban from the principal before we stopped playing.

Now I only have good memories of the time my best friend got knocked up real good...

[velix]

Sport is invented to be competitive and this is not so competitive sport. I also read that this sport have already known as netball. But good try, better luck next time. :)

[ASM826]

Why not just play Calvinball®? Make up the rules as you go along, avoid all that nasty business of actually winning or losing, all games end in a big argument. Sort of like 21st century politics.

[Dave1-20-2009]

This sounds alot like beer pong, except for the beer and the cups.

[Saravanan]

It is very similar to the game "THROWBALL" in Asia (or India). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Throwball

[Kevin Kunreuther]

You didn't invent the damn game (it's called netball), but neither did I. It's as old as basketball, as far as I can surmise, but ironically volleyball evolved from netball.

[HannahsDad]

I love the idea of modifying a perfectly good game to suit one's own ends.

On a skiing holiday a few years ago, about 10 friends and I passed those long vin-chauded winter evenings playing 'Uno' but with regular playing cards (called Mau Mau, I think). Over time, the rules 'evolved' in the sense of becoming increasingly convoluted and very aggressively enforced - 'Too slow; pick up 2', 'No!', 'Arguing; pick up 4', 'No!', 'Arguing, pick up 6', etc. The result of each dispute would be resolved by finding a rowdy consensus of opinion. Further dispute would lead to severe penalties. Eventually, it became so tense that players were often too cautious to call 'cheat' in case it back-fired.

The real joy of this game was when new players joined in. Fireworks every time and, if memory serves me well, nobody ever won (or lost) a game, although there were occasional spite-fuelled 'retirements'.

The key is self-regulation – any game can be fun as long as most players get a chance to compete, some get to be stars, and others take on the role of 'numpty'.

[Shrik]

So many comments and nobody's mentioned this yet? Very surprising!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Throwball

[simon]

Great a sport for nerds...... !

[Bertram]

This does not beat my three anti-boredom tv sports rule modifications:

Formula 1 racing with two-way traffic

Ladies' Tennis without underpants

Distributed Biathlon: the athlets have skis, the audience have guns.

[Peter - King of Belgium]

Love the idea. Those that prefer volleyball because "it's harder" should stick with it, but I see myself playing this with my little kids and wife. good suggestion...

[llt]

www.netball.org

[mann]

Hi Scott
This game is played quite regularly in India and is known as throwball. Its actually a wimpy form of volleyball (if that is possible) and is mostly played by girls.
Better luck next time! :)

[JP]

Picture this: a herd of nerds heading for a park to have an informal BBQ. One somehow possessed an actual volleyball and there happened to be a net above a big sandbox (with acorns, ouch). Before you know it spikes fly and get returned!!!
A little later one nerd is 20 feet high dancing on a branch attempting to get the damn ball out of the tree....
Ok no fair, these are all European nerds ... they have to something to drive away boredom in those 8 week long vacation every year. Probably also why you can find these nerds expertly hitting the mogul slopes every winter.
So who says nerd don't do sports???

[Ash]

Sounds like heaps of fun!

[Ash]

Sounds like heaps of fun!

[RustyRose]

Sounds like a good idea to level the playing field, only I can't catch. My (very athletic) brother once tried to teach me to catch by throwing me a ball while I was standing on the edge of an incline... I had to run down the stairs every five minutes to fetch the ball.

[Robert Hamilton]

Dear Sissy, The game should be called Sissyball, or Prima donna ball. the fact that you came up with an alternative way to play the game that may be more fun just shows that you have some experience being a sissy. I'm on my way over to break your crayons and beat you up right now. Non-voting Sissy :)

[Nathan]

We played it in junior high as Nuke'em with only two modifications. Once you catch a ball, you can take one step or jump. and you have to throw with both hands. This made it possible to spike, but much harder.

[Judy G.]

We played "Lurd" in high school. Invented by the cross-country running team, it used a soccer ball and football uprights. You had to somersault on and off the court, and I don't remember any of the other rules. Sometimes original games are the best ones.

[AbeRangan]

Ummmm ... This is known as Throw-Ball in India. Its a huge tournament sport played in many schools across India - mainly by girls, though. There are even national championships for school girl teams - even one international event of India vs Srilanka. The game gets real ugly in higher levels with girls aiming the ball at other girls faces (hitting the faces can make both the game and the girl ugly), throwing at unholy speeds that would even put a cheetah to shame and having spin & lob tactics, etc. Your name Scottyball sounds cool, but the name Throw-Ball is simple, effective and conveys the entire meaning of the sport. Sorry to say this - but u didnt invent it.

[Jim]

that would be that philosophical brevity thing again

[Jim]

you are pathetic

[Dibyo]

It's called throwball, genius. It's been done.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Throwball

[John]

I like Scottyball.

How would the game change if only the person with the ball could move their feet?

A little more strategic I think. Maybe you could try this once everyone gets physically exhausted.

[Esteban]

We already know that your cat is the better artist. (You set yourself up for that one.)

[dude]

this might be interesting, especially when played with a bowling ball...

[Puss In Boots]

I think you'll find the game is called Newcombe. We used to play it at school.

[Vasily]

In Russia roughly the same game is called Pioneerball. It was used as a preparation for volleyball in the gym class. Your resizeable court idea is new though, and it's quite nice for the beach Scotty/Pioneer-ball, i'd say.

In any case you're a hero for quickly inventing a game that was actually fun to play for the available players instead of torturing everyone with something too advanced.

[JRWoodward]

Go to wikipedia and look up korfball. It's an Olympic sport, but somehow the scores and rankings never appear in the American coverage.

[JeffM]

We played this in Junior High too. I thought we called it "Newcome" rather than "Nuke-em", I thought it was a coach's name or something. I guess I wasn't as clever at age 13 as I thought.

[Mokkery]

Scott wrote: [There are few things in life less fun than a pickup game of volleyball. It always seems like a good idea at the time.]

Speaking of things that seem like a good idea at the time…how about threesomes?

My wife and I got together with one of her friends once and it was a disaster. She talked the whole time and kept jumping in when it wasn’t her turn. One time she even grabbed the wrong ball.

That was the last time we ever took her bowling.

[JoNa]

My family did you one better. Lacking a net and well supplied with both front and back yards, the house became the "net." One team took the front yard, the other took the back. One of the objects was to get the ball over the house without hitting the roof or walls.

An added bit of excitement came when we failed to clear the house a few times too often and my grandfather, who worked the night shift and slept during the day, was awakened by the constant thumping. Then the game became a track and field event while my grandfather clobbered anyone who couldn't outrun him.

[Ichabod]

I *hate* volleyball, mainly because I wear glasses, and secondarily because when the ball is inevitably spiked on me, it's into my face, meaning my glasses frames are jodido until I can get to an optician -- which won't be for a few days

[Keysha]

Can't play today. All three women in the house are on their periods. (It's the dog's first menstruation, and she's wearing these little purple and green panties to hold on her pad.) Poor thing. :)

[Mike]

Invented in 1895 (same as volleyball) as per Wikipedia.
See: Newcomb

[Tee]

Scott,
I like the idea of Scottyball, but from my own volleyball experiences, people are WAY too competitive and testosterone-laden to play by the listed rules. It'd surely turn into a bloodbath and would be the first step in bringing about the coming zombie apocalypse.

By the way: This is admittedly off-topic, but is something you may be interested in. I just blogged about researchers investigating hypnosis in treating Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).

Since I've been a long-time reader of your blog, I remembered one of your past articles giving a great explanation of hypnosis, so I included a link to your post as a reference. If you'd like to check my article out, please visit:
http://www.joyfuldigesting.com/blog/mind-over-irritable-bowel-syndrome/ .

Enjoy, and good luck with making Scottyball the next big thing!

[Dave's Not Here!]

Actually, for better athletes you should make the field size smaller; that way the spectators can have fun watching the wonderful athletes making total fools of themselves as the run into each other trying to make spectacular-looking plays. If you're really lucky, you'll get a couple of concussions out of it.

[Ruth Ann]

To make it harder, you could hang a sheet or blanket over the net so that the opposing team couldn't see the ball until it was above the net/coming at them.

[friskybeaver]

I enjoy pickup volleyball. Maybe that's because my friends and family are more athletic that spastic zombie. In any case, Scottyball sounds like volleyball minus the required skill.

[Bloodboiler]

Further improvements:

The ball may be replaced with a large stuffed animal toy, that may not be larger than 40% of the size of smallest player.

Anyone who gets a bobo gets to select who has to kiss it to make it better.

Disagreements about rules are dealt with a sissy-on-sissy limp-wristed no-contact slap fight.

[Zzyzxmo]

Now thats using the ol' noodle!
If the crumbsnatchers are still too uncoordinated for advanced play, make up a new and fun game!
Keep them lil sucker's from becoming couch tater's by getting them off thier arse's and making them let go of the game controller!
Nothing more fun than going out and playing a pick-up game of "family free for all" or Scotty-ball and bringing family and close friends together.
At our house, we play "dog-ball". We have a giant tennis ball we use to play with the dog. We kick it across the yard to each other while letting our dog, A Jack Russell "terror", chase it.
We used to roll an 8 lb. bowling ball across the yard and let the dog tackle that,( which she was actually quite capable of stopping, we called it bowling for puppies) but when the Jr. left the ranks of toddler-dom we changed the game so he could join the play.

[Paul W]

Hi Scott. I won't be the first to make this comment, and I won't be the last. This game does exist and it is routinely played in Elementary schools across New Jersey (and other parts of the country probably but I can't speak from experience).

It is called Nuke'em, though I wouldn't be surprised if there was another term for it too. My theory is that they gave the game a hardcore name to make up for the fact that it is intended for children. I'm not sure what their rules on spiking are, but generally the participants are too short to do it; except for my one friend who is now 6'5".

[bbuddha]

Anytime I've been inveigled into a pick up game of volleyball there was usually adult beverages involved. I don't think scottyball would work any better in those circumstances. However It would probably be fun to explain the rules to intoxicated people

[DF]

Two years ago I was in Jamaica for my sister's wedding with a bunch of people I was either related to, soon going to be semi-related to, and others I was expected to make friends with.

A group of us were walking down the beach on our second day when one of the club people asked us if we wanted to play. There were 10 of us, so we thought we would give it a go, being a computer geek, I was pretty sure I was going to suck. Also, since my sister is an aerobics instructor and her husband a personal trainer, and their friends enjoy going to the gym, I figured I was screwed. Surprisingly, none of us sucked, none of us were fantastic, but it was an evenly matched game and all of us agreed on the rules. I'm guessing that since I was not expecting much, the fact that we were able to play together amazed me.

So, I don't see myself playing Scottyball anytime soon, and for that matter, volleyball either. As a side note, I did find that I now like watching women's volleyball, either in person or on TV. Women's Hockey, not so much.

[Diana W]

Sounds like fun, but I'm shocked that you left out the rule that the required woman's uniform for Scottyball is either a bikini or halter top and shorts.

[Mark]

No doubt, countless yahoos will reply saying you've wussified a perfectly fine, competitive game.

I say you can do whatever you want with the instruments of play at your disposal. Anybody doesn't like it, then they don't have to play. Screw'em and their ball-fisted competitive will.

It's one thing to spike the ball at people who have at least a fighting chance to keep it from breaking their nose, but I always thought spiking the ball at obviously less athletic players was mean. "In your face, weanie!" Where's the sport in that?

Come on, folks, whatever's fun and gets people off their collective duff sounds great to me.

[Neal T]

I know this may be a sin to reference Another Cartoon, but...(eery music fill)...this sounds a lot like...CALVIN BALL! So it wasn't as dreadful as I thought it was going to be. It is just very reminiscent of when Calvin picked up a ball and made up a whole slew of new rules. Only difference, Calvin changed them at will. In the middle of play. Essentially always ensuring a win for the home team. But seriously, I might play a little game of Scottyball soon. I would change rule number 9, though. A ball that lands out of bounds on the non-serving side is a point for the serving side. That's just me. I love your blog and Dilbert. Thanks!

[Patrick Burt]

"Fence" is what we call this game when I work at a community centre.

[Steve]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newcomb_ball
We played this in junior high since none of us had the coordination for full blown vball.

[Damn! I was only 113 years too late! -- Scott]

[LA Clay]

And now for something completely different...

Good job getting Scott syndicated! Even though he is on the "competing" web comic site, he's there none the less.

(take credit even if you had nothing to do with it)

[Divya]

Scott,

I think unlimited time-outs and letting children win in a game between children and adults should be part of the acceptable rules of this game. Did you miss this among the rules or would you disagree with the suggestion?

Divya.

[rita mae]

I already commented, but just re-read your post and have to add something.

I thought your life was ideal. Now I feel sorry for you. You can't even hit a ball without worrying. That is very sad. I didn't realize. Your hands are your livelihood. More so, than say a typist, who can always get by somehow if they hurt their hand. What a terrible burden you must bear. You have to constantly think about being careful of your hands. Gee. That is awful. You could hurt yourself if you ran and fell down on your hand. You could hurt yourself if you cut your hand preparing a roast for dinner. You could hurt yourself by slamming your hand in the car door accidently.

Now, I don't want you to think about any of the bad things that could happen to you if you hurt your hand/s. It could impact your whole livelihood and ruin your life as you know it. So you have a really really good day, okay?

Rita Mae

[Real Live Girl]

Wait? Didn't I see this already on ESPN "The Ocho?"

Actually, it does sound like a lot of fun to play. But since volleyball normally happens at the beach here, we'll have to make sure the scooters have dune-buggy wheels on them for the grandmas. Or we'll borrow the lifeguards' ATVs.

Now you are a shoo-in to win the Nobel Peace Prize for Sports!

[dsg]

Hi Scott,

A cure for volleyball? I believe that volleyball was invented as a cure for basketball. It was invented because older men couldn't keep up a game of basketball. Curing volleyball seems a little soft. I think your problem was the ball, those rubber things are useless for anything but kickball or dodge ball. Good job coming up with something to amuse the family.

Your game does sound like a game called macomber we played in elementary school. The game was a precursor to volleyball and was used to slowly introduce kids to volleyball. The scoring was like horse, anytime the ball was dropped you got a letter, the first one to macomber lost. I don't think the Olympics will adopt Scottyball for the next summer games. But it does sound like a fun inclusive game, perhaps an inclusive sports league may be interested in Scottyball.

Thanks for the post,
dsg

[Adam]

While I like your idea, give me an old fasioned game of dodgeball any day. I was a terror on the playground when I was in elementary school, due to me being bigger than just about everyone until halfway through high school (by 7th grade, I already weighed 170...while I had a little bit of chub on me, I was definitely not fat. Didn't even really have a tummy)

My favourite move in dodgeball was aim just above the knee. It was too low to catch it without making a quick duck, and yet too high for most people to jump over. Of course, you could also always just get smacked in the face when turning your head to look at something else, which happend to me frequently...

http://www.livingwithanerd.com

[Matt]

So you invented a game of catch with a net..... So you either have a severe lack of athletic ability or a too much free time....

[pktoe]

Excellent idea! I'll call Grandma and the spastic zombies down the street, we'll have a few brews, and play Scottyball 'til dark. Love it.

[JayneMarie]

Awesome! With sports like this, why did my kids spend 2 WEEKS in junior high "learning" to tie their shoes and a MONTH on hated square dancing???

[Karen]

I like it! I agree that volleyball as usual is one of those games that sounds better in theory than it is in reality. My solution has always been to use a blow-up beach ball, which is prone to floating so the whole game moves in slow motion. Your version sounds like it would be more appealing to my two grade-school age kids.

[jerry w.]

Is your team bus a short yellow one?

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Captain random]

We call it Nuke'em ball...just cause it's a much cooler name

[ND]

A friend of mine and I once invented a sport called "Bicycle Hockey". It's sort of like polo, except that you're riding bicycles instead of horses, and you're trying to kick a small Indian rubber ball into a roughly six-inch gap between two concrete parking blocks rather than a net or a hole in the ground (there is no goaltender). It's great fun, but not recommended if you value your bicycle.

[bubba]

My PE teacher was better than your PE teacher.