Did you see the story about the Sudanese man who was caught having sex with a goat? The council of elders forced him to marry the goat as his punishment. Apparently, man and goat are living happily ever after, except for the goat, who is still getting cornholed by a crazy Sudanese guy, but now he has to wash dishes with his hooves.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/ukfs_news/hi/newsid_4740000/newsid_4748200/4748292.stm
In related news, Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband claims he had an affair with the goat too.
Having a goat wife might come in handy. You could carry a Dixie Cup with you, folded up in your pocket, and any time you got thirsty, you could just reach over and yank a nice warm cup of goat milk. That might not sound delicious to you, but in Sudan, warm goat milk is a delicacy, second only to humping the goat. Unless it's a boy goat, in which case it's considered a close third.
I wonder what the perp's defense was. I think I would have claimed I was performing an experiment in churning goat butter without using a churn. I would probably say something about Galileo being persecuted for his genius too. Or maybe I would try to make the council of elders laugh by saying, "The goat looked horny. Get it? He has horns!"
Anyway, this story raises many interesting issues about property rights. The owner obviously felt wronged when he saw his neighbor going all Lego on his goat. Why?
Evidently it wasn't a bestiality issue, since the council of elders forced the perpetrator to marry the goat. And it wasn't concern for the goat's wellbeing, since marrying a goat-humper isn't a step in the right direction. So what was the problem?
Was the owner planning to butcher the goat, and didn't want his goatburgers to have any special sauce?
Was the owner mad because he was saving the goat for himself?
There was no damage to the goat, unless you count some stretching. Having sex with your neighbor's goat is a lot like violating a copyright. It's totally victimless, right?
Go.
Hey where did all the archived posts go! New readers like me would like to read the old one's too mate! I had just reached November 2006 and now it's disappeared!
Posted by: Bhisham | April 20, 2007 at 04:38 AM
No idea what this copyright stuff is all about, but I do like the goat story - I did last time round.
Not happy about Asok losing his soul though! Seems such a shame.
Posted by: Padraig | April 20, 2007 at 04:37 AM
I know that's not the point, but actually the elders only forced him to pay the dowry as he has used the goat as his wife. What I can't understand from the article is if now he is forced to marry her or he just has bought the freedom of the animal, and now both are free to decide if they want to form a family together.
Posted by: octal | April 20, 2007 at 04:29 AM
If the goat was wearing your neighbour's underwear while listening to the Beatles on his/her mp3 machine during sex, who is the biggest victim? Neighbour, Apple Records or the goat's life partner (also a goat)? Breaking the law is bad, but it happens, coz people are poor/lazy/evil/jealous/greedy or just coz they wanna do it (or are programmed that way). If you don't like it, go be an antique noose seller, the easiest job in world. It is money for old rope.
Posted by: Gwapple | April 20, 2007 at 04:24 AM
OK, we get it. Violating copyright is a serious crime. I started reading this blog because I enjoyed a good laugh. (you are a genius with words, and take the greatest perspective on stories) But lately this copyright thing is getting way too much attention on this blog. Especially since you are writing to your fan base. Sure, there are trolls on here who like to 'get your goat?' (sorry), and there are people who genuinely feel you are wrong. You won't change their mind, they won't change yours. Can we please move on? Btw, great post, up until the copyright plug. Meanwhile, let RIAA sue all the 13 year old p2p'ers out there (perhaps you could find a way to join them, where it would make a difference...after all, how many 13 year olds have $$$ to pay off the RIAA?) and I will continue to buy all my dilbert books.
joe
p.s., I understand this is your soapbox, and I certainly understand why. But wow...dead deer, married goat, and now a dead horse...let's stop kicking it before we are forced to marry it...
Posted by: Joe McDonnell | April 20, 2007 at 04:23 AM
It is like in South Park where Metallica can only build a swimming pool from silver (as apposed to gold) due to copyright violations. And the software companies also over charge just as much for their products while the licensing agreement states that they have all the rights and you have none and for as long as they deem appropriate, you can use the software.
If they start to be socially responsible and stop to make sooo much money every time for sooo little work... maybe people would have more respect for them.
More respect = less violations. No law can force respect.
Posted by: Oliver | April 20, 2007 at 04:11 AM
Clearly Scott, you should (re-) read Edward Albee's The Goat, Or Who is Sylvia, if you're interested in goat sex.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1585676470?tag=jasonian-20
Posted by: Jasonian | April 20, 2007 at 04:05 AM
Following this logic, all libraries are whorehouses, neh? I'll be sure to tell our Librarian you said that, which will be too bad because she used to like you a lot.
Posted by: david's sling | April 20, 2007 at 03:54 AM
check this out while u r tapping ur goat - http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20070419/014033.shtml
Posted by: Ashwin R J | April 20, 2007 at 03:50 AM
My comment on this topic never made it. I am honored!
Posted by: GG | April 20, 2007 at 03:34 AM
I can't wait to see that in a Dilbert. Dogbert is gonna hate you...
Posted by: Lea Johnston | April 20, 2007 at 03:22 AM
So what does "going all lego" mean? To me lego is the childrens building block toy. What does this have to do with having sex with a goat?
OK you could recreate the scene using lego, or make your own lego goat and have a blast (ouch), but I don't see the obvious conection you american types have.
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Posted by: rain | April 20, 2007 at 02:13 AM
nice one!... Have any thoughts on length of copyrights?
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Posted by: rain | April 20, 2007 at 02:09 AM
"It's totally victimless, right?
Go."
the best part of the post ;)
Posted by: gregor | April 20, 2007 at 01:58 AM
Copyright violation = goat sex
I'm glad your analogies are finally moving in the right direction! That underpants one was just bad. I hope Techdirt analyzes this one too.
It should be clear to even the last two people who didn't get it before that you're totally insane and your views on copyright are so egocentrically skewed that they have no validity in the real world.
Posted by: TG | April 20, 2007 at 01:45 AM
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Posted by: nakliyat | April 20, 2007 at 01:06 AM
My goat is dead. Die infidels. My unmentionables are in mourning. Stop laughing. This is serious. Where's my froggy Exocet missile? Boy are you people gonna' get it for not respecting my goat. My goat is dead! The sadness overcomes the happy, the joy has gone from my loins. Stop grinning. Boy are you chubbys gonna get it!Why does the infidel not respect my goat? My goat is dead. Woe, woe, woe is gasping from my gonads. Stop laughing you chubby infidel bastards. Okay, it's clobbering time. Are you gonna' get such a pinch. Why does all the chubbies disrespect my goat? Woe! Woe! Woe! MY grief shall be revenged on the chubbies! Eat froggy missile chubbies - I remove your concrete erections with my flying froggy hard-on. Bye Bye Exocet! Memory of my goat be praised. Ah-ouhm! Ah-ouhm! Ah-ouhm! I am now in astral plane with my goat away from the chubbies .. all is swell ... all is swell.
Posted by: Kevin Kunreuther | April 20, 2007 at 12:52 AM
So, let me see if I get this right?
A guy humps a goat.... and he gets the goat, plus 15 grand?
From the perspective of a practitioner of bestiality, that's an awesome deal !! Go Goat-humper!!
Posted by: Srini | April 20, 2007 at 12:36 AM
Yeah, and prostitution is a victimless crime.
Except that those who understood before have been joined by those who understood later: the entire community is the victim in such a circumstance.
Just as they are when one marries a goat.
Posted by: Paul O | April 20, 2007 at 12:23 AM
We had a similar thing in the UK a few years ago. A commuter train stopped at a signal box between Hull and Bridlington right next to a field that had a guy and a goat 'getting married'. The best thing is that he did not stop, he simply moved slightly out of view.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2002050329,00.html
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2002120064,00.html
Posted by: Richard Hunter | April 20, 2007 at 12:22 AM
Sean wrote:
[remember who approves the posts]
It must be Ratbert or an Elbonian, as I am sure someone with the intelligence of Scott wouldn't let all those double posts through.
Would you Scott?
Scott?
Posted by: Skrrp | April 19, 2007 at 11:57 PM
I bought "God's Debris". I felt happy.
My PC went pop. The book was gone. I felt sad.
I got the book again for free from Scott. I felt happy.
I heard the pants analogy and felt disturbed:
I had lost my underpants and lived without for 4 years. Then Scott gave me a pair. Had he worn them? Did he wash them after? (Would they be more valuable if he hadn't?)
Then I read the goat analogy.
I felt violated.
Aha! I think Scott was just making a veiled comment about copyright violation.
I think I'll still consult a urologist to be on the safe side.
Posted by: Desktidy | April 19, 2007 at 11:40 PM