May 2008

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Could you invent something as well for carrying toilet paper on the camping site in a cool way? I find that impossible.


I am not secure in my manhood, I need purse pliers thank you kindly.

I'd also appreciate it if I could get some sort of "Free gift" of an "I am not a purse rack" emblem to place on my forehead. I've been the purse receptical for three friends before. I felt much awkwardness.

I am secure enough in my insecurity in my manhood to not want to hold a purse. I've got two fist sized, tumor like bulges on either hip containing cell phone, wallet, key ring (approximately badger sized), and other garbage. I do not carry anything that does not fit in my pockets. When confronted with a pink sequined object that is decidedly not pocket sized, I don't know what to do with it. Manytimes the handles are not big enough to go over any human's shoulder. It's just awkward. I'll pass. Thanks though!


My girlfriend kept asking me to hold her purse and it wasn't because she needed someone to hold it. She just wanted to try and embarrass me - her grin gave it away. I don't mind holding purses, but that irked me.

Finally I saw the chance to teach her a lesson. My mother in law came to visit over Christmas and we were all going out to eat and shop in a neighboring city. Before we left I went to the bedroom, took her favorite self-pleasuring device from the nightstand, and buried it deep within her purse.

Later that evening while at a store she grinned and asked me to hold her purse. Then she explained to her mom that I was embarrassed and wouldn't. I explained my side, but said fine, if it'll make her happy I'll hold it. No sooner than she'd handed it to me, I let it slip upside down - spilling all the contents on the floor. I've never seen two women so embarrassed.

My girlfriend knew it was a set-up of course, but she had a hard time convincing her mom. She took it all in stride though and now she only asks me to carry her purse when she really needs it. Of course I live in fear of someone giving her the idea to hide it in my luggage before I go somewhere.


As a girl myself - I hate carrying a purse (or 'handbag' as it's known in my country, as it's bag carried by hand, like football is a round thing kicked by feet, not picked up and thrown. Purse is what you keep your money in). I can usually carry money and lipstick and phone in my pockets, and so only carry a handbag when i need to carry around that little feminine extra items at 'that' time of the month.

The only problem with that theory is - dress designers are male and are therefore unaware that WOMEN NEED POCKETS!. Women's clothes, apart from jeans, hardly ever have pockets. They get 'fake pocket detail' but never an actual, real, useful pocket. We hate handbags/purses/clutch bags/whatever too. They're always in the way, and getting dropped and springing open just at the most embarressing moment and getting lost and jammed under the car seat and stolen - that's why we always give them to the men - because the damn things annoy us!


Hey! It's a trade off. So long as she holds my tool occasionally I will gladly care for her clutch.


What Alan is failing to tell us that he is a transvestite and always wears clothes that match his wifes handbag in case she asks him to hold it.

That's also, probably, why men wink at him.

I am suprised no-one from France or Italy have not posted to say men over there carry there own handbags around as they are useful and if men in, what are supposedly, countries of passion and manliness then holding a handbag is not going to make your gonads disappear.

Scott, could you give your views on men dancing? As seems in
non-'latino' countries (UK, US) a man who dances is not manly...why they can equate dancing with dozens of women at an evenings dance do I don't know.

In 'latino' countries a man who doesn't dance is eyed strangely and the question asked: why doesn't he dance with women?


I carried a pink umbrella for my wife that I got free with some perfume I bought for her. Sounds simple? Get this - I procured the said items in San Jose, and after that traveled through the following airports - SFO, SLC, DEN, SLC, SFO, SIN, BOM (I live in BOM). And through this journey lasting a few days, I had to carry the umbrella as cabin baggage since it would not fit into any of my bags (men's luggage is not designed for that sort of thing). Most fellow travelers politely maintained poker faces but a few were clearly tempted to heckle (must have been bullies in school). On one such occasion I explained that it was for my wife but that was a mistake. In such situations, never explain - lesson for next time (if there is going to be a next time).


You forget that it can also lead to interesting situations as I was able to experience a few years ago. I was out with a friend who needed to buy some clothes (they always do). While trying on her new items, she asked me to hold her suede purse. The two clerks who were not too busy that day turned to me and one of them said: "Can I feel your bag?" To this day I don't know if they were just having fun at my expense or if they truly did not realize what they had just asked.

Diana H

squigs said: But is there a manly way to do the ironing?


Brian Geppert

I can't believe that no one has mentioned the Uncyclopedia HowTo on the subject:


You are probably right about purses, but tucking the kids in is just as manly an act as producing them.


For the first time ever i loved a comment more than ur article...

LA Clay said: "honey does this match my shirt?" --That was ultimate!

One way or the other ur blog makes me laugh


Scott, we all suffer in one way or another. Believe me there are other ways of dealing with this without resorting to purse pliers, however good an invention they are.

The best way to win is to say Ok, give it here, Bring it on.

You have to suck it in mate, get over the embarrassment & just do it. Or better still, try the following.

1. Go through the wife / partner / other half’s / girlfriend / fiancée or significant others draws and find out what underwear size she is.
2. Do not be tempted to believe you know, CHECK
3. Find the bra that she loves to wear, it’s probably the one that’s most comfortable!
4. Run your hands over the bra and especially the cups (inside) and then compare it to the Bra that you bought here that Christmas or Birthday. You will notice that her favourite is probably softer, remember this.
5. Panties, knickers call them what you want, they don’t have to be g-string, what does she ‘feel’ good in ? Not an easy thing to know, go for the one that is most abundant in her draw.
6. Colour of choice, what’s in her draw is a good guide.
7. So now you have the right size’s, the correct style, and an idea of the need for comfort.
8. Proceed to the shops to purchase the underwear.
9. DON’T be intimidated, they (the assistants) may think oh no another bloke buying the wrong thing and I bet he say’s makes reference to ‘your size’ and makes hand jestures when I ask what size is he after. But you have a secret weapon, YOU know what you want.
10. Have a look around, your be putting loads of women of their own purchase, take solace from this, man is prevailing (a bit).
11. You will soon be approached, AVOID the hand gestures when she says what size is your wife, say “34b, size 12” or preferably the sizes that relate to your wife!
12. "After something attractive in a light colour, but must be comfortable, I want something that she can wear all day, and feel great."
The assistant may pass out at this point or at least stagger that you did not ask for the smallest g-string and peep bra. You may attempt to steady the assistant but do not consider mouth to mouth.
13. When your shown a few models, run your hand over the cups again (the inside) does it feel like the bra you last bought her or the one she wears all the time? If it’s the latter, you can consider the purchase; if it’s the former discard it with a comment about the poor internal seams to assistant.
14. At this point your considered ‘different’ by the assistant and a good purchase is guaranteed.
15. Use the same shop again, they will remember you.

Now you’ve done this, repeat the process randomly through the year, when I say random, you can use Microsoft Excel to create a random pattern for you through the year for you to follow.

You can also for extra prowess, buy some comfort underwear for that special time of the month when arguments are easy to start and impossible to win.

Your wife will be amazed at your insight, you will be seen in a new light, suddenly purse holding is simple, be smug, when the bloke looks at you for holding a purse, know you’ve been into the lions mouth and survived, relax, even ask her what she wants from her purse.

Note : Do NOT get caught looking through her underwear, it takes longer than you might think to find the information that you need. It takes a lot of explaining getting caught with her bras in you hands.

Long post I know, but. .

Yes I’m and engineer, no not gay, happily married, still afraid of those shops a bit thou.

Arcturan Mega-Yak

Thanks Scott - I just laughed convulsively and snorted tea out of my nose.
I propose another technical solution to the embarasment a man may feel upon being obliged to enter the inner sanctum of feminine retail - the lingerie store! Where do you look? Is there an ettiquette? Is one supposed to stare fixedly at a blank area of wall?
Such confusion can be a thing of the past with Man-Blinkers! simply slip them over your head to prevent awkawrd sights - and thereby awkward thoughts - for example, of the impossibly slender, beautiful shop-girl who regards you with a smirk - from entering your brain.
Man-Blinkers come in anodised black, carbon-fibre effect, and Honda racing colours.

Richard Gosling

Real men have no problem with tucking in babies. It's part of our "big strong man, protector of my family" role.

But the other uses of the PursePliers I can quite agree with!!

Stuart - Velkairiwyth

ROFL :D Where can I get me some of them PPs? I bet I could make them look unmanly. I have a habit of doing that to things...


Now if you were really a man, you would have the courage to say NO, I will not carry your purse. So what, if it means no sex for the next month, at least you have proved your manliness.


Anagrams of "PursePliers"

Lip Pressure

Ripple Users

Spur Replies


"The good news is that the amino acids in vegetable protein are still supportive of brain function, and since so few of them are used for building muscle, almost all of that protein goes to your brain. Which is why vegetarians tend to be quick-witted and smart." - Caliban Darklock

If this is the case, please explain the utter stupidity of PETA, the ALF (Animal Liberation Front, basically a violent terrorist organisation in the UK) and the rest of the dangerous nutters who love animals but hate humanity?


"I'm still upset about the "Homophobic" morons. wish these clowns would shutup and grow-up"

Don't dis the homophobes. They can only come up with stupid objections to being gay - which is a powerful reminder how wrong they are!

Remember homophobes: every time you say something stupid about gay people, you weaken your own position.

Are Riksaasen

Just say no.


I could not agree with you more, there is no manly way to hold a purse; however, I have discovered one benefit of pretending to enjoy shopping with girlfriend/spouse by occasionally holding a purse. Instead of having to hang around the entrance to lingerie/bikini stores, you are invited in to sit on the little sofa discreetly positioned near the changing rooms. Maybe I still belong in High school, but ... saturdays and holidays shopping in the mall have improved immensely.

still working it out

I never hold my wife's purse. I have flat out refused since since day one and continue to refuse every time I am asked. I know that if I give in just once I will have to do it all the time.

If the purse can't fit in her hands, it goes on the ground or a table or a bench. As simple as that. Surprisingly its almost never a problem as it turns out in my experience my wife almost never *really* needs me to hold it.

It is my belief that women get men to hold their purses as an evolutionary defense against having their husbands stolen. I can think of no more effective way to prevent a man straying than forcing him to hold a purse.


I'm a 190lb, 6 Foot 1 inch crossdresser. I'll carry my own purse and hers...and kick your ass with three forms of Tae Kwon Do if you give me a hard time about it.

jerry w

You wrote "there is no unmanly way to use pliers".

I used to feel the same way about throwing a baseball until I saw Tom Cruise tossing a ball in "War of the worlds".

He's got good taste in women, but I don't think he's tasted any of them.

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