Hornier Than a…

Did you see the story about the German guy with two penises? He lost his original equipment in an accident, so doctors built him a new one. Later, he decided to upgrade, but doctors left the previous one until the new one took root, so to speak.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1315211.html

When his wife saw the new one, she packed her bags and left him. This raises many questions about what made the wife so mad. There are many possibilities.

I’ll always remember a conversation I overheard at the gym years ago. An unhappy wife was bitterly complaining to a friend that her husband bought a boat without talking to her first. Apparently wives need to be told everything. So I guess one possibility is that the husband didn’t consult his wife before spending their retirement savings on a third pecker that looks like Frankenstein’s month-old banana.

Another possibility is that the man said something inappropriate when he showed his wife his two penises. One can imagine many wrong things to say. Here is a partial list.

1. So, anyhoo, when is your sister coming out to visit?

2. The little one is for you.

3. I’m already a two-fisted drinker, so this just seemed right.

4. I bought the deluxe unicorn option. The next one goes on my head.

5. No more rest breaks for you, beeatch.

6. Maybe the doctors can give you two headaches so we’re even.

7. Now it will feel like throwing TWO pencils down a hallway.

Another possibility is that the man created his own penis design and it had some features that didn’t please his wife. Again, one can imagine many wrong design choices:

1. Bottle opener option

2. Anything with a face

3. A tattoo that says, “Hello Kitty!”

My point is that there were many ways to handle this situation wrong. You can see how a guy with one big head and two little ones might make the wrong choice.

Comments

[wahs]

Man, born with two penises wants to remove one
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/world/2006-08/20/content_668995.htm

[Wickwrackrum]

So I imagine that you would go to google news everyday and search for 'penis' ? Hmmm....Tsk Tsk [frowns thoughtfully and makes notes in notepad] :).

Man...the world and its people are complex as hell (needlessly?)...Occam must have really had a tough time.

[San]

An excellent post.

[Ashamed]

She's thinking he'll make twice the mess at the toilet now. and has had enough cleaning up after one, thank you very much!

[winston]

rofl!

[D.Mented]

Billy Arvia,
women tell men incessantly what we want, but most men just can't believe it's that simple.
Would it KILL you to snuggle and cuddle a little?
Foreplay CAN'T be too gross for the boys that I grew up with.
And we like affection.
Try that instead of more penis enlargements.
D. Mented

[D. Mented]

Size matters to men.
The length that most women are interested is length of TIME.
I have met several women who have left men they cared about because their equipment was too big, never one that left because it was too small. There's a reason for this;
all the pleasure nerves in the vagina are down in the two inches closest to the opening.
Yes, including the "G-spot", which any woman can reach with her own middle finger.
Some women can sense pressure past those first two inches, some can't, and the cervix has plenty of nerves, but they're all pain sensors. It's about as sensetive as a man's scrotum, and not in a happy way.
My own mother told a horrible, yet hilarious story about her own expirience with "a man with something extra"...She was in college, she liked the guy, they'd had a good time, and she went to his apartment with the intention of having sex with him. She got a little shy, and decided to undress in the bathroom, then she peeked out, and saw the man's rampant whanger. It was HUGE! "No way is all that going to fit inside of me!" she thought, so she put on her clothes, climbed out the window, and ran off into the night.
POOR GUY!
Thik about it, guys; if women really NEEDED huge size for pleasure, no female could ever have pleasure from oral sex.
I think she left because she was tired of his dicking around with new, improved dicks, and this one was just too much!
D. Mented

[Billy B]

Interesting. And you are not getting enough with just your original one. Oh, wait, you married a consumer that thinks you are here to make her life better. Well, ask her what is in it for you. Be careful how you handle yourself in airports.
Billy B

[minister of silly walks]

Maybe she was ticked off because he put the second one next to the first one instead of adding it on to the end.

[Nate]

>>hmmm well mabey she was attached to the old one and didn't like the idea of the new one.

That'll be the next operation.

[Barb]

Bwaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

"Two pencils down a hallway" Hahahahahahahahahha!!

(brief pause to catch breath)

Great Post! Thank you!

One idea for the scenario that led to the wife packing her bags:

"Honey, give me a hand hooking up this second monitor, willya? Now I can "handle" TWO porn sites at the same time!"

[QwkDrw]

Maybe his wife will just Lorena "Bobbitt" ... the extra. See: John Bobbitt for the details.

[tim shepard]

Remember that "Detachable Penis" song?

[Vince]

Though RA somewhat beat me, I thought number 8. would be better in another form.

8. Guess where the second one is going?

I always thought it best in comedy not to flat out say something, but let the person reading "figure it out" making them feel smart and witty, though they're thinking the obvious "choice." It also opens the door to other responses other than.

"In my ass."

You can say you're get "double-stuffed" but there is no out there. You might as well say:

8. I'm sticking this second one in your ass.

There's actually something to be said for that too, and probably would make most of the boys laugh and the girls "ew." I like some vulgar straight forward humor and use it often. It's got the shock value, which worked nicely for some Bruce, Pryor, Murphy, and Clay. However, it tends to grind on you after a bit and you want to say "Okay, that's enough," which is why I feel overall that the more subtle approach is best in the end.

Finally. Since we all know where the brains of men are. Did this make him twice as smart?

[Douglas Karr]

Anyone know of a prophylactic dealer with a 2-for-1 sale?

[jerry w.]

It didn't say in the article, but I'm assuming that the guy has two hands, so it seems this would be like a marriage made in heaven to me. Sadly, now he doesn't have the marriage that was made in Germany.

If he was younger, I'd suppose that he'd be in demand in the "rectory" as an alter(ed) boy. The one downside to all this is the long period of time that would be wasted when he has to consider the answer to his friends asking "Hey, how's it hanging?"

A split decision?

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Matt]

I just came in here to say that it is slightly disturbing to read this post about the man with 2 peckers, then keep reading and hit the next post about squeezable Dilbert. Sometimes when my mind gets going in one direction, I can't stop it.

That's all.

[Xavier]

this is a classic scott. definatly top three. i think a tear came out from how hard :::hem hem::: i was laughing

[mark]

Simon,

Seriously, fuck off. If you're looking for humour that more highbrow than jokes about the size, shape or quantity of pensises, you've obviously come to the wrong blog.

The internet is just like the teevee. If ya don't like what you're watching, turn it off, don't whine about it.

Have a nice day!

[DM]

I think she was mad 'cos she thought the days of having 2 dicks in her mouth were well behind her.

*cof*

Apologies to the easily shocked :)

[Michael]

Bob said:
>Uh huh... the intriguing part is how the first new penis >ws constructed with actual bone.

You have actual bone in your wedding tackle?

[Misanthropic Scott]

Sharks have two. Maybe the guy had a really bad case of shark-double-penis envy.

[Marxist]

Germany, the land of freaky sex.

[WCE]

"6. Maybe the doctors can give you two headaches so we’re even."

LOL!!!

[jim]

Has anyone else noticed that the female-post count (at least in the bit of the blog that I scanned) is much higher than usual for this topic?