A reader sent me a link to a story about a Japanese woman who was accused of kicking a hole in some guy’s door, crawling through the hole, and destroying his property. She was acquitted when the court realized that her breasts were too big to allow her to fit through the hole.
In other words, if the tit doesn’t fit, you must acquit.
The funniest thing about this story is the visual it puts in your head. The accused turned out to be innocent. But she had to sit in court while a room full of strangers, and later the press, imagined her trying to crawl through a hole in a door and getting snagged by her knockers. It is all the funnier because the hole is in a door. Somehow that is just more amusing.
Apparently there was an extensive courtroom discussion about the physics involved in getting a torso and two melons through a smallish hole. I immediately started solving the puzzle in my head, wondering if you could poke your head through then flop one boob through, then an arm…no, it wouldn’t work. But you can’t tell me you didn’t have the same thought.
If I were the prosecutor, and I saw that the defense was winning its case, I would demand that the accused put butter on her breasts and try to fit them, and optionally her head, through a smallish hole in front of the jury. It wouldn’t help win the case, but it would make the afternoon go a lot faster.
[Update: Okay, this just gets better. Blog reader Aaron wonders if she could have reached through the hole in the door and just unlocked it. I am laughing because I got so carried away thinking about how to get those boobs through the hole that I never once considered just reaching in and unlocking the door. That is hilarious.]