Powerball

When I saw the headline “Oklahoma couple claims $105.8M Powerball prize” I wondered about the age and profession of the husband. I also wondered if he would keep his job. And by “wondered” I mean I already knew it would be an older guy in a blue collar job who plans to keep working. Isn’t it always?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11669215/

I don’t want to accuse the Powerball people of fixing these lotteries. But I notice that the people who win are coincidentally the people who would be best for marketing future Powerball lotteries. You know what story you will never hear about a lottery winner? It’s this one:

“Wealthy bachelor neurosurgeon, age 30, wins $300 million in the lottery. The lucky winner, Winston Arbuckle III, says he plans to “Buy another yacht, smoke more weed, and float around the Mediterranean until I die from the clap.” Asked about his neurosurgery practice, Arbuckle quipped, “I never liked sick people.”

No, you will only hear stories about the modest couple with the hard-working husband, usually in his late fifties or early sixties. They will be “thinking about” getting a nicer house. In this latest lottery story, the husband is a long-haul trucker whose truck has recently crapped out. He plans to buy a new (used) truck and keep working. He says there’s only so much time you can spend fishing.

That’s his story. And I believe it. But I can’t help wondering if he had any thoughts along these lines:

“Holy shit. I don’t want to spend more time with my wife. What am I going to do? I know, I’ll say I’m going to keep working. That will make me look like a great guy. But I’ll hire a chauffeur to drive the truck for me. I’ll trick out the trailer part with a beer tap, big screen TV and a sofa. And I’ll only pretend to be transporting air conditioners. I’ll just tell Jeeves to drive me around the country while I sit in the back eating onion rings and farting into the couch. We’ll only stop to refuel and pick up prostitutes. YEE-HAAA!!!”

Did I just accidentally write a script for the next Adam Sandler movie?

Comments

[Angela S.]

I'm not at all ashamed to say I'd give the bird to my job, buy a large house with some land, and spend a year doing absofuckinglutely nothing.

Of course there's the obligatory pay off our debt, buy both sets of parents a house (or pay off the property they own, depending on which parent you're talking about), and start college funds for the nieces and nephews.

I'd also spend a lot of energy fending off long-lost relatives that will crawl out of nowhere.

Otherwise I plan to Lord over my winnings.

If I ever won, that is. But since I only buy one single ticket (if you're going to win, you're going to win - so that 9th ticket isn't going to make a difference) every few months, I doubt I'll ever win. But sometimes it's nice to dream about winning millions.

[Suchint]

tell u what scott... why dont u give me a couple of million... then Í ACTUALLY WILL sit back and do nothing for the rest of my life.. do we have a deal??? :)

[simom]

"Well, the wealthy bachelor neurosurgeon isn't likely to be spending much money on lottery tickets, because he has less incentive. He's doing all right as he is, and he knows the odds say he won't win, so why bother playing? The sort of people who are likely to play are the sort of people who are (relatively) more likely to win."

100% wsrong .... the Queen (Elisabeth) loves a flutter on the horses (she once won 20 ukp on a sweepstake) and shes not short of a bob or two

[simom]

"Did I just accidentally write a script for the next Adam Sandler movie?" I think they'll all written by accident. Execpt "watarboy" I doubt wheather that was written at all

[Jordan]

Already rich and successful people don't normally buy lottery tickets. And I have read at least one story in the news about a guy who won the jackpot and has spent the years since getting arrested for various traffic offenses and generally being a dick to everyone in his hometown. He usually gets fined, laughs at it and walks out to do the same thing again.

[Scott Yates]

I wrote a story once about an 83-year-old guy who won $1 million, I think. He had to choose when he got the ticket if he wanted a lump sum, or an annuity payment once a year for 20 years. He took the annuity.

I tell myself it was optimism, not lack of familiarity with math, but who knows.

[synapticmisfires]

Haha, I like the debauchery trailer idea. However, I think the reason that only adorable poor people play the lottery is that they are the ones who are too dumb to know better. Anyone cynical and/or wealthy isn't playing the lottery.

[Toph]

Well, the wealthy bachelor neurosurgeon isn't likely to be spending much money on lottery tickets, because he has less incentive. He's doing all right as he is, and he knows the odds say he won't win, so why bother playing? The sort of people who are likely to play are the sort of people who are (relatively) more likely to win.

[WCE]

You've overlooked the real motivation behind people staying on at their jobs after winning the lottery.

It's so that they can get back at their bosses and rub their least-favorite coworkers' noses in it on a daily basis from then on.

Whenever the boss tries to chew him out, he can sit there and laugh in his face, and say "So Fire Me! See if I care, Pinhead!" Whenever a coworker carps about him not doing his job right, he gets to laugh in his face, and say "Who cares!?!"

Maybe they'll stay at their current jobs for a while, but that doesn't mean they're going to continue *working* there.

[David Bain]

A bloke suddenly jumps up and shouts "I've won the lottery - pack a suitcase".
His wife says "Should I pack for cold weather or for hot weather?"
The bloke says "I'm not bothered - just fuck off".
I suppose you had to be there . . .

[Billy B]

I don't like to think what a lot of money may do to me. Not much I hope as I like me the way I am.

I'm retired but if I had won a large amount when I was working you can bet your bippy that I would quit my job. Have a large shop made, buy more equipment, and get on with some of my inventions for alternate energy.
Billy B

[John Woodward]

In the book THE LOOMING TOWER, which is currently on the bookshelves in most stores, the author tells of an Al Queda terrorist who defected to the US and received over $1 million dollars in cash for his trouble. While living in the Witness Protection program he won millions more in the New Jersey Lottery. OUCH. (With that kind of money, let him buy his own $@%#%$ Witness Protection from now on, I say.) I wish I could look up his name, the page numbers in the book, etc., but my copy is packed up in storage -- we're RENOVATING. (God punishes you for coveting a better house by letting you renovate.)

[canajian]

No big winners of millions can afford to continue the day job. Looking after millions is a lot of work, and worries, if you still want more. The only way they can have the money and enjoy it too is to put all of them in treasury bills or something secure like that, and live off on may be 70% of the interest (so that your interest income will grow with inflation).

[Richard Schwartz]

New Hampshire Senator Judd Gregg wasn't the "big winner" but he did win $850,000 in Powerball.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/10/20/judd.lottery/

Many of us were hoping that he would quit his job, but he didn't.

[Terri]

Why is everyone so freaking serious . . . This is Dilbert after all! I love this blog. Scott throws hand grenades into the crowd and watches the explosion.

I agree 100% with the 'go on working' thing. What a crock. The meat-packing crew who split the mondo-bucks jackpot said they would keep working until the plant could hire their replacements because it wouldn't be fair to their co-workers to have an entire shift suddenly quit. I'm sure the schmucks who laughed at their lottery pool really appreciated that.

However, I love the 'white trash get rich' tales of lottery winners. Those who buy the biggest McMansion they can find and fill it with leopard print furniture and chrome-plated animal statuary. One of my extended family members became suddenly wealthy when the state decided their farm was a good place to build a major freeway. One room of the new house was decorated in Egyptian-modern, another sported foil wallpaper with large pastel polka dots. They kept a mountain lion chained in a compartment inside the chimney. Gotta love it! You can't make that kind of stuff up!

As for myself, I would turn our family business into a powerhouse by hiring lots of folks to do the work while I schemed and traveled. Our biz is also involved in a lawsuit that I have to handle myself because of finances. I'd go to the highest power attorney I could find, hand them a huge retainer and sic em on our opposition.

How about a series of dream sequence strips where the gang each daydreams about what they would do if they won the lottery. Alice hires someone to unleash the fist of death on those who deserve it while well-oiled minions peel grapes for her. Wall has a never-ending cup of coffee hard-piped to his recliner. Dilbert can finally out gadget anyone who dares challenge him. Dogbert buys the world and serves everyone with an eviction notice . . .

Keep on rockin!

[Chrisgiraffe's alter ego]

I love it when someone wins the lottery. The dumber the winner the better. It goes to show how much in life is dumb luck. Most people, smart and dumb, will never earn that kind of money. It's an absurd amount. Common logic says that rich, down to earth people are so because they earned it. No one earns it. You're either lucky in some endeavor or not. Even an aspiring brain surgeon can run into bad luck that puts them in the poor house. Anyone who argues against luck probably hasn't taken a moment to compare themselves with German babies born to Jewish families in the 1930's or practically anyone born to a family in Haiti.

As for the winner of this one, he's like most of society- Pavlovian response in auto-drive indefinitely. People are programmed to work work work or else they will go broke and die. They can't imagine the luxuries doctors and other upper-class people can enjoy in their free time- or at least that's how I percieve an answer like, "I'm going to keep driving my rig until the wheel's fall off then I'm going to go to the Salvation Army and pick up some more wheel's at a discount".

As for me, I play the lottery every week. I only play a dollar per game. I know the odds are staggeringly against me, but sometimes that's life. As with most opportunities in life, you may be uncertain whether you will win or not but you can be certain you never will if you never try. For $8 a month, I'm willing to take a chance on dumb luck- I figure the odds of winning are probably better than expecting to see a dime of Social Security.

[delvinj]

Take a look at Rep. James Sensenbrenner, jr. (r-wi). Already worth 10 million in 1998, then he won 250,000$ on a lottery ticket.

[Jake]

Sometimes, the poor guy was just really lucky. For example, this guy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeAHzKrrYUI ). While shooting a re-enactment of how he won a car as a scratch-off prize, he bought another ticket and won $250,000.

[Misanthropic Scott]

The reason the winners are not seriously rich is that seriously rich people are less likely to throw their money away on false hope of riches they already have. Lotto is not only a tax on the statistically challenged, it is a REGRESSIVE tax on the statistically challenged. I'm sure that somewhere in the 72.4% of all statistics that are made up on the spot, there is one that negatively correlates wealth and lotto purchases.

[Dave Webb]

I think the reason lottery winners all seem to be of a certain type is that the "smarter" people who win probably decline the option of publicity, since they realise that 1,000s of begging letters and a vastly increased chance of being burgled aren't a good thing.

[Ryan Nees]

I don't know about that, Scott:

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Sen. Judd Gregg won $853,492 from the Powerball lottery after matching five of six numbers in Wednesday's drawing, adding to his already sizable wealth.
...
His latest filing, which documents his financial records for the calendar year of 2004, shows that Gregg has assets between $2,697,000 and $9,430,000, mostly in an extensive stock and real estate portfolio.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/10/20/judd.lottery/

[squigs]

Do these people keep to their promise that the money won't change them? Has anyone ever done a followup?

I remember a bus driver who was pretty adamant that it would change him but he did put in one last day of work because he didn't want to let anyone down, which was nice of him. He didn't bother collecting fares though.

Only vaguely relevent but it's a story that makes me happy so I thought I'd share.

[Marcel Migchelsen]

In adition to DWH's comment
(The odds favor the type of person who is inclined to buy a lottery ticket. Perhaps more educated people have a better recognition of the odds and stay away. Perhaps people inclined to gamble are people who can't afford it. It's always bothered me that lotteries are essentially an extra tax on the less-well-educated. (Yes, there are exceptions).)

There are far more poor people around than rich people. So even if more educated (and better paid) people would buy as many lottery tickets each as poorer people the chances of a 'poor' winner are much higher.
(Sorry for spelling mistakes, I'm from Holland)

[John S]

Why can't this be a dilbert movie plot? Only somehow bring him back to square 1.

[Richard]

http://www.bullshitnews.co.uk/lottomoron.html
That's the way to blow your lottery millions. . .