Good News!!!

Over the weekend I learned that all of my current and future problems have been solved. For example, I was worried about the cost of energy, but scientists recently figured out how to make gasoline out of plants. Problem solved.

http://www.chemistrytimes.com/research/Money_Doesnt_Grow_on_Trees_But_Gasoline_Might.asp

With the energy problem solved, America will soon be able to leave the Middle East alone. Cheap domestic energy will heal our aching economy and end any reason for International terrorism. As a nifty side effect, this plant-to-gas technology has no carbon footprint. So say goodbye to global warming.

Still, I was worried I might someday die of natural causes. Apparently there was no need to worry, as I learned on 60 Minutes. A guy with some pie tins and hot dogs discovered a cure for every type of cancer. It will take a few years to perfect it, but I think I can hold on until then.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/04/10/60minutes/main4006951.shtml?source=RSSattr=Health_4006951

Cancer isn’t the only health problem I was worried about. I might need a new heart someday. As luck would have it, I will soon be able to grow a replacement in the lab.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/01/14/rat.heart.ap/index.html

You’re probably thinking you don’t want your body to live a long time if your mind isn’t going to be sharp. No problem. Scientists have an Alzeimers vaccine in the works.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=463811&in_page_id=1770&ct=5

The other potential problem of living a long time is that the planet will get filled up with too many a-holes. Luckily we are only twenty years away from the development of the first Mars colony. I am already packing my bags.

http://www.wired.com/science/space/news/2005/07/68311

With all of this good news, I am left with only one nagging concern. What if all the good news is either exaggerated or overly optimistic?

Nah.

Comments

[Alexis Kenne]

Hypertension, most commonly referred to as “high blood pressure”,HTN or HPN, is a medical condition in which the blood pressure is chronically elevated. Hypertension can be classified as either essential (primary) or secondary. Hypertension is considered to be present when a person’s systolic blood pressure is consistently 140 mmHg or greater, and/or their diastolic blood pressure is consistently 90 mmHg or greater. Hypertension is one of the most common complex disorders, with genetic heritability averaging 30%. Hypertension can also be produced by diseases of the renal arteries supplying the kidney.

[Michael H]

in terms of the bio gas we could use bamboo instead to trees. The lifecycle is only about 6-7 years as compared to 30-40 and certain kinds of bamboo can grow up to 3ft(a little less than a meter) a DAY
you never know it might work.
but sure go ahead and complain it might actually accomplish something

[Manila]

great, very great

[Larry]

Only 30 posts? Now I see why the media doesn't waste much energy on good news.

[Dave]

Guess again Scott.
The west stops buying oil from the ragheads.
The ragheads economy goes down the toilet.
The ragheads blame the west for ruining their economy, and start blowing shit up. Same old same old.

[Ed D]

I'm a bit late as usual, but I think I know where you are coming from. In fact, it kind of falls in line with my own thinking as of late. I've even come up with a name for it. Mr Reagan had his "immortal catch phrase" and I have come up with one for our current regime. "Roony" caled it vodoo economics. I think the best term for what is going on now (and you are free to use it (and I will even even give you copyright rights for a slice of gay nities pizza ...if they are still in Buisness))... is "rumpelstilskin econimics". Think about it, our current administration is promising gold spun from straw just as long as you offer up your first born. Please, if you can come up with an argument to disprove this, let me know.
On a side note...and please don't take offense to this...there is only one person that I can possibly compare you to. And as his "official passing" is apparently
legite this time, I can only look to you as role model. I grew up Idolizing Kurt Vonnegut and he has been and always will be my coice for the infamous question "if you could meet anyone, Dead or alive (and in this case both sometimes applied).
(BTW please dont hold me responsible for that cheap set of luggage I sold you back in '88 from the luggage rack in stoneridge mall)

[Rex Little]

Anyone who thinks we're only 20 years away from a Mars colony is on crack. It took 39 years to get from the first moon landing to the situation we have today, which is that it would take several years to do another moon landing.

I would bet that my as-yet-unborn grandchildren won't live to see a Mars colony.

[dermorataman]

Ahem, a little class on reading comprehension (or why to read the link before mouthing off):

The article is *actually* talking about taking CELLULOSE (usually not a viable food source for even the most starving people as the human stomach *cannot* digest it - see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cellulose) from poplar trees (which have never been a food crop as far as I know) or switchgrass (ditto) and making chemically identical petrol (gasoline) using only a small amount of initial heat. From what I can read, once the process is started it *releases* heat which can then be used to create electricity instead of coal. Seems to be more benefit than loss if the article is correct and it can be implemented reasonably soon in a commercial scale.

[Helm2Lee]

> Scientists have an Alzeimers vaccine in the works.

Glad your glass is half full. Mine is 2/3 empty. In the space of four days, CNN has run pieces which say that:
- you are 4 times more likely to contract Alzheimers if you have clinical depression before age 60;
- you are much more prone to dementia if you have a high percentage of belly fat (not any other kind of fat). As it happens, I'm svelte & even muscular everywhere EXCEPT my belly.

Two strikes! Ah, well, maybe I'll enjoy the global warming.

Helm

[Tigershire]

Apparently there is Rife Technology that has been around for a while that can cure cancer....
http://www.herbrep.com/ (miracle 6)

[Jon P]

Wouldn't it be funny when we do colonize Mars, that we find evidence of a bio-fuel production facility...

[Sam]

You used very small type today.

[Sanjay]

This will not end any reason for International terrorism,

[G]

Isn't the thing about the plant-based gasoline, or biofuel, that huge swathes of rain-forest are being cleared to make way for the crops required to produce it, the result being that the pros of biofuel are far outweighed by the cons....and to cap it all off, in the UK from today, a % of the fuel that goes into our tanks must be made up of biofuel - thing is, nobody told us about it until the media found out.

[Craig]

Perhaps there will be an alternative to Mars.

[Vijay]

I have better news. It is how to live life after death. This ensures that even if you die by mistake, it tells you how to enjoy your life after death. The best, you do not have to pay insurance :)

[Christian Bross]

nice

[Cedric]

Plant fuel, I am sorry to say has a massive carbon footprint though not in the expected manner. While the fuel may burn cleanly, it does have some issues when it comes to producing it.
To fill the tank of one SUV you the same amount of grain which would feed one human for one year. But the money is so attractive that there are already a number of farmers converting fields that use to grow food for humans to growing fuel instead.
And if potential worldwide food shortages is not enough, Brazil is already planning to double the rate of deforestation of the Amazon in order to accomodate those farmers who want to grow fuel.
Time recently did an article on this scam.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1725975,00.html

[nemezide]

In addition to my last comment, global food crisis is now on the first page of cnn.com:

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/04/15/whitehouse.food.crisis/index.html

More on that carbon footprint here:
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/TECH/02/24/eco.biofuels/index.html
"Converting rainforests, peatlands, savannahs or grasslands to grow fuel crops releases CO2, in some cases a staggering 420 times more CO2 than from burning fossil fuel, the report says." Whoa, right?

Here's a cool design idea: let's make green jeans with "zero carbon footprint" on the ass.

Then export all humans to Mars.

[nemezide]

Biofuels are bad. Zero carbon footprint my ass:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1725975,00.html

Also, the production of biofuel is increasing world hunger by lessening food supply and driving up prices.
Soon we will be 50 feet under water OR eaten by the world's hungry, whichever comes first.

[Rod]

You may find that, due to the fact that there is a bio-fule subsidy on production in the USA and a similar subsidy on consumption in Europe, some people are making a heck of a lot of money producing in the USA & selling in Europe.

[Urs]

You forgot to mention that by turning food into gas in order to participate in traffic jams, you are also solving the problem of obesitiy.
(You would not import food from countries where people are starving, would you.)

[Promythia]

Na! What I'm worried about is what if

-- those scientists die before completing their researches.

-- terrorists get hold of LHC and destroy the world.

-- Nature stops producing those plants and chemicals that are making you and those scientists so hopeful.

Such a negative person I'm!

[rd]

may i complain about this smaller font? i hate anything breaking my habits

[js]

"This will not end any reason for International terrorism, but it will reduce the funding for it."
Have you heard of many people throwing Inter-Continental-Ballistic-Rocks (ICBRs of course) lately?
Although, I heard that shooting a gun wildly into the air could eventually launch some bullets into orbit, then rain them down in a heavenly storm directed at the people worshiping the wrong god (or comet)Of course, you must scream something along the lines of God is Great while doing it.

Otherwise, life looks good for the next 20 minutes while they figure out that cold fusion... I mean all of the above somehow fails (I see the glass as half empty, I wonder where the other half is)

On a side note, is the font small for anyone else?

[steve haigh]

hello, growing plants to produce gasoline = feed the cars, starve the people. it's happening right now, the amazon is becoming one big "green" oil field.

[jim]

[The other potential problem of living a long time is that the planet will get filled up with too many a-holes. Luckily we are only twenty years away from the development of the first Mars colony. I am already packing my bags.]

Whoa! Who's to say that we aren't shipping the a-holes off to Mars and keeping the non-aholes here? Ummm...never mind. This works out great either way...

[Xanthippa]

Will they have good hight speed internet connection on the Mars thing?

Because without that, it might be better to free up room on Earth by convincing a few cults to go there ... They don't need high speed link-up to do their important 'communicating'!

[Dave]

Personally I like the first one the best (green gasoline). It has the virtue of being complicated and I find that if things are complicated, they usually work

By example, instead of trying to improve our ability to harness the sun’s energy directly, we should harness it by planting a series of man made poplar forests. Then we let the trees spend several decades capturing the sun’s energy, harvest the trees, use a separate energy source to “melt” the trees, (tell people this extra heating step doesn’t really require energy because it is concurrently making electricity for our homes), burn the resulting liquid carbon based fuel which is only apparently ¼ as effective as gasoline, plant more trees, repeat.

[HannahsDad]

This is terrific news all round.

We should spare a thought for those hollow-eyed children at Kanzius' local cancer ward. I'm sure that the exciting prospect of 20 years of rip-roaring medical progress will help them through what must be a rather trying period in their lives.

[Real Live Girl]

It's not surprising. Once you guys figured out how to fix up your old, tired love-noodle, it seems like there was a noticeable burst of optimism, and desire to look at improving other quality of life issues.

So thanks Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis for giving flabby men with computers and/or microscopes a reason to live longer and better, and taking the rest of us along for the ride. If it's good for the wang, it's good for the planet!! LOL.

[dsg]

Hi Scott,

We've been down this road before, but you do raise an interesting question. Who would move to a colony on another planet? Given the option, would you really move to Mars? If I had had the money, I would offer relocating expenses for other people to move. Thin out earth's population and let someone else figure out why Mars needs women.

Besides, I hear the fishing on Mars isn't all that good,
dsg

[ND]

I'd be content if we could simply send all the a-holes to that Mars colony. Let's start with your President, shall we?

[jerry w.]

This will not end any reason for International terrorism, but it will reduce the funding for it.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/