In the news, O.J. Simpson is in jail for trying to reclaim some items in Las Vegas that an alleged thief stole from him. If O.J. is found guilty of asking a thief to return his belongings, he could go to jail for 30 years.
I assume O.J. is kicking himself for not killing everyone in the room, covering himself in their DNA, and going golfing. You have to stick with what works. What the Hell was he thinking?
This incident should be good for the reputation of Las Vegas. They pride themselves on being a place where activities that are normally immoral or illegal are encouraged. In Las Vegas, you can gamble all day, have sex with a stranger, and, apparently, steal her watch. In Las Vegas, it’s illegal for her to ask you to return it.
Unfortunately for O.J., his old attorney Johnny Cochrane has passed away. He’s the one who coined the phrase “If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit.” In my opinion, that rhyme freed O.J. I recall reading a study that says people perceive things that rhyme to be more persuasive than things that don’t. Who will create the new rhyme that sets O.J. free? I have a few suggestions.
“If he reclaimed his own shit, you must acquit!”
“If he didn’t get rough, you must uncuff!”
“If he has a bad knee, you must set him free!”
That’s why I’m not a lawyer. Do you have anything better?
If its really a crime he will do no time.
Posted by: Jeff Quade | November 13, 2007 at 07:54 AM
If you really think drug dealers killed Ron and Nicole then I have to give you due credit, you are at least as smart as a green pineapple. And if you cant laugh at what I wrote then stick your finger down your throat, see if there is a smoking gun in there.
Posted by: Jeff Quade | November 13, 2007 at 07:37 AM
Use a gun, no where to run. Use a knife, fine, as long its your wife.
Posted by: Jeff Quade | November 13, 2007 at 07:26 AM
You know OJ didnt really think guns would be a problem, after all nobody brings a gun to knife fight.
Posted by: Jeff Quade | November 13, 2007 at 07:08 AM
Check out the exclusive OJ video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvVuc3Mr6iw
Posted by: Phillip | September 28, 2007 at 05:57 AM
It's funny that people think O.J was acquitted because he's black. He got off because he was rich, that's it. Rest assured, there's no shortage of judges willing to send minorities to prison. The only reason this crime became "trial of the century" is race. Phil Spector's trial was nearly declared a mistrial even though he pulled a gun on six different women. No one is outraged. It's pathetic that in America in 2007 we still attribute more or less value to someone's life depending on their race. Both of these guys should be in jail and as a country we should be moved to action when anyone avoids justice because they're wealthy. Instead of just the people we don't like.
Posted by: Aaron Kenner | September 26, 2007 at 01:04 PM
I'm thinkin one of the greatest jokes of the 20th century is how hard the person who actually murdered Simpson and Goldman is laughing.
Ron Goldman was a college drop out working as a waiter and dealing cocaine. Nicole Brown was a big titted whore who shared a bad attitude and a cocaine habit with her mother and sister. The list of people who might have and probably did murder these real people is as long as most of our arms.
I think one of the saddest things of the 20th century is Fred Goldman's pathetic attempts to make a living from his son's murder. Probably explains why he ended up a dead drug dealer.
Posted by: Jim | September 24, 2007 at 05:33 PM
You did good on Israel, not so good on OJ.
For example, how much planted evidence should be allowed along with the "good" evidence in a capital case?
Another example: Is it OK to have a black jury for one trial and a white jury for another trial?
Then there's the padded gun that knocked Nicole out.
And Japanese judges for both trials. And the Yakuza.
Posted by: dale thorn | September 24, 2007 at 12:25 PM
OMG! Jeff Toobin just ripped you off on The Colbert Report!
Posted by: karen | September 22, 2007 at 10:24 AM
During the OJ case I read 'Hummell & Howe'- a book on the top crooked lawyers of 19th century America.
They'd bribe the judge in advance. Then, they'd make a melodramatic speech to the (Irish, Italian, etc) morons on the jury.
The bribed judge would instruct the jurors how to decide. Maybe add some threats.
The jurors would do as told.
The press would report the speech on twisting the British Lion's tail, for the Wearing of the Green, by Garibaldi's bald balls-
The prejudiced audience would read and think- stupid slante' irish wops, no wonder dude went free. Everyone else counted their money.
Everyone was happy!
Posted by: Bruce Purcell | September 21, 2007 at 05:48 PM
Don't be silly. He'd use the Chewbacca Defence, obviously.
Posted by: Jon | September 21, 2007 at 05:24 PM
There was no intent to kill
So you must No-Bill.
Posted by: Speedle | September 21, 2007 at 07:58 AM
Don't taze me, bro!
Posted by: fred | September 20, 2007 at 05:47 PM
I'm surprised that OJ isn't working for Bush. They have the same arrogance, aggressiveness, greediness, self centeredness, disconnect from reality and assumption laws do not apply to them. Maybe Bush will make OJ the replacement attorney general.
Posted by: Lawlessone | September 19, 2007 at 11:45 AM
As I understand it the items were left in a storage unit. The rent on it went unpaid and as these things go the owners of the facility eventually cut off the lock and auctioned the contents. Those contents were bought by the victims of OJ's armed robbery. The victims were set up via some third party who arranged to meet the victims in the hotel room to examine and purchase the 'merchandise'.
OJ is arrogant and having gotten away with murder thinks he can get away with anything. Armed robbery ain't nothin' when you've murdered people by butchery. The man is an idiot.
Since he's a fool, send him to crime school.
The crime ain't real if nobody will squeal.
Because he's brown he can rob the town.(?)
Both Oprah and Katie commit crimes every day in front of millions (for one) and dozens (for the other) on television.
Posted by: Noah Vaile | September 19, 2007 at 08:46 AM
Heard on the radio this morning his lawyer saying - 'he has a right to collect, and we have a right to protect' - not bad.
Posted by: Richard Hunter | September 19, 2007 at 02:25 AM
It must be rewarding to see that the Washington Post poached your daily blog title for use in their September 18th article, just one short day after your post:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/09/17/AR2007091701392.html
Posted by: Chief of the Cubicle Police | September 18, 2007 at 07:23 PM
I just don't understand why OJ had to fetch his stolen goods himself. If they were really stolen, methinks it would have been easy enough to go to the police and say "Hey, this guy stole my shit. Go get it back for me, he's in room 318."
And people in here gots some MAD rhymin' skillz goin' on! :)
Posted by: Ryan Waddell | September 18, 2007 at 09:04 AM
If you just let him off the hook,
you'll read how he didn't do it in a book
Posted by: it's me | September 18, 2007 at 08:49 AM
Scott,
I lost focus on OJ somewhere during the low speed chase. They actually pulled away from a Bull's game during the Jordan era to show this crap. Now THERE is a crime.
Thanks for making fun of things like this - they SO deserve to made fun of. And my contribution to the silliness:
If his stuff was missin', say, "no" to prison.
Posted by: E | September 18, 2007 at 07:34 AM
I never saw so many bad rhymes in my life! Where's Eminem when we need him...?
Posted by: Leonel | September 18, 2007 at 06:45 AM
Let him go, or its racism you know.
Posted by: Gaybert | September 18, 2007 at 05:38 AM
It was just a signed photo, don't imprison the mofo!
Posted by: Gaybert | September 18, 2007 at 05:35 AM
I see from the Dilbert Collectible Squeeze toys ad that Dilbert's hair is knobby for her pleasure. Dildo?
Posted by: Sondra | September 18, 2007 at 05:02 AM
My God!!!! ALL of these are AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: dedhed52 | September 18, 2007 at 04:41 AM