May 2008

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Comments

Lazlo

I'm the husband in this scenario who loves to cook and frequently makes special dinners for his wife. My wife would not have to decide whether or not she got screwed in the deal you proposed because she would not have offered to do the dishes in the first place.

Mike Erickson

Got something special. I'm a rounder.

Vis Major

Given your exact scenario, I'm ashamed to admit I'd have thought #2: "I got screwed in this deal." If my spouse loves to cook, and is great at it, the meal is a nice treat but no real sacrifice on the part of my spouse.

But! If my spouse hated to cook, but made me my favorite meal as a treat, I'd have the first thought while I was cleaning up: "My spouse gave me something special tonight." In my scenario, my spouse went out of his way to do something unusual and special.

onewhowillclearlynevermarry

Your situation is assuming a lot: namely the presence/absence of children, i.e. indentured servants. The sway of allowance will be a mighty one, in my household.

I think a good meal borders on "validation" and "acceptance" in the hierarchy of needs (at least in college). On top of that, making a really nice meal takes far more time and energy than it does to clean one up. I would most certainly consider myself lucky, and spend that extra time before dinner masturbating or playing computer games to balance out the effort.

Aditya Simha

I don't have a spouse, so I couldn't participate in this mindgame of yours, Scott!

Ray

I got something special.

My spouse and kids and I all clean as we cook, so the clean-up is usually minor. However I'm the typical perfectionist codergeek, so if it's not cleaned up *my way*, then I'm just gonna go back and do it over anyway.

Ray

I got something special.

My spouse and kids and I all clean as we cook, so the clean-up is usually minor. However I'm the typical perfectionist codergeek, so if it's not cleaned up *my way*, then I'm just gonna go back and do it over anyway.

notralph

I hate to admit that I generally think "I got screwed", despite genuinely appreciating the effort that my husband made, the meal itself (he's a good cook) and the thought behind it. This is because he is a terribly messy cook. Cleaning up after him usually includes washing down the front of all the base cabinets and scrubbing the sink.

I still get 'screwed' even if *he* does the clean-up, as I have to clean-up what he misses, including re-washing the scuzzy un-rinsed dishes with baked-on crud that come out of the dishwasher, and scraping the dried-on stains off the counter.

Probably this would all be worth it, except that *I* love to cook, too... so I usually end up thinking that I could have made the same meal with a fraction of the mess, and would have more enjoyment out of the situation even if I cleaned up after myself.

Hmm... maybe there's an evil plan at work here...

Kevin

This happens to me all the time. My son bakes brownies (he's now 12), and I invariably end up doing the dishes afterward. I like brownies as much as the next person, but, being 12, my son has to use every single possible measuring implement, spoon and bowl to make these brownies. I always feel like I got screwed by the brownies.

Kevin

This happens to me all the time. My son bakes brownies (he's now 12), and I invariably end up doing the dishes afterward. I like brownies as much as the next person, but, being 12, my son has to use every single possible measuring implement, spoon and bowl to make these brownies. I always feel like I got screwed by the brownies.

Kevin

This happens to me all the time. My son bakes brownies (he's now 12), and I invariably end up doing the dishes afterward. I like brownies as much as the next person, but, being 12, my son has to use every single possible measuring implement, spoon and bowl to make these brownies. I always feel like I got screwed by the brownies.

Kevin

This happens to me all the time. My son bakes brownies (he's now 12), and I invariably end up doing the dishes afterward. I like brownies as much as the next person, but, being 12, my son has to use every single possible measuring implement, spoon and bowl to make these brownies. I always feel like I got screwed by the brownies.

LateRain

wait. do we have a dishwasher? one that can handle the majority of the pots and pans?

LateRain

I REALLY hate to clean. If he really loved me, he would make the meal AND clean.

Dave

Every relationship is a compromise. If my wife went the extra distance and slaved over a stove to cook a special meal, I wouldn't have any problem doing the dishes. I know she would do the same for me.

Chrisgiraffe's Chef

Whoa to the man or woman who has a parent that tells them how to maintain a house. They are simply screwed for LIFE!

Take the cooking example. I used to eat out all the time because I hated cleaning pots and pans. Eventually I hated getting food poisening more than cleaning pots and pans so I decided to learn to cook a few things I normally wouldn't- complex dishes if you will. As it turned out I loved the dishes so much I want to make them all the time. I also love the fact that I'm in control of the food instead of some lame duck who might spit in my food then charge me out the ass and guilt me into a tip. Thus, one could say I love cooking. However, I don't like cleaning the pans and I don't like getting anybody a damned drink while I'm enjoying the meal. I mean, I sweat and slave over something edible and your ass can't move ten feet to get a glass of juice, water, soda, whatever? And on top, after working for 30 minutes to two hours cooking I get stuck with the dishes or they sit in the sink for a week? I've got an idea. Perhaps when I clean the house I can have a shoe thrown at me afterwards to show some real appreciation. Perhaps someone can let loose a panther while I'm vaccuuming to show me they care.

Damn everyone who never cleaned their room to simply make it look better or make those who can't stand filthy rooms feel like their not a slave to the house.

Damn every room mate who decided the time and person to take out the trash was the one who put the last item which caused the can to tip over into the floor.

Damn every human being who never learned how to separate and wash laundry.

Damn every human being who thinks the person willing to clean up the mess really WANTS to clean up the mess.

To those again, I damn thee!!!!

Zarna

wtf?!? he found the kitchen??? who's the whore that taught him how to cook?!?!

dedhed52

I'd say it's win-win because now I really WILL get screwed - as in hot monkey sex all night! Show me the way to sink boys!

Sheeda

wow. How many divorces did you instigate with THAT question? That why at OUR house, He or She who cooks, also cleans. Oh yes, the other one may offer to clean up or help to clean up, but participation is COMPLETELY optional, and often the offer to help is turned down. That way, the cook who uses every pan and dish in the house to cook a meal may do so... or HE can learn to clean up as HE goes. Clean up is part of cooking.
It's been working for 29 years, so far...

Now, ask me about the ironing... -S-

Kage

I cant understand why people offer an alternative solution.
This is someone asking you to do something you dont enjoy doing and giving you something that you dont particularly need, but would enjoy.

Would you be nice enough to return the favour out of your own doing, or would you be a bitch about it ?

Well worded Scott :). I would offer to do the dishes of course.

Oddity

Wow... what a bunch of altruistic emotional people.

The real question, in reverse, would be -

If you knew you had to cleanup after the nice meal, would you want the nice meal in the first place.

If the spouse knew you didn't like to cleanup, then you got screwed. Especially when you got that "look" on your face after dinner and it's because she thinks her efforts weren't appreciated. If she didn't - she obviously wasn't thinking, and the "It's the thought that counts" argument only holds water if there was some thinking.

Let's eliminate the spouse also and ask the question in a different manner.

Would you drive to a really nice restaurant if you hated to drive?

danbert

Paul Reiser in 'Couplehood' described a similar situation is his relationship, where their puppy left something on the rug that originated inside the puppy. His girlfreind/wife offered to take over the chore of walking the dog forever, if he would just clean up the dog-poo.
At the time, it seemed like a great deal, because the dog only occasionally pooped indoors, while walking the dog was a twice daily chore.
As he was dumping the poo, it flashed on him that since he'd agreed to pick up the droppings, there wasn't such a great incentive to walk the dog anymore...

Gary Beeton

I had a girlfriend once (no, really) who knew all the right buttons to push to get me to do whatever she wanted. I knew I was being manipulated but the rewards were definitely worth whatever hoops she made me jump through. Sometimes the definition of true happiness is not caring about your dignity.

Turil

Alternatively, if you consider that you sacrificed more than your wife, you could feel morally superior, and consider yourself the winner.

Not that I recommend the inflated ego that comes with that stragegy, but it's better than convincing yourself that you're a pathetic loser!

Turil

I'd think #1 and #3, "I screwed myself"

If I choose to do something I don't like doing, I have only myself to blame.

However, I've found that blame isn't terribly useful (except for making me depressed), so instead of feeling sorry for myself when I've made a committment, I look for a way to enjoy my task. I've discovered that with a bit of creativity, I can make nearly anything fun. (And here, you got something good out of the experience, Scott, a chance to write a bit of philosotainment in your blog!)

And, in the future, try to remember not to volunteer to do things you don't enjoy. Gifts that come out of obligation aren't really gifts, and usually aren't appreciated very much by their recipient. (Speaking of gifts, maybe you could get YOU a dishwasher as a gift to yourself, so that the machine can do the dishes for you and you have more time and energy to have fun with your honey!)

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