May 2008

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Comments

David M

This made me think of two related jokes:

A: "I'm taking my wife on holiday to the West Indies."
B: "Jamaica?"
A: "No, she wanted to go."

and

A: "I'm going on holiday to Honolulu."
B: "Hawaii?"
A: "I'm very well, thank you."

Which led me to a near-joke when a friend said he was going to Malawi with his family.

Hence:

A: "I'm taking my wife on holiday to Malawi."
B: "Did you make her?"
A: "Fine, thanks."

Noelle

Q: How many surrealist painters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One to hold the giraffe and three to fill the bathtub with brightly colored power tools.

alternately,
A: Fish.

BTTFVGO

Here's one I made up a few years ago...

What do you call an unhip carpenter?
- A framing square

...carpenter humor... ^_^

BTTFVGO

Here's one I made up a few years ago...

What do you call an unhip carpenter?
- A framing square

...carpenter humor... ^_^

Maureen

I made this one up after seeing The City of Lost Children.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
French.
French who?
French cinema: be afraid.

Maureen

I made this one up after seeing The City of Lost Children.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
French.
French who?
French cinema: be afraid.

Many Folds

Dear Scott,

Generally the quality of your blog entries is quite high. But I must complain about this one in particular. You see, this near-joke idea doesn't even make

Missy

I heard this conversation between my young sons. Is this a near joke?

Q. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
A. Yeah, if you're thinking about making a sweater out of dog hair.
Q. Let's try this again. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
A. Yup, but I'm allergic to dogs.

just_human

MAD magazine called them 'no joke jokes', I believe. The idea is, you tell a joke that isn't really a joke, and wait and see if the person laughs.

"I had an aunt who talked so much, every time she opened her mouth it cost my uncle a nickel."

"The town I grew up in was so small, the ferris wheel was painted green."

Chris Benson (Asparagus Pee Guy)

I've made up a couple of near funnies for my young daughter:

Q: What do you call someone who counts kitchens?
A: A kitchen counter.

Q: How did you get such a wonderful nose?
A: I picked it.

olie

I used to work with a guy who claimed to be the only person whose name was a complete sentence (Fred Burst.)

I guess he was wrong.

I always thought it'd be cool to have a [Puerto Rican? ;)] kid and name him "Jesus Wept."

And then I voted.

Moi

i don't get it...

Paul

C'mon, nobody got the funniest part of this article? A medley of songs from "Gigli". Seriously, what the hell???

Matthew Kovich

Yes, he folds - but does he do windows?

Dilbert's Rabbi

If the incident had taken place in NYC or Philly your "near joke" would have worked for me. Because it involved two guys fighting at the BOSTON Pops, I keep expecting ANY joke to include the names Norm and Cliff...

Marci

I think Jon is on to something.
If Ben Folds had been performing with his band, it would have been:
Why did the guy take off his shirt at the Boston Pops concert?
Because Ben Folds Five.

It works.

Mark

My dog's got no "O"s.
How does it spell?
"Dg".


(That's my near-joke contribution)

Seamus McCauley

The term for something that sounds amusingly smutty but doesn't, in fact, make any sense is a "face pyjama". Perhaps we need a broader term for a joke that isn't quite a joke.

heynoni

Two nuns in a shower.

One says, "Where's the soap?"

The other replies, "Sure does."

bola

This happened once in an office. One of the guys' cell phone rang and the volume was too high. The guy sitting next to him jumped being startled. He said "hey !!, dont you have a vibrator?"

bola

Q. Why did the man take off his shirt at the Boston Pops?

A. Because, the answers were to be written in brief !

Sir Mike Tallon

The other month, I went to get some hot wings at Hooters. They asked me what kind of sauce I wanted, so I told them to give me the hottest they had. So I tried it, it was called 9-1-1 sauce but it was more like, 9-1-0.

Sir Mike Tallon

I love writing clever near jokes:

If you put acne cream on prison walls, could it prevent future breakouts?

If pillows could talk, would they whisper?
I can’t imagine a loud pillow. I’d like to walk in on a bunch of pillows having a pillow fight.

Do I ever confuse me?

Simon Robert

Why do blondes have such big belly buttons? Because they keep shagging blind men.

uk mender

True story:-

On a TV show about the early history of the London 'Comedy Store', a young lady steps up to the open mike. A few seconds into her act, she's gonged-off. Before being ejected from the stage she yells at the audience, "Laugh you bastards, I'm Funny." Now THAT was almost funny.

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