The Boner Theory of Economics

The Boner Theory of Economics states that a man will accept $1 per hour less pay if he is guaranteed a boner on the job. Stated mathematically…

$1/hour = 1 boner

We can test the validity of this theory by seeing how well it predicts behavior.  For example, the Boner Theory of Economics predicts that eventually all shoe salespeople jobs will be filled by men with foot fetishes. The only reason it’s not completely true already is that the managers filling those jobs haven’t realized they are overpaying. I wonder how many interviews have gone like this:

Manager: “The job involves kneeling in front of women and touching their feet. Are you okay with that?”

Applicant: “Um…er…yes.”

Manager: “The pay is $10 per hour.”

Applicant: “I can only afford to pay you $8 per hour.”

Manager: “We pay you. You don’t pay us.”

Applicant: “Can we start over with the negotiating?”

The Boner Theory of Economics also predicts that in the long run – perhaps in a few hundred years – the military will be 100% gay men. This is the best case scenario for taxpayers because it will keep down costs, and recruiting will be easy.

Recruiter: “We can’t afford to give you body armor, but you’ll be surrounded by young, vital men who are a long way from home. Would you like a tour of the showers?”

Recruit: “Yes, but I can’t stand up right away.”

During the transition to the future all-gay armed forces, things will be awkward for the career soldiers who are hanging in there for a pension. You’ll hear this sort of exchange when they finally retire:

Soldier: “I was deployed in the desert for three years.”

Friend: “Are you gay?”

Soldier: “No, but thank goodness the guy who shared my tent was.”

Comments

[Duda]

you know, I HAVE a job that requires me to stare at and interact with porn models most of the time I'm on the job, and I've only gotten, maybe, one boner. and I'm verrry hetero and love my hot grrls. I'm just too busy to get horny when I'm working.

[paulipe]

$1/hour = 1 boner

Don't you mean?
$1/hour * 8 hours = 1 boner

Despite the lack of an active social life, I don't think people would want a boner every hour

[War-sword]

I work at a private hospital in new zealand, although there are plenty of female nurses most are over fifty ( shudder ) still, on the up side I do get to assist with the breast implants on the strippers from the local club! ( which kind of makes up for the crappy wages )

[War-sword]

I work at a private hospital in new zealand, although there are plenty of female nurses mose are over fifty ( shudder ) still, on the up side I do get to assist with the breast implants on the strippers from the local club! ( which kind of makes up for the crappy wages )

[Bob]

"The Boner Theory of Economics states that a man will accept $1 per hour less pay if he is guaranteed a boner on the job."

If you want to state this mathematically:
$1/hour <= 1 boner

For the foreigners who don't know what a boner is, a boner is a hard-on. A boner is an erect penis. A man often gets a boner when he is sexually aroused. For more info:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erection

[Sheilah D.]

Hmm... this theory could apply to women (the title might need changed, though). I used to work at a saddlery for peanuts because I loved the smell of leather. Now, since I almost exclusively date clowns, I guess I'd probably consider taking a paycut to join the circus!

Thanks for the idea!!

[Andy]

hmmm, I would gladly take a dollar per hour if it meant I didn't have a boner all day. In fact, its getting annoying, I would lose it for free.

[Robby]

"There was an all-gay elite unit in one particular city-state in Ancient Greece. I think it was Thrace. The elite unit was composed of pairs of lovers who fought as pairs, the theory being they would work harder to keep each other alive." -- Giles Bowkett

No, the theory was that each man would rather die than be disgraced in the eyes of his lover, and would therefore fight harder and be less likely to desert. Slightly different. Also, it wasn't an elite unit; every soldier was assigned a lover from among the other soldiers.

[Duda]

you know, I HAVE a job that requires me to stare at and interact with porn models most of the time I'm on the job, and I've only gotten, maybe, one bonder. and I'm verrry hetero and love my hot grrls. I'm just too busy to get horny when I'm working.

[Billy B]

I have a friend that was a shoe salesman in Las Vegas. He loved it, claims that he got a lot of pussy out of that store.
Billy B

[Kodjo Hogan]

hahahahhahahahhahahha

[Screen Name]

Ha HA! The guy in his tent was gay! That definnitely saves time in setting the thing up after a long march, although the other guy might not sleep as easy...

[Ron Hardin]

That's in ``What's New Pussycat?'' Perhaps the last movie I saw (I haven't seen a movie in a while). Lessee (googles)...

Victor Skakapopulis: [I]'ve got something at the striptease. I help the girls dress and undress.
Michael James: Nice job.
Victor Skakapopulis: Twenty francs a week.
Michael James: Not very much.
Victor Skakapopulis: It's all I can afford.

[shryko]

I love it. Keep it up!

[Matthew Kovich]

I like this military idea - Alexander the Great was gay, and we was possibly the greatest general the world has ever known.

[cybersybil]

As a hetero woman in IT, I would gladly take a $1/hr pay cut for a female "boner" equivalent. Please. I can only bleach my eyes out so many times before permanently blinding myself. Which looks more viable every day.

[JohnJohn]

Q: Why does the Navy keep Marines on their ships?

A: Because sheep would be too obvious!

Long ago, when I was an Infantryman, I attended a leadership school prior to being promoted to a leadership position (something industry should learn to do).

At this school there were people from all kinds of specialty fields, so it was co-ed. I had a dalliance with a female MP during the two-week course. Much of the material covered in this course was tactical operations, the stuff I already knew cold because it was my job. During one exercise my tap-buddy injured herself in a fit of clumsiness and I took to coddling her during a reconnaissance mission. Due to the distraction of my glands, I, an extensively trained expert in tactics, crested a ridge while walking point AND LOOKING BACKWARDS at this girl.

The patrol was spotted. The mission was compromised. In a real combat situation, all 11 of the team members would have been endangered because of my concern about where I was gonna put my pecker.

I know a great many gay people whom are honorable, trustworthy, reliable, and patriotic. I believe they should be allowed to serve their country in whatever capacity they desire. But as one gay soldier once told me: "Imagine the whole army made up of good-looking women..."

I couldn't be an effective combat soldier under those circumstances. Boobs and hot legs are way too distracting.

[Aaron]

hehe,
Gays in the forces know the best gay jokes, and the best Navy jokes. :P

[Mokkery]

Wow, that Boner guy sounds like an economic genius. Isn't he the guy who was married to Cher? I didn't know he had a theory named after him.

[Lora]

There used to be a theory of wants and needs. The premise that you work up a pyramid of wants and needs. It was believed that once you acheived a milestone it became-shortly thereafter- unimportant or unsatisfactory. You then strive to acquire a raise or a better office and so on and so forth.

[JD]

Scott, just what DID you mean? Can you pick one of the following for us?

Boner may refer to:

* A blooper; a small mistake having an amusing effect
* A blunder; a spectacularly bad or embarrassing mistake
* A boning knife, a narrow knife for removing bones from meat, poultry or fish
* A USDA carcass grade for slaughter cattle.
* Boner Stabone, a recurring character on the TV series Growing Pains
* Boner Records, a California based independent label
* Boner family, a family of wealthy Polish merchants of German origin
* an informal nickname for people whose names are pronounced or spelled similarly (ex: Bonner, Boehner)
* Boner's Ark, a comic strip about a sailing ship filled with animals.

Boner is also a slang term for:

* An erection of the human penis, derived from the misconception that an erection is created by a bone (Note that most other mammals do have a penile bone called the baculum).
* A Zamboni ice resurfacing vehicle operator
* A trombone
* A trombonist

[hockey monkey]

I wish I had a foot fetish...

[Wise-acres]

I understand the boner theory but can not seem to find a job that deals with hot super-models on a day-to-day basis. Maybe I should pretend to be gay and work in the fashion industry.

[Gabe]

I'm in the military, and I wasn't offended. It was a joke. Seems everyone wants us to get upset about it. I'm more upset with the one dude's assertion that boy scout leaders are pedophiles. Kinda harsh.

(Then, I'm in the Navy, and anytime the Army is the brunt of a gay joke vice the Navy maybe I get a little thrill out of it)

[Steve Casey]

"Andrew P" wrote

"I've decided I don't like your jokes that take a moment to get."

They're the best ones... that's the point!

Scott - how about filtering-out the non-DNRC ???