May 2008

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« No Sunday Post Today | Main | F.U.T.B. »


Bruce Harrison

Here's a "Hint From Heloise" that I give you at no charge in honor of your 50th. Good that delusion thing you mentioned in the Dilbert strip holds for you. But you may take comfort in the fact that as old as you get, I will always be older. Scant comfort, but what do you want for free?

OK, here's the hint: when the bar of soap gets used up to the point where it starts to become flexible, take out a new bar of soap and use it for your shower. Then, while its still wet, put the old, used bar of soap on top of the new one. Smooth down the edges so it seems like it's all one piece, then let it dry overnight. The next morning, it will have melded into a single bar, and you can use the whole thing.

It's sort of fun to get soap that has some kind of a name or something etched into it. Then, after the old soap on top begins to wear down, you can begin to see the name or whatever become visible again. This is similar, I'm sure, to the thrill archeologists feel when they crack open a rock to find the impression of some long-ago dead plant or something inside. At least it is for me.

In this way, you never waste your soap, and you never have to wash yourself with a soapy grain of rice. Now, someone may have already given this advice in a response to this post, but I'm not in the mood to read over 200 posts about showering just to ensure this is not redundant. So sue me.

Happy Birthday, and you're welcome. And, in honor again of your advanced age, I will not take this opportunity to bring up the fallacy of your position on anthropogenic global warming. You're welcome again.


Your first funny post in months. Keep them coming.


I suggest Crest, its good for cavaties.


open a new bar and stick the chicklet to one side. That way you can enjoy a new bar and not waste the chicklet as well. Have the cake and eat it also.. Just make sure that the free side faces you so the chicklet won't spoil the asthetics ..

Thiago Figueiro

Whenever my soap is dying I open a new bar after the shower and leave the old soap on top of the new one. That way they stick together and for a little while you have a giant bar of soap (and no waste at all).


While it is thoroughly entertaining to hear about your soap trama (no sacasm, I was honestly amused) you might be interested to know that if you take two bars of soap, wet each appropriately (to the point where the small piece gets all soft and stuff) you can achieve soap fusion (after they dry).

While this doesn't yield the same energy output as other types of fusion it does have the added benefit of having one bar of soap in the end. =) (I mean what are you honestly going to do with just 1 piece of hydrogen?)


"I came up with a soap design to solve this problem. It's got a slot in the new bar that you stuff the old bar into."

That's so completely unnecessary. Wet soap sticks together fantastically. See my earlier post. Just take the sliver while it's still wet and press it up against the depression in the new bar and let it dry that way. It is now effectively one big bar of soap.

Problem solved. Now get on with your life. :)


Masterful, Scott, simply masterful. Just when we start to think that you are at the very peak of your game, you surprise us with a new opus...

ah, these are the days...

the slow slide to odium and demensia may start someday, but that day is not today...


It's because there's a myth that French people don't bathe very often; the fact that France produces perfumes is used as corroborating evidence. (The perfume being used to cover the smell of the unwashed)

>English joke:
>Q: Where's the best place to hide a Frenchmans Christmas >present.
>A: Under the soap.
>No, I don't get it either.

Loser of guitar picks

I use up all of the soap on my special parts

Loser of guitar picks

I use up all of my soap on my special parts

Vali Dool

Its way unhealthy to take shower every day with soap, it kills your skin slowly by drying it. Use soap only every 2nd or 3rd time in shower. That way you stay as clean, but with wetter skin, you save enviroment by spending less soap and pouring to sink less whatever lil poisons are there in soap and last and most important - your soaps last double the time they last now!!!


I came up with a soap design to solve this problem. It's got a slot in the new bar that you stuff the old bar into. See it at


Okay, that was really funny. Trying hard not to picture what you were saying, but funny.

I've been there, except for me it was because I forgot to bring my liquid bodywash in from the other bathroom since I was using the walk-in shower. Shampoo did me just fine too. It's all soap, right?

Although I'm very aware this was meant as a silly post (To cover my back from other comenters who might think I'm taking this too seriously), I just wanted to point out a little fact about the soap.

When soap gets to a size that's maybe a 5th of the size of the origional bar it's completely coated in bacteria. I mean, sure it's soap..but if you think of how many times it's touched your dirty body, then sat in it's own dirty wetness untill it's can imagine the kind of growths on it. So, next time you're using the chiclet, I'd think you may end up getting cleaner with the toothpaste. ;)



My grandma used to take those flakes of leftover soaps and put them in an old nylon, and knot it near the hose. Then when she was finished gardening, she had soap to wash her hands before going into the house.

Her shower always had a big honking bar of soap in the soap tray.

I like Mysore Sandalwood soap. I put the chips into gauze and put them in my drawers, so my clothes smell good. :)


Reminds of the Seinfeld episode where Cramer was obsessed with living in the bathtub....

Scott, when that happens again do what I do - toss the little soap into the trash can across the room and see if you can hit it...then prance your glorious naked body out of the shower, wipe your feet on the mat (so you dont slippy and fall) and go get some soap...if it's in the other bathroom and your wife is home, you may even be detained awhile ;)


Wow, I can't believe people have so much to say about soap, toothpastes etc - did you here the one about the guy who tried to clean his teeth whilst having a shower - he missed his mouth and put the brush right through his eye - it's not a joke btw - he died.
There's a lesson about natural selection somewhere in there...


I thought myself unlucky because I had no shoes - then I met a man with no feet.

I was STILL unluckier than him because my feet were dirty from walking shoeless in the dirt and I had no soap to wash them with. He had no feet to wash, so his lack of soap didn't bother him.

Neal at

We bought three very classy liquid soap dispenser for our house. Three months later, they were all permanently blocked up with hard soap. Back to bars.


This world has gotten too complicated.

Have you ever tried to buy just "soap"? I have, and it's frustrating. Going through every brand looking at the label and/or ingredients:

This one has aloe
That one has Vitamin E
This one has Aloe AND Vitamin E
Forest Scented; Ylang Ylang extract; lavender infused; essence of Buddha; *flavor* crystals?!? (Good for parents, I guess)
I JUST want to buy SOAP! Not an amalgam of a neighborhood herbal remedy shop!

I found one brand, occupying one single space width on the shelf: Ivory.
Praise Be.

Can People stay sane in a world with *too many* choices?
Like the commercial says, It shouldn't take you longer to order an item than it takes to consume it.

Options are fine; Selection is great; but being inundated with products trying to be everything to everyone, they end up being nothing to anybody.

Coffee used to be Coffee. Now you can say at *least* four different discriptors before you get to the word 'Coffee'
"Gimme a low-cal, non-fat, iced, skim, sweetened, tall macchiato in a venti cup with no foam and a shot of espresso."
"Sure thing. You want some ground cinnamon in it, too?"
"Nah, just add a little hemlock to it. I need the rest."

I try to avoid giving people driving directions, because i can tell them 12 different ways to get where they're going. I KNOW it will only confuse them, but I want them to have all the info needed to make the best choice for themselves.
(Is that a non sequitur? I believe it may be.)

Anyways, who wants a Caffine Free Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke with Lime? I'm buyin'.


William Skyvington

I can sense that a forthcoming installment of this family saga is going to get messy. Scott is seated calmly on the throne of what Europeans call the WC, browsing through a printer's copy of his latest Dilbert publication, hot off the press [I'm referring to the publication, not Scott], when he suddenly realizes that his wife has apparently forgotten to replenish the Adams' stock of toilet paper. [Is that single apostrophe after "Adams" good enough?] What can he possibly do? Points will be awarded for imagination and originality.


I am barred from using soap. The Memsahib informs me that the residue is difficult to clean off the bath. I am, therefore, only allowed to use shower gel.

Shower gel must be carefully squeezed out of the tube in controlled quantities so that wastage does not occur. My shower now feels more like a chemistry experiment.

I miss my soap.


Loki: "i go for melding; get a new soap and push the old one into it until you create a super-soap.

either that or push it down the plughole with my big toe and go get a new one."

Maybe it's the literalist nerd in me, but the change of person here got me chuckling. Sounds like you'll soon be getting loki's sawn off big toe in the mail, Scott - see, your fans love you so much they will dismember themselves just to make your life a little easier.

Len Simmons

SnappyBob wants to drain the oil out of his wife's car and put the cans of new oil on the back seat for her, with notes saying where it should go. Try it. You'll get a call shortly afterwards. It'll be your wife. Telling you where the car stopped and what a strange noise it was making just before it stopped. And would you please come and get her.

As for soap - I have used shampoo (not soap) to shower with for as long as I can remember. Which might seem strange, as my hair is usually between 1 and 2 millimetres long - not much for lather. I even shave with the shampoo, under the shower. And I don't use a mirror to shave (I know where my face is).


I have occasionally wondered, if I ever became a multi-millionaire, if I would still use every last bit of a bar of soap, and leave the shampoo bottle upside down to get the last dregs out of that too. I guessed I probably would.

Scott, thanks, you have confirmed that suspicion!!

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