Young Evil Me

I’m a common variety of human being. By that, I mean that there are about a million guys who look like me. I see them all the time, and it creeps me out.

This has gotten worse over the years. Now I also see younger people who look like me at various ages. It’s hard to go in public anymore without at least once thinking, “Hey, there’s a little Scott from 1979!”

This problem reached the zenith of weird the other day. A large publication scheduled a photographer to take some pictures to accompany an article. The doorbell rings. I open it. And there I am, fifteen years ago, holding a camera, looking at myself.

I think that Young Me had a similarly strong reaction, as in “Good lord, I’m going to turn into one of THOSE.” It was an awkward moment. But it got worse.

Imagine spending an hour having your picture taken by a photographer who looks like you, but younger. He’s dressed as you would. He talks like you. He even has a profession you could easily imagine doing in an alternate universe. And now he’s taking your picture. Let me tell you, it was like looking at a mirror’s reflection in another mirror. There was something infinite about it, and not in a good way.

Then came the kicker. We went outside for most of the photos, to “take advantage of the light,” Young Me explained. He made me pose in various positions that all had the same finish: “Now turn slightly, and look toward the sun.”

Seriously. He told me to look directly at the sun. And he did it with a straight face. That is when I became convinced that this alleged other person was indeed me. If I were a photographer, I’d be having people stare at the sun until they were blind too. I’d also have them disrobe outdoors on cold days and sit on frozen park benches. That’s the fun of being a photographer. Otherwise, all you’re doing is looking through a hole and pushing a button. What kind of job is that?

Luckily, I know all of my own tricks. So I declined my doppelganger’s offer to blind myself for his entertainment. But I respected him for trying.

I have not ruled out the possibility that he was a time-traveling me. As a precaution, I went back to my office and moved everything he touched back to its original position, thus saving humankind from annihilation. That’s just one more example of how I’m working behind the scenes to make the world a better place.

You’re welcome.

Comments

[Scott]

I have indeed seen a lookalike of me. Who? The Numa Numa guy. Now his body is rather larger, but his face is the exact same. The exact bloody same. Scared the hell out of me the first time I saw "The Numa Numa Dance."

[Cally]

I have not yet seen an evil me, or a nice me, or any version of me. I am very much looking forward to the day I do.

Oh, and this is post number 100.

[le Big MAC]

I find evil Me-like beings around town sometimes. The worst is in a bar/club or cafe when I see a 40ish, graying and/or balding, slightly puffed belly dude, standing around with a game face on, trying to enjoy music with no one to talk with. Or worse, with a dorky polo shirt or sweater on. O great theistic deity, let us middle aged dorks all die in a quick, merciful, entertaining manner PLEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!

[Thomas]

As I'm in the Marine Corps and we're all required to look an dress the same I see people who look almost exactly like me all the time. We all have that same terrible hair cut and cammies that look like pajamas. I look forward to the day that I can trade in my standard jarhead reselmblence for hair and a beard.

[felize]

I once had a boy-friend whom was I was absolutely crazy for, but who was a total jerk characterwise. I left him, but (for some psychological perversion I cannot comprehend) still love him. So I’m hoping to meet HIS doppelganger soon, preferably one of the nice and nerdy kind who is telling me the moon is going to kill us soon …:-)

[Don]

Wow, I've had the happen. I look just like my dad, only younger!

[JimS]

they are running a coomercial here in Columbus, OH, where there is an actor who is being insensitive, first in a pool, then in a car, I think for a car insurance company. Dude looks just like me. Scary. Poor bastard.

[Lerch]

Recommended Reading for time travel fans:

The Man Who Folded Himself. Best time travel novella ever. http://www.amazon.com/Man-Who-Folded-Himself/dp/1932100040/

Also The Time Traveler's Wife, best time travel novel ever.
http://www.amazon.com/Time-Travelers-Wife-Audrey-Niffenegger/dp/015602943X/

That is all.

[Ascii King]

Thanks for saving us from you.

[None of the above]

Darn it, you found us out.

Every year we come and get some DNA from you, cultivate it, grow it, grow a new you. We don't want another Douglas Adams incident. We intend you to live forever. As each you dies, we send in the replacement you. One year younger, no one would realize. Every now and then, we send a "you" to be near you. Then "you" can get to know you, make sure "you" are replicating your mannerisms successfully. After all, environment counts for something.

Oh, we also take the odd speech engagment to pay for all the research and cloning, but you have enough of those to cover for "you". So one night you're in Seattle and Pittsburgh, no one is any the wiser.

But you'll never find our Island of Scott Adamses, just like no one has found the Island of Vanna Whites. Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.

Erm. Seriously. Dude. How frickin’ cool is that?

[Gavin]

People are always telling me that I look like famous people... Like, maybe 50% of people, when I meet them for the first time. I probably get Elijah Wood most often. I almost expect people to do it, eventually, now. Do other people get that? I don't usually think other people look like anyone.

[neopolitan]

Hm,

Was there some hypnotic suggestion in this post?

Reading from the top I see Diane's post about her being a stripper who now performs together with a girl who could be her identical twin and is in fact her lover. Then I read Crystal's post which talks about seeing the doppelganger of her "heterosexual lover" - opening the door wide open to her having one lover of each kind.

My only story is about a Chinese Australian I worked with once who confused me for this other guy who looks nothing like me, except that our hair sort of reddish (not the same colour red, however). I pointed out that I was not the other guy and he said "Sorry, all you white guys look the same to me."

(PS don't be surprised if my doppelganger sent an earlier copy of this)

[neopolitan]

Hm,

Was there some hypnotic suggestion in this post?

Reading from the top I see Diane's post about her being a stripper who now performs together with a girl who could be her identical twin and is in fact her lover. Then I read Crystal's post which talks about seeing the doppelganger of her "heterosexual lover" - opening the door wide open to her having one lover of each kind.

My only story is about a Chinese Australian I worked with once who confused me for this other guy who looks nothing like me, except that our hair sort of reddish (not the same colour red, however). I pointed out that I was not the other guy and he said "Sorry, all you white guys look the same to me."

[DL From Heidelberg]

Was he a young evil you or are you merely failing to get old?

[brian]

I look like frank black (of the pixies) and so does my object orientated development lecturer owen. I think Owen me and frank should do a three franks tour of europe

[Andres]

Younger selves owe us money..
Can't miss on such chances to collect!

:-)

[Tom]

Terry Pratchett (discworld author) has a theory that there are only a few hundered real people in the world, which is why the keep unexpectedly bumping into them at random times.

I think his theory might need to be expanded to explain people who bump into themselves unexpectedly.

[Xepol]

I don't mind that there is a doppleganger of me out there. I don't even mind that people REGULARILLY mistake me for him, not just his friends, but friends of his friends make the mistake.

What worries me is that he appears to be leading a better life and I am beginning to suspect that I have it all wrong and I'm HIS doppleganger instead.

Kinda depressing. Then again, I wonder if he has credit...

[Sabrina]

My "best" friend actually had the temerity to email me the photo she took of my doppleganger. She accosted the girl with glee and said "Oh my god, you look just like my friend! Let me take a picture of you!" /Snaps out camera phone/

When I received the email (not once, but TWICE), my self-esteem skid downwards.

My doppleganger, you see, is ugly.

[John]

Thank you. Seriously.

[Diane]

I met my slightly younger duplicate a few years ago. I'm a dancer in a gentlemens club and I was always getting asked when I'd changed clubs, how I danced at both, and the like. No matter what I said, no one believed a word. They'd even go so far as to get angry and accuse me of lying.

Out of frustration, the club's manager and I went across town to visit our/my competition. We sat near the stage and almost immediately everyone was acting as if they knew me, even the dancers. After about an hour the feature performer came on stage and she could have been my identical twin sister. She danced right down to us and, when she saw me, nearly fell off the stage in shock.

To make a long story short, we talked, visited each other a few times while dancing and then paired up. I couldn't believe how hot and sexy she looked while dancing and thus how hot and sexy I looked. She felt the same. We became partners - promoting ourselves as twins - which has made us even more successful. Then we fell in love and now we're partners in every way and even more wealthy because of it. The only thing men love more than hot, sexy, naked twin sisters dancing for them are hot, sexy, naked, incestuous twin sisters kissing and dancing for them.

[Screech]

I once met my evil self from a parallel universe. We got along great. We're both big fans of Catbert (who, incidently, is the same in both universes for some reason neither of us can figure out). We had a few beers, shot some pool, then went back to his universe to go and do some recreational looting.

The only down side to all of this is that you can't take stolen goods from one universe to the other, so I didn't get to keep the high-def big-screen TV. Oh well.

Should I be concerned that my evil twin and I are so much alike?

[some dude]

Lol....Nobody I know looked like me....but I m so freaking nerdy that I was mistaken for Harry Potter at least a dozen times.Cheers

[Ant]

It happened to me when I was 18 in a local pub (it's legal in the UK!). My friends were trying to buy my doppleganger drinks, not a problem, but they never used to by me drinks ?

I'm a photographer now. Next time I'll get evidence even if I have to go round to his house.

[Shannon Knowles]

I would imagine that in a parallel universe somewhere Sourpuss would be an occasionally recurring character in Dilbert... why did I have to be born in this reality!