I was watching a top political consultant on TV the other day. His head sported two tufts of over-achieving dryer lint above each ear, loosely connected by a few desperate strands across his bald-pated tundra. It looked like the top part of a bad Halloween mask. His job is to advise future presidents of the United States while being unaware of what’s happening atop his own head.
This leads me to the story of presidential hopeful John Edwards and his $400 haircut. In the interest of equal time, let’s throw in Mitt Romney’s recently reported $300 haircut. Apparently the reason these haircuts are “news” is that rich men might be out of touch with the common person’s issues.
I have a different take.
First, you can’t complain about $400 haircuts and also complain that the rich don’t pay enough taxes. The people who cut hair and mow lawns have taken matters into their own hands. Something tells me that when Mitt Romney buys a cup of coffee and a doughnut at the local diner, it costs him $900.
Second, what’s wrong with being out of touch with the common person’s issues? If our president had all the problems the common people do, he’d be so busy itching and crying that he’d have no time to run the country. All things being equal, I prefer a president who has read an article about leprosy but doesn’t have it.
Third, anyone who can’t afford a $400 haircut doesn’t get my vote. While it’s theoretically possible that the guy working the French fry station at Burger World would make the best president ever, it’s not a chance I’m willing to take. That guy has a lot of explaining to do. No, I want a president who is so rich he can pay $400 for a haircut and pay another $300 to the pedicurist to fluff him while he’s there. I want a president who knows how to make money and isn’t afraid to use it.
Fourth, any candidate that doesn’t understand the importance of good hair is too dumb to lead the country. Just because Fred Thompson can pay $8 to get his head Turtle Waxed, that doesn’t make him presidential material. The men and women of this country have just two questions of our potential leaders:
Men: “Would I want to be him?”
Women: “Would I do him?”
A good head of hair goes a long way toward answering both of those questions.
Edwards has my vote- 'cause I'd simply love to do him. :) But I won't go there since he's married and all...sha!
Posted by: jane | July 19, 2007 at 05:43 AM
I think Scott just secretly wants a fluffer himself, he is mentioning them a lot lately...
Posted by: DF | July 19, 2007 at 05:37 AM
... and you missed Silvio Berlusconi's hair transplant a few years ago! The amount of the surgical operation is a national secret... obviously paid with our taxes...
Posted by: Anna from italy (... no more in capital letters...) | July 19, 2007 at 05:34 AM
How about a good wig? It worked for Washington.
Posted by: Bsquared | July 19, 2007 at 05:34 AM
What do you mean you can't complain about $400 haircuts and that the rich don't pay enough taxes.....you've done both the the past week.
Most liberals think people can't remember what they've heard just a few months ago.....dude, you think we forget what you've talked about a few days ago......
c'mon....give me a break.....
Posted by: spike17 | July 19, 2007 at 05:29 AM
First: I am not rich. I make a wage that is about at national average.
>>Rich people most likely get rich making other people poor, one way or the other.
Narrow thinking. The American Economy is NOT a zero-sum game. New wealth is created hourly. And I don't mean because the f---ing Fed prints more. I mean that new technological vistas and new ideas create jobs and opportunity. If wealth WERE a zero-sum game, the wealthy would have you eating cardboard every night and thinking it better than the alternative.
>>Why would a politician work on solving problems like the unfair distribution of wealth when the solution would lose him money?
See above response, but sometimes, yes. It can easily serve a legislator's best-interests to help a company maintain a monopoly, for instance.
>>He's doing fine as it is, he can afford a $400 haircut, for Christ sake!
That $400 might buy him the presidency. Regardless of you may think, most people (not just Americans) are too stupid to know that they vote for the most attractive candidate.
$400 sounds like a good investment.
>>Then again, yes, the media does pay way too much attention to minor details.
Wrong again... PEOPLE pay too much attention to INSIGNIFICANT details. Minor details are often very important, and sorting out relevant details from irrelevant details is a good metric for intelligence.
The media is a reflection of the lowest common denominator driving human attention. Blame the stupid people around you. Not the media. I still can't decide if television makes people dumb, or if dumb people are attracted to television. Whatever the case, there is a correlation.
>>Most of the world's population is poor or approaching poverty.
That will always be true.
And it is healthful that it should be this way.
Equality and freedom are mutually exclusive states. People are naturally born unequal (height, attractiveness, intelligence, etc) and forcing a state of equallity on everyone is not only bound to fail (are you going to make everyone equally attractive?), but it takes away the freedom to fully exercise your natural gifts.
Wealth in any society follows a statistical distribution. Paradoxically, the more a nation attempts to narrow the standard deviation of wealth, the wider the rift becomes, and the more corrupt the leaders become.
>>Electing rich leaders doesn't seem reasonable.
Think of it as a rite of passage. You can only lead others to prosperity if you know what prosperity looks like first hand. I have a problem with "old-money" being leaders for this reason. Having a purchased degree from Harvard should be a big red-flag on election day. I've met Texans who didn't graduate high-school and could properly pronounce "nuclear".
I know intelligence isn't a requirement for a president, but perhaps it should be.
And if intelligent people are those that function best in their environments, it should be natural that they are wealthier than the proles. If for no other reason than that they are less replacable.
Posted by: Cynic | July 19, 2007 at 05:23 AM
By and large there are two ways to make a lot of money.
1) Inherit it.
2) Be incredibly evil and use your talents as a total weasel to steal it from other people.
As long as we continue to elect people based on their financial success we can hardly complain when they turn out to be corrupt weasels or totally inept.
Posted by: Rack | July 19, 2007 at 04:59 AM
What is it with u and fluffers?? Are you lacking in the fluffing department. This is about the fifth time u mentioned aforementioned fluffer. Are you a little jealous of people who have fluffers.
btw I want a fluffer. How much do they cost and where can I find one.
Posted by: Anthony Garza | July 19, 2007 at 04:40 AM
Jack Lord for President!
Posted by: Dane Brammage | July 19, 2007 at 04:20 AM
Those final questions implie that "our potential leader" is alway a man and not a woman?
Posted by: raquel | July 19, 2007 at 04:00 AM
The study found that global warming since 1985 has been caused neither by an increase in solar radiation nor by a decrease in the flux of galactic cosmic rays. Some researchers had also suggested that the latter might influence global warming because the rays trigger cloud formation. I am find a blog which give some useful information on Global Warming.
Posted by: Tarun K Juyal | July 19, 2007 at 02:57 AM
Men: “Would I want to be him?”
Women: “Would I do him?”
Yoo-hoo, Scotty, this clearly shows that you're ignoring your massive gay fanbase here.
*Flicks wrist*
Posted by: Bruce | July 19, 2007 at 02:49 AM
-----------------------------------------------------------
Quote:
I have just read through all he comments here. I find it endlessly amusing to find people posting from other countries using your blog to attack or insult or otherwise put down our country. The funny thing is we all know we are not perfect but we also realize no matter what country they are from we are better off then them.
Posted by: djh | July 18, 2007 at 11:01 AM
----------------------------------------------------------
Funny that day I was just talking to my fd about that all Americans are self-centered, egoistic and boastful bastards and bitches (which my fd heartily agree), thank you I do not have to look elsewhere to find another blatant example like this!
For us non Americans, Paris would be a great US president coz the only difference is that we get free next-to-porn on TV instead of a monkey face. Pleasant enough. :)
Posted by: F. Ho | July 19, 2007 at 02:19 AM
About Fred Thompson: you forgot his voice. He has a second or third most recognizable voice (not counting foreign Senators), not far behind James Earl Jones (Darth Vader and CNN) and Whatshisname guy who does all the previews for the Hollydumb movies.
It would be fun listening him give a speech every single time. If you agree with him, you get the desire to go and pound his opponents. If you don't, you would be to intimidated by his bass to say anything against it.
Fred Thompson: "America is great and You will do what we want you to do."
Any foreign country leader: "Yes, yes. Anything. Just don't raise your voice or my heart will explode. And please don't look at me with that assured-of-yourself crazy gaze!"
I don't agree with him, but I think the whole UN building would tremble when he gives a speech there...
Posted by: Borjan | July 19, 2007 at 02:02 AM
What's the story with Trump?
Posted by: Ian | July 19, 2007 at 01:45 AM
Right said friend...and a hairless head guarantees u a women free life unless u have a giant sense of humour (low IQ women kind) to compensate for it. Did u just guess where I am coming from?..
Posted by: D-pak | July 19, 2007 at 01:12 AM
The men and women of this country have just two questions of our potential leaders:
Men: “Would I want to be him?”
Women: “Would I do him?”
I assume you've written off Hillary's chances with the overt gender bias to those Q's......
Posted by: Young Mr Grace | July 19, 2007 at 12:51 AM
DON'T have a hair cut.
Posted by: Marxist | July 19, 2007 at 12:47 AM
djh wrote:
"I have just read through all he comments here. I find it endlessly amusing to find people posting from other countries using your blog to attack or insult or otherwise put down our country. The funny thing is we all know we are not perfect but we also realize no matter what country they are from we are better off then them.
Posted by: djh | July 18, 2007 at 11:01 AM "
I also read through the posts, and there really was nothing more than a couple of very tame criticisms of the US. One guy said that he almost felt sorry for America because of the two year long media circus you call "Presidential Elections" that you are so often afflicted with and a French person said that he found it amusing that to see Americans defending "the rich against idiots".
The biggest criticism was from your own turf where an American stated "we truly are cattle".
What your post makes me wonder is, why are you so paranoid djh? You can't accept any criticism of your own country by foreigners and then happily state that, in fact, your country is demonstrably better than any other other, in that no one living in another country has it as good as those in the US.
Have you actually ever lived in another country? Even if you have done so, do you realise that not everyone holds the same values as you? Do you understand that the opening of a new Wal-Mart around the corner is not something that would make us foreigners cream our jeans? Is is possible for you to conceive that some nations like the fact that they don't have to have an enormous police presence to maintain order, or dozens of intelligence agencies to keep track of enemies? Has it ever occured to you that being a rich country (person) is not equivalent to being a happy country (person)? You might be interested to see where the US lies in the contentment stakes - the only nation where "pursuit of happiness" is written into the constitution! (http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/lif_hap_net-lifestyle-happiness-net is the link, note while where I come from is largely irrelevant because I am not saying the three nations I could call home are the best in the world, they are all above the US in contentment. Also note that "happiness" is not the be all and end all, there are other indicators)
For some reason, not all of us aspire to living in a country with a crippled social security system, a crippled public health system and constant attempts to further cripple the public education system (Intelligent Design anyone?) along with rampant fundamentalism.
Yes, you are not perfect. No country is. But very few countries are jam-packed with people willing to overlook all their faults and claim that they have it better than citizens of every other country in the world. I assure you that I also think that excessively patriotic citizens of similarly jingoistic countries are also ignorant morons, it's nothing personal about you.
cheers,
neopolitan
Posted by: neopolitan | July 19, 2007 at 12:09 AM
I am in full support of your hair policy, but I'm wondering how it applies down here in Australia. Our current leader John Howard has very little hair on top of his head and is also rather short. Do you think his famously bushy eyebrows are compensating?
Posted by: Calman | July 19, 2007 at 12:05 AM
This fluffing thing iss getting out of hand...
I'm waiting for the first fluff inside a Dilbert Comic. Or did I miss one?
To the president-problem: No matter what haircut, I'm sure america is getting the job done to elect again the wrong one.
To your defense: Probably there are only wrong ones to choose from...
Posted by: Zeth | July 18, 2007 at 11:24 PM
On an unrelated note why do i get a "403" forbidden error when i try to access dilbert.com Has the url changed or something?
Posted by: venky | July 18, 2007 at 11:23 PM
You self hating bald-ist!!
Posted by: SJ | July 18, 2007 at 10:32 PM
djh said: "I have just read through all he comments here. I find it endlessly amusing to find people posting from other countries using your blog to attack or insult or otherwise put down our country. The funny thing is we all know we are not perfect but we also realize no matter what country they are from we are better off then them."
Ha Haa HaHaa HAAHAAA HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ipso facto.
Posted by: AusLisa | July 18, 2007 at 08:18 PM
You Americans are so lucky. You're actually discussing which of your political leaders you'd have sex with and it doesn't sound completely, bat-humping crazy. In Australia our political leaders are ulgier than shit-on-a-stick. Would you have sex with shit-on-a-stick? I doubt it as you Americans just have too much self-respect and actually have high standards of decency. Oh. I feel a bowel movement coming on. Now where's my stick?
Posted by: Andrew | July 18, 2007 at 07:56 PM