Minutia

One of the questions I get most often is "What is your day like?" There is no good answer to that question because it's always so different. Today I will log my work day, almost as it happens:

5:00 am, PST

Wake to BlackBerry alarm

Eat a banana

Check e-mail on BlackBerry. Schedule a conference call.

Walk to office, 47 seconds down the street, still wearing shorts I slept in

Take garbage cans out to street for pickup

Get Diet Coke from fridge. Take first swig.

Pet office cat Sarah

Approve blog comments

5:20 AM

Check Internet for headlines, just to see if any planes flew into any buildings last night

Begin this blog (normally takes 90 minutes to complete)

Cat is yelling at me for more attention. This will continue off and on all day

Open Photoshop. Call up blank comic strip form. Give it a date of 8/17, when it will run.

Open the comic already drawn for 8/16 to see if today I will draw a continuation of that thread or start a new one. I decide to start a new one.

Open Word file where I keep ideas sent to me via e-mail. Look for something interesting.

Notice a sticky note on my desk to check a web site for a potential business deal. I check it. I send an e-mail to United Media with my comments.

5:30 AM

Back to looking at the submitted ideas. Time to make a comic.

5:45 AM

I decide on an idea. It involves the conflicting goals of reducing overtime and also doing more work. This will involve Carol the secretary (the only hourly employee in the strip) and the pointy-haired boss. I start to draw them. I'll figure out what they say later.

[I draw directly to the computer using a Wacom 21SX computer screen that allows me to draw on it as if it were paper, using a stylus.]

5:52 AM

First panel drawn. Boss and Carol are in conference room. I need to write the boss's line. He will set the scene.

Too hungry to think. Grab a protein bar and another Diet Coke.

Approve blog comments while eating protein bar (Clif Builder's, 20g protein). I have to approve the first comments quickly so I don't get a thousand comments saying "first comment!"

Back to working on the comic.

Cat is literally screaming at me for attention and sitting on some Japanese tax forms I have on the floor to remind me to mail them. I decide to drug her with catnip.

It's working. Hmm, cat on drugs. Maybe my comic can use that today. The boss might hire a beaver on speed to help Carol get more work done in fewer hours.

Can't say "speed" in the comic. I use Google to find out what's in Sudafed. That stuff gets me cranking. It's pseudoephedrine, I learn. Can I say that in a comic?

6:10 AM

I decide to go with "beaver on decongestants."

6:18 AM

I draw the second panel, including the nervous-looking beaver. I love the beaver. I hate the word "decongestants." Readers won't make the connection to speed quickly enough. Caffeine is too obvious. Red Bull is a product, so I avoid those. Energy drink is too generic sounding.

6:22 AM

I check blog comments to see if people think this idea sucks. I approve some more comments. It helps to take my mind off the comic dialog every few minutes so when I look at it again I see it fresh. Back to the comic...

6:25 AM

I draw a coffee cup in the nervous beaver's paw. I write "coffee swilling beaver." I Google "swilling" to see if a better word comes up. I get "guzzling." Not sure that's an improvement. I'll draw the third panel and get back to it...

6:45 AM

Distracted by incoming e-mail about my restaurant business. I answer it. Back to the comic.

I rewrite the first panel so now it's about the boss noticing he is giving Carol way too much work. So he hires a coffee swilling beaver to show her how to work faster.

6:50 AM

The third panel is drawn. Carol is in her low-walled cube, the beaver behind her. One of them needs to say something. Thinking....

Using my 2-of-6 rule for humor,  I already have three elements. It's recognizable (being overworked and not supported by your boss) and it's bizarre (a coffee swilling beaver). And the beaver is cute. Something naughty or cruel or clever would round it out nicely.

Maybe the beaver says, "You can save a lot of time by not wearing pants." No...

7:00 AM

I decide to go with this for my third panel (I can't show you the whole comic because newspaper clients have a contractual first right)

It's a first draft. Some time in the future I will clean up the art and finish it. I do my rough work in the morning when my brain works best.

7:10 AM

Time to start my second comic.

First I check my blog hit count and stats to see if anyone is reading this entry. 12,000 hits so far today. And the stats tell me that a lot of hits are coming from reddit.com. That means someone submitted it to their list of interesting web sites to check. That drives a lot of traffic.

Back to the comic. Do I do another day with the beaver or go another direction? Thinking....

Approved some more blog comments. Noticed a few people saying today's Dilbert is extra funny. Checked dilbert.com to see which one that was. I'm always surprised at which ones capture people's amusement.

Enough stalling. Beaver or no beaver? Back to the comic...thinking...

Bathroom break

Beaver dialog forms in my head on way back to desk. Not sure where it came from.

7:30 AM

Interrupted by incoming e-mail from United Media confirming conference call for 10:30 AM to talk about the Dilbert movie negotiations.

Back to the comic...

I label the first panel "Coffee Swilling Beaver" to show it's a continuation strip.

I draw Dilbert at his desk. It doesn't matter who the beaver will be talking to, and people like to see Dilbert more often than the other characters.

First line from beaver, "If a tree falls in the forest, and no one hears it..."

7:40 AM

Second panel, beaver says, "I'd still chew the bejeezus out of it because I have no impulse control." The word "bejeezus" is funny, but will give the foreign translators an ulcer. I try not to do that too often.

I approve some blog comments while thinking what angle to draw the beaver and Dilbert in the second frame.

8:15 AM

I finished the third panel. Here it is in rough form.

Some people will complain that it's not "officey" enough and too random with a talking beaver. Sometimes it's good to break from the usual, as long as I don't do it for too many strips in a row.

8:20 AM

Reviewed a license proposal that arrived by fax, for a Dilbert themed Soduko book. I approve it without knowing the details. United Media already vetted it and we do a lot of work with this publisher. If they think someone will buy it, that's fine with me.

Faxed back my approval.

E-mail my restaurant partner to schedule a meeting for later today.

Get another Diet Coke

Take 1000 mg of magnesium supplement. (I read on some unreliable web site that people don't get enough. The day I took my first magnesium supplements it solved 10 years of continuous sore knee problems. Might be a coincidence, but magnesium is suggested to reduce swelling.  Don't take as much as I do. That's way over the recommended dose. Don't get medical advice from cartoonists.)

Answered e-mail from my real estate broker regarding some property I'm trying to sell.

Approved more blog comment. Noticed lots of people asking about the movie. Here's the scoop...

We agreed on a movie deal with Warner Brothers over a year ago. Since then we have been trying to penetrate the bureaucracy at the studio to finalize the contract details. In an ironic Dilbert twist, the lawyers at Warner who are authorized to speak with us are apparently not willing or able to speak with anyone in their own company who can make the kind of decisions needed to finalize the contract. Our current projected timeline for penetrating their bureaucracy is infinity. I don't expect the deal to be completed.

9:15 AM

Answered an e-mail about my book, God's Debris, and some interest in a movie deal for it. Movie deals are always long shots, but worth looking into.

Answered e-mail about designing a new Dilbert logo. We need a catch phrase. I suggested one.

Pet cat

Took Longvinex capsule, a wine extract that will make me nearly immortal if it works. Google it. I know it's unproven. But the expected value calculation makes it attractive if you can afford it. Is it a 1% chance of living for another 50 years and feeling great the whole time? Who knows? Worth a shot.

Took a work break

10:00 AM

Working on writing jokes for my restaurant menu. Each item includes a witticism about the dish. We're adding some items.

Interrupted by more e-mail about God's Debris and movie or mini series options

10:30 AM

Phone call with president of United Media about Dilbert movie contract situation.

Still writing jokes for the menu. Can't think of anything for rib eye steak.

Nailed the rib eye joke. Sent off the menu.

Heading back to the house for a shower. Then lunch.

Then meeting at the restaurant.

Tennis at 2 pm if it gets confirmed. My opponent is eleven. I figure I have one more year before he kicks my ass. (His dad is a pro.)

Signing off until later...

3:30 PM

Home from tennis. Had a snack and another Diet Coke.

Shower

Waiting to go next door for a barbecue

5:15 PM

I'll end here, telling you in advance I'll be having a good time with fun neighbors and friends and getting to bed around 11 PM.

Thanks for reading this far.

The End

Comments

[CmdrSue]

"Grilled Rib Eye…12 oz rib eye served with a wild mushroom demi, stacked russet potatoes, grilled asparagus and radicchio (Rib Eye…stacked potatoes…this is the only dish that can get in trouble for staring at itself.)"

Heh-heh. Cute.

But I think my favorite was "Ahi is similar to Aha, but less enlightened and more delicious."

[Kristina L.]

You only petted your kitty 3 times? Doesn't seem like enough. My kitties, Rachael and Iris, would complain about that, I think. Then agin, they probably don't get up that early. :)

[black spot]

Real wine is a lot more fun than Longvinex. I’ll have to fish out the newspaper story where a French doctor was horrified that a man was ashamed to omit that he only drank half a bottle of wine a day. When, on doctor’s orders upped it a whole bottle, he was never ill again.

I’m totally jealous of your day. My best work is always done first thing in the morning and it seems a waste keeping me on after lunch. Of the seven and half hours I’m contracted to work each day, I reckon they only get an hour’s worth. I still do the same amount of work as everyone else, but in a concentrated form in the morning.

Eat more bananas. They contain loads of magnesium, and they are an amusing fruit/herb. I like the beaver. He should open a coffee shop in the office for himself.

[Dave Wiley]

> Took Longvinex capsule, a wine extract that will make
> me nearly immortal if it works. Google it. I know it's
> unproven. But the expected value calculation makes it
> attractive if you can afford it. Is it a 1% chance of
> living for another 50 years and feeling great the whole
> time? Who knows? Worth a shot.

What if there's a 2% chance it will make your testicles grow teeth and gnaw their way through your heart?

[Jan]

Maybe Scott has invested in Warren Buffett's fund, the Berkshire Hathaway, and is trying to make us buy more Coke?

Warren Buffett's coke joke:
"Mr. Buffett answered questions and enlightened us with his wisdom. He launched into the session, cherry coke in hand, stating how happy he was to be a 12% owner of Coca-Cola. “I want to encourage everyone here to drink as much Coke as you want, even if you don’t drink it, just open it. As we get the profits from every eighth can sold”, said amidst the laughter from the crowd."

[kwietman]

Just so you know, caffeine is the most potent nonprescription direct cerebral stimulant available, but the quantities needed to create the kind of effect you (and, for instance, the military) are looking for would require a catheter to keep your bladder from exploding. One alternative is Provigil, although I don't know if anyone would know what that is without having wikipedia available. Damn old media people...

[Nick]

You drink too much Diet Pepsi, that stuff frys your nervous system ! I used to drink it like you and used to get all sorts of nervous problems, so much so that I was wrongly diagnosed as having early MS !! Stopped drinking the Pepsi and the symptoms have all gone now. Apparently there are some studies that suggest it was Pepsi (and coke btw) left out in the sun so it boiled then fed to soldiers in the first Gulf war that caused Gulf War Syndrome !! something about breaking down into formaldehyde which is embalming fluid.

[Liron]

What did you do between 10:30am and 2pm?

[Christoph Jenkins]

Haha. I have about that many Diet Coke's a day too.

And for all the people who need to Google your Longevinex supplement, you spelled it wrong, forgetting to add the 'e' in the middle.

[Bruno Berthold]

I'm still wondering why I refreshed this page upteen times to see what new thing you had done in your day. I shouldn't care, but I do. I blame the terrorists.

[chandan]

I suggest some "Exercise" instead of "Longvinex" and some "Green Tea" instead of "Diet Coke".

[Trotta]

So who won the tennis game? :D

[bob]

You only get six hours of sleep?!?

I tried that last week. It doesn't work for me.

[Avocet]

Isn't it awkward being on Standard Time when the rest of California is on Daylight Saving Time?

[Noah]

It sure does sound like a lot of your time is spent on your blog. Why is it worth such an investment?

[Cryptofreq]

Thanks for the diary of your day! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and look forward to seeing your movie. I have the dilbert box set of the tv series and its totally awesome!! It should never have been cancelled. I hope it reappears on tv sometime soon.

Keep up the awesome work!

Carl

[Yoli]

Scott- what happend to the link to your dilbertblog on comics.com? Now I have to search for it elsewhere.

Many people spell words wrong. They should check their spelling before they post.

[Colin]

wow, 0 computer games or TV. Is this a normal day?

[Todd]

note to self--Scott Adams doesn't read the details--call United Media CEO and convince him to put fine print about being Bill Gates' towel boy for life in the next book deal license "just to see if he notices".

[jerry w.]

I noticed that you chose not to give the results for the tennis game with the 11 year old, run out of time on the blog?

From personal experience with Warner Bros. lawyers, I can't say that they are lying weasel bastards (they "might" respond in court), but then again, I can't say they aren't.

I can say, I hope you took the advice about soap on a rope from columns past.

YMMV

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Ewan]

>Well, at least you're not alone in drinking Diet Coke
>early in the morning. I think of it this way...it's
>caffeine and sugar. Two components in most people's
>coffee. But...yes...Diet Coke. The stuff is seriously
>addicting!

>Posted by: Kat

Sorry to burst your bubble, but there's no sugar in Diet Coke. And it's addictive, not addicting. How can you be an adult and not know the word addictive? Gaaaaaaaaah!

[Calvin Spealman]

I put in my vote that you get a twitter account.

[Mark]

You didn't mention the outcome of the tennis game? Did the 11 year old beat you a year early?

I read once that 30% of us use Diet Coke in the morning in lieu of coffee.

[Håvard Pedersen]

That should be LongEvinex. It helps to know when Googling. ;) Or you can read about the actual stuff in it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resveratrol

[Quartz]

Oh well, ok, forget it :)