Proof of God’s Existence

Readers have complained that I keep posting on stories involving penises. Apparently that is not highbrow enough for some of you. Well, unlike some authors, I listen to my readers. So today I am elevating the discussion.

Did you hear that scientists discovered a new use for men’s balls? Apparently they are loaded with stem cells.

http://abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/09/20/2039030.htm?section=world

This is great news because stem cells have potential to help against many health problems. For example, men’s balls might someday help with their strokes.

If you have balls, you have probably looked at them and wondered aloud “What else can I do with them?” Until now, their utility was limited to the following:

1. Producing sperm and male hormones
2. Target for projectiles
3. Sexual stimulation
4. Impersonating Alan Greenspan

Now it turns out that if you have balls, they might save your life. And this is proof of God’s existence. Allow me to explain.

If it can be shown that our existence is clearly an intentional joke, I think we can rule out evolution. The evidence was already starting to tilt in that direction, but this news about balls clearly pushes things over the line.

Which of these statements sounds the most like an intentional joke on humans?

1. You can cure diseases using your toenail clippings.
2. You can cure diseases using your hair.
3. Hey goober, here’s your life-saving stem cells. They’re in your balls!

Do you seriously think we got to this place by random mutations?

Comments

[farouk]

if you want to see God, you can check this link
http://www.2knowmyself.com/Religion/is_there_really_a_god_does_got_exist

[GaryB]

Scott Scott Scott

Our existence is best explained as a incomplete grad school project in some other dimension.

[Tim Harwill]

You remain an idiot.
How sad.

[Alexander]

hee hee!

[Bob]

"This is an exciting report," said David Prentice, senior fellow for life sciences at the conservative Family Research Council. More and more reports are emerging regarding stem cells derived from such sources as amniotic fluid, bone marrow and nasal mucosa that have much of the same flexibility as embryonic stem cells, but that don't carry the danger of generating tumors, he noted.

Nasal mucosa? Boogers!?

[nikhail]

"If it can be shown that our existence is clearly an intentional joke, I think we can rule out evolution."

Were Doug and Scott brothers? Or curiously they share
same views on some things?

[John (teej) Trujillo]

About Jeff/Keith/Cybil...if he is so smart why is he looking for anything but smartass blogs on the site developed by a guy who writes smartass cartoons? I wonder if he is smart enough, as he claims, to enlighten me as to what part of medication half-life allows the transformation from Jeff to Keith?

I remember reading the stem cell project using precursors to sperm cells and thinking , Yeah! Who's the man, baby??

So far all the successfull stem cell research has been derived from umbilical blood or adult skin, and now testicles. Makes you wonder why they want to keep breech birthing babies to suck brain tissue out of them before they take their first breath, don't it?

[John (teej) Trujillo]

The more science I understand the less I believe in evolution. It is easier for me to believe that we are the product of an alien penal colony than evolving from the big bang or some primordial mud with the only explanation being "over billions of years".

My case is supported by this main theory: We're not getting any smarter and if you dropped these egg heads, who believe in evolution, naked into a wilderness full of large predator animals they'd perish due to exposure or lunch.

Most people today are too ADHD to rub two sticks together long enough to start a fire and even lower reasoning creature would forget in about 3 seconds about what he was trying to accomplish in the first place.

Fossil records don't support evolution either.

If you believe in evolution than why do we keep allowing the taxpayer funded programs that do everything to reverse the law of the jungle sometimes known as survival of the fittest?

Go take some anatomy and physiology classes if you can stand being around those studying to be the "rich" evil doctors and truly explore the next frontier, the human body. And unlike Joslyn Elders, I don't mean only what you do when you're alone.

[Neil Sampson]

Hey Scott - Bad day for you!

You claim we have no free will, but you believe in God?

According to gods response to the law suit, "I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is My greatest gift to you,"

So explain your way out of that Monkey!

Neil

[Jimmy Jab]

Now if we could only find something useful inside a twat.

[Listo Cómics]

"Readers have complained that I keep posting on stories involving penises."

Fuck the complainers. Penises are funny.

[Vincent]

Did we get to this from mutation, yes, was it random, no. Evolutionary biology does not posit that we got anywhere by random mutation, but that rather evolution is a process whereby random mutations are carefully screened through a trial and error process known as living. Evolution is the exact opposite of random mutation. it is a slow, methodical hyper-accurate and extremely IN-efficient manner of selecting the best possible mutations for the propagation of life in the face of an ever-changing environment.

[le Big MAC]

My favorite is from hma: "ball stem cell powered European supermen will drive remaining American eunucs (sic) into tiny reservations and mate with their sex starved women." Sounds like Tuesday at my house.
:o

Also, google Puppetry Of The Penis which was a live show and DVD. We have only begun to learn what our genitals can do. Just wait for the magic word-cheeseburger! I'm probably going to hell over the can of worms I'm opening, but at least I know heaven is bullshit too. There!

[The Gray Monk]

Hilarious. By the way, when did you get the spycam installed in my former bosses office? There were days when I could have sworn your strip had been drawn following meetings I'd just endured .....

[Dave]

"Hey God, we've made this man, just like you asked, but we've got all this elbow skin left over. What should we do wi'it?"
"Ah, make a wee bag to put his balls in"

(Billy Connolly)

[jbigie]

Hilarious as usual. Another proof of God's sense of humor is the duck-billed platypus. Just look at it, God has to laugh his almighty ass off whenever he thinks about the platypus.

My own personal proof that God exists has to be some of the women I've seen recently. I've seen women that would make an athiest drop to his knees and thank God for creating such works of art. These same women are also proof that God is a man, and just as horny as human men.

[Amit]

Scott, this news seriously needs to be suppressed soon. I mean what happens if tomorrow suddenly the balls "stem cell" value grows far beyond its sperm generation one. The only future i see is full healthy oldies with no babies being born. Indeed a thought provoking view :P

And ya the complete meaning of showing "Ballz" would also change. Am just trying to think what really would that (i mean this symbol .|.) mean then :D

[Jon]

Q: Why do men scratch their balls in the morning? (and)
Q: Why do male cats lick their balls so frequently?

A: Because they can.

.

[jerry w.]

"Well,Mr.Adams,as my expectations have not been met in this regard,I herewith inform you that I shall no longer be reading your insipid blog nor giving your readers access to the wealth of my intelligence.

Jeff and/or Keith"

Dear jEFF and/or kEITH,
I'm sure that almost everyone here will really miss the access to that dimes worth of intelligence.

Don't let the door hit you..........

http://boskolives.wordpress.com/

[Doug]

Hmmmm.

A little twist on the old saying "The proof is in the pudding"....."The proof is in the balls".

A rare/personal unpublished Dilbert Cartoon :)
Scene 1: Dilbert asks, "Do cartoonist with the funny/clever strips have ADHD/ADD?" Dogbert replies, "Yes, if when bored they blog about creation and find "proof in the balls" for amusement".

Scene 2: Dogbert says, "Now I've got one..What is the difference between telling your future stepson that an audio jack is a gizmo to check your health and blogging about balls and existence of God?" Dilbert replies, "Nothing, its all about having the balls to have a ball."

Great stuff Scott.. I love it. Now did I remember to my Adderal.

[Paul H.]

It's gotta be a big effing joke. Think about it. If a man loses his testicles, he could grow breasts because of the lack of male hormones. Most guys dream of having immediate and constant access pair of breasts, so it would be a dream come true!

The joke is in the catch-22: without the male hormones, he wouldn't be interested in them.

[niCk(MemBeth)]

"Do you seriously think we got to this place by random mutations?"

Can anyone read these comments and not believe in random mutations? Those mutations are not always for the better.

Guess what? No matter how much you or them discuss a god or lack thereof, or our specific evolutionary path, neither you or them will ever know for sure. We can only make wildly educated guesses or believe in a fantasy devised by other humans.

So instead of wasting time trying to figure out where we came from, why don't you "educated" guys work on making this a better place to live in so future generations won't look back at us and say "what a bunch of idiots those old-timers were".

But what do I know? I'm just a being from another planet sent here by God to monitor your evolutionary progress. I got bad news for that bastard.

[Shannon Knowles]

If there were a god he'd bring back sourpuss...

[Perakath]

"If you have balls, you have probably looked at them and wondered aloud “What else can I do with them?”

- hahahaha

And here I thought they were only good for pocket billiards...

[Brad]

If my aunt had balls, she could grow a new kidney.