Coal: Can You Dig It?

Did you see the story about the two Chinese coal miners who survived six days after a tunnel collapse? They ate coal and drank their own urine.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070828/od_nm/china_mine_coal1_dc_1;_ylt=AjSdP8lISg1LTBPSwwJceN0E1vAI

I had many reactions to this story, and that’s not even counting “Eewwww!”

When I was young, parents encouraged their kids to eat their vegetables by saying, “People in India are starving.” This is the sort of parenting that teaches children values, such as stupidity. To this day, when I think about people who are starving, I eat a little extra. I think it helps.

Now, thanks to the miners, parents have a better argument. “Eat your broccoli, Brittany. Chinese miners only get to eat coal and drink piss.”

I am happy the miners survived. But their problems are not over. If you eat coal and drink piss ONE time, you’ll always be a coal-eating-piss-drinker. I don’t know if people in China tease each other, but if it’s anything like here, those miners are in for a tough time.

“Hey, Meng, can I refresh your drink?” Zzzzzip.

“Bartender, I’ll have a beer, and for my friend, just wiz in his mouth. And put a head on it.”

“If we run out of charcoal for the barbecue, Meng can squeeze out a few brickettes.”

One of my many mental hobbies is thinking up new country sayings. My newest one is “I’m thirstier than a Chinese coal miner.” While nothing can surpass my all-time favorite, “I’m hornier than a two-peckered dog,” this new one comes close.

What’s your favorite country saying?

Comments

[Kevin]

if we can find energy resources other than coal, miners lives would be better.

[jeremy]

Soryy, that's Gayer than a box of rainbow bannanas

[Jeremy]

Crazier than a box of rainbow bannanas

[ark]

Horny as a three balled tomcat.

Her ass looks like two pigs wrestling under a blanket.

My dick was so hard the cat couldn't scratch it.

[Jo]

My dad still has my all-time favourite:

'That'll rip the fork right outta your nightie'.

[Dave]

When leaving: "Off like a prom dress!"

[Al]

"It wouldn't knock shit off a stick."

That's how an old roommate and I described the water pressure in our kitchen sink...

[Lauren]

Oh lord that reminds me...once as a sophomore in high school I said yes to a date, and the boy responded with, "Well, I'm happier than a dog with two peters!"

Needless to say, there was only 1 date.

[Jimbo]

I used to work at a paper mill in LA (Lower Alabama). Whenever production was interupted by a mechanical failure we had a old time papermaker who would say "We down like a Frenchman!"

No one really knew what it meant and we were afraid to ask.

[Shari]

Hi, Scott,

I read your blog about the Chinese miners. I demand that you appologize to the two miners and change your attibute toward this kind of situation. Their suvival is nothing short of miracles. What else would be more valuable than life? Do you think it's only acceptable if they sit in the dark with despair and wait to die like their American's counterparts?

This is a tragecal situation - not one that I find funny or be treated lightheartedly. Certainly not one that should be laughed over. The will power of the two men helped them survive, which is a superb story to help encourage kids - if there is a will, there is a way. I don't see how anyone could make fun of them. It's simply too mean. After all they'd gone through, people would only admire their determination.

Chinese culture is different from the American one - they don't try to humiliate people in all circumstances only to be funny or consider that a good sense of humor. Read your so called country saying, what do you see in there? It's such a mean culture and leave no room for any acceptance or understanding. Just like the Chinese would never find it reasonable to cover Paris Hilton's release for a whole day by all media outlets, you would not understand that these two men are not the laughstalk. They may not be considered heros. They certainly are examples of determination and persistance.

Being a sensible person you are, I hope that you see your ignorance and come back to your senses. After all, life is the ultimate gift that we all value dearly. We should not surrender under any circumstances.

Best Regards,

Shari

[Shari]

I read your blog about the Chinese miners. I demand that you appologize to the two miners and change your attibute toward this kind of situation. Their suvival is nothing short of miracles. What else would be more valuable than life? Do you think it's only acceptable if they sit in the dark with despair and wait to die like their American's counterparts?

This is a tragecal situation - not one that I find funny or be treated lightheartedly. Certainly not one that should be laughed over. The will power of the two men helped them survive, which is a superb story to help encourage kids - if there is a will, there is a way. I don't see how anyone could make fun of them. It's simply too mean. After all they'd gone through, people would only admire their determination.

Chinese culture is different from the American one - they don't try to humiliate people in all circumstances only to be funny or consider that a good sense of humor. Read your so called country saying, what do you see in there? It's such a mean culture and leave no room for any acceptance or understanding. Just like the Chinese would never find it reasonable to cover Paris Hilton's release for a whole day by all media outlets, you would not understand that these two men are not the laughstalk. They may not be considered heros. They certainly are examples of determination and persistance.
Being a sensible person you are, I hope that you see your ignorance and come back to your senses. After all, life is the ultimate gift that we all value dearly. We should not surrender under any circumstances.

[Chubba]

When commenting on a 'shapely' womans size...she's not shy of the sweet trolley.

[Ben]

"A Reuben a day keeps the Gentiles away"

[Graeme]

Just one more...

"If I've told you twice, I've told you once before..."

[Graeme]

"I wouldn't say he's lying, but if you gave him one good enema you could put him to sleep in a match box."

"Not the brightest bulb in the marquee."

"Sharp as a bowling ball."

In a thick Ukrainian accent: "Strong like bull. Smart like tractor."

"Better than a kick in the ass with a frozen boot."

Regarding the miserly: "I wouldn't say he's tight, but when he farts only bats can hear it."

"He'll hit you so hard your whole family will fall down."

"Got kicked (in the nuts) so hard his family tree lost a limb."

"If he was any more dense he'd absorb neutrinos."

"If she was any more dense light would bend around her."

"Couldn't find his ass with two hands and a flashlight."

From the movie "American Fliers": "The truth? Lady, you wouldn't know the truth if it banged you ALL night!"

"Colder than a well digger's foot."

"Colder than that glare from your mother-in-law."

"She makes me harder than Chinese calculus."

"It's so cold outside that when you spit it bounces."

From Southern Saskatchewan (it's a wee bit flat, don't ya know):
"So flat that on a clear day you can see the back of your head."
"So flat that you can watch your dog run away for three days. On the fourth day, you just move upstairs."
"So flat you can't sneak up on fuck-all."

[anonymous]

beats dying like Utah coal miners

[Hrishi]

"They are slower than a bunch of snails walking on smooth peanut butter."

[The Dark Lord]

As a Kiwi ("kee - wee" - ex New Zealander) now residing in Australia (OZ) these past 20-odd years, I'm still amused by the clearly well established vernacular - a charming old saw that's a little relevant to your recent observations is: "I'm as dry as a dead dingo's donger" (FYI: "donger" is an (not especially well-used, except in this phrase) expression for 'penis') - the phrase simply means: "I'm very thirsty" - charming, hey?

[Kevin Kunreuther]

Heard this from sick wicked paraplegic cartoonist John Callahan, "... breath so bad, it could knock a buzzard off the top of a shit wagon!"

[Jamie]

I figure it's worth saying, on the chance no one else did.

Sorry but I think this is a pretty apt comparison of Modern China and Modern America. In America, coal miners get trapped in a mine, and three people die trying to save them. In China, miners drink piss and eat coal until they dig THEMSELVES out.

Think about it.

[Mike]

It's colder than a with's tit in a brass bra.
It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

[nettie]

I heard someone say "I could eat the arse of a low-flying duck" in Belfast once.

[Chris]

I'm on it like a fat kid on a cupcake.

[TX Lady]

I'm a latecomer and these may already be somewhere down the list, but too good to pass up:

"He never outsmarted anybody, but he's outdumbed a few."

(responding to disbelief) "Listen, if I tell you a pissant can pull a freight train you better hitch him up."

(denying responsibility for bad news) "I don't run this dairy, I'm just a milker" (only funny in a strong Texas accent)

[dedhed52]

It's hotter/colder than a well-digger's ass in the Amazon/Klondike.