May 2008

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D. Mented

Jeez, no wonder you guys can't get laid, if you hang around with shitbags like the women you're describing!
Trick is, women who don't see men as embarrassing but useful meal-tickets are the independant types who don't agree with every word you say at the start of a relationship just to make you feel good, and won't put up with cheerful abuse unless they're having as much fun as you are.Also not likely to find an independant type that spends all her time and attention on trying to meet your standards for attractiveness.
In other words; bitches.
(I may have said all this before)
The plus side is that bitches are with you if they want to be with YOU...not your wallet, and some of them don't expect you to be more perfect than they are. (some, not all)...And bitches are a little less likely to make you late by getting dressed five times in a row or ask you for advice about their clothes.
So you gentlemen get to choose between bitches and ho's.
We ladies get to choose between crying pussies and laughing bullies, so it's about even.
D. Mented


The Virtual boyfriend game can work like that Whizkid doll.

You have to buy the boyfriend doll that you can plug into your computer then it does what you tell the virtual boyfriend to do.

Or is this idea just plain adult wrong ?


Scott, I suggest you watch the RealDolls documentary. Then when the nausea fades, look at this post and realize the true genius behind it.


What I like most about this game is that it would take up the time of controlling, obsessive, shallow women with an intelligence deficit, leaving the rest of us to breed and improve the overall quality of the human race.

I may even buy shares in the company, just to help keep it going.


I LOVE THIS. You are a weird man but i like the way your mind works!


Reading all the hostile descriptions of women's annoying confusing and abusive behavior on this blog, the only conclusion I can come to is, "Ohmigod! My ex-husband was a woman!"


You forgot one important element, Scott...the part where the kids buy a stuffed animal...but instead of an animal the women could buy a dildo

Kodjo Hogan

I love it, We might need a female version for the lonely game designers who will create the male version

Scott Adams for President 2008


You're aware that they have pretty much this exact thing already in the form of "The Sims" aren't you?

Gordon McSleezy

- Make the virtual boyfriend do the 1am PMS coffee, sushi, and ice cream run. NOW DAMMIT! If VBF returns in under 30 minutes, earn bonus points for every minute under 30.
- Confuse the virtual boyfriend by being happy one minute and being pissed off the next minute. Enhance enjoyment by using a coin toss to determine mood. Earn bonus points for each point rise in blood pressure.
- Allow boyfriend to plan nice trip for the both of you to NY City, book all the tickets and reserve all the rooms, but then bail on him two hours before the flight leaves because your cat threw up and needs comforting. Earn bonus points for every dollar he loses due to your airline ticket expiring.
- When boyfriend returns with coffee, sushi, and ice cream send him back out for french fries because that's what you decided you really wanted while he was gone. Earn bazillion bonus points if he hurls himself out the window right there.

/One ticket please. First class, window seat.


Well there is always this:

Paul O

Real Men could log in and try to subvert the woman's manipulations, inviting their virtual friends out for a beer, or a night at the "Ballet".

Get the algorithms right, and the virtual identities could enter virtual relationships, with each partner vying to make the virtual self's behavior explore depths they dare not exhibit in real life.

(For those less familiar, "Ballet" is often used as a euphemism for watching other dancing-related activities.)


What a rip-off... you can do the same damn thing at neopets for free. As for the virtual boyfriend idea... I have a hard time visualizing it... but then again I am a guy. There is no market for a virtual girlfriend though... every time a guy sees a hot chick on TV she becomes a virtual girlfriend for future dreams, daydreams, fantasies, etc. The male mind does this for free... you would need really good marketing to convince us to buy it... like a hot chick on TV telling us to!


The virtual boyfriend has to know what the owner is thinking. At all times. With no clues at all.


As long as there's an online environment where the women can show their beaten down husk of a male AI to their friends, like in a massive multiplayer RPG, then it would work. Also, you want to release "special edition" plugin content for a small fee that would give access to celebrity lookalike boyfriends. Imagine the thrill women could get from nagging Russell Crowe! I would also recommend a sophisticated dialogue system where women can fight with the virtual boyfriend and use the correct set of irrational, emotion-based arguments such that the virtual boyfriend gives up just to get the player to shut up.


Create Virtual friends for the virtual boyfriend to meet there can be stab you in the back friend, bitchy friend, crazy earth mother friend. if the boyfriend doesn't like them he also looses virtual sex points and increases his 'things that are your fault' points.


What about one where the player talks to the boy friend through a pc mike the more words she says the more points she gains if tshe talks enough the boyfriends head explodes.


There are a lot of bitter, bitter people on this site. Funny, bitter people.

If someone, male or female, manipulates you like this, stop dating them. Stop. Don't see them, have sex with them, or marry them. Take a little responsibility here.

Does Neopets predate Webkinz? Without the stuffed toys, it sounds the same. And it is digital crack.


Virtual Boyfriend 2.0 will be an automatic update and will reveal that the VBF has AI. As the VBF flirts with other online women users, the members will now compete for their VBF's attention with other women.

black spot

I have a real life husband. He’s pretty fun to play with. I have to watch what he wears and already regulate his wardrobe. It has taken years to ‘persuade’ him that washing up and de-limescaling the loo is fun.

Not all of us women are obsessed with clothes and some of us actually enjoy things like DIY and computers. So you’ll have to second guess a woman to get her interested – and that’s impossible!


Wow, virtual boyfriends is even more horrible than virtual warfare and virtual pet-keeping. At least those other things don't stand in for anything so healthy as having a real-life partner. Considering the success of The Sims it would probably take off and doesn't seem too far-fetched to happen.


Can you get virtual neutering too? It would keep him from spraying the furniture or humping your dinner guests' legs...or it would help, anyway.


Don't forget to include the really unusual ones that get top dollar on Ebay. The VBF in this case would look like David Beckham, have the sensitivity and ability to cry like Tobey Maguire in Spiderman, have the testosterone of Matthew McConaughey, the $$ of Bill Gates and the wit and humor of Scott Adams!

Bryan P

The problem with this idea is that women only do all of that stuff to their boyfriends so they can create a socially acceptable (acceptable to her female friends) source of easy cash, sperm, and free baby-setting. Although the manipulative little bitches will enjoy it for a while, at some point they will realize that there relationship just isn't going anywhere. They will get extremely angry with the virtual-boyfriend, pick fights with him for no apparent reason, constantly list all of his inadequacies to her female friends, and eventually end it all by clicking the delete account button while sobbing uncontrollably. I know all of this because I am as bad as a virtual-boyfriend. Except no matter how hard they try they can’t keep me from farting.

Boraxis Baugmonster

Seriously Scott, would it be so hard to fix the post format so the poster's name appears more closely associated with the poster's post than with the next one? Does TypePad just *force* you to use that misleading layout? I think induhviduals are fun to play with and I don't like to see someone make them squirm for no reason.

-- baug

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