Excellent New Product for Men

If you’re a guy, you’ve probably heard way too many times a variation of this not-really-a-question: “Could you hold my purse?”

As you know, there is no way to hold a purse in a manly fashion. After sixty seconds of transporting a designer bag full of Tampons and lipstick, your testosterone will be so low that you’ll be playing field hockey and lactating.

You can try holding the purse in a manly, irregular fashion, but it won’t help. It’s still a purse. And you’re holding it. You big wuss. Say goodbye to your gonads; they’ll be hiding in your torso like two BBs in an airplane hangar.

That’s why I invented the PursePliers ™. They are exactly like regular pliers, but you carry them in your back pocket in all times in case you are asked to hold a woman’s purse. When you hear the call, “Honey, would you grab my purse?” you whip out the pliers and use them to safely transport the purse and its wuss cooties.

The recommended way to lift a purse with pliers is by grabbing the zipper and holding it the way you would hold fresh road kill, at a safe distance from your body, just in case it’s not totally dead. Research has shown that wuss cooties can not cross pliers.

While there is no manly way to touch a purse with your bare hands, there is no unmanly way to use pliers. Your PursePliers can be used in a variety of situations, including shopping for a blouse for your wife, passing the low-calorie salad dressing, and tucking in a baby.

PursePliers: Their time is now.

Comments

[Fred333]

Sounds like a great product.

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[Derril]

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[lose tummy fat]

My wife is petty reasonable... she only ask me to help when she needs a hand.

Beside Purse Pliers, maybe keep a green bag with you so you can just put the purse inside and no one would know that you are carrying the purse for your wife/ girlfriend.

[Free Classifieds.]

Very nice lol.

I think they do accept PayPal dont they?

[Niels]

Field hockey a female sport... Ever seen a penalty corner in field hockey? One guy (if it's the male version) sweeps the ball to about 15 meters from the goal, and another guy is standing there hitting it as hard as he can toward the goal.

At the same time, two defending guys run from the goal toward the hitting guy (while the ball starts flying at say 80-100 miles an hour), while two others remain standing on the line trying to stop the little ball before it hits the goal. Or them. You should feel the testoserone while this happens.

Uhhhm... Can anyone explain to me why I'm playing this game?

[Jim]

There IS something worse than having to hold a woman's pocketbook. That something is having to hold her shoes.

A couple of years ago I was at a bar in NYC with a lady friend. After getting a decent buzz, we prepared to leave. At this point, she decides that her feet hurt, so she takes her boots off. Since she was already carrying her purse, and I was empty-handed, so guess who got to carry the shoes?

I'm not sure who got stranger looks -- her walking around town in her socks, or me holding a pair of women's ankle boots.

[Leora]

Now you've got me worried that I look less feminine when I'm using pliers.
Perhaps you could sell me a purse to put my pliers in, so the other girls won't laugh at me and think I've grown testes?

[Christine]

I have to admit -- I saw a guy leaving a party just this past Saturday night -- his wife had the baby, and he had her purse. What made it irresistable to comment on was that he was a big, burly, muscle-bound, head-shaved, mustache kind of guy. So I smiled and said, "That must be YOUR purse?"

It was mean, I know. Especially since I was showing so much cleavage at the time, but it had to be done. Now that I've read your blog I realize that I was doing her a favor. Reminding him that she had him by the balls, really.

[Tomas Liubinas]

Quick, where's my 19.95 I am willing to pay for it?

Greetings from Lithuania

[synapticmisfires]

I would like a manly way to order a diet soft drink at a restaurant. Now I don't particularly enjoy high fructose corn syrup and it's a way to get the worst possible calories in very high quantities, so I usually opt for diet. But if I have to order in front of someone, well there's no way to do it without sounding like I'm "watching my figure". Now I like to eat, but frankly each calorie in my drink is one I'm not eating. But there is no way I'm ordering a diet anything, especially not in front of a girl. I figure that a good portion of my body fat is attributable solely to pride.

[Steve Kahn]

My wife always wanted me to wear jewelry and I always told her that I would only wear jewelry that could potentially save my life (or was at least utilitarian). I solved this problem recently when I found a sterling silver multi-tool which is small enough to wear on a chain around my neck. Its jewelry, but it has PLIERS, therefore its OK! LOL. Frankly I think this is a million dollar idea but I am too lazy to do anything about it...
Steve

[Joce]

"PursePliers™ are a good idea, but it suffers from two problems: they would be bulky, and they're not readily available (yet)."

Ever hear of "Leatherman" tools?

eg. http://www.leatherman.com/products/tools/surge/default.asp

[The Beautiful Kind]

And here I sometimes want my boyfriend to wear dresses when we have sex! I AM asking too much! Maybe if I get him a screwdriver to hold while he does it? Eh, nothing could be manlier than to be with a gorgeous woman such as myself...

[evden eve nakliyat]

very
nice
very
very
nice.....

[Bruce Harrison]

Scott -- I feel your pain, but I've found one of the best ways to get a woman to warm up to you is to offer to hold her purse. While it can be distasteful, it does wonders for your, er, ability to, er, uh, enjoy connubial bliss with such women.

Also, experience has proven (to me, at least) that if a woman won't let you hold her purse when you offer, then it is a virtual certainty that your chances of ever enjoying said connubiality approaches zero.

Of course, once you become married, you no longer need to resort to such painful procedures to enjoy the pleasures of the opposite sex. You just have to get really really good at begging.

No, gift-buying doesn't work -- an expensive gift is usually looked upon as either a make-up for a screwup you've already done, or a pre-payment for one you're contemplating doing, so don't try that one. A friend of mine who was having some problems with his wife went out and bought her a $12,000 diamond (this is a true story, and no, he's not rich, so this was a LOT of money for him). He presented her with it, and not only did he not get any 'satisfaction' (notice how cleverly I'm providing euphemisms for sex?), but she went out the next day, while he was at work, to a jeweler. To punish him (really!), she bought a platinum band with six other diamonds in it, setting him back an additonal $6,000 and change.

He later found out that she thought he had bought the diamond because he was feeling guilty about having had an affair. He had been faithful their entire marriage, but she was sure that only that kind of thing would have justified a gift that extravagant.

You're a newlywed, so I wanted to give you this advice before you found it out on your own. My corollary to Murphy's Law: the chance of being rewarded by your wife for a gift is inversely proportional to the cost of the gift. A tip: buy her something that expresses your understanding of her personality.

You really owe me for this one. You're welcome.

[madaboutpockets]

Listen, you stupid jerk, dipy911

A lot of women's clothes don't come with any pockets or they are just decorative useless pieces of crap. This is why we are forced to carry a purse. Okay, some women like them as accessories but I personally hate that women have to wear men's clothes if we want any decent pockets. I'm really upset about this inside pocket on jackets. It's just not right. I need one of those. Or two.

Okay, maybe your not a stupid jerk but I'm upset about the inequality of pocket availability between men's and women's clothes.

[dipy911]

Why don't women just make use of an invention called pockets? Most men's pants have at least 4 pockets. Heck, my Utilikilts even have 4 pockets and a wallet clip(workmen's model) and can hold up to 6 beers.

dipy911

[Tony]

PursePliers™ are a good idea, but it suffers from two problems: they would be bulky, and they're not readily available (yet).

I suggest a black trash bag. Keep it neatly folded in your back pocket. Just drop the purse in and you can pretend that you're just standing around holding dog waste or something similarly not-as-distasteful-as-a-purse.

If you know someone in the medical field, try for one of those red biohazard bags for added effect.

I like the *idea* of PursePliers, but I think that we'll all agree that the convenience, cost and availability of a trash bag simply makes more sense. I'm folding one up as we speak....

Tony O-

[Pete Moss]

I just put it in my back pack.

[Lou P.]

I'd buy a set of purse pliers, for sure.

In the situations where I've been asked to hold a purse in the past, I try to hold it as if I've just stolen it. Throw in a few shifty-eyed glances, and maybe people will think "thief" instead of "emasculated man", which is the goal.

[Ann]

ever heard of the european carry-all from seinfeld?

[Alan]

I love stirring the pot.

Alan

[Marina-cat]

Mike...
I don't know where you are from... but if one of your 'latino' countries is Spain.
I can tell you that it is hard as hell to get a Spanish guy to dance... (I can tell you I live there)
One thing is Banderas dancing as 'El Zorro' and the other your run of the mill average guy...