Have you tried buying any nice furniture lately? The process works like this.
1. Go to furniture store.
2. Pick out a chair
3. Learn it will take six months to deliver
4. Wait nine months
5. Chair is delivered.
6. It’s broken
7. Return chair
8. Discover chair is no longer being produced
9. Scream profanities
10. Repeat
I have been through this cycle several times. I believe there is one furniture store for the entire country, somewhere in South Carolina, where all they do is ship broken furniture, wait for it to be returned then ship it to someone else. It’s a low margin business, but they make it up in volume.
Presumably, the only time a furniture sale becomes final is when the customer happens to be a blind guy with no friends. And he’s not likely to make any friends if every guest he has over to the house gets a spring-loaded colonoscopy, courtesy of the couch.
Sometimes the furniture store will send out a guy with a clipboard, a screwdriver, and a brown marker pen to fix the broken furniture. These furniture fixers have cheery dispositions and can-do attitudes. They hope that’s enough to convince you to accept broken merchandise. That meeting goes like this:
Furniture Guy: “There. I used my brown marker pen and it’s as good as new.”
Me: “The table only has three #$&%$ legs!”
Furniture Guy: “Well, I have one other solution, but it’s controversial.”
Me: “What’s that?”
Furniture Guy: “Try masturbating until you go blind.”
Me: “Thanks for your help. Say, have you tried my new couch?”
Greetings!
Posted by: Furniture | April 01, 2008 at 02:50 PM
Hello...
Thank you
kelleyfurniture.
Posted by: kelleyfurniture | February 06, 2008 at 02:59 AM
We are manufacturing and exporting different kinds of furnitures now. If you want to know our products and our price list pls telll us at [email protected]
Thank you
Jack.Shi
Beijing China
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Posted by: suresh | August 13, 2007 at 02:39 AM
The furniture companies are in NORTH Carolina not SOUTH. But it doesn't matter because most of the furniture isn't made there anymore. About all that is left are the company HQ's.
Posted by: Monkeydarts | August 10, 2007 at 01:35 PM
I was once warned that masturbation can make you go blind. I told them I would stop when I need glasses.
Posted by: Dalebert | August 08, 2007 at 10:50 PM
Our most recent trip to the furniture store gives everyone more Empirical Evidence, although a shorter time span:
1. Go to furniture store.
2. Pick out a bookshelf
3. Learn it will take six weeks to deliver
4. Wait a week
8. Discover bookshelf is no longer being produced
9. Scream profanities
10. Repeat
Posted by: Joe | August 08, 2007 at 02:06 PM
Just like one of your comic strips, let's cut the steps short:
1 -> 9 -> 10
Posted by: Hoi | August 08, 2007 at 12:33 AM
In an effort to distinguish reputable furniture stores:
I work at a furniture store (not a large chain, but a family-owned business). People are always amazed at the quality of our customer service, since they typically have experiences like the one you just described. As a matter of fact, we have a Dilbert cartoon on our delivery binder (the one where Dilbert goes to buy a chair, and the sales lady explains that he is actually purchasing the hope that one day a chair may be made for him). I find that this helps me remain mindful that that is the common experience of many people shopping for furniture.
Next time you are thinking about buying furniture, come check us out. We are in Rockridge (Oakland) and deliver all over the Bay Area. We also have a 30 day money back guarantee, which starts from delivery or pick-up (so if you have to wait for a special order item and it doesn't turn out the way you expected, you can still return it). This, by the way, is a hassle-free return policy. We understand that buying furniture is not like buying clothes- you can't just "try it on" in the store and often, until you get it in your house, you really don't know whether or not it will work.
Also, we do our best to fix anything that might break- even after you buy it (although if you didn't buy it recently, there might be a modest labor charge).
We sell vintage (20's & 30's) mahogany furniture that has been stripped, reglued & refinished, as well as mission and shaker style new manufactured furniture. We also have been getting some Asian imports and have started carrying fabric and leather upholstered items as well.
If you are ever in the neighborhood, we are right by Rockridge BART on the same block as Oliveto/Market Hall:
Fenton Maclaren Furnishings
5533 College Ave.
Oakland, CA
Posted by: Platypus | August 07, 2007 at 11:02 AM
Apparently Douglas Adams wrote a lot of his Hitchhiker stories based on his experiences with feeble services and beauracracies. The planet of shoes populated by flying people? He couldn't find good shoes that fit. Etc.
Posted by: buffalo2wheeler | August 07, 2007 at 05:52 AM
Here's your problem: No substantial furniture manufacturing takes place on the west coast. So not only is your funiture made in the Carolinas, It then must traverse 3000 miles in the back of a dirty truck, increasing the odds of damage substantially.
Posted by: Eric | August 06, 2007 at 07:35 AM
So... I'm thinking people you invite over will now be sitting on the floor...
Posted by: Andrew | August 05, 2007 at 10:27 PM
My solution to crappy furniture-
I found out that all furniture was made with "beaver spit and paper" as someone put it. I couldn't afford to buy actual nice wood furniture, so I started building it myself ten years ago.
I made new kitchen cabinets, beds, tables, stools, chairs, mantles, entertainment centers, gun cabinets, bookshelves,laundry hampers, bed side tables,(sorry no couches) and I can honestly say that I could not buy furniture of this quality in any store I've seen. Especially of the design that was picked out and tweaked by the boss (wife).
I have also made custom furniture for family and others, including a 66 door kitchen built from scratch. To do this, I have about 20,000$ in tools, so I couldn't honestly recommend this for everyone.
Someone once commented that all home-made furniture looked, well, home made. I can see the mistakes in my own furniture, but I've never had anyone else complain.
Guaranteed delivery in less than 6 months, satisfaction guaranteed.
Posted by: exiledsurveyor | August 05, 2007 at 09:23 PM
Another example of how very intelligent people are nitwits at the simplest things in life.
Posted by: Irene | August 05, 2007 at 12:45 PM
There's no warehouses or factories in South Carolina having a laugh at your expense.
Posted by: dbz | August 03, 2007 at 02:45 PM
I don't think anyone could have put the problem in any better perspective. What's more is that what you describe has happened to most US industries and is saturating American corporate culture. The more I consider American corporations the more I see a pyramid scheme that screws most everyone involved except for a handful of CEO's who are painted as princes in business magazines. Thank you for posting.
Posted by: Chrisgiraffe's amazement at seeing the truth in a blog | August 05, 2007 at 10:13 AM
"Their furniture is like Craftsman tools. If it breaks, they fix it or give you a new one, even if it's your fault. "
Craftsman only has lifetime warranties on tools with non-moving parts (wrenches, screwdrivers, sockets, etc.). Drills, table saws, routers and everything else is usually under a limited warranty (1-year), made in China and bound to break quickly under normal use. I guess the new American dream is remembering the good old days of America.
Posted by: Chrisgiraffe's wistful longing for the return of a good country | August 05, 2007 at 10:04 AM
Humor apart, if you are really looking for quality and stylish decor for home and garden, try visiting http://www.kashand.org and see the range. We promise we would NOT:
- Send broken Stuff
- Let you break it (its hard stone silly, umm unless you use your hard head to break it)
- Send a table with 3 legs, or any legs (we just sell tops ;-)
Posted by: Asha Goyal | August 04, 2007 at 10:58 PM
I'm currently looking at new bedroom suits, I'll let you know if this process rings true at all. If it's anything like my last furniture purchase (which was only about 2 months ago), it'll be a dream! No waits or broken or missing parts. Couldn't be happier!!
Posted by: cam | August 04, 2007 at 09:09 PM
Maybe you are shopping at the wrong furniture store? Did you try the furniture store that is in the same shopping center as your restaurant in Dublin? When you shop at the big guys, you get treated like a small guy. When you shop at a small guy, you get personal treatment, probably from the owner. We all have choices: We can eat at big chain restaurants, or we can eat at locally owned establishments like Staceys.
Posted by: Linda Barker | August 04, 2007 at 07:40 PM
The best way to get good furniture is to inherit it. Otherwise, try your local auction room; in household & general sales, good quality secondhand ( not 'antique') stuff is often low price. And it's a form of 'recycling'. As an example, I recently bought a 1970s mahogany twin pillar dining table, with leaf, for £6 (ie $12). Mind you, it has a little damage....
Posted by: Tim c | August 04, 2007 at 09:53 AM
When I bought my living room furniture two years ago, they delivered the wrong set. They delivered the correct set two weeks later, but the glass tops of the side tables were broken.
Posted by: Jason Allen | August 04, 2007 at 07:15 AM
Reminds me of when we ordered a couch. Paid for it and waited. After a month, we called to ask about it. We were told that it would be 6 months before it would be delivered as the leather was on back order.
We didn't order leather. We ordered cloth.
No matter - the leather ones were on back order and the orders were filled first-come, first-serve. So we were going to have to wait until the back ordered leather couches were done if they were in line ahead of us.
We cancelled our order. And it took a few months to get that chech, too.
Posted by: Sona | August 04, 2007 at 06:52 AM
I once had a pervertible chair, move the lever move the lever and my wife went down
Posted by: Anon | August 04, 2007 at 06:39 AM
"Oh, I see you have a cut on your finger. We'll just give it a brush with my beige pen..." *shwick* "...and looks good as new!"
Posted by: poker-vs-poker | August 04, 2007 at 06:03 AM
My wife and I ordered a new bed several years ago from a large dealer in Virginia. After waiting 9 months, and after numerous (unanswered) calls we read in the Washington Post that the owner had comiitted suicide and the shop was in bankruptcy. We lost $250.
Previous to that, my in-laws went to North Carolina to buy furniture. That dealer went under, although the furniture did show up (unannounced) about 2 years later.
Friends ordered furniture a few years back and their company went under and they lost the deposit.
My in-laws ordered furniture within the past year and THAT company went under!
WTF?!?! All were large, well known dealers.
I wouldn't order from a dealer that doesn't take credit cards. Paying with a check is a risk.
Posted by: Bruce | August 04, 2007 at 05:05 AM