May 2008

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« Hypnosis | Main | Mini Post »



I read things that don't matter, then write papers saying they do matter, for points that don't matter, in order to get a job doing something totally unrelated. (student)


I manufacture edible turds.

(I make sausage links by hand.)


Expert witness: My job is to convince others that the only logical way of analyzing that turd, is my way.

Paul S

I solve story problems. (User interface designer.) Sorry, no turds here but I *do* eat a lot of fiber.

How is designing interfaces like solving story problems?


I drop a turd, then someone notices it after a few months so I go find another place to unload myself for a higher rate (hey, turd experience is valuable!)


"I jiggle the handle of Corporate Banking"

I don't even remember what my title is or the job description from when I was hired. I get a warm fuzzy feeling every time a moron is hired above me.


Admin. Assistant: To read people's minds, and to run the department while everyone else makes more money and leaves me out of the fun things I plan.

Johnny Dev

I make sure turds are well-formed.

(XML programmer)


I am everybody's butt-monkey. (Receptionist)

I have also been slowly trying to reorganise the business so it makes sense (above and beyond the call of duty). Half the people I work with are psychologists, which means they know next to nothing about how to deal with people. I, being a mathematician at heart, for some reason am better at this.


I babysit a computer program I wrote 2 years ago, and pretend errors that occur are down to 'Bad Data'.


My work is to be disappointed with the human race and drink a lot of whisky when I'm home. A restart will fix it.

IT Helpdesk

Paul Pichugin

I take photos of turds, then polish the turds in photoshop..

I'm a photographer.. primarily a wedding photographer ;-)


I take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper.

(Tax Accountant)


I build fecking big sawmills in Russia, *despite* working for a large company with a consensus based decision making policy...

(Avoiding the turd reference) - DOH!


I am told but a person who knows I can't create turds, to create a turd for a group that had no idea how a turd is meant to function.

I am a poorly trained student web designer.


I explain big words to sales people and then cower before customers and try to convince them that the sales person really didn't say the bull-turd that they thought he did.

(I am a Customer Solutions Engineer)


I produce the same virtual turds everyday, only changing colors to make 'em seem different. I'm a web designer.


I launch turds into the air...line industry.

I hire pilots.


I clean up turds from an animal that makes more money then me in a year.

(assistant horse trainer)


I listen to the turd, ask it how it feels, encourage it to process through the traumatic experience of being catapulted out of and raised by an even stinkier turd.

I am a therapist.


I feel compelled to add another description of what I do most of the year.

I try to learn laws created a long time ago so later I can tell engineers why I'm smarter than they are, and why its a travesty that they get paid more.

I'm a physics major.


I move turd around from one company to another.



It's my job to use a metaphorical plunger to help turds fix their internet connection.

ISP tech support.


Aren't my marshmellows delicious? Sorry, I just ran out of white paint.


Just recently finished this job, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

My job was to show you innovative ways to literally burn money in the spirit of patriotism.

Fireworks stand manager.

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