How to Tax the Rich

Warren Buffet says the rich aren’t being taxed enough. That’s an impossible-to-solve problem as long as rich people control the government.

Or is it?

I got my MBA from the University of California at Berkeley. I will now make them proud by showing you the most important thing I remember from the program: “There’s always a deal to be made.”

If the government simply says to rich people, “Give us more money,” the rich people will say, “Go pound deficits up your ass.” No one agrees to pay extra taxes without a fight, and the super rich are more powerful than the government. We’ll have to come at this from a fresh angle.

What if the government could give something of value to the rich in return for paying higher taxes? It would have to be something that didn’t cost the government or its citizens any real money. How about extra rights?

I smell a deal.

This concept depends on the fact that there aren’t many super rich people in the population. We could grant this tiny group of people some extra rights without even noticing the loss.

For example, let’s say the super rich are granted the right to use the carpool lane even if no one else is in the car. They’d need special stickers on their cars so they didn’t get pulled over. It wouldn’t clog the car pool lane because there are so few super rich people, and half of them have chauffeurs, so they use the carpool lane already. Society wouldn’t notice the difference.

And what if we allowed the super rich to park in front of fire hydrants? Then they’d always have a parking place, and being rich, they wouldn’t mind so much in the unlikely event the fire department had to smash all their windows to run a hose.

How about giving the super rich five votes in each election? Their extra votes would have almost no impact compared to the large amounts of money they already donate to candidates. Again, society wouldn’t even notice.

How about letting the super rich have DVDs of movies while the film is still in theaters? The super rich could watch the movies in their own home theaters, and even pay $1,000 per copy so the movie studio makes a profit. The super rich probably don’t like going to public theaters, and the public isn’t hurt if a few people see a movie at home ahead of schedule.

Let’s also say the super rich are exempt from jury duty. Realistically, they probably get out of serving now if they want, but it saves them the hassle of making up an excuse. Throw that extra right on the list. No one would notice.

We could also relax drug laws for the super rich. Let them drink, snort, inject, and pop anything they want, so long as they don’t operate a motor vehicle. The super rich can afford to have someone else do the driving. They can also afford an addiction without becoming burglars to pay for the habit. Society loses nothing if a billionaire gets high.

Maybe we could also let the super rich name new streets and government buildings. They could name them after themselves, or use it as an opportunity for revenge, e.g. Carlisaputz Avenue. It wouldn’t cost the poor anything, and it might make life more interesting.

You might say all of these extra privileges would never equal the tens of millions in extra taxes the super rich would have to pay each year. But the value of a thing is determined partly by its scarcity. If these extra rights were available only to the super rich, those rights would start looking special, whereas a few extra million in tax savings won’t contribute to their quality of life in any way. I think a deal could be made.

Perhaps you will say there is a psychological cost to the poor in that it will increase their resentment of the super rich. But realistically, how much extra resentment could anyone generate about a guy who has his own golden helicopter and uses a supermodel as a fluffer?

Can you think of more rights that can be granted to the super rich in return for their tax money? The key is that those extra rights have to have no significant impact on other people.

Go.

Comments

[Ed]

We could fix the problem by having a fair and flat tax--simply eliminate all deductions.

[Marklar]

Once the yearly budget is decided, the super rich leaf though it and assign their tax to whichever area they want.

[Barbara Saunders]

To the poster who said the rich "earn" their money. It ain't so. It is impossible to earn one's way to wealth, let alone being super rich. I am no socialist. Really. And, I wouldn't even go so far as to say the super rich don't honestly deserve their money. However, people who inherit money have not "earned" it. If "Joe" writes a mega-bestseller, and his neighbor writes a novel that sits in the drawer, the work output may have been exactly the same. There is no logic to the notion that the former "earned" the money that poured in from the royalties. Same with a successful business owner. While he worked in the executive suite and his workers toiled in the cubicles, he may or may not have been working "harder."

[Mathew Peet]

If they pay a certain sum they would then not have to disclose to the government how much money they do have.

This only has positive influence on Society because they don't have to consider tax efficiency when investing their money.

[Hopefully Anonymous]

Rights for the rich in exchange for more taxes:
1. consensual adult incest and marriage
2. consensual bigamy
3. enticing (not coercing) sexually mature animals into bestiality (animal cannot be penatratee or be unable to retreat).
4. necrophilia
5. cannibalism (only of already dead people, and of non-donatable body parts)

[zaphod2016]

I got one: the super-rich shall be given the right to send other people's children to die in ill-fated wars of occupation, and furthermore, the right to brand all of those who disagree with said action "unpatriotic". Wait...they already do that.

How 'bout this: the super-rich shall be given the right to disregard all laws they find inconvenient; they can murder spouses, steal millions of dollars from pension plans, and treat the NASDAQ like their own personal XBOX game. Wait...they already do that too.

I got it: the super-rich are entitled to create powerful monopolies at the cost of organic competition and innovation so long as they promise to give most of their money away before they die, in a final desperate bid to avoid hell, just in case the Christians are telling the truth. Oops. Too late.

Scott, this is harder than I thought. Perhaps the better question is: what special rights DON'T the super-rich have?

P.S. I love wealth, and work hard to amass my own fortune. My beef is with immoral crooks who want to run the world.

[RIchy0326]

one of the problems with the whole money argument thing is that its not how much money you pour into something, its how that money is spent. if you super tax the rich and all that extra money just goes on filling in more forms rather than on actually doing anything then the extra money is worthless.

[the anners]

I just discovered your blog. Dangerous! I had to bite my finger to keep from laughing out loud at work. Carlisaputz. Classic.

[Joan]

Andrew Carnegie built libraries. They are all referred to as Carnegie libraries. Some of them are running into trouble of the no-money kind so the super rich could re-endow them and have the hyphenated privilege of being part of the Carnegie-Winfrey (or whatever) library. They could have their own prisons that they, themselves, would pay for like at hotels, etc. Then when they actually got convicted, no one would have to get all bent out of shape that some rich drunk murderous thieving doper has a better cell in the county clink. Finally, they would pay a hospitalization tax the proceeds of which would go to support healthcare for the indigent and working poor. Previously, corporations were given generous allowances for putting money into the community. The government could revisit that. All across the country 50 years ago there were thriving arts and theater programs supported by industry. Lastly, we could exempt the little corporate cuties on the condition that they brought jobs back to the good old U.S. of A. (I realize that might be carrying an idea too far, but...)

[workingstiff]

There is one flaw with your logic. THe super rich are also the ones who keep lawyers and accountants on retainer so they can get out of paying taxes. Even ff they were given more rights, they would still get out of paying taxes and it would be passed on to the middle class even more so to make up for the extra tax revenue lost, and we would notice that.

[Dramenbnejs]

If someone super rich reads your blog, he must have a good laugh reading about "an extra vote". Voting is a method how people are isolated from having a real influence.

[conio]

let it be said you are an ideas man .. a man amongst many .. because sometimes real life is funnier ...

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all the best from .au

[Ben Redman]

Fluffer is such a great word! It ranks alongside turd - it actually made me laugh regardless of the context.

[Canadian]

let them have any kind of pet that they want.

[mo]

How about we give the very wealthy the right and privilege of providing complete birth to grave care to the poor?
Bill Gates,Oprah and the rest of the billionaire group would be benefactors for 47 million Americans without health insurance. They would be granted the right to build clean, safe homes, parks and rec centers, swimming pools and new schools.
They could create scholarships for all kids that want to go to college but can't pay for it.
I can bet that all these brilliant people could get together to create and fund a better life for the poorest quarter of America and that would keep them wildly busy, deeply involved and happy dammit!
They could name the schools,communities and streets after themselves, their friends, hell their favorite cat!

Bill Gates and Oprah know how to be successful, they can run huge corporations and they have more money then they will ever be able to spend even if they bought a gold helicopter once a month.
Why not turn them loose and get them to solve poverty?
You know they want to...

[Bob]

This just might be the dumbest idea you've ever had, Scott. Even dumber than becoming the world's best pole vaulter by getting fat and lazy.

[David]

The problem with the ideas in today's post is that it acts on the assumption that rich people DO need to pay more taxes. The majority of rich people, like it or not, EARNED their riches. I do not believe it is the government's place to use force to make them fork over more money, even if you give them extra rights.

That said, and since rich people control the majority of the government anyway, why not stop calling it taxes and make it entirely voluntary by SELLING rights. Several million dollars buys you 1 extra vote (with a cap on how many you could get of course). A couple million more to buy a get-out-of-jury-duty-free card. Stuff like that.

[Lucy Lynn]

After reading through many of these comments, I feel that I have hit upon a common problem in the generation of ideas on this blog...most of us AREN'T super-rich, we don't know what rich people want. Instead of having average/poor people decided what extra rights rich people obtain for paying higher taxes, the government should make forms that rich people fill out, declaring the extra rights that they want. Each rich person would fill out one sheet per year, and the more extravagent the payment of taxes, the more rights the rich person would be allowed.

That, or we could stick to our system right now, but beef up the penalties for tax evasion...

[Elit Alice]

im afraid they have all these rights already. :p

[adora]

Let their trust fund babies go to top colleges.
It's already happening through some private deals. There are so few of them that wouldn't make much difference to admittion. If the kids are good enough, it's good for the society. If they aren't good enough, they would drop out anyway. Many super rich kids don't want to go to college because they know they have enough money to be comfortable for many generations. This might actually be good for the society by producing fewer Paris Hilton.

Let them ride with NASA. Many super rich wants to travel out of space. The society hardly notice people who aren't on Earth.

[Name]

As I understand, there is already something like this in Russia, where you can pay (a lot) for a permit that makes you exempt from traffic laws (speeding, wrong way driving etc.) and have only to pay damages to the other party if you cause a crash.

[Wolfger]

Make it legal for the super-rich to pay for sex. They most likely do so anyway, but I mean without forcing them to get married and have the hassle of a pre-nup. Letting them buy hookers would save time and probably money over the cost of a trophy wife, and the hooker can be dismissed at any time, no problem. I actually see this as a win-win-win... the government gets more taxes, the super-rich get hassle-free sex, and society sees more money circulating among the poor (prostitutes and pimps). Some overly "moral" politicians might object, but we could throw it in for them, too... "The next time you feel like it, Senator, you can give a man $20 and blow him."

[brian]

the super rich can have more than one wife/husband who is pensioned off once he/she gets bitter and/or saggy/droopy

[JLo]

The rewards for the rich should be viewed by them as substantial but at the same time be free for society. This was perfectly accomplished by the medieval catholic church which sold indulgences.

"As soon as the coin in the coffer rings, the soul from purgatory springs". Greatest marketing slogan ever.

If they cough up the dough I for one will readily accept a general amnesty for all super rich putting them on the guest list at the Pearly Gates.

[a person]

They already have extra rights. Ask any poor, black man.