Well, by now he’s in Paris. I’m referring to Paris Hilton’s boyfriend. Unless you live in a pineapple under the sea, you know that Paris just got out of jail. She’s got some catching up to do.
Paris’s legal problems started last year when she was arrested for driving drunk. In the following months she got stopped twice by officers for driving with a suspended license. The second stop resulted in jail time. My question is why, after leaving jail today, she didn’t do a few shots of tequila in front of reporters, use her prison skills to hotwire a car, and try to swerve home on her own. What was suddenly stopping her?
Instead, Paris let her parents pick her up at the prison in an SUV. I assume their chauffeur was liquored up so Paris would feel at home. Otherwise she’d be sitting in the back seat screaming, “Why is this car moving in a straight line?!! What’s wrong?!!!”
Paris has stated that she will no longer “act dumb,” because that’s “not who I am.” She says she’s worried about all the young girls who view her as a role model.
Speaking of jail, if your daughter is using Paris Hilton as a role model, you probably belong in one.
Tonight, Paris will appear on Larry King, presumably not acting dumb. If you think you can keep me from watching that train wreck, you are mistaken. I’m clearing the calendar. I can’t wait to watch Larry – who is more than 300 years old – ask Paris if she got any girl-on-girl action in the joint. They have the whole hour together and he’s going to run out of innocent questions soon after “Did you enjoy jail?”
If you want to enhance your viewing pleasure, just imagine that Larry is furiously pleasuring himself under the desk as he interviews Paris. It will make the questions sound naughtier:
“So….Did you take showers with the other women?”
I kid, but I have to confess I like Paris. I’ve never heard a report of her being mean. She works when she doesn’t need to. She has a sense of humor. And she knows how to enjoy herself. That’s more than most people have to offer the world. And we’ve all done our share of boneheaded things. If you think about it objectively, her career depends on being fascinating to millions of people. She probably does that better than whatever-the-hell you’re doing and calling a career. I’m glad she’s out of jail so she can go back to the important work of entertaining me.
I'm down with your bad self: she does work when she doesn't have to, and she does seem to lack a sense of self-importance that I find insufferable in many of her "betters." She's famous for being famous, and rather than trying to fight that and become some kind of UN ambassador, she's buying couture and churning out questionable commercial ventures. That's America, baby!
Posted by: Elfie | June 28, 2007 at 01:12 PM
I see your point now and I agree with you. I can't imagine anyone holding up to that kind of scrutiny. I can't imagine the stress.
Posted by: B Nadkarni | June 28, 2007 at 07:21 AM
No, I don't live "in a pineapple under the sea", and no, I didn't know that bitch had been released. Only addle minded people care about shit like that.
Posted by: Skyy | June 28, 2007 at 05:26 AM
"Speaking of jail, if your daughter is using Paris Hilton as a role model, you probably belong in one."
The sad part? My dad works as a school teacher. One day he assigned his students to write about their heroes. Guess one of the major topics.
Posted by: Jessi | June 28, 2007 at 12:11 AM
I really liked the quote below:
"The quality of the US health care system is a shining example to the rest of the world. (Be honest. If you had a serious malady, and cost were no concern, where would YOU choose to go for treatment? To Cuba, where scientific and medical advances stopped with Castro's Revolution in 1959? Or maybe to Canada, where it can take eight weeks to even get in to see a specialist?)The quality of the US health care system is a shining example to the rest of the world. (Be honest. If you had a serious malady, and cost were no concern, where would YOU choose to go for treatment? To Cuba, where scientific and medical advances stopped with Castro's Revolution in 1959? Or maybe to Canada, where it can take eight weeks to even get in to see a specialist?)"
Especially this part: "If you had a serious malady, and cost were no concern........"
Just remember this when people use the word "If":
If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle.
Not that there's anything wrong with that......
http://boskolives.wordpress.com/
Posted by: jerry w. | June 27, 2007 at 03:51 PM
When I read your original post, I too thought less of you for a second, then realised that if I have all these terrible pre-concieved ideas about Paris Hilton, it is only because I too have bought into her marketing image.
In short, I think I'll stop having opinions about celebrities I don't know anything about. I avoid TV and tabloids for a reason... no need to remain caught up in having an opinion about the personality of a person I've only ever seen ACTING.
(ie. I don't hate her, nor do I like her. She's just another entertainer I don't watch)
-k.
Posted by: Kim | June 27, 2007 at 03:19 PM
I say jail her more for wasting people's time like email spammers.
Posted by: Al | June 27, 2007 at 10:55 AM
It's clear where your mind is.........
Please cleanup the drool and other body fluids when you're done.
Pretending to be stupid is not funny or entettaining unless we know that you aren't, Paris has not shown she has any wisdom.
You are just infatuated..... Don't worry, its natural.
Posted by: niCk(MemBeth) | June 27, 2007 at 10:19 AM
"I have to confess I like Paris. I’ve never heard a report of her being mean."
um, i saw her being mean to Bart Simpson.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz5pons_bzk
~C
Posted by: c4chaos | June 27, 2007 at 09:38 AM
Hello !
Well at least she can be a bad example. All this teenagers see that one can be rich like Dagobert Duck hence he/she will end in prison finally.
And that is very good, isn't it.
And thats how I see Paris' value for the world.
The rest of the discussion in the USA (and belive it or not here in germany) is as worthless as the direction indicator
on a Mercedes Benz. ;-)
greetings BergH
Posted by: BergH | June 27, 2007 at 06:58 AM
Everybody complains about Paris. Did anyone ever stop to think she's a friggin' marketing genius? Granted the only product is her visibility, but she does have everyone talking about her, AND anything connected to her get's the spotlight. You think she's rich now? Wait and see how much richer she's going to get!! Hell, she's already generating more cash flow from her antics alone than any of us we'll ever see!
Posted by: Zzyzxmo | June 27, 2007 at 06:15 AM
Funny, how random is Paris Hilton? I want to see this interview.
Mark Bowness
Posted by: Mark Bowness | June 27, 2007 at 06:14 AM
Not entertaining? You're being quite ridiculous. I'm 73 years old and I can still "bring it" better than Hilton.
*Grabs zimmerframe and starts breakdancing*
Oh shit, my heart...
Posted by: Zacariach Woodcock | June 27, 2007 at 05:50 AM
As I started to read your post, I was thinking to mysef "wow Scott is kind of a hater" You slightly redeemed yourself at the end of the post.
Posted by: doug | June 27, 2007 at 05:05 AM
al qaeda is finally in cartoons. hats off!
Posted by: sandy | June 27, 2007 at 04:31 AM
Has she dicovered the Lord whilst in confinement, or before? Have been living at the bottom of the Ocean...drown me!
Posted by: Michelle | June 27, 2007 at 03:25 AM
Maybe she has dicovered the Lord whilst in confinement?
Posted by: Michelle | June 27, 2007 at 03:19 AM
I think Paris Hilton is mad!!!
people usually become crazy when they have money...
Posted by: gatta rosa | June 27, 2007 at 03:12 AM
I snorted out loud at the opening line. That was a humourous way to start it. albeit she and her acts have been discussed to death.
I cant wait for the Larry Interview with her. And what she is going to reply. I hardly think a jail experience makes one really see the light.
Posted by: Karthick | June 27, 2007 at 02:14 AM
Today's cartoon: "C-4 spleen", "Al Qaeda", "gotta go"... ROTFL!!!!! :D
(Well, if we had more Paris Hiltons and less Al Qaeda freaks the World would be a better place, wouldn't it?..)
Posted by: Leonel | June 27, 2007 at 01:49 AM
Do you really like her or do you just say that to read how people agree with stupid comments?
She is mean (and I'm sure you know that), and she's a bad example, to boys and girls alike (I'm sure you know that too).
Enjoy Larry King though...
Posted by: Angel | June 27, 2007 at 01:42 AM
Hmmm....
"Paris has stated that she will no longer “act dumb,” because that’s “not who I am.”
I'll believe it when I see it.
Then again, if that happens, I don;t think I'll ever hear about her in the media again :-)
Posted by: Hemanth | June 27, 2007 at 01:32 AM
Every time i see Paris i can't help but notice how innocent (some mean people might use the word dumb) she is. I wish she would get into some charitable causes - she would do a lot of good to the needy.
Posted by: moreosa | June 27, 2007 at 01:32 AM
Primitive native tribesmen often treat idiots with awed reverence (I don't understand it, therefore it must be holy).
Civilized modern tribesmen treat geniuses with contempt: I don't understand it, therefore it must be stupid.
Everybody may take his pick of these scenarios regarding Paris Hilton, but neither choice is favorable.
Bertram
Posted by: Bertram | June 27, 2007 at 01:10 AM
After having read some of the comments, I still think most of the people really envy Ms. Hilton. Seriously, partying your Life away while still having huge amounts of funding is one of the comforts few of us can really afford (I have to write this post in my office while nobody watches my screen). It is hardly a waste of life if someone is just enjoying it. Sadly enough, that is nowadays only possible with money to support you.
And I fully agree that most of us probably do much much worse, and just not agreeing with her way of life sounds a lot like we would just once have liked to be invited to one of her parties...
Posted by: Thomas | June 27, 2007 at 01:04 AM