Just when I was losing all faith in our elected leaders, a little ray of sunshine caught my attention. Florida Representative Bob Allen was arrested for allegedly offering one of his constituents $20 and a blow job. Unfortunately for Bob, that constituent happened to be an undercover cop in a public restroom, so Bob got arrested.
http://www.tallahassee.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070711/CAPITOLNEWS/70711023
My initial reaction to this story was BEST…ELECTED OFFICIAL…EVER. Generally, after we elect a politician, he takes our money and gives it to people we don’t even like. Bob Allen got it right. He’s willing to give his voters $20 apiece and service them orally. He cares.
Some of you might not want to accept the non-cash component of Bob’s offer. But still, you have to appreciate his attitude. They say all politics is local, and Bob takes it to the next level, i.e. inside your pants. I think I found my new preferred candidate for president.
I can imagine Bob Allen negotiating with Korean leader Kim Jung Il:
Bob: Would you stop building nuclear bombs, please?
Kim: What’s in it for me?
Bob: Well, for starters, this twenty-dollar bill…
Blow Job? I'm In!
$20 bucks? What the hell.
Public restroom? sketchy, but sure.
By a Politican? No freakin way!
Posted by: LA Clay | July 13, 2007 at 08:45 AM
HAH!! Laugh-out-loud funny two days in a row. He'd be such a great president, they'd have to add another white granite memorial in DC - can you imagine what the sculpture inside would look like?
"Mommy? Why is that statue praying to that other statue's tummy?"
Posted by: mjc jr | July 13, 2007 at 08:40 AM
Shouldn't the Article title be change to "Gives it"?
Just a thought
Posted by: Frick | July 13, 2007 at 08:36 AM
Hi Scott,
I think you misinterpreted the story. I think Bob allegedly wanted to be paid $20 the deed. That doesn't pass the sniff test either. I know people do stupid things like pay others to abuse them, but I suspect Bob said "twenty bucks for a blowjob". What he meant was that he would pay $20 for a blowjob. That's why he said it was all a misunderstanding.
-HAL
Posted by: HALiverpool | July 13, 2007 at 08:35 AM
"He wanted the 20 bucks. What did he need $20 for in a park ?"
to get a blowjob. what else.
Posted by: G | July 13, 2007 at 08:33 AM
Quote
"Minutes later, he solicited an undercover male officer inside the restroom, offering to perform oral sex for $20."
I don't get how you read this as the offer being I will blow you and give you $20.
Posted by: AC | July 13, 2007 at 08:31 AM
Lock him in a room with Nancy Pelosi.
Posted by: Jon | July 13, 2007 at 08:21 AM
he just keeps giving and giving... bless his heart
Posted by: miriam | July 13, 2007 at 08:20 AM
It's too bad Bob Allen isn't more original:
http://www.nee-antwerpen.be/index-eng.htm
Posted by: mith | July 13, 2007 at 08:18 AM
Quick send Bill Clinton and Jesse jackson to counsel him in his time of need. That is if you assume that they can grasp the concept of someone other than the taxpayer or contributor to a charity paying for their sex.
How little we know about who "they" dedice to run for office.
Posted by: Jay | July 13, 2007 at 08:15 AM
I have never understood why something like this is illegal, but porkbarreling is not.
Posted by: Sean | July 13, 2007 at 08:15 AM
What’s the big deal? A lot of politicians have special interests. He was just stumping his constituency.
Posted by: Mokkery | July 13, 2007 at 08:11 AM
I'm gueesing it'd be an amazing physical experience to get a blow job from Bob...well worth $20!
Long-time politicians afterall, can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch, what with all those years of practice sucking-up and kissing ass.
Posted by: Jamey | July 13, 2007 at 08:08 AM
I must be retarded...
I can't even understand why prostitution should be illegal.
In most countries, lots of money mean lots of girls!
... or guys, if that's what you prefer.
Posted by: Pete | July 13, 2007 at 08:08 AM
obligitory Sopranos quote:
"what, you mean Vito was CATCHING, not PITCHING? HEY! OHH!" :D
Posted by: jakesdad | July 13, 2007 at 08:08 AM
I feel sorry for his teenage daughter. "HEY, I hear your family is in the business, I have $20, meet me back of the football stadium after class."
Posted by: Mary Wu | July 13, 2007 at 08:05 AM
wow.. gives new meaning to the following quote from Allen (in the article):
"With you behind me," he continued, "I will continue to stand up against special interests and lobbyists who are backing my opponents and want your legislator to do their bidding instead of representing you."
I'd rather be behind him than in front of him, especially when he's standing up against anything. And what does he mean, exactly, when he says that lobbyists are backing his opponents? Or when he refers to legislators "doing their bidding"?
From this point forward, I vow to interpret everything a politician says as sexual innuendo. In fact, I vote that we have a contest to see who can find the best quote from a politician which, taken in another way, would imply something sexual.
Posted by: Joe | July 13, 2007 at 08:04 AM
That shit is so fucking funny! I apologize for the language, but it's the only way I can convey how uproariously funny that joke was. What a build up!
Posted by: Sir Mike Tallon | July 13, 2007 at 08:04 AM
You have to remember, America was founded by Puritans, people who thought that Europe was not strict enough. They are still preaching to save sex for marriage, they teach abstinence instead of safe sex, you are a repressed group of people. It is viewed that anyone who strays from that, is morally corrupt. Unfortunately, these religious nuts (and there are a lot of them), that believe everyone should be chaste, are not the norm. People are naturally curious and want to try new things, some want to be spanked, some like being poked in the ass, and some like being tied up. None of those are my cup of tea, but it's about respecting other people's beliefs, desires, etc. and learn to relax a little. These pent up sexual frustrations build until they explode, like anger and stress, and people need to have outlets. So legalize prostitution, license them, tax them, make them see doctors monthly, and provide a safe place for them and their clients, it would be a great source of revenue.
Although, you may be looking at the story all wrong. Was he offering $20 to give a blowjob, or to receive one? Was he strapped for cash for some reason, or was his wife just not putting out at home? I guess we should be thankful that he didn't approach his teenage daughter first...
Posted by: DF | July 13, 2007 at 08:03 AM
Legalise prostitution!
Posted by: Marxist | July 13, 2007 at 08:00 AM
I've just noticed: Comments in reverse chronological order? That's so wrong - you've just messed with my head. (As the politician said to the police officer).
Posted by: Bez | July 13, 2007 at 07:55 AM
No no. Scott had it right. He wanted to give the guy 20 for the privilege. You know Foley toured my office right before his scandal broke. Now this guy. I really need to move.
Posted by: landowner75 | July 13, 2007 at 07:50 AM
Looks like Scott needs to read the articles more closely and those that comment need to actually read the article linked in the blog.
Posted by: AC | July 13, 2007 at 07:47 AM
Well I'm quite annoyed by this. You're an undercover police officer, happily stood in the gents loo, spending tax payers money by noting down all the "for a good time call............." numbers when a Republican comes in, offers to yummy down on it, which is bad enough. But he wants to charge you to do it?
Did the cop look like he wanted to have his flute played, or was Bobby just trying his luck?
If Bob just wanted to taste the King Salmon then why charge? Was it to make him seem more proffessional, like a hypnotist?
If there's no recording, then maybe the cop made the first move?
Another question that needs answering - did the cop arrest him before, after..............or during?
Posted by: Craig Masson | July 13, 2007 at 07:43 AM
Read the article more closely. Bob was offering the blowjob in exchange for $20, not in addition to.
What this tells me is that Florida state representatives are way underpaid. I mean, what if someone offered him money to introduce a bill? Surely if he's willing to offer reasonably-priced oral pleasure, a minor bit of legislative assistance can't be that much more expensive.
I can just imagine it coming down to a price war between him and a fellow representative.
Rep X: "Ok, I'll help change the state laws to allow you to build on currently protected wetlands. I'm very reasonable too. Just $5000 and I'll be your man on the inside."
Bob: "Pah! I'll do it for $4000, and for an extra $20 I'll make extra sure you're satisfied."
Posted by: Mason | July 13, 2007 at 07:38 AM