May 2008

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"people who believe suicide is a good way to get laid."



I am amazed how much of your readers bought the "Osama striking against USA" story from the US government.

Although you have above average readers in terms of intelligence (or better -- smartness).

It gives me very absurd feeling -- I want cry and giggle at the same time (it cancels out, though)!


Best Post Ever.


Would someone explain to me why Scott isn't Secretary of State, or Secretary of Defense??? We need the man...


Didn't you read the article?! They arrested those guys in Germany because they had bought large quantities of hydrogen peroxide (H2O2), which is used as hair-bleach.

Connect the dots, Scott, connect the dots:

Those guys where Osama's hair stylists and they didn't make in time for the video because they where arrested! Osama's beard has always been black.

Peter Dillon-Parkin

Scott - you should work in counter-intelligence. Your idea is genius.
On the other hand, how do we know that this isn't exactly what they are doing...?

Mark Thorson

I think a Harmonic Convergence
or Singularity has been
reached here:

Here's a simple test with a
false positive rate of 0% and
a false negative rate of -1%.
If you identify with Bucky
Katt, you're a Republican.
If you identify with Satchel
Pooch, you're a Democrat.

By the way, why has nobody
mentioned the
Scientology-Republican Tax

Andreas Toscano

This is one of the funniest posts you've written in a long while. Clever ending.




Not bad... no angry Muslims on your commentspace yet...

Kevin Kunreuther

Why so many jihadists are recent converts to Islam ( ).

1.)They want to belong to something global beyond a mere nation or empire.
2.)They want to standout from the crowd.
3)They're misfit losers who didn't discover or fall for Scientology, Mormonism or Christian evangelism (or televangelism).
4.)They hate and want to embarrass their parents.
5.)They're rich and bored.
6.)They're poor but educated.
7.)They're poor, stupid and easily manipulated. (Surprisingly few of those in the ranks but they're there, nonetheless)


Wait a second. I don't think James Thurber every said anything about getting hand action from virgins.

"People who think suicide is a good way to get laid." Good thing I wasn't drinking milk when I read that one. Would've been all over the screen.


what i've noticed, Mr. Clinton was a young-looking man before becoming prez and when he was stepping down his hair was like all white, how prezidency oldens people
i thought at that time
so the terrorist leader would look more natural
if he's all white under much burden of his own earthly existence and heavenly mass-transition of others
due to his wise guidance
instead of getting like this younger and bbbbblacker

(i feel like i am manipulated by msnbc news or the video itself or your post to feel what i feel
would i notice his beard colour if i'm not told, very unlikely
or may be millions feel like me and it's human and natural
without any manipulation)

Real Live Girl

Genius plan, but the tattoos will have to be the main giveaway because I've heard tell there are already a lot of guys running around with semi-martyr erections.

D. Mented

It's him, or a REALLY good makeup team...There CAN'T be two people that ugly!
The question is - is that him today, or an old music video he tried to promote fifteen years ago, with somebody else doing a voiceover?
D. Mented


When Osama is being faked (which is perhaps 99% truth) why would you believe guys are lining up to drive trucks into buildings. When planes can fly hands off, it is absolutely ridiculous to think trucks can't be driven remote to sustain the global public view of peace loving christians and Islam. Ofcourse, there is glitch here... The number of virgins in heaven will grow uncontrolled and they may land in Sudan or Ethiopia or India to mate with strapping young males dying of starvation and ant bite.

Taxi guy

"Osama released a new video. Analysts are wondering how his beard turned from grey to black."

Its a disguise.



sometimes i feel
like there's no real osama.
all that osama-video-message stuff
is a creation of the CIA and the US
governament, for keeping the people
in fear...




I didn't know that goat shit was so black. I wonder how long he has to leave it on so that it won't wash out?


It's funny because it's true!


>This raises an interesting question: How hard would it be for the CIA to create a fake Osama who looks more real than the real one?

How real is the "real" one? I mean come on, he's a CIA employee from a family that makes its money building US military bases.

And that's the "official" story... real life usually multiplies the conflicts of interest by a factor of ten.

Ian Smith

What makes you think Osama exists in the first place? After all where is your independent evidence that he is who he's said to be? Remember after 11th Sept how the attack wasn't claimed for ages? Yet a bit later Al Qaeda is pointed at eventually a mythology is created.

The most useful enemy is the one you control precisely. No need to take over an organisation, just make one in your own image. If you were the CIA and you knew Osama had died in Afghanistan earlier, you know you can resurrect him to say what you like and nobody will complain.

Ever notice how you never see full copies of these videos?

And of course you never kill off the head because americans have been conditioned to associate the leader with control and power. Keep him as the bogeyman and you can shape and direct the Islamic uprising to your own ends.


ya know..if you took away that beard and applied a little wrinkle cream..Good Lord!! is that "George.W." under there???? i am pretty sure i heard the word "new-cular" once or twice.. i am suspicious..


Is that Osama in the bathroom stall next to me, tapping his foot?

The Sound of KOINK

Would he be called "Osama-Lite"?


Ditto for Fidel. He's not the real one. The real one died of syphilis years ago. Fidel 2.0 died in an unfortunate accident involving women of dubious reputation. We are now facing Fidel 3.1 (that is, Fidel 3.0 plus some plastic surgery).

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