Synchronicity

As regular readers of this blog know, all coincidences are clues that we are holograms programmed by our long dead ancestors before the planet was annihilated. How else could you explain the two stories forwarded to me today?

1. A Republican Senator has been arrested for lewd conduct in a restroom.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20467347/

2. Monkeys are sexually harassing women.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6959209.stm

This is a classic case of code reuse by our lazy ancestors who created our hologram. It’s practically the same story, i.e. an ugly male primate engages in allegedly inappropriate sexual advances. The programmers simply randomized some of the less important elements such as the type of primate, the location, and the intended sex partners. And remember this comes on the heels of the story I wrote about recently: Dwarf has sex with vacuum cleaner. It’s the same damned story with different characters.

Indeed, all of the news is nothing but basic stories with randomized features. Watch as I predict tomorrow’s headlines today:

EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE

IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE

POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL

PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX

EXPERTS WARN OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY

BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY

FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING

A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS

GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL

The real test of our hologram existence would be my ability to predict the future. In theory, if I am a replica of the actual human who programmed me, I would think the way he did. Therefore, the future will turn out much the way I would program it if it were up to me. So here’s my prediction:

Many of you will leave a comment complaining that I blog too much about our hologram existence. Some people will be compelled to mention The Matrix.

Comments

[sanchan kawashima]

Regarding the last part of your post (about people will be commenting about...): if enough people believes that what you said is true then it will be come true.

But what is tru and what is not anyway? What is reality and what is dream?

And what about choices?

What is all the possibilities (for that to happen or not to happen) are already there waiting to be called?

[Benjamin]

After battling with my insurance company I was finally able to get them to pony up for a biPap machine. After my $1200 deductible plus 20% I a out around $1400 but its better than nothing. Happy holidays.

[Jon]

That all seems fairly reasonable.

[Mark]

I haven't read through all the comments, as I have way too short an attention span for that right now, but I think it is important to note that many of those recurring headlines are a matter of probability. Sure, we could be all programmed holograms, but it seems that the repeats would've been as likely in the real world. Weather patterns are constantly shifting, so it makes sense that at any given moment somewhere in the world is getting hit by bad weather. Primates are driven strongly by sexual urges, and there are a lot of primates, so the odds of some of them attempting inappropriate sexual advances are pretty good. The same line of logic realistically applies to each headline you gave. I'd go through each specifically, but it seems an unnecessary task. Anyway, thats all I wanted to say. It strikes me as a more plausible explanation.

[Kevin Kunreuther]

[Scott Adams:Many of you will leave a comment complaining that I blog too much about our hologram existence. Some people will be compelled to mention The Matrix.]

... or Scientology.

[Steven McDaniel]

"BTW, a much more plausible (yet less "interesting") explanation would be that we are programmed by our genes to behave in certain ways, and also to be interested in certain types of behaviour. That would explain the recurring newspaper headlines.

Of course, you don't believe in evolution, so that explanation must sound like BS to you..." Will

That explanation of recurring headlines is not BS to me. But evolution is. What never ceases to amaze me is the insistence of evolutionists to always blindly conflate the functionality of genes and similarities between organisms, etc, with the necessity (in their minds) that we must therefore have evolved through species to species mutations. Will is a poster child for this ludicrous jump in conclusions. 'I got my Dad's nose and his temper, too. And of course, you know, that's proof of evolution.." I can just see the Headlines: "Evolution proven: Man's cousin helps him rob a bank." That's about as logical as saying, 'I noticed all cars have a carburettor. How much more proof that they evolved do you need?' We're back in the dark ages, folks, being blinded by 'science.'

[Michael]

You have an Bug in Line 13. Get an update.

[Tomas Liubinas]

Well, Scott, basically you almost right. For example, I am not a guy sitting in Lithuania, but a script with my awkward english writing comments to your site. When you do not think about it I do not even exist. So I can't say anything more about the harmless desasters following you recently or ambient idiocy surrounding you. The deja vu feeling you sometimes experience, mostly comes from not fully erased recent life cycle.

Phew, hopefully you submit the comment without reading it, otherwise it should be neccessary to end the current life cycle before you are still sane. And btw Matrix is only a fiction movie! You could watch Vanilla Sky instead. Pff. Users. Never use manuals.

Greetings from Lithuania

[le Big MAC]

Second the other poster who mentioned "It's Not News, It's FARK!" What Mr Adams does for corporate culture, Drew does for news. It's amazing how he really dissects the recipe for what you would think is your objective window on the world, the news. And of course the chapter list reads like Mr Adams' generic headlines.
People's needs are basic: sex, food, health, comfort. Our transition from Industry to Information changes nothing basic, although we are in a quandry now about how to satisfy our needs in a flat, digitized world. Anyway, what people do to stay alive, make friends (!) and enjoy life generally has to be outlandish to be newsworthy. Either that, or journalists are just as boring as you are.

[Andrew]

Did your non-holo self manage to model free will, and how does that (regardless of the answer) fit with randomizing the variables. Are they random, or predetermined? We should be told.

[i before e]

A Republican getting caught doing a lewd act is nothing new.

[Imran]

Matrix, and Thirteenth floor. You gotta watch if you haven't. And truman show too.

If you know more movies like this, please let me know.

[Phil]

How about mentioning the 13th level instead? Not such a big hit but probably closer to what your talking about.

I like the theory but find the idea that the whole thing was programmed by your older self being less plausable than it being programmed by a group of boffins for which your older self agreed to be a test subject.

[Olli Lindholm]

Ummmmm.... Scott..

Am I getting this wrong or are you implaing that you are god?

[jim]

42

[Veda]

Close enough. I was going to mention Aeon Flux, instead of The Matrix.

[Kanon]

you blog waaaaay too much on the hologram theory. Matrix has said it 8 years ago.

[Chris]

BobUK wrote:

"David wrote: "What's with the hologram stuff? We're not made of light.."

Wanna bet? Ever heard of E=mc² ?"

I'll take that bet. The equation you are referring to has nothing to do with light and everything to do with the rest energy of a massive object....

[doodaddy]

Drew Curtis, the owner of Fark.com has a book about how the media is all the same. Don't forget the "seasonal" stories. Shark attack! And the filler stories. I don't remember any "patterns" off the top of my head.

[Don]

Predictions are so easy because of the Barnum effect--there was really only one general human personality program made, alas with an imagination containment buffer. Hence the limited and recycled "news" themes day after day.

THE BARNUM PERSONALITY PROGRAM: You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. At times you have serious doubts whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing.

http://skepdic.com/barnum.html

[schelf]

1. A Republican Senator has been arrested for lewd conduct in a restroom.

He should have said: I thought I was in the women's rest room!

or

My Wife has the exact same pair of shoes!

yoinks!

[Noel]

"The real test of our hologram existence would be my ability to predict the future. In theory, if I am a replica of the actual human who programmed me, I would think the way he did. Therefore, the future will turn out much the way I would program it if it were up to me. So here’s my prediction: "

and what followed was not a prediction about YOU, surely everyone programs themselves ? so why do you think you can predict other's behavior ? why are YOU the almighty programmer ? I'd make sure everyone got to invent there own little characters, but thenm who would be honest enough to do it properly ? so if everyone is a pre-programmed hologram programmed by their ancestor-real-self, then everyone is a dishonest copy of what everyone thinks they should be, with all the flaws smoothed out, so this hologram reality must be NICER than real reality, I'm glad i'm a hologram !

[Mercutio2000]

Confirmation bias, man...confirmation bias. You will think you are right just because you wrote it. You take a position, then you seek to validate it.

[rita mae]

How about my Mom babysitting all my kids and the extra-hyper one kept running in and out of the house. When I came home she said:

"There's something wrong with that kid, he's in and out like a fiddler's elbow."

How about my Mom commenting on the same kid when we were in church. She said:

"He's jumps around like a fart on a hot skillet."

How about my Mom saying:

"Don't make me mad. I'll hurt your whole family."

Have to get back to work. They actually want me to do something here, the bastages.

Oh, wait, my Dad used to say if it was icy outside:

"It's slipperier that snot on a doorknob."

Geez, now I REALLY have to go. They want a letter done. Shit! I have to retire. Then I can blog all day.

Scott, still love you, but still too old to stalk you.

Rita Mae

PS The extra-hyper kid was drafted his junior year in college and played baseball for a major league team. Now he has three boys and they are all like him. BWEAHAHAHA
Paybacks are a bitch.

[Bill]

>POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL

You forgot, "POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING 'LEGAL', KILLS MILLIONS".