Buying Furniture

Have you tried buying any nice furniture lately? The process works like this.

1. Go to furniture store.
2. Pick out a chair
3. Learn it will take six months to deliver
4. Wait nine months
5. Chair is delivered.
6. It’s broken
7. Return chair
8. Discover chair is no longer being produced
9. Scream profanities
10. Repeat

I have been through this cycle several times. I believe there is one furniture store for the entire country, somewhere in South Carolina, where all they do is ship broken furniture, wait for it to be returned then ship it to someone else. It’s a low margin business, but they make it up in volume.

Presumably, the only time a furniture sale becomes final is when the customer happens to be a blind guy with no friends. And he’s not likely to make any friends if every guest he has over to the house gets a spring-loaded colonoscopy, courtesy of the couch.

Sometimes the furniture store will send out a guy with a clipboard, a screwdriver, and a brown marker pen to fix the broken furniture. These furniture fixers have cheery dispositions and can-do attitudes. They hope that’s enough to convince you to accept broken merchandise. That meeting goes like this:

Furniture Guy: “There. I used my brown marker pen and it’s as good as new.”

Me: “The table only has three #$&%$ legs!”

Furniture Guy: “Well, I have one other solution, but it’s controversial.”

Me: “What’s that?”

Furniture Guy: “Try masturbating until you go blind.”

Me: “Thanks for your help. Say, have you tried my new couch?”

Comments

[Furniture]

Greetings!

[kelleyfurniture]

Hello...

Thank you
kelleyfurniture.

[Jack.Shi]

We are manufacturing and exporting different kinds of furnitures now. If you want to know our products and our price list pls telll us at [email protected]
Thank you
Jack.Shi
Beijing China

[suresh]

Dear Sir \ Madam,

We are a Delhi-NCR, India based, and leading web services company with main
competency in link building.

We have a dedicated team of 45 professionals to serve you. We build the
natural quality and theme based links as one-way or reciprocals links with
our manual process.

We always adopt the ETHICAL LINK building process/white hat technique; also
follow the guidelines of Google and major search engine for SEO result.

We strictly work on performance basis and can assure you of getting quality
links for your site as well. Our links building service will help to
increase the link popularity of your website.

We are looking forward starting a long and healthy business relationship
with you.

We will be happy to AMAZE you with our work. I will really appreciate you
please let me know your link building requirement.

Kind Regards,

suresh

P.S. This is an advertisement and a promotional mail strictly on the
guidelines of CAN-SPAM act of 2003 . We have clearly mentioned the source
mail-id of this mail, also clearly mentioned the subject lines and they are
in no way misleading in any form. We have found your mail address through
our own efforts on the web search and not through any illegal way. If you
find this mail unsolicited, please reply with "Remove" in the subject line
and we will take care that you do not receive any further promotional mail.

[Monkeydarts]

The furniture companies are in NORTH Carolina not SOUTH. But it doesn't matter because most of the furniture isn't made there anymore. About all that is left are the company HQ's.

[Dalebert]

I was once warned that masturbation can make you go blind. I told them I would stop when I need glasses.

[Joe]

Our most recent trip to the furniture store gives everyone more Empirical Evidence, although a shorter time span:

1. Go to furniture store.
2. Pick out a bookshelf
3. Learn it will take six weeks to deliver
4. Wait a week
8. Discover bookshelf is no longer being produced
9. Scream profanities
10. Repeat

[Hoi]

Just like one of your comic strips, let's cut the steps short:
1 -> 9 -> 10

[Platypus]

In an effort to distinguish reputable furniture stores:

I work at a furniture store (not a large chain, but a family-owned business). People are always amazed at the quality of our customer service, since they typically have experiences like the one you just described. As a matter of fact, we have a Dilbert cartoon on our delivery binder (the one where Dilbert goes to buy a chair, and the sales lady explains that he is actually purchasing the hope that one day a chair may be made for him). I find that this helps me remain mindful that that is the common experience of many people shopping for furniture.

Next time you are thinking about buying furniture, come check us out. We are in Rockridge (Oakland) and deliver all over the Bay Area. We also have a 30 day money back guarantee, which starts from delivery or pick-up (so if you have to wait for a special order item and it doesn't turn out the way you expected, you can still return it). This, by the way, is a hassle-free return policy. We understand that buying furniture is not like buying clothes- you can't just "try it on" in the store and often, until you get it in your house, you really don't know whether or not it will work.

Also, we do our best to fix anything that might break- even after you buy it (although if you didn't buy it recently, there might be a modest labor charge).

We sell vintage (20's & 30's) mahogany furniture that has been stripped, reglued & refinished, as well as mission and shaker style new manufactured furniture. We also have been getting some Asian imports and have started carrying fabric and leather upholstered items as well.

If you are ever in the neighborhood, we are right by Rockridge BART on the same block as Oliveto/Market Hall:

Fenton Maclaren Furnishings
5533 College Ave.
Oakland, CA

[buffalo2wheeler]

Apparently Douglas Adams wrote a lot of his Hitchhiker stories based on his experiences with feeble services and beauracracies. The planet of shoes populated by flying people? He couldn't find good shoes that fit. Etc.

[Eric]

Here's your problem: No substantial furniture manufacturing takes place on the west coast. So not only is your funiture made in the Carolinas, It then must traverse 3000 miles in the back of a dirty truck, increasing the odds of damage substantially.

[Andrew]

So... I'm thinking people you invite over will now be sitting on the floor...

[exiledsurveyor]

My solution to crappy furniture-

I found out that all furniture was made with "beaver spit and paper" as someone put it. I couldn't afford to buy actual nice wood furniture, so I started building it myself ten years ago.

I made new kitchen cabinets, beds, tables, stools, chairs, mantles, entertainment centers, gun cabinets, bookshelves,laundry hampers, bed side tables,(sorry no couches) and I can honestly say that I could not buy furniture of this quality in any store I've seen. Especially of the design that was picked out and tweaked by the boss (wife).

I have also made custom furniture for family and others, including a 66 door kitchen built from scratch. To do this, I have about 20,000$ in tools, so I couldn't honestly recommend this for everyone.

Someone once commented that all home-made furniture looked, well, home made. I can see the mistakes in my own furniture, but I've never had anyone else complain.

Guaranteed delivery in less than 6 months, satisfaction guaranteed.

[Irene]

Another example of how very intelligent people are nitwits at the simplest things in life.

[Chrisgiraffe's amazement at seeing the truth in a blog]

There's no warehouses or factories in South Carolina having a laugh at your expense.
Posted by: dbz | August 03, 2007 at 02:45 PM

I don't think anyone could have put the problem in any better perspective. What's more is that what you describe has happened to most US industries and is saturating American corporate culture. The more I consider American corporations the more I see a pyramid scheme that screws most everyone involved except for a handful of CEO's who are painted as princes in business magazines. Thank you for posting.

[Chrisgiraffe's wistful longing for the return of a good country]

"Their furniture is like Craftsman tools. If it breaks, they fix it or give you a new one, even if it's your fault. "

Craftsman only has lifetime warranties on tools with non-moving parts (wrenches, screwdrivers, sockets, etc.). Drills, table saws, routers and everything else is usually under a limited warranty (1-year), made in China and bound to break quickly under normal use. I guess the new American dream is remembering the good old days of America.

[Asha Goyal]

Humor apart, if you are really looking for quality and stylish decor for home and garden, try visiting http://www.kashand.org and see the range. We promise we would NOT:
- Send broken Stuff
- Let you break it (its hard stone silly, umm unless you use your hard head to break it)
- Send a table with 3 legs, or any legs (we just sell tops ;-)

[cam]

I'm currently looking at new bedroom suits, I'll let you know if this process rings true at all. If it's anything like my last furniture purchase (which was only about 2 months ago), it'll be a dream! No waits or broken or missing parts. Couldn't be happier!!

[Linda Barker]

Maybe you are shopping at the wrong furniture store? Did you try the furniture store that is in the same shopping center as your restaurant in Dublin? When you shop at the big guys, you get treated like a small guy. When you shop at a small guy, you get personal treatment, probably from the owner. We all have choices: We can eat at big chain restaurants, or we can eat at locally owned establishments like Staceys.

[Tim c]

The best way to get good furniture is to inherit it. Otherwise, try your local auction room; in household & general sales, good quality secondhand ( not 'antique') stuff is often low price. And it's a form of 'recycling'. As an example, I recently bought a 1970s mahogany twin pillar dining table, with leaf, for £6 (ie $12). Mind you, it has a little damage....

[Jason Allen]

When I bought my living room furniture two years ago, they delivered the wrong set. They delivered the correct set two weeks later, but the glass tops of the side tables were broken.

[Sona]

Reminds me of when we ordered a couch. Paid for it and waited. After a month, we called to ask about it. We were told that it would be 6 months before it would be delivered as the leather was on back order.

We didn't order leather. We ordered cloth.

No matter - the leather ones were on back order and the orders were filled first-come, first-serve. So we were going to have to wait until the back ordered leather couches were done if they were in line ahead of us.

We cancelled our order. And it took a few months to get that chech, too.

[Anon]

I once had a pervertible chair, move the lever move the lever and my wife went down

[poker-vs-poker]

"Oh, I see you have a cut on your finger. We'll just give it a brush with my beige pen..." *shwick* "...and looks good as new!"

[Bruce]

My wife and I ordered a new bed several years ago from a large dealer in Virginia. After waiting 9 months, and after numerous (unanswered) calls we read in the Washington Post that the owner had comiitted suicide and the shop was in bankruptcy. We lost $250.

Previous to that, my in-laws went to North Carolina to buy furniture. That dealer went under, although the furniture did show up (unannounced) about 2 years later.

Friends ordered furniture a few years back and their company went under and they lost the deposit.

My in-laws ordered furniture within the past year and THAT company went under!

WTF?!?! All were large, well known dealers.

I wouldn't order from a dealer that doesn't take credit cards. Paying with a check is a risk.