The Boner Theory of Economics

The Boner Theory of Economics states that a man will accept $1 per hour less pay if he is guaranteed a boner on the job. Stated mathematically…

$1/hour = 1 boner

We can test the validity of this theory by seeing how well it predicts behavior.  For example, the Boner Theory of Economics predicts that eventually all shoe salespeople jobs will be filled by men with foot fetishes. The only reason it’s not completely true already is that the managers filling those jobs haven’t realized they are overpaying. I wonder how many interviews have gone like this:

Manager: “The job involves kneeling in front of women and touching their feet. Are you okay with that?”

Applicant: “Um…er…yes.”

Manager: “The pay is $10 per hour.”

Applicant: “I can only afford to pay you $8 per hour.”

Manager: “We pay you. You don’t pay us.”

Applicant: “Can we start over with the negotiating?”

The Boner Theory of Economics also predicts that in the long run – perhaps in a few hundred years – the military will be 100% gay men. This is the best case scenario for taxpayers because it will keep down costs, and recruiting will be easy.

Recruiter: “We can’t afford to give you body armor, but you’ll be surrounded by young, vital men who are a long way from home. Would you like a tour of the showers?”

Recruit: “Yes, but I can’t stand up right away.”

During the transition to the future all-gay armed forces, things will be awkward for the career soldiers who are hanging in there for a pension. You’ll hear this sort of exchange when they finally retire:

Soldier: “I was deployed in the desert for three years.”

Friend: “Are you gay?”

Soldier: “No, but thank goodness the guy who shared my tent was.”

Comments

[Massage School]

Having resided in the massage world for twelve years now, I do like to look around and see if Massage

School has influenced lives. Of course the one life I spend the most time looking at is my own. I can definitely say that becoming a massage

therapist changed my life.

I had been a stay at home mom for fifteen years prior to attending massage school. Heck yah, it was life changing! The problem with my example is that,

at this point, any kind of career would have changed my life drastically. Therefore, I find it hard to be objective on the subject.

Another real life example would be that of my husband. He had been employed for twenty-five years by the U.S. Postal Service when he began attending massage school. He went to classes four nights a week for eight months. I believe the biggest change he experienced at the time, was a greater

appreciation for self-employed individuals.

In comparing our school experiences, there are some observations about massage school that we agree upon. The first thing that we both learned was

that a full time program definitely brought about more change. When I was submerged in massage for six hours a day, I felt like a massage therapist.

There was something about the immersion that changed my outlook. My husband, on the other hand, tacked a few hours of massage school onto his already long work day. Having to change hats

mid-day is never easy.

Another difference noted was how a full time program builds upon itself. We all started at point A, then worked, studied and grew to point B. My husband's classes started at different times with

different people. We never did figure out any continuity in the program.

The adage 'you get out of something what you put into it' is definitely true of massage school. I believe the more of yourself - i.e.: energy, time, money,

commitment - you invest in massage school, the more you will get out of it.

Since massage school, my husband and I have both taken many CEU classes. We both agree that the best ones require the most from you. I realize

that there are times when it is just not feasible to participate in classes. The popularity of on-line courses definitely substantiates this. However, the life changing classes are the ones we have to: A,

travel to; B, pay for; and C, take time for.

When I look at the certificates on the wall, I feel the most appreciation for those I worked the hardest for. There are a few certificates that I don't even remember the classes for. These were usually

the quickies because I was short on time.

I believe that you can have a 'life changing' experience at massage school but I also believe that you have to put your life into the school to experience

that change. Hopefully we can all seek out these kinds of schools, and enjoy the pura vida that comes with these life changing experiences.

[Hakan]

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[Bali Property]

yep you're right Catland

[newkon]

I would have thought submariners would be the first career to run a surplus in wage revenue - stuck in a phallic shaped tube with other men who were drawn to it (many without even thinking too hard about why).

[newkon]

very very nice information thanks..
realy nice blog.i will come every time here.thankss..

[forum]

Soldier: “No, but thank goodness the guy who shared my tent was.”

I've decided I don't like your jokes that take a moment to get.

[David Ross]

My understanding is that gay men aren't all that common in the military. Lesbians on the other hand...

[Kiwi]

Good stories are worth being posted twice :)
http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2006/06/shoe_salesman_e.html

[cxspan]

LOL, I should probably NOT be reading this at work...

But hey, what else am I supposed to do?

[san]

scott, shouldn't the equation for "Boner Theory" have a "per unit of time" quantity on the right hand side...something like-

$1/hr = 1 boner/day (or some other more appropriate unit of time)...

[san]

scott, shouldn't the equation for "Boner Theory" have a "per unit of time" quantity on the right hand side...something like-

$1/hr = 1 boner/day (or some other more appropriate unit of time)...

[The Group Guy]

Why else would a high school kid take a lifeguard job?

[Leora]

Understatement alert!
Women must be wired differently. I used to photograph male bodybuilders, and never found it that exciting. And I even got to apply the oil. Something about mixing work and pleasure, maybe, because I simply LOVE applying oil to hot male bodies otherwise.

[Travis]

"...Maybe I should pretend to be gay and work in the fashion industry. "

Posted by: Wise-acres | March 29, 2007 at 12:30 PM

--------
A band called 'The Bloodhound Gang' did a song that referenced this very idea, back in the mid-90s. Pretty funny, actually!

[jerry w]

You could have gone further and explained that the reason most guys will give their boner a name, is so all the important decisions in their life are not made by a stranger.
I think "little Jer" has led me well (well, other than divorce number 1 and divorce number 2), but I have to take some of the blame, which I attribute to a lack of blood at the time that was available to my upper brain.

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Tom NC]

Marco said:
"This could revolutionize the education system. Just think how much better it would be for teachers, taxpayers, children and parents if all schools would just hire faculty and staff that work for less money because they get a boner just being around kids."

Ouch, that was just wrong.

[John]

I have th ebest of all wrolds. I work in IT, I get decent pay, great benefits, and work at a call center staffed mostl with women more than a few of whom are really quite hot.

[Cyrus]

Sounds like a colorful army.

Cyrus
http://blogging4burgers.blogspot.com

[Marco]

This could revolutionize the education system. Just think how much better it would be for teachers, taxpayers, children and parents if all schools would just hire faculty and staff that work for less money because they get a boner just being around kids.

[Goran Mitrovic]

you know... you don't really have to post something *every* day. if it's not funny or smart...

that also applies to me, of course :)

[Cormac]

yo scott
how do you do it?
if any other person in the world had written that uproar would ensue.
they would read this with their easil insulted brains:
put gays in the army so us straight people can be safe
those people would assume you thought that it was okay to kill gays.

I of course understand it was a joke and that you meant nothing bad against gay people and that even actual gay people would not take offence, only people whou THOUGHT it ws offensive to gays.

[Mikester]

I have to admit that i'm getting to the stage of not reading the comments anymore.... i enjoy the blog, but its all the dumb asses on the comments page..... eve if you dn't know what a boner is, by reading the blog you would realise in the context of the story what it is referring to.

If you still don't you are either dumb, thick or stupid.... so people, which is it!!!!!

PS. i do know that they all equate to the same thing!

PPS. after slagging off , what appears to be the majority, of the people who post comments, i sure that this won't make the comments page.... so much for freedom of speech...

[Steve]

We gay people are a minority, but a sizable one, about 5% of the population according to most statistics.
I find it odd and funny when straight people joke about us as if we weren't among them, or as if they didn't know any gay people. Truth is, we are everywhere and every hetero knows some gay people - though he or she may not realize it, because it's not always so easy to spot us.
Anyway, funny post, I enjoyed it.

[Two Unicycles]

I can't stop thinking of an army made up of good-looking women

[Gaybert]

"The patrol was spotted. The mission was compromised. In a real combat situation, all 11 of the team members would have been endangered because of my concern about where I was gonna put my pecker."

I'm lucky enough to work in an office with some insanely hot men, but like most gay guys I know I can keep my mind on the job. Never been in a combat situation, but I think I'd be more inclined to concentrate on the task in hand then.